Ginny was talking to Pansy. Again. They were standing by the Great Hall looking depressed. Again. Harry couldn't stand it. Again. Why were they friends all of a sudden? He just didn't get it!
"That damn Pansy," Harry muttered to himself, "Always chatting with Ginny like she's her friend..."
Ron shrugged, "Hey, as long as she's not Draco Malfoy."
Harry sighed. He hated to admit it... but Pansy was one hot whore. And in that ugly sweater? It sent a shiver through Harry's spine. She was a slut and he wanted her.
"Ron, would you kill me if I said I kind of... fancied Pansy? In a sick, sick, sick way? What if I thought she was a hot whore-y slut and I want to have mad passionate sex with her?" Harry smiled innocently and ran his hand through his hair to 'accidentally' show off his scar. The scar that always won Ron over.
"Wow, I almost forgot, you're the Boy-Who-Lived!" Ron pointed at his scar and laughed, "Well," he shrugged, "As long as she's not Draco Malfoy!"
Harry breathed a sigh of relief and turned to see that Draco Malfoy was leading his whore away! He followed after them and watched as Malfoy yelled at her to never speak to Ginny again. Malfoy left. Harry snuck up on Pansy.
"BOO!"
Pansy shrieked and jumped seductively into his arms. "Oh Potter... it's you," she sneered in disgust and pushed herself out of his arms.
Harry smiled sheepishly, "Yep, good ol' me. Well, cutting to the point: I think you're a whore, hot Pansy. Will you go to date on a Hogsmeade with me?" He thought through all he had just said and slapped himself. Silly Harry, always messing up everything. Instead of correcting himself, he flashed her his penis and smiled innocently.
Pansy melted, "Oh Harry," she cooed, "You're so... sweet. I'll go to Hogsmeade with you!" She patted the top of his head like he was a three year old boy and spun off to head back to her Common Room. While she spun around, her skirt flared up and Harry caught sight of her Harry Potter underwear. He grinned.
After Harry had left him, Ron went in search of Hermione. He made sure to check all of the Girls' loos, especially under the stall doors. "Tee hee," Ron giggled.
He decided to check the Library for the fifth time when out of the nearby loo came Luna Lovegood. "Just great," Ron thought, "Loony has come to breath all over me again."
"Oh Ronald," she smiled, "You're so romantic!" she kissed him on the cheek and hurried off. Ron shrugged.
Heading back to the Common Room, Ron didn't see Hermione anywhere, so he decided to take a quick nap in his dormitory. When he got up there though, Dean and Seamus were laughing. Hard. Not to mention pointing at his bed. Ron didn't see anything suspicious, but on closer inspection...
On his bed was a picture. No, a painting, of him and Luna in a rather, passionate position. He cringed. They were both naked. Ron gagged. He ran to the waste bin.
"Got the hots for Loony Lovegood?" Dean catcalled.
"Yeah," Seamus laughed, "I didn't even know you could paint that well Ron... ald!" Dean joined him as they both gasped for air in between laughs.
Ron groaned and charmed away his vomit before turning to yell at them, "I didn't draw that! Luna must have! She's been all over me ever since I apparently promised her I would meet her in the Library but never went!"
"Sure Ronald," Dean said in a soothing voice, "And how do you think Luna got up here to put this picture on your bed?"
"I don't know," Ron shook his head, "Maybe she got the password from Ginny!"
Seamus was examining the painting and handed it to Ron, "Hey, there's writing on the back."
Ron took it and flipped it over, on the back was written: 'Thank you so much Ronald! I can't wait to run away at Hogsmeade and go to Paris with you. XOXOXO Your true love...
L-is for the way you LOOK at me
O-is for the only ONE I see..."
"Gah!" Ron threw the painting down and stomped on it. "She's crazed! She's gone mad! I'm going to Dumbledore..."
Dean picked up the painting and scanned what was on the back, "Geez. She has it bad for you. But I can see why. Paris, Ronald?"
"Stop calling me Ronald! And no, I didn't promise her a trip to Paris!" Ron cried out.
Seamus grinned, "But what would you tell Dumbledore Ronald? 'Oh Professor, Luna has this mad obsession with me!' He'd just tell you she fancied you."
Ron rolled his eyes and flopped onto his bed. He needed a nap.
And a restraining order.
Hermione was making a quick walk to the Kitchens to grab something to eat before she got down to hard studying when suddenly she was being pushed against the wall. She felt her head tugged back before she blacked out. "No! My books!" was her last thought as they tumbled from her arms.
Neville had it bad for Luna Lovegood. But all she could talk about was Ronald-this and Ronald-that. He absolutely loathed Ronald Weasley. He was on his way to the Great Hall for dinner when he caught sight of Luna reading a book on the marble staircase.
"Hey Luna," Neville greeted and sat next to her, "What are you reading?"
"Gone with the Wind," Luna replied and set it down, "Did I tell you my amazing adventure today?"
Neville shook his head.
"Well," Luna began, "I finally combed my hair," Neville gaped in awe at her beautiful hair.
"But I thought you hated combs!" Neville cried.
She rolled her eyes, "Silly Neville, I love combs! Anyway... after I combed my hair, I painted a picture and gave it to Ronald. He absolutely loved it! And can you believe it? He's taking me to Paris this weekend during Hogsmeade!"
"What?" Neville hissed, "Since when?"
"Since he wrote me this," she took a piece of paper out of her pocket and handed it to him.
Dear Luna,
You are my everything and I was hoping you would go to Paris with me this weekend during Hogsmeade.
Write me back!
Love,
You-Know-Who
Neville stared at it awkwardly, "Do you know who this You-Know-Who person is Luna?"
"Of course! It's Ronald!"
"No... well, did he tell you that specifically? Give you any hints?" he asked.
Luna looked away and then turned and stared at him in the eyes, "Who else could it be?" she shrugged and put her head on her knees.
Neville set the paper down and decided to leave. Something was wrong with this situation and he didn't want to be a part of it. Luna receiving a letter from You-Know-Who? Was it Ron? Wasn't Ron dating Hermione?
And why was Luna suddenly combing her hair?