Chapter 9

-Wednesday-

Sunlight streamed though my window, waking me up from a restful sleep. My head hurt.

I got up from the bed groggily and looked down. Why was I still in my uniform robes?

All of a sudden, everything from yesterday came rushing back at me. The kiss. The deatheater attack. My mother's death. Draco.

I fell back onto the bed, on the verge of bursting into tears again. I was overcome with such a feeling of hopelessness that I couldn't even describe it.

I turned over and looked at my alarm clock. 1: 23 pm.

WHAT?

Why didn't anyone wake me? I was going to be late for classes!

I started to change into new robes when I stopped myself. Why should I care? My mother died and I'm worried about classes? What was wrong with me? I sat back on the bed again and sank down to the floor to shed a few tears. Surprisingly, they didn't come. Perhaps I was all cried out from yesterday.

I decided to go down to the Great Hall for lunch anyway. I was hungry.

As soon as I opened the doors and stepped inside, all the talking stopped. How curious. It was quite uncomfortable, actually. A couple of third year Hufflepuffs, on their way out, stopped in front of me and just gawked.

I scowled. What was their deal? "Well? What are you staring at?" I demanded. They quickly scampered away.

I took my usual seat at the Gryffindor table where, irritatingly, everyone was still staring at me. Was that sympathy I saw in their eyes?

Oh shit. They knew.

I slammed my fist on the table and stood up. They looked shocked. "What the bloody hell are you all looking at? Well? Someone care to enlighten me?"

"Uh, Hermione…" Harry and Ron pulled my arm and pulled me out of the out of the great hall before I could protest.

"What are-" Before I could finish my sentence, they shoved a paper into my face and hastily looked away.

It was the Daily Prophet. With a front page heading on a deatheater attack.

With its own article on my mother and me.

Deatheaters Strike!

Just a few days ago, there was a Deatheater attack on a small muggle neighborhood. Evidently, one of the victims was Anna Granger, a muggle parent of Hermione Granger, Head Girl of Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry. Her body was found in a mangled mess in the destroyed house. After thorough inspection, healers have informed us that the woman had gone through extreme measures of torture, consisting of the Crucio Curse…

I didn't read any further. I dropped the paper and fell into my friends' tight embraces sobbing, mental images of my mother going through torture during her last moments of life running in my mind.

-Hogwarts Lake-

"Are you alright now, 'Mione?" Ron asked softly.

I sniffed one last time and lifted my head up somewhat proudly. "Yes. I'm fine." They both looked at each other and smiled at this.

"Hermione…" Harry started, looking at me with sad eyes. "It's okay to be sad and… cry." Ron nodded enthusiastically.

I chuckled dryly. "I am sad. Heart- broken. But I think I've cried enough for one lifetime, don't you?"

They kept looking at me. "No," Ron spoke up. "No, I don't think you have. Your mother just died, Hermione. I think you deserve to cry for as long as you feel like it."

I shook my head, remembering the departure from my muggle home at the end of the summer. "No, Ron. I don't deserve anything."

Harry sighed. He put his hand on mine. "Well, remember, if you ever need to talk or just to cry, come to us. Okay?" I offered a miniscule smile. He gladly returned it.

"Okay. Don't worry about it." I got up and hugged the two of them tightly. "I really love you guys. Really." I felt tears pricking at the back of my eyes again.

"We love you too, 'Mione."

-Head Common Room-

I stared at the picture. She looked so free. So lost in her book. Like she was in a whole other world completely. How I wished to be in that picture with her.

"Hey," said a voice behind me.

"Hi," I said back to it subconsciously.

"What are you doing?"

"Just looking at a picture." I grazed the frame with my thumb.

"Your mother?" The voice was right next to my ear now. I jumped around.

"Draco!"

"Yes?" He was slightly amused.

"Merlin. Don't sneak up on me like that." My heart was still pounding.

"Like what? You were talking to me already." True.

"Oh. Sorry." This was getting uncomfortable.

"No need to apologize." He looked at the picture.

"Is that your mum?" He inquired. I smiled slightly, eyes rested on the photo again, and nodded.

"She's pretty. She looks like you." I was surprised at this.

"You think so?" He nodded. After that, we both stayed silent.

How awkward.

"I'm sor-"

"Stop." I covered his mouth with my hand before he could get the whole word out. "I don't want pity. Okay?" I dropped my hand.

"I can understand that." I put down the picture.

Another silence.

"I broke up with Serena."

My reflex was dropping my jaw. Unattractive, indeed.

Shock. Utter shock.

I turned to him, all my problems forgotten. "Are you kidding me?" He shook his head, signifying a no. Finally I said, "Are you out of your mind!"

He looked at me. "Huh?" was all he could muster.

"She will be heartbroken! What were you thinking? She's the best anyone could ever do! I thought you liked her! I-"

He kissed me. Again. All the anger and confusion vanished without a trace from my body. All I could think about was his lips on my lips, his hands on my waist, my hands in his hair.

After a minute or two, I pulled away for air.

"I'm sorry," he said right way. "I didn't mean to do that now, the day after you find out about your mother, but I really couldn't-"

This time I pulled him in. By the tie. I could have just leaned into him, but I had always wanted to do that.

Reality revealed its ugly self. In little points. I was kissing Draco. Again. Serena's boyfriend. Scratch that, ex- boyfriend. But it was less then 24 hours. Between breakup and finding out about my mother's death. Whatever the time was, it was still wrong.

I hastily pushed him away. I turned away from him and ran a hand through my hair and pulled slightly, something I was accustomed to doing at strenuous times like these.

I turned back around and faced him again. "You spring this on me now?"

He shrugged. "I'm sor-"

"No! Shutup!" I stopped him. "God, I never want to hear those words again!"

"Hermione-" He took a small step in my direction.

"No! You- we- can't do this! We can't do this to Serena! She's my friend. And after all this stuff with my mum…" I swallowed.

"Well, if you don't want me to apologize, I don't now what to say."

After a while, I asked, "Do you like me? As in non- platonic feelings?" Was I hoping for a yes or a no? I couldn't be sure.

"Yes. For a while now." My head snapped back to look at him.

"What? How long?"

"Yule Ball," he said simply. The kiss.

"Oh Merlin." I shook my head. "Are you serious?"

He nodded solemnly. "More serious then I've ever been in my life."

I leaned against the wall for support. I looked down and shook my head again. "Oh Draco. Draco, Draco, Draco…"

"What?" He stepped toward me.

I ducked away and started to go. He grabbed my arm and pulled me to him, my back on his front.

"You're not going anywhere. Every time we get into something important, you try to run away. Well, we are going to finish this until the end and that's that."

I looked at my feet, feeling emotions boil up. I hated this. I loved this. I was so confused. My mother died without me saying goodbye. Draco kissed me. Serena was probably devastated. Harry and Ron wanted me to always talk to them. Draco and I would never work out.

Draco and I would never work out. His family was all about pureblooded marriages. He was Slytherin. I was Gryffindor. End of story.

Why couldn't he have stayed with Serena? Everything would have been so much easier.

I wanted him to be happy. More then anything else. Could I make him happy? Probably not. I don't exactly reach all the requirements. What was this feeling I had for him?

All these thoughts passed through my head in a millisecond. "Draco. Go back to Serena. It would make everything easier." Were my eyes filling up with tears? I hope not.

"Why are you basing your decisions upon her feelings? What about your feelings? You know, you're allowed tobe a little selfish sometimes!"

At those words, I had a flashback to what Harry said to me at the Yule Ball.

You don't have to always think about other people. Sometimes, it's okay to be a little selfish.

I blinked.

"I don't love her." Love? Was that what you called it?

"We are seventeen, Draco. What do we know about love?"

He stared at me. "You might not realize it yet, but I know it already. I lo-"

I widened my eyes and shushed him. "Don't' say it, Draco! I'm begging you, don't say it!"

"Why the bloody hell not!" He threw his hands up exasperatedly. "It's completely true!"

I clenched my jaw. "Stop it, Draco. I cannot handle it. Why do you have to admit all this when my life is already in such turmoil? I don't love you!"

I immediately regretted my choice of words, as he stood in front of me, stony silent.

"Look me in the eyes and say that again," he said quietly. I lifted my gaze up to meet his.

Again, there were those piercing blue eyes, stormy with emotion. I literally felt my knees buckling.

However, I stood strong. "I-" I cleared my throat once and said, stronger this time, "I don't love you."

He nodded at me and calmly walked out of the room, shutting the portrait gently behind him.

To my surprise, tears had already begun to work their way down my cheeks.