Ever since the melee in the frat house the Scoobies had never been the same. After it the free-for-all in the Summers living room, Buffy wasn't speaking to Xander, Anya wasn't speaking to Buffy, Xander wasn't speaking to Buffy, Anya was barely speaking to Xander, and Willow wasn't speaking to Xander and barely speaking to Buffy. Surprisingly enough the only two that were getting along in the aftermath were Anya Willow.
The redheaded witch had found she had a surprising amount in common with the brassy ex-vengeance demon than she ever thought she could. She often found herself having chats with Anya that would last for hours. It was nice having someone around who understood how it felt to have blood on their hands want to atone mercifully for it. Someone who was as emotionally mentally brittle as she was prone to be at times. When she looked at Anya, she saw a woman who vastly underestimated the gifts compassion she had to offer. It was sad really, because in her heart of hearts she believed that Xander and Anya were made for each other even though she'd have been loathe to admit to it in the past. Bluntness about their sexual exploits aside, Anya made Xander happier than Willow had ever seen him. The conviction with which Xander had spoken in the Summers living room during their argument hadn't gone unrecognized to her even amongst the ensuing drama. That was the exact moment that she knew her oldest friend in the world had truly unabashedly fallen in love.
"More tea Willow?" Anya asked softly as she gently tried to bring Willow out of her thoughts.
"Yeah sure. It's good in a chamomiley sorta way." she said as she sipped from her newly refilled cup and let the flavor of the tea introduce itself to her tastebuds.
"What's wrong? You've been awfully distant lately." Anya asked worriedly as she fingered her neckline where her pendant used to be. Willow's eyes drifted to the wistful gesture and Anya quickly and self consciously pulled her hand away from her neck.
"I don't know Anya. I feel so betrayed you know? From the both of them. Xander in the obvious way and because Buffy felt like she couldn't or can't trust me. Ending the world issues aside." she sighed and shook her hair, trying to rid her thoughts of her two best friends, ex-best friends, who were constantly consistently plaguing her thoughts.
"Willow, you've got to get over it. If I've learned anything as a vengeance demon it's, you learn to forgive or you don't." Anya explained bluntly but gently while glancing at her nails. She had felt untenably guilty for the deaths of those boys, not to mention sleeping with Spike. The look of extreme pain hurt that flashed in Xander's eyes would've been enough retribution if she didn't feel entirely shitty about it. But she wanted to heal and just stop all the hurting. It helped to have Willow around, they'd never been best friends, or friends at all really, but the more she got to know her, the more she found they had in common. Except for that whole lesbian thing.
"I know, I know. It's just hard. We've been friends for so long, especially Xander and I that it's difficult to deal. I want to believe them, understand rebuild. Sometimes I wonder if it's worth the effort." She said painfully. She felt really bad playing the wounded victim especially given her recent actions.
"I believe things will work themselves out. Do I wish that Xander would still stew in his own entrails? Or a large, and awkwardly shaped anvil would land on Buffy's head? Sure. But not as much I used to. That's something, right?" Anya said as she continued to drink her tea. Trying her best to keep her hands from shaking, but talking about this sort of thing led to thinking about Hallie and that was a guilt present that just kept on fucking giving.
"You know Anya, I'm glad to have you around. Who would've guessed that you I of all people would end up good friends. No offense meant or anything." Willow said quickly as she gave Anya a hesitant smile.
"Yes, who would've guessed that we'd be having talks over finger sandwiches and exotically flavored tea?" Anya chirped as she patted her friend on one of her tiny hands. Friend. That word and it's implications still amazed her. When she stood at the altar humiliated and in tears she felt like no one in the world cared about her. D'Hoffryn quickly took advantage of that and allowed her a quick escape from the pain and sadness. It didn't help that the people she thought were her friends at the time wouldn't help curse Xander with oozing pustules or some itchy disease that would attack his phallic organ. It just reinforced to her that at the end of the day nobody loved and cared for her. That no matter how much pain or suffering she went through that nobody cared enough to even validate it. Until Spike. But boy oh boy did she learn her lesson from that particular go round. The things she Xander said to each other after he found she Spike parting ways were harsh. But she also noticed the complete utter way that Xander was mentally emotionally destroyed. She also noticed how he came to pleaded with her when Buffy was on her way to try kill her. It made something inside her spark and begin to glow. He was still an enormous ass, but he was one that in his own completely fucked up way loved her.
"I guess it'll take time to deal with things. I'm still not ready to talk to either one of them yet, but I don't feel as if I could ever stop loving them. I mean you know people for so long that you get these images or impressions of them that are hard to shake. But when they're shaken it's hard to watch the pieces settle sometimes. Because sometimes after the pieces resettle they're not the same person who they were when you met them. You know?" Willow said thinking of the kids they were even two years ago. Banded together fighting a Hell God, everyone pitching in and working together. Now none of them could stand to be in the same room with each other save she Anya and each of them individually with Dawn. If there was one thing they could agree on it was being there for Dawn. No matter how bad things got between them, they had to put her first. It was hard for her to be around Buffy these days. She always felt she was watching Buffy watch her. Just waiting for her to go crazy and try to end the world again. She didn't know if they could ever get back to where they once were.
Being around Xander wasn't much better. She wasn't really mad about what he did in itself, but the principle of it. What she did worry about was if she could trust him again. Could she ever feel like she could implicitly trust him with her life? She never had that problem before even when things were strained between them, but now things were questionable. And that hurt worse than anything ever, even Oz's departure or Tara's death. Xander was her oldest dearest friend, even moreso than Buffy. She wanted to trust him needed to. He was the one thing that was constant and good in her life. Willow desperately wanted to get back to the easy friendship they had like when they were younger. It would never be the exact same, no, but was it possible to reach somewhere close to that now?
They both sat there for a few minutes lost in their own thoughts. Anya absentmindedly let her fingers trail across her collarbone and Willow nervously wiggled her own. Both enjoying having someone around who would intrinsically 'got' them.
"I understand... So what other popular lesbian topics would you like to talk about?" Anya asked when the quiet began to become oppressive and suffocating.