Title: In The Library
Romance: Kouji x Kouichi
Chapters: 1-1||Words: 3,869
Genre: Romance||Rated: PG
Summary: In Ophanimon's library, Kouichi has much on his mind, and Kouji wants to get to the bottom of it all.
What Lord Knightmon had told him was on his mind, more than almost anything else at the moment, this was true. But mostly he kept thinking about it so he could avoid looking down and seeing all that empty space underneath his feet. As much as it made his stomach squirm, the thought of being a spirit and thus unable to really be hurt here in the Digital World made standing with only the faintest bit of wood in between himself and a headlong tumble into who knew how many piles of books a little easier to bear.
He could still feel Kouji's hand on his shoulder, though he knew his brother had removed it already. His skin, or whatever it was he had now that passed for skin, seemed to react like fire whenever they touched for some reason. Did it really have something to do with his special situation or was it just because this was Kouji? He had no way to figure it out, and Kouichi wasn't very sure if he wanted to. The answer might wind up being something he didn't want it to be.
At the top of the stairs, still a few feet away, a room spread out before them, full of books just like everything else here. The stairs kept on going up past the room, rising up higher and higher until Kouichi couldn't see them any longer. The thought of going all that way sent chills down his spine.
This isn't the time or the place to be afraid of heights. There were a lot more things he could be afraid of, after all. He could think of two right offhand, and both were probably coming nearer to here with every passing moment. He pushed them out of his mind, though. It wasn't too hard, not with another thought hovering in the wings, just waiting for the chance to squirm its way into the recesses of his mind.
As with most of his thoughts over the last few days, this one revolved around Kouji. They were so close right now, not just in the sense of their relationship, but in just how physically close they were. Kouichi could quite literally catch the scent of his brother. It wasn't anything he'd ever experienced before, and his mind reeled with the intensity of it.
"Kouichi?" Another soft touch on his shoulder, and Kouichi hoped that his twin couldn't feel him trembling under it. Why was he reacting like that? Was it just overreacting, trying to deal with all the changes coming so fast and furious at him? He wished he had his mom to talk to about all of this. "Kouichi, are you all right?"
"Yeah." That question had been asked a dozen times in the last couple of hours, but Kouichi had never said anything other than he was all right. He couldn't let Kouji know the truth, any of it. Not until he'd figured it out for himself, and knew just what all of it was.
Always before Kouji had accepted what he said. But this time, the younger boy turned his twin to him a little, not removing his hand from the Warrior of Darkness' shoulder. "Kouichi, something is bothering you."
Kouichi winced; he knew that Kouji had always let it go by, the way he let everything for everyone go by. It seemed that had stopped, for this one time at least. That was just his luck. "It's nothing, really, Kouji." He murmured in his softest voice, wanting his brother to believe him. "You can't really do anything about it, anyway."
Why had he said that? That was almost tailor-made to get Kouji's attention. Indeed, the dark eyes looking at him seemed even more determined to find out what was being kept from their owner. "I'll decide what I can do something about, Kouichi." The strength of conviction in his words sent chills down Kouichi's spine just as surely as the touch of his twin's hand set fire to his skin.
"You can't do anything about this." Kouichi didn't want to be rude to Kouji, but what could he do? Suddenly produce a body from nowhere for him? Not a chance, not when his body wasn't even in this world.
Which did make him wonder just where his was, and what was going on with it. Maybe he'd go back to it when they left this world, whenever that was. He sighed a little to himself, hoping Kouji didn't catch that. With as close as they were, it would be a little hard for him to miss it.
"Maybe, but you can at least tell me." Kouji hadn't removed his hand from Kouichi, and the elder twin couldn't think of anything else but just how nice it was to feel that comforting weight. There wasn't a lot else that he could think of right now, to be perfectly accurate.
He couldn't say it, though. He couldn't just tell Kouji that the flesh he was touching wasn't actual flesh at all, that it was just solidified spirit, or something like that. He felt as if he were real. He felt as normal as he always had. Maybe even more normal, more right. He had the Spirits that were welded to his soul, he had the brother that he'd wanted all his life and never even known that he wanted, he had friends that cared about him even after everything he'd done. How could he just be a spirit...a ghost?
No, he wasn't a ghost! He wasn't dead! He was just…temporarily de-bodied. Yeah, that was it. Temporarily de-bodied.
He wondered if that would sound as stupid out loud as it did in his head, and decided not to bother with finding out.
Kouji was still waiting for an answer of some kind. Kouichi could almost feel the weight of his gaze, all the while trying not to notice it. It was a little like trying not to notice the water when you were drowning.
"I don't even know how to say it." Kouichi wasn't certain just what he was talking about. He just knew he had to say something, or he would keep on drowning in that deep blue stare. Though if one really had to die, there were far worse ways, to his way of thinking. Falling down a flight of stairs and cracking one's skull open came to mind.
Kouji's eyes didn't move from him for a heartbeat. Kouichi took a few more steps, one hand trailing along the books. They were supposed to be here for a reason, after all, and that reason didn't have anything to do with him. How could he justify thinking anything like he had when so much more was at stake than just him? This was so much bigger than he was.
And none of that mattered when he could breathe in just a little, and Kouji's scent filled his nostrils. It wasn't anything like the romance novels his mother read. Nothing fancy like strawberries or musk or anything like that. He wasn't even certain if he'd know what musk would smell like in the first place. To be perfectly honest, he would've been a lot happier with this scent of Kouji's if he'd had a bath. But there was something under it all, something that just meant Kouji to his mind. He hadn't ever noticed this about anyone else before he'd come to the Digital World, and he couldn't remember if he'd noticed it about any of the others. He'd been close enough to most of them at some point or other, but it just didn't seem to have registered in his mind if they had.
But Kouji...Kouji did. Kouji mattered to every sense he possessed, and a couple he wasn't certain had existed before he met his brother.
"Avoiding the question isn't going to make me stop wondering, Kouichi." Kouji's voice sounded a little closer than he'd expected, and he tried not to jump too far out of his skin. "Tell me what's bothering you."
You're close enough to me for me to smell you, and as weird as it sounds, I think I love the way you smell. I'm not even properly human right now, I'm a spirit, and I don't know how or even if it can be fixed. The last three nights I slept, you showed up in my dreams more than anyone else has in the last three years of my life. There's almost nothing left of this world and we're here to try and find a way to stop it, and all I can think of is you. Which should I start with?
"I told you, there's nothing really. You believe me, don't you?" Kouichi winced internally. He knew that he was lying, and if Kouji figured it out, there could be hell to pay. His brother seemed to be easy-going some of the time, especially when it came to him, since he'd swallowed every last lie that he'd been told recently, but he had a feeling that had its limits.
He glanced behind himself a little, wanting to see Kouji's reaction for himself, and felt yet another shiver making its way down his spine at just how close those deep blue eyes were. He should register those as a lethal weapon. They were certainly slaying him, after all.
"I believe you want me to believe that." Kouji stared up at him, his hand falling from Kouichi's shoulder to his chest. "But I don't believe that. So either tell me what's going on or I'll find out for myself."
That didn't seem like such a bad idea. Kouichi was very certain that his brain wasn't thinking at it's best, though. Not with the way every blood cell he had was either racing to his face or to where Kouji was touching him. He turned back around, a faint chill running through him as Kouji's hand fell away, and took a few more steps up. "It's just...I know you want to meet Mom, but I want to meet Dad, too." The words came without him having to think too much about them this time, and he was grateful.
"I know. I really want to talk to him." The slight joy and amusement present in his twin's voice fell away, replaced by hints of anger and frustration. "I want to know why he lied to me."
Kouichi winced; he had never asked his mother or grandmother about why he didn't have a father. It hadn't seemed that important in the grander scheme of things, with his grandmother being so sick, and his mother working as hard as she did. But the question had run through his mind every time he'd seen any of his classmates with their fathers. There had even been one set of twins in his class, and he'd found himself watching them more than anyone else.
What would it be like to have someone like that, he'd thought a hundred times. What would it be like to have someone that close to you? To be the mirror of your face, and the other half of your soul? Hadn't he had someone like that once? He had always felt as if he had, but there had never been any proof. No baby pictures. No birth certificates with hidden meanings.
Just the final admittance of a dying woman, and he'd never asked his mother if it were true. He couldn't. If what had separated them was so painful to her that she hadn't been able to tell him for all these years, how could he bring it back to her mind?
For that matter, as much as he knew how much Kouji wanted to meet her, what would it be like to suddenly have the son she had never known standing there? What would it be like to meet his father, to meet the man who had denied his very existence to the son he had raised? What did someone say at that kind of a meeting?
Why was he still able to catch that elusive scent of Kouji, faint, but so very much there?
Taking a few more steps got them off of the staircase and into the room that he'd seen a little while earlier. The books were still rising up all around them, as was the staircase, but here appeared to be a room devoted to actually reading. It only made sense, who could want to climb all this way to find a book, and then climb all the way down again just to read it? There were probably other areas like this scattered all around, and he just hadn't seen them.
Kouji walked from behind him, head raised to take everything in. "I don't know how we can find anything in this place." That was kind of obvious. With the amount of books in here, they could search for a thousand years and not find anything they could use. But they had to try anyway, and they had a lot less time than a thousand years to find what they were looking for.
Kouichi didn't bother saying anything to what his brother had said, but kept himself near him. Just being too far away was a little painful now, as if part of him thought Kouji would fade away into mists and dreams if his twin didn't keep an eye on him. How many dreams had he had where that had happened? He couldn't count them anymore. They were about equal with the ones where Kouji appeared doing things...all kinds of things.
"Great." Kouichi turned a bit to see Kouji collapsing into a wide, cushioned chair, stretching his legs out in front of him. "The Royal Knights are going to be here soon and we have no idea how to protect this place at all."
Kouichi came a little closer, his thoughts distracted by those long legs and the slight annoyed pout on his twin's face. How could those things look so beautiful when they were so...pouty? How could he get that pout to go away, when he wanted to savor how cute it looked forever? Would Kouji beat him to a pulp just for thinking he was cute like that? Or would he think Kouichi was cute too?
What is wrong with me? These were not the kinds of thoughts someone should be having about the brother he'd never known until far too recently. If he were going to dream and daydream about anyone shouldn't it be...Izumi? She was pretty, she was nice, she was not related to him, and most of all, she wasn't his twin brother!
And she didn't have that kind of flash in her eyes that made him want to melt inside, nor did she have the sweet sort of smile that was all for him whenever Kouji looked at him, and he wasn't looking forward to spending the rest of his life getting to know her in the slightest.
He'd never thought about being gay. Why should he have? He'd admired a couple of girls at school, hadn't he? Slender and pretty, with dark hair and dark eyes usually. Almost always, they'd been the kind of girl who didn't notice him, who he didn't have to worry about asking out. And they always had boyfriends. Sure, the school administration didn't like it that much, but kids were going to be kids.
I'm not gay. I just dream about my brother a lot. It sounded silly even to think it, so he didn't bother to anymore. He looked at Kouji again, who was stretched out with his eyes half-closed. He really did need to rest. Fighting took so much out of him. Kouichi could see tenseness in his brother's shoulders, and came a little closer. "Kouji?" He got only a small noise in answer. "Would you mind if I rubbed your shoulders some? You look kinda like you need something like that."
One blue eye cracked open to peek at him, and Kouichi almost regretted having said a thing. "All right." Kouji slithered downward and motioned behind him to the chair he'd just vacated. "But don't take too long, we should get back to the others. We're not going to find anything here."
Kouichi mentally squealed, flushing at the same time. It was a good thing he hadn't done that squealing out loud. Kouji would never have wanted him near him if he'd done that where it could be heard, and the thought of not being near Kouji was enough to turn his dreams into nightmares.
Once he had settled down into the chair, he took a careful look at Kouji. Oh my. He'd always known that his brother was strong. It was evident in every move he made and in the way he fought. There was experience there, not like what he felt when he was Lowemon. He knew what to do, but it was as if someone else were guiding him. Kouji's moves, every one of them, held the strength and knowledge that could only be the results of what the Spirit of Light knew, and what he himself knew. That translated into muscles. They weren't that visible from a distance, but now that he was up close, Kouichi could see that strength displayed in the muscles.
"Kouichi?" Ooops. He's gotten too involved with staring. "Everything all right?" Kouji peered back at him, and Kouichi quickly laid his hands on Kouji's shoulders.
"Yeah. I was just thinking about something. You work out a lot, don't you? When you're at home, I mean?" Kouichi started to carefully rub, rejoicing in the feeling of the smooth skin under his fingers. He should've found an excuse to do this a lot sooner. It just felt so perfect. Kouji was absolutely perfect.
"It's something to do." Kouji replied, closing his eyes as he turned around again. "Dad suggested it a couple of years ago, and I just really liked it so I kept it up."
Kouichi nodded, keeping up the gentle pressure on the tight muscles. He could've listened to Kouji's voice forever, but didn't argue when his brother fell silent. It was just as pleasant, if not more so, to just sit here and take care of him.
He could do this forever, too, if he really had the option. Kouji seemed to be enjoying it, at least he hadn't said to stop, and the knots were slowly loosening. If I get the chance, I think I'll study some real massage techniques when we get home. If he could help Kouji even a little like this, then he could hardly imagine how much more he could help once he really knew what he was doing.
Underneath his touch, Kouji began to shift around a little, a small sound coming from his throat that almost sounded vaguely like a purr. Kouichi blushed, realizing all over again that this was because of him. His brother was feeling so good because of him. How could he have lived all this time without that feeling of being complete?
At least he never would have to do it again. It didn't matter what Lord Knightmon had said. He would survive all of this, no matter what, and he'd find a way to be with Kouji. Everything after that just stretched into a hazy, golden future, one where no one even thought about separating them, where they could just be with each other, and no one else, forever.
The strangeness of his thoughts didn't really bother Kouichi as he kept on stroking Kouji's back, long after the aches, pains, and strains were gone. Kouji purred a little more, not bothering to look up. This felt so good for both of them, neither of them wanted to stop. It was everything they'd ever wanted for their short lives, and just never known how to express.
Kouichi pulled himself out of the mild trance he was in and found Kouji was starting to straighten up some. His ponytail brushed lightly across Kouichi's hands, which were up at the nape of his neck now. For a moment, the elder twin hesitated, then a small imp of mischief bit him hard. With a single quick move he pulled the band that kept Kouji's hair up away and ran his fingers through the wash of blue-black hair that fell down a moment later.
"Kouichi!" Kouji turned his head slightly, a welter of emotions dancing through his eyes. "What are you doing?"
"That's just it. I don't know." Kouichi smiled a little, caressing the rough-soft strands over and over again. His own hair felt nothing like this. It was just hair. But Kouji's hair was something else altogether. He stroked a few more times, then paused, his attention caught by something else: the strong, firm neck half-hidden now by the freed hair.
He had no more idea of why he did what he did next than he did of half the things he'd been doing all day. All he knew was that it was something he really, really wanted to do. He leaned forward, pulling the hair out of the way gently, and dropped a feather-light kiss upon Kouji's neck.
The other froze instantly, not even really looking at him anymore. Kouichi stared at the spot he'd just kissed, then did it again. Kouji's skin tasted so right, so absolutely perfect. Even that faint sheen of sweat did nothing to detract from it. Everything he'd read said that it should, but it just didn't. Kouichi decided to ignore everything he'd read. This was much, much better.
Kouji turned a little more and caught Kouichi's wrist gently. "Why'd you do that?" There was no accusation in his tone. Just curiosity and that gentle tone that was just for him. Kouichi had never felt so honored, so blessed in his entire life. He'd heard Izumi and Junpei talking about how Kouji had been when they'd first arrived, and he could hardly believe they were talking about the same person who was looking at him right now. They seemed like such different people. He much preferred this one, though.
"Because it felt right." There was no answer other than the truth that he could give. "It just felt right, Kouji."
His twin said nothing, only kept on looking at him for a few moments, not letting his wrist go. Then he leaned forward and brushed his lips ever so lightly across Kouichi's for the space of a fraction of a heartbeat. "So did that," he whispered, his breath caressing Kouichi's lips.
The two of them sat like that, gazing into each other's eyes, for some time. Finally, Kouichi murmured, "We can't do this again."
Kouji just nodded slightly as he pulled his hair back into the usual ponytail, getting the band back from him. "I know." Unspoken was the knowledge that they couldn't tell anyone either. This had to remain just between them.
But as they started back down the stairs, Kouichi in the lead once more, Kouji's hand folded lightly around his twin's, and they both knew that come what would, this moment in the library in another world would never be forgotten.
The End