Chapter 13:
The light in Albus's office is soft, flickering from the fire in the grate. He is sitting front of it, rather than behind his desk, as is his custom. He motions me to join him in the empty chintz armchair beside his. Tucking my feet underneath me I look around for a blanket to further dispel the cold that has crept into my bones.
I notice he still has the drapes drawn, though morning is upon us. "Severus has not returned?" he inquires softly.
Keeping my gaze trained on the fire, I respond, feeling in my bones this conversation will turn fast and wild soon. "I did not know he was missing, until Remus knocked me up this morning."
"Still no word from him? I thought I saw an owl grace your windowsill this morning."
I turn sharply to look him in the face. His eyes are not twinkling. "The owl was from Narcissa. Inviting me to supper at the Manor this evening." I answer his raised eyebrow. "I have had no word from Severus."
"Why are you receiving messages from Narcissa Malfoy, Bena?" his voice has dropped in temperature by only a few degrees.
"I wish to rebuild a few of the bridges I burned so many years ago. Severus spoke with her on my behalf. I think it wise..." but I am cut off.
"You wish to rebuild? Bena, there are far more worthy witches with which to reclaim friendship with."
"That may be," I agree, "however, there not many witches better situated for me to befriend and keep an eye on my husband." The eyebrow raises again.
"This new concern for your husband is admirable; please forgive me if I seem overly surprised by it."
"Severus and I have discussed at length how to redeem myself in the eyes of the Death Eaters and those associated with them. In order to keep him safe, Albus, I must either keep myself entirely from him, which, seeing as I am ensconced at Hogwarts is impossible, or I must try and win back their affections, twisted though they may be. Narcissa is the easiest and most accessible of all I could attempt this with."
"You met with her yesterday." He states, leaving no hint of question.
"I may have." I reply cautiously. We are both playing our hands carefully. Conversations between Dumbledores are rarely informative if there are others in the room, as we have long ago devised methods of conveying information with a minimum amont of words and minute gestures.
"No, Bena, do not lie. You met with her at that insipid tea house she has favored since her days at Hogwarts."
"You had me followed!" I flash at him.
"I did no such thing." He replies calmly.
"Albus! You placed a damned tracking spell on me. I am not some child, incapable of taking care of myself, or perhaps you do not trust me." The last is put in to bait him. If I am going to learn anything from him this morning, I will need him angry.
"I do not trust you."
Suddenly it is very difficult to remain seated, though I do. Of all the arguments Albus and I were to have in my head, the issue of my trustworthiness was not included.
"I do not trust you." I spit back.
There is a minor flash in those old eyes. That one hurt. "I have given you many reasons over the years to hate me, Bena. And, over the past few months I have indeed give you reasons to doubt me. I ask, though, that you do trust me now, and always."
"Why? When you would sacrifice Severus for the sake of Harry Potter?" There is disbelief heavy in my voice.
"I would not forsake him, Bena. I do ask much of him, we both know that. But I do not demand it of him. Were Severus to tell me tomorrow he was done with it, I would accept that. But, I need him to spy, Bena. Harry is the focus of the Plan; you must understand that. He is essential for it. In the Order, it is understood by all members that his safety is foremost. But that does not mean I will abandon the others. Especially Severus."
Very touching, though I am not calmed. "You still send him back to be beaten, tortured, and Merlin knows what else. You abuse his Slytherins, exulting the Gryfindors instead; you allow all Hogwarts rules to be thrown away if broken by Misters Potter and Weasley, and Miss Granger. You are not fair to him, Albus. Why do you then expect him, and by relation, me, to be fair to you?" These words have been fed to me by Severus, and I parrot them back faithfully.
"For the reason that Severus owes me his life." He says simply.
"Albus, his life is again on the line. I must side with him. He needs this. He needs me. Again and again, you have written to me over the years since Harry Potter came to Hogwarts. Again and again, you have told me how Severus wished you to act fairly, but you could not see his reasons. Albus, I have sat by too long. I am now involved. And I will stand at Severus side. In front of Lord Voldemort, if that is what is required of me." My eyes are flashing, and when Albus raises his to mine, they match my intensity.
"Do you forget the prophecy, Bena, the reason I kept you away until now? It is time for it to be fulfilled; I need your courage and your strength. Oh yes, go to Tom, bow before him, kiss his robes, do his bidding. That is not courage. Severus turned from it when he realized that. You will know new depths of revulsion soon enough, Bena. If this is how you wish to continue, fine. But hold true to me, Bena. Hold true to me."
Albus is shaking. He is frightened of losing me. I play the last card I have remaining. "Allow me to take my name."
He wettens his lips, his tongue darting out, "I do not believe I ever denied you your husband's name."
I chuckle lightly, "No, Albus. Allow me to be a Dumbledore, and I will frighten Tom Riddle as he has never been frightened before."
The light in Albus's office is soft, flickering from the fire in the grate. He is sitting front of it, rather than behind his desk, as is his custom. He motions me to join him in the empty chintz armchair beside his. Tucking my feet underneath me I look around for a blanket to further dispel the cold that has crept into my bones.
I notice he still has the drapes drawn, though morning is upon us. "Severus has not returned?" he inquires softly.
Keeping my gaze trained on the fire, I respond, feeling in my bones this conversation will turn fast and wild soon. "I did not know he was missing, until Remus knocked me up this morning."
"Still no word from him? I thought I saw an owl grace your windowsill this morning."
I turn sharply to look him in the face. His eyes are not twinkling. "The owl was from Narcissa. Inviting me to supper at the Manor this evening." I answer his raised eyebrow. "I have had no word from Severus."
"Why are you receiving messages from Narcissa Malfoy, Bena?" his voice has dropped in temperature by only a few degrees.
"I wish to rebuild a few of the bridges I burned so many years ago. Severus spoke with her on my behalf. I think it wise..." but I am cut off.
"You wish to rebuild? Bena, there are far more worthy witches with which to reclaim friendship with."
"That may be," I agree, "however, there not many witches better situated for me to befriend and keep an eye on my husband." The eyebrow raises again.
"This new concern for your husband is admirable; please forgive me if I seem overly surprised by it."
"Severus and I have discussed at length how to redeem myself in the eyes of the Death Eaters and those associated with them. In order to keep him safe, Albus, I must either keep myself entirely from him, which, seeing as I am ensconced at Hogwarts is impossible, or I must try and win back their affections, twisted though they may be. Narcissa is the easiest and most accessible of all I could attempt this with."
"You met with her yesterday." He states, leaving no hint of question.
"I may have." I reply cautiously. We are both playing our hands carefully. Conversations between Dumbledores are rarely informative if there are others in the room, as we have long ago devised methods of conveying information with a minimum amont of words and minute gestures.
"No, Bena, do not lie. You met with her at that insipid tea house she has favored since her days at Hogwarts."
"You had me followed!" I flash at him.
"I did no such thing." He replies calmly.
"Albus! You placed a damned tracking spell on me. I am not some child, incapable of taking care of myself, or perhaps you do not trust me." The last is put in to bait him. If I am going to learn anything from him this morning, I will need him angry.
"I do not trust you."
Suddenly it is very difficult to remain seated, though I do. Of all the arguments Albus and I were to have in my head, the issue of my trustworthiness was not included.
"I do not trust you." I spit back.
There is a minor flash in those old eyes. That one hurt. "I have given you many reasons over the years to hate me, Bena. And, over the past few months I have indeed give you reasons to doubt me. I ask, though, that you do trust me now, and always."
"Why? When you would sacrifice Severus for the sake of Harry Potter?" There is disbelief heavy in my voice.
"I would not forsake him, Bena. I do ask much of him, we both know that. But I do not demand it of him. Were Severus to tell me tomorrow he was done with it, I would accept that. But, I need him to spy, Bena. Harry is the focus of the Plan; you must understand that. He is essential for it. In the Order, it is understood by all members that his safety is foremost. But that does not mean I will abandon the others. Especially Severus."
Very touching, though I am not calmed. "You still send him back to be beaten, tortured, and Merlin knows what else. You abuse his Slytherins, exulting the Gryfindors instead; you allow all Hogwarts rules to be thrown away if broken by Misters Potter and Weasley, and Miss Granger. You are not fair to him, Albus. Why do you then expect him, and by relation, me, to be fair to you?" These words have been fed to me by Severus, and I parrot them back faithfully.
"For the reason that Severus owes me his life." He says simply.
"Albus, his life is again on the line. I must side with him. He needs this. He needs me. Again and again, you have written to me over the years since Harry Potter came to Hogwarts. Again and again, you have told me how Severus wished you to act fairly, but you could not see his reasons. Albus, I have sat by too long. I am now involved. And I will stand at Severus side. In front of Lord Voldemort, if that is what is required of me." My eyes are flashing, and when Albus raises his to mine, they match my intensity.
"Do you forget the prophecy, Bena, the reason I kept you away until now? It is time for it to be fulfilled; I need your courage and your strength. Oh yes, go to Tom, bow before him, kiss his robes, do his bidding. That is not courage. Severus turned from it when he realized that. You will know new depths of revulsion soon enough, Bena. If this is how you wish to continue, fine. But hold true to me, Bena. Hold true to me."
Albus is shaking. He is frightened of losing me. I play the last card I have remaining. "Allow me to take my name."
He wettens his lips, his tongue darting out, "I do not believe I ever denied you your husband's name."
I chuckle lightly, "No, Albus. Allow me to be a Dumbledore, and I will frighten Tom Riddle as he has never been frightened before."