Chapter one

Disclaimer: I don't own the gundum boys they live in my head though. But mostly that's when I forget my medication.

Summery: All Heero wants is for Trowa to love him but Trowa loves Qatra.

Warning: slash M-preg

Authors note: Blah self talk or action oh just read it

Heero's POV:

He was with me once he said he loved me. But he won't even hold me nowQat is all that has ever really mattered. I brought this on myself. I begged him to help me get over my fear of other men. He bedded me only for this reason. My secret is the result he neither wanted nor expected. I gave him my heart but that doesn't matter Qatra is his Lover I'm just the fuck toy.

I place my hand on my abdomen well there at least is one blessing in this. This little life he left inside me. From below I hear Qat Making breakfast and a wave of nausea passes over me. "Duo wake up," I throw a pillow at my little brother.

"Heero," he wines, "I don't wanna get up its LIGHT out."

"If you don't get up you'll miss seeing your girlfriend in a string bikini," I teased.

Duo threw off his covers and sat up immediately. "Where is she, where's Marina?" He demanded.

I laughed at him "Strait and narrow huh bro?"

He throws the pillow at me "Shut up Heero"

My brother and I share a room here at the mansion which I like to call privately their home. No one but Trowa knew my dirty secret yet. He wouldn't know either if he didn't have to check all my wiring occasionally. Being mostly mechanical means that all my bits need the occasional overhaul. My mind ached as did my heart. If that Arabian empathic did not already know of the child, Trowa's child, I carried he would soon, and Trowa would pull further from me and closer to Qat.

My brother, the would be priest, stood now and crossed the room to where I stood at the open window.

"Tell me you at least slept some, Bro." he knew I didn't sleep much any more.

"Don't worry about it. I'm fine." This isolation this lack of love was taking its bitter toll.

"Heero," he snapped,"since you and Trowa Got it on you've been isolated, more so than usual. You mope and brood and rarely sleep. You stopped eating breakfast and sometimes skip lunch too. You don't leave this room except for when Mina drops off the girls on the weekends. Not once since all this started have you been in the same room with Qatra.

"You avoid all contact with the people. Herro you're the Silverfang King stop acting like a woman and rule the kingdom. You can't go on like this I herd you last night barfing up dinner in the bathroom. Quit starving yourself. You only feed when you think no one can hear you then its two or three victims a night."

I have to tell him. I sit down in the chair nearest the window. Exhausted....

Duo's POV:

I sank to the floor. I didn't want to believe this, my brother was caring Trowa's child. "Are you sure?" I asked stupidly.

"Yeah," he began to cry bitter tears," Trowa confirmed it last week. "

I couldn't think this was like hearing that Logic had gone on holiday and took Reason along for the ride. The pieces suddenly fell together. My brother carried a child that belonged to a man that would never love him. Even if he Trowa did love Herro at all it wouldn't matter. I couldn't help but feel sorry for Herro.

"Who else knows?" I asked.

Herro just looked at the floor. "Qatra might know he is an empath and Oh I don't know."