Chapter 20:
Walking into the library, the glorious musty smell of old tomes assaults my nose. Scanning the large room, I spot Miss Granger tucked into the corner, a large pile of books already pulled from the shelves.
Looking up, she smiles sheepishly. "I had nothing else to do this morning, so I thought I'd look up topics I don't have time for during the school year." I nod empathetically and take the seat next to her.
Within moments we are chatting as old friends. Books are a favorite topic of mine, and Miss Granger appears to have read quite a few. Unnoticed by both of us, we have been joined, and in the middle of a very engrossing conversation concerning the ethics of using illegal or controlled substances in medical potions, the potions master of Hogwarts slices through Hermione's rebuttal.
"I believe the Ministry has taken a very different approach, Miss Granger," his voice inflects, "It is widely recognized that Gorgon's Lace may be readily substituted by the much more common, and more widely available, thyme."
Both our eyes flash to his, anger evident on our faces upon being interrupted. Miss Granger, however, quickly controls her anger, something I assume by the ease in which it is performed, is common practice when classes are in session.
I, however, do not back down. "Although I agree with the controls and regulations the Ministry has deemed necessary in the case of Gorgon's Lace here in Britain, due to repeated abuse; in the States, there are entire farms set up to facilitate the growing and availability of such substances. It has allowed for the original potency to be retained, and has not compromised anyone's sense of propriety."
As expected, Severus nostrils flare and his eyes narrow to slits. Miss Granger straightens her posture, tensing for the storm. "It is a pity then that you have been stuck in the States these past eighteen years, Bena. It seems Britain's potion makers could have profited a great deal had you graced us with your presence earlier."
"You know I was unable to join you before this, Severus." I bite back. Miss Granger has abandoned erect posture for shrinking down as small as she will go. Severus is standing behind her, facing me. I had not wanted to include anyone in this confrontation, but I am riled up enough at the moment not to care.
"Unable, or unwilling? I realize I am not in possession of many charms physical or otherwise, but I had thought the marriage bond would mean something to you." Hermione's eyes widen, her eyes darting to my left hand, then to Severus's, which has lodged itself on the high back of her chair.
"Come now, Severus, say what you wish. After all, there may not be time for this in the evening. It would be better to air any anger you are still holding now." I will force the entire issue now, in front of Miss Granger and whoever else is drawn to the library by our raised voices.
Shaking his head, I worry for a moment he will not rise to the bait. Then, he begins pacing, his head continuing to move from one side to the other. "For eighteen years, Bena, I have played through events in my head. Eighteen years is a long time to feel guilty for one night's indiscretion."
"Indiscretion? You joined the bloody Death Eaters, Severus! You were ordered to kill me! You joined a group of idiots and thugs whose ideals are so contrary to my own that the thought of it makes me ill!" I burst out at him.
"You knew I agreed with the Dark Lord's views before we were married, Bena. You knew I was taken in by the Malfoys and given the chance at a profession. Why was it such a shock that I became one of them?" There is no hurt in his voice, only cold anger.
"I had hoped you would not join for my sake. I held delusions that our love was far greater, far more important, than your thirst for power and the quest for supremacy. In short, I expected you to be better than you were."
"Why?" he asks, his voice suddenly plaintive, "Why would you think I could change what had been pound into me for nineteen years?"
"Because I loved you, Severus. And I thought love was capable of solving everything." My voice pleads.
"It cannot solve me." He returns bitterly.
"It can, and it has, you know." I say softly. His laugh is mirthless.
"No. Not even the great Bena can fill the hole I have dug for myself. Nor would I wish you to. That is my sin and I alone must repay it." I swallow. This is good for us, I silently chant in my mind. This must continue. We must continue to spread this all before us.
"The Dark Lord will be waiting to hear from you tonight, after we have met with Albus and Minerva. He is anxious, and quite displeased that you did not accompany me in the middle of the night last night for a second meeting with him. He will want to know how we can use your relation to Albus to our advantage. The attack is still planned for tomorrow. The niece of Albus Dumbledore can provide almost limitless opportunities for him to capture the boy." Three sharp gasps follow this statement.
Severus and I both curse under our breath. I had completely forgotten about Miss Granger. Our voices appear to have attracted the attention of the other two Gryffindors. Emboldened by our earlier confidence, Mister Potter steps out from the doorway.
"Are you really Dumbeldore's niece?"
I nod my head. Miss Granger gasps again, her eyes as large as saucers now. Severus has closed in upon himself. Slowly, Potter looks to him.
"Professor?" he asks quietly, perhaps kindly.
Severus raises his head, unsure which expression to present. Motioning Harry to continue, the boy takes another step forward, "Professor, I think I should attend the planning tonight. With you, and your wife." He falters a bit over the last part, but Severus does not seem to notice.
Standing, I walk around the table to him. "Thank you, Harry." I say. Mister Potter nods in my direction. I take Severus's arm and lead him firmly out of the library.
This time, when we find ourselves at the entrance to our rooms, he intones the password clearly enough for me to hear. Together we enter the rooms. There is much to discuss.
Walking into the library, the glorious musty smell of old tomes assaults my nose. Scanning the large room, I spot Miss Granger tucked into the corner, a large pile of books already pulled from the shelves.
Looking up, she smiles sheepishly. "I had nothing else to do this morning, so I thought I'd look up topics I don't have time for during the school year." I nod empathetically and take the seat next to her.
Within moments we are chatting as old friends. Books are a favorite topic of mine, and Miss Granger appears to have read quite a few. Unnoticed by both of us, we have been joined, and in the middle of a very engrossing conversation concerning the ethics of using illegal or controlled substances in medical potions, the potions master of Hogwarts slices through Hermione's rebuttal.
"I believe the Ministry has taken a very different approach, Miss Granger," his voice inflects, "It is widely recognized that Gorgon's Lace may be readily substituted by the much more common, and more widely available, thyme."
Both our eyes flash to his, anger evident on our faces upon being interrupted. Miss Granger, however, quickly controls her anger, something I assume by the ease in which it is performed, is common practice when classes are in session.
I, however, do not back down. "Although I agree with the controls and regulations the Ministry has deemed necessary in the case of Gorgon's Lace here in Britain, due to repeated abuse; in the States, there are entire farms set up to facilitate the growing and availability of such substances. It has allowed for the original potency to be retained, and has not compromised anyone's sense of propriety."
As expected, Severus nostrils flare and his eyes narrow to slits. Miss Granger straightens her posture, tensing for the storm. "It is a pity then that you have been stuck in the States these past eighteen years, Bena. It seems Britain's potion makers could have profited a great deal had you graced us with your presence earlier."
"You know I was unable to join you before this, Severus." I bite back. Miss Granger has abandoned erect posture for shrinking down as small as she will go. Severus is standing behind her, facing me. I had not wanted to include anyone in this confrontation, but I am riled up enough at the moment not to care.
"Unable, or unwilling? I realize I am not in possession of many charms physical or otherwise, but I had thought the marriage bond would mean something to you." Hermione's eyes widen, her eyes darting to my left hand, then to Severus's, which has lodged itself on the high back of her chair.
"Come now, Severus, say what you wish. After all, there may not be time for this in the evening. It would be better to air any anger you are still holding now." I will force the entire issue now, in front of Miss Granger and whoever else is drawn to the library by our raised voices.
Shaking his head, I worry for a moment he will not rise to the bait. Then, he begins pacing, his head continuing to move from one side to the other. "For eighteen years, Bena, I have played through events in my head. Eighteen years is a long time to feel guilty for one night's indiscretion."
"Indiscretion? You joined the bloody Death Eaters, Severus! You were ordered to kill me! You joined a group of idiots and thugs whose ideals are so contrary to my own that the thought of it makes me ill!" I burst out at him.
"You knew I agreed with the Dark Lord's views before we were married, Bena. You knew I was taken in by the Malfoys and given the chance at a profession. Why was it such a shock that I became one of them?" There is no hurt in his voice, only cold anger.
"I had hoped you would not join for my sake. I held delusions that our love was far greater, far more important, than your thirst for power and the quest for supremacy. In short, I expected you to be better than you were."
"Why?" he asks, his voice suddenly plaintive, "Why would you think I could change what had been pound into me for nineteen years?"
"Because I loved you, Severus. And I thought love was capable of solving everything." My voice pleads.
"It cannot solve me." He returns bitterly.
"It can, and it has, you know." I say softly. His laugh is mirthless.
"No. Not even the great Bena can fill the hole I have dug for myself. Nor would I wish you to. That is my sin and I alone must repay it." I swallow. This is good for us, I silently chant in my mind. This must continue. We must continue to spread this all before us.
"The Dark Lord will be waiting to hear from you tonight, after we have met with Albus and Minerva. He is anxious, and quite displeased that you did not accompany me in the middle of the night last night for a second meeting with him. He will want to know how we can use your relation to Albus to our advantage. The attack is still planned for tomorrow. The niece of Albus Dumbledore can provide almost limitless opportunities for him to capture the boy." Three sharp gasps follow this statement.
Severus and I both curse under our breath. I had completely forgotten about Miss Granger. Our voices appear to have attracted the attention of the other two Gryffindors. Emboldened by our earlier confidence, Mister Potter steps out from the doorway.
"Are you really Dumbeldore's niece?"
I nod my head. Miss Granger gasps again, her eyes as large as saucers now. Severus has closed in upon himself. Slowly, Potter looks to him.
"Professor?" he asks quietly, perhaps kindly.
Severus raises his head, unsure which expression to present. Motioning Harry to continue, the boy takes another step forward, "Professor, I think I should attend the planning tonight. With you, and your wife." He falters a bit over the last part, but Severus does not seem to notice.
Standing, I walk around the table to him. "Thank you, Harry." I say. Mister Potter nods in my direction. I take Severus's arm and lead him firmly out of the library.
This time, when we find ourselves at the entrance to our rooms, he intones the password clearly enough for me to hear. Together we enter the rooms. There is much to discuss.