I rushed outside. Lipstick in hand. How could I do this? I was now the one who would decide which of these soldiers would live and which would die. I would be God to these men, deciding their fate. But there fate was decided already, wasn't it?
I marked one young man who was screaming at the Japanese doctor trying to help him critical. He would go into shock and die if he wasn't helped soon. Another man, a soldier in the navy, was crying out for his mother.
"Am I going to die?" He cried softly. "I don't want to die."
"You're not going to die sweetheart," I said softly as I marked his forehead with an "F" for fatal. "I've got you're hand. You're gonna be just fine."
I looked up at the medic who was waiting to see what to do.
"Give him enough morphine to make him comfortable." I felt like screaming. How could I lie to this dying main in despair? But what else could I do. "He's not going to make it."
I quickly ran over to another man. His body was covered in burns. Terrible, black burns. As soon as my makeshift marker touched his forehead his skin melted right off his safe. He screamed an ungodly scream. I almost thought that was it for me. I thought it was over. I just wanted to die right there. I couldn't mark his face without causing him more pain. I told the medic the same thing I had told the other. Give him morphine. He's going to die.
Still running. Still marking. Will it never end?
A man ran up to me. He was holding a young woman in his arms, her blonde hair covering her face. Sandra ran over to where we were standing.
"I don't think she's breathing," The man said.
I checked for a heart beat with my stethoscope. No beat. No pulse. Another poor example of mortality. I pushed back her hair. I at least wanted to see the girl's face.
Oh God! Please…no.
It was Betty. Our innocent, seventeen year old, engaged to be married Betty. Dead? How? When? It didn't seem to matter anymore.
Sandra was in shock. So was I.
"Are you sure Ev?" Sandra cried. "Check again."
"I'm sure Sandra," I replied trying to sound strong, yet I was screaming inside. "Get back to work."
"But…Ev…she can't…I…." She stuttered in through her tears.
I laid my hand on her shoulder. "Get back to work." I wanted to hug her, comfort her, and tell her everything was going to be alright. Not command her. Not tell her to keep choosing which were to live and which were to die. No one should have to make that choice. But I couldn't do those things now. We had to do what needed to be done.
"I don't know what to do," Sandra looked around. Despair in her eyes. I also looked around. They were everywhere. Men. A few woman and children. Some crawling. Some screaming. Some just lying on the cold, hard ground shaking in silence waiting their turn to be marked with the single stroke that would choose their fate.
What could I do? What could I really do? What could anyone do in a time like this? I was overwhelmed. Overcome with despondency.
It seemed like hours passed before it finally began to calm down. And even then death lingered in the air. I was at the end of my rope when I saw them. There they were. The two men I loved standing side by side. They walked towards me.
"What can we do?" Ray asked with Danny looking on.
I wanted to throw my arms around each of them and kiss them. But I had to think logically. Things still needed to be done.
"We need blood." I responded simply.
Within the next ten minutes they were both pouring what blood they good into empty coke bottles.
I finally sat down after what had seemed like an eternity of standing. I could hear a priest speaking to a young soldier.
"Remember my son, pain is temporary but glory is eternal. You will be with the Lord soon in a place of no pain, no tears, and no darkness." He held a cross over the man who was shaking violently.
"Animine Patre. Go with God my son."
The shaking stopped. The priest closed the soldier's eyes. His eyes were now shut and so were mine.
A place of no pain, no tears, and no darkness. Pain is temporary…
How I wanted to be in that place right now. How I wanted to escape this hell. What had happened this sad, treacherous day? God help me if I should ever know.