Chapter 21:
At a loss for words once we are seated in our rooms, Severus takes my hand in his, entwining our fingers. He carefully lifts the sleeve of my robe, revealing the unmarred white skin on my left forearm. I mirror the gesture to him, though he holds his breath as I do.
"Never, never do anything to destroy the perfection of this arm." He says sharply, caressing the skin. His touch tickles softly. I reach my hand up to do the same to him, but he pulls his arm away.
"I do not deserve such treatment." He says bitterly. "Kindly do not snort, Bena." He adds.
I ignore both his requests and softly bring my lips to arm, brushing very lightly upon the dark mark. The skin is brittle and rough, as though the pattern was still freshly burned. "What happens if you ignore a summons?" I ask casually.
A dry laugh rumbles in my husband's chest. "I have only once been unable to answer and it was horrible. Be glad he did not require you to take the mark. Your news unnerved him. What shall we do now that the children know?" he changes the subject.
"That is something I wish to leave to Albus. But Albus and Harry Potter is not what I wish to discuss right now, Severus." His arm is still held in my hands; he makes no motion to extricate it.
"What do you wish to talk about, then?" his tone is careful. There is still much anger and hurt to overcome. I hope this afternoon will heal some of it.
"Severus, I understand that my homecoming has not been easy for either of us, and I realize that we have been through a lot the past few days and that any and all anger you are feeling is entirely justified on my part, but I grow weary of it. I wish to call a truce with you. I am placing myself entirely in your hands. What you think we should do, I will. How you think we should react to Voldemort, I shall. How you think we shall go about handling the attack tomorrow, I will go along with."
Severus regards me quietly, then calls a house elf and requests a small lunch. While waiting, he responds. "I will do my best, Bena. It will not be easy for me. I am unaccustomed to sharing anything, let alone my rooms, and my life, with anyone. I am adjusting."
Gesturing to the corner where two shelves of my books reside, "Yes, you have, Severus. I have been adjusting as well. I have had eighteen years to ponder our lives." Now is the time to tell him about Remus, I decide. Knowing the direction the confrontation with Voldemort could take, I need to tell him things.
"Severus, I begin cautiously, "after I fled to the States, Albus was able to place me in a job with the congress. One of my duties was to keep updates on the certain dark creatures and their movements within the States." Severus nods, showing he is following along. I sigh inwardly and continue on. "During that time, I came into contact with a classmate of yours and we, we...." I wave my hands uselessly, unable to commit to words my act of betrayal.
"You and the werewolf had an affair." He says.
I try hard not to spit out the mouthful of pumpkin juice. Swallowing is followed by sputtering, but I cannot find any words.
Severus has closed in on himself again. His eyes are downcast; he has wrapped his arms close around him. I feel tears fall from my eyes. I sit there, away from him on the sofa, the space far between us. I cannot atone for this.
"Severus," I begin feebly, but he cuts me off.
"Bena, you do not need to apologize for this. I have kidnapped, beaten, tortured and killed, all in the name of Voldemort. I think that you may be allowed an indiscretion almost two decades ago. It has not resumed, has it?"
"No, Severus, no!" I hasten to assure him. Relief is flooding through me, though I still feel guilt.
"Bena," he says, pulling me close, "I may have been faithful, but I committed atrocities. We neither of us are innocent. We neither of us are without sin."
I am taken aback. I throw myself into his arms, laughing in sheer liberation. He joins me, a deep throaty laugh. We are healing. The feel of him suddenly under me brings other emotions to mind and we are momentarily distracted from our catharsis by even more enjoyable activities.
Later, in the early evening, the plates from lunch cleared, we are settling ourselves once again on the couch, smiles on both our faces. In the fast and furious pace, not to mention the hurt feelings and revelations, of the past few days, we have been neglectful of the pleasures of married life. Now that they are out of the way for at least the next few hours, it is back to business.
"How are your plans for Snape Manor coming along?" he asks sardonically.
"I have not had much time to devote to that matter, however, I have sent an owl to the ministry and I did discuss the matter with Narcissa. However, with Lucius out of Azkaban, it will require a bit more maneuvering."
"Bena, do not distract yourself with this."
I pat him on the shoulder, "I shall not, Severus. But I will continue with it. Severus, can you imagine it—a house again, a manor. You and I, we can erase generations of history. It will be wonderful."
Rather than a face of jubilation, my husband instead looks reserved. "Bena," he begins, "there is one problem with this. I know nothing of being a proper gentleman. Will you teach me?"
"Yes, Severus, I shall. In the meantime, however, we must plan for Voldemort, and that, I'm afraid, will require much concentration. Are we together?" I ask.
"Yes, dear Bena, we have much to get past, but, trust you I do and love you I will always. Come, Albus is waiting."
====== Author's Notes
Rosalinde: Gracious thanks for the compliment. This weekend I had to reread all the chapters and find all the little clues I'd planted...sheesh I'd forgotten some of them.
Lilypurewhite: well, Severus didn't freak, but I think its still a believable reaction.
Jenia94: as you can see (if you are still reading) she didn't get the mark...Severus is adament about her keeping herself out of the DE
Author's notes
Planning with Albus,, meeting with Voldemort
At a loss for words once we are seated in our rooms, Severus takes my hand in his, entwining our fingers. He carefully lifts the sleeve of my robe, revealing the unmarred white skin on my left forearm. I mirror the gesture to him, though he holds his breath as I do.
"Never, never do anything to destroy the perfection of this arm." He says sharply, caressing the skin. His touch tickles softly. I reach my hand up to do the same to him, but he pulls his arm away.
"I do not deserve such treatment." He says bitterly. "Kindly do not snort, Bena." He adds.
I ignore both his requests and softly bring my lips to arm, brushing very lightly upon the dark mark. The skin is brittle and rough, as though the pattern was still freshly burned. "What happens if you ignore a summons?" I ask casually.
A dry laugh rumbles in my husband's chest. "I have only once been unable to answer and it was horrible. Be glad he did not require you to take the mark. Your news unnerved him. What shall we do now that the children know?" he changes the subject.
"That is something I wish to leave to Albus. But Albus and Harry Potter is not what I wish to discuss right now, Severus." His arm is still held in my hands; he makes no motion to extricate it.
"What do you wish to talk about, then?" his tone is careful. There is still much anger and hurt to overcome. I hope this afternoon will heal some of it.
"Severus, I understand that my homecoming has not been easy for either of us, and I realize that we have been through a lot the past few days and that any and all anger you are feeling is entirely justified on my part, but I grow weary of it. I wish to call a truce with you. I am placing myself entirely in your hands. What you think we should do, I will. How you think we should react to Voldemort, I shall. How you think we shall go about handling the attack tomorrow, I will go along with."
Severus regards me quietly, then calls a house elf and requests a small lunch. While waiting, he responds. "I will do my best, Bena. It will not be easy for me. I am unaccustomed to sharing anything, let alone my rooms, and my life, with anyone. I am adjusting."
Gesturing to the corner where two shelves of my books reside, "Yes, you have, Severus. I have been adjusting as well. I have had eighteen years to ponder our lives." Now is the time to tell him about Remus, I decide. Knowing the direction the confrontation with Voldemort could take, I need to tell him things.
"Severus, I begin cautiously, "after I fled to the States, Albus was able to place me in a job with the congress. One of my duties was to keep updates on the certain dark creatures and their movements within the States." Severus nods, showing he is following along. I sigh inwardly and continue on. "During that time, I came into contact with a classmate of yours and we, we...." I wave my hands uselessly, unable to commit to words my act of betrayal.
"You and the werewolf had an affair." He says.
I try hard not to spit out the mouthful of pumpkin juice. Swallowing is followed by sputtering, but I cannot find any words.
Severus has closed in on himself again. His eyes are downcast; he has wrapped his arms close around him. I feel tears fall from my eyes. I sit there, away from him on the sofa, the space far between us. I cannot atone for this.
"Severus," I begin feebly, but he cuts me off.
"Bena, you do not need to apologize for this. I have kidnapped, beaten, tortured and killed, all in the name of Voldemort. I think that you may be allowed an indiscretion almost two decades ago. It has not resumed, has it?"
"No, Severus, no!" I hasten to assure him. Relief is flooding through me, though I still feel guilt.
"Bena," he says, pulling me close, "I may have been faithful, but I committed atrocities. We neither of us are innocent. We neither of us are without sin."
I am taken aback. I throw myself into his arms, laughing in sheer liberation. He joins me, a deep throaty laugh. We are healing. The feel of him suddenly under me brings other emotions to mind and we are momentarily distracted from our catharsis by even more enjoyable activities.
Later, in the early evening, the plates from lunch cleared, we are settling ourselves once again on the couch, smiles on both our faces. In the fast and furious pace, not to mention the hurt feelings and revelations, of the past few days, we have been neglectful of the pleasures of married life. Now that they are out of the way for at least the next few hours, it is back to business.
"How are your plans for Snape Manor coming along?" he asks sardonically.
"I have not had much time to devote to that matter, however, I have sent an owl to the ministry and I did discuss the matter with Narcissa. However, with Lucius out of Azkaban, it will require a bit more maneuvering."
"Bena, do not distract yourself with this."
I pat him on the shoulder, "I shall not, Severus. But I will continue with it. Severus, can you imagine it—a house again, a manor. You and I, we can erase generations of history. It will be wonderful."
Rather than a face of jubilation, my husband instead looks reserved. "Bena," he begins, "there is one problem with this. I know nothing of being a proper gentleman. Will you teach me?"
"Yes, Severus, I shall. In the meantime, however, we must plan for Voldemort, and that, I'm afraid, will require much concentration. Are we together?" I ask.
"Yes, dear Bena, we have much to get past, but, trust you I do and love you I will always. Come, Albus is waiting."
====== Author's Notes
Rosalinde: Gracious thanks for the compliment. This weekend I had to reread all the chapters and find all the little clues I'd planted...sheesh I'd forgotten some of them.
Lilypurewhite: well, Severus didn't freak, but I think its still a believable reaction.
Jenia94: as you can see (if you are still reading) she didn't get the mark...Severus is adament about her keeping herself out of the DE
Author's notes
Planning with Albus,, meeting with Voldemort