1A/N: WOOHOO! Eagles are winning! Oh joy! The sad thing is that I'm actually typing this right now, LOL….Not a loser! Have a life curls into little ball I shall have to go to the moon and meet these moon elves…..muahahaha….Last night I fell on a metal grate and now I have this huge bruise on my knee. I'm not clumsy! There was a lot of snow! so now I have one of those icy hot patches on it and my mom keeps yelling at me for moving my leg. So I shall type until I have carpal tunnel syndrome!
Now to address my reviewers!
Person who said this was the most un realistic fan fiction ever: I sorry, but I am a thirteen year old girl who spends the majority of her time ranting about how much the government sucks. It is fan fiction so it's meant to be a little un realistic. The characters are based of a pretty unrealistic book. About the extra fast pacing, I'll try and slow down, but I hate it when it takes 19 chapters for two people to get together, besides the story is about a lot more then Siri and Remus getting together.
And the reason Remus is such a good psychiatric dude? Well you shall see. And You'll see the reason he's likes Sirius so much.
No Paril is not a real drug….Who's ever read the book by Stephen King Misery? cricket okeydokey then. He makes up a drug in that book too, so it's not illegal! Please don't sue me!
Anyone else who review my internet is still down, but I luv u all!
After James left Remus continued making his French Toast sundae and joined Sirius to watch a movie. "Sirius what are you doing?!" Remus yelled as he saw Sirius cackling hysterically on the floor. "What did you break?!"
"Look!" Sirius gasped, pointing at the tv. Remus sighed, put his breakfast on the table and glanced at the Tv. On the screen there was an image of a woman, walking quickly down the street. It was raining very hard and torrents of water were pressing against her ankles. Suddenly the woman fell right on her ass on the sidewalk and was actually carried away by the flooding water screaming things like, 'Help!'
"Sirius that's not funny!" Remus exclaimed. But then the same clip came on screen again, and Remus cracked a smile. "It's a little funny." Sirius rolled around on the floor laughing harder. Remus finally gave into laughing. "Alright, it's funny!"
"It's bloody hysterical! Look at her! She's being carried down the street!"
The woman in fact was being dragged down the street by the water, and she started to scream hysterically. "Help! My shoe! It's a three hundred dollar shoe!" She tried to reach the leather pump which had been swept under a car wheel. Suddenly the water gushed harder and the woman was shoved down, and the shoe floated from under the tire near her. She grabbed the shoe and clutched it tightly.
Remus flicked of the tv and glared sternly at Sirius. "Sirius. This is my day off so I decide what we watch."
"Fine." Sirius shrugged, crawling up onto the couch. "Alright, go to channel ninety nine, it's porn all before three."
Remus glared at him. "No, we are not watching porn."
"Watching you is like porn." Sirius said over dramatically. He stretched out over the entire couch, shirtless with his hair draping over his chest. Remus whacked him on the back of the head.
"Oh be quiet you idiot and give me some room."
"Nope."
"Sirius!"
"Sorry." The older man said smugly.
"Fine." Remus smirked, he picked up his French toast sundae and sat right down on Sirius' chest. "Comfy?"
"Oh yes," Sirius growled sarcastically. "What are we watching?"
"Hm….Oh! Fosters home for imaginary friends is on!" Remus squealed.
"Fosters what?" Sirius groaned.
"Fosters home for imaginary friends is on! It's this cartoon show!" Remus giggled. So he spent the afternoon sitting on Sirius, watching cartoons, and tormenting the porn starved Sirius.
"Remus!" Sirius moaned. "Please go order the pizza! I'm so hungry I might eat myself!"
Remus scowled, but ordered two large cheese pizzas, if only to keep Sirius from winning. It was only six and Remus sighed. I still have to spend the whole night with him. Suddenly he heard someone laughing. "Sirius!"
"Remus! We're watching a movie!" Sirius announced.
"No! Sirius, I wanted to watch the news!" Remus protested.
"Remy, the news is poisoning your pristine mind," Sirius said authoritatively. "Now movie or porn?"
"Movie." Remus sighed.
"Hm….Let's watch…'Mean Girls!' Dear lord Remus, why do you own 'Mean Girls?'" Sirius gasped.
"It's Lily's! She said she had to see it…Erm….She's been obsessed finding out if Lindsay Lohan's boobs are real or not." Remus stammered.
Sirius grinned. "You are such an odd ball." He looked down at the videos again. "We shall watch…..hm…Texas Chainsaw Massacre!"
"No!" Remus protested. "I don't want to watch something scary!"
"But, Remmie! We can cuddle," Sirius waggled an eyebrow and was whacked on the back of the head for it. The older man popped the movie into the DVD player and stretched himself out on the couch. Remus, hands full with several types of chocolates situated himself on Sirius' chest.
Remus jumped at every single noise that came from the TV, much to Sirius' amusement. Sirius timed his loud cry of 'boo!'; with when the girl shot herself in the mouth. Remus actually fell of the couch. "Sirius that-t-t wasn't-t fun-y-y-y!" Remus was actually trembling.
"Aw Remus I'm sorry." Sirius cackled, "But you…Couch….!"
"Shut up Sirius!" Remus growled. "I'm sitting down here." He didn't touch Sirius or make any sound for about fifteen minutes, and then he started to get scared. He started glancing to the sides of him at every jump scene, until finally he sat back down on Sirius. "If you scare me again, you'll be the one on the floor." Remus warned him.
They continued to watch, and finally came to the scene with the white sheets. Remus had his hands over his eyes. Sirius sighed, "Remus if you hate horror movies so much, why do you own Texas Chainsaw Massacre?"
"Well sometimes I hate them and sometimes they make me feel better." Remus said sheepishly.
"That makes no sense."
"Well actually it does," Remus argued. "Do you like horror movies?"
"Yes."
"Why?" Remus inquired.
"Because I like seeing the people die in bloody horrible ways." Sirius said, as if he had this conversation every day.
"Exactly!" Remus exclaimed. "See people actual enjoy seeing human death, because we enjoy watching someone else die, because we're all human, but usually we aren't aware of that mortality. But when we see or hear about someone else die, we want to know and hear about it to make us feel stronger about our own mortality. Sure it's sad when someone dies, and it's awful if it was someone close to you….But death is intriguing and especially how people are murdered. Like this thing with Regulus, I would kill to talk to his murderer."
"How much you wanna bet it's my parents?" Sirius grumbled.
"I…" Remus trailed off. "Sirius, I doubt it."
"Remus, how'd you get so good and psychology?" Sirius asked. "I mean your only twenty three."
"Well….I….I lied about my age. I said that I had graduated from collage….Look I don't really wanna talk about it."
"No, I mean now. I mean why are you so good?" Sirius asked. "Your pretty unprofessional."
"I know." Remus shrugged. "But the Blacks cut me a lot of slack because of my age. I think that if you remain distant with someone, and just tell them to talk, then that's all they'll do, talk. But if you get close to them, understand what hurt them and what their problem is. If you experience that problem, then the person can actually be healed. It's hard to care about a complete stranger."
"That's interesting. Would that explain why you're sitting on my chest?" Sirius snickered.
Remus went bright red. Suddenly the door bell rung and Remus did fall of the couch, much to Sirius' amusement. He stalked to the door and opened it. "Yes….."
"Pizza?"
"How much."
"Eight pounds."
Remus handed the man the money and took the pizzas inside. He dumped it on Sirius's chest. "Here, you can hold the pizzas while I go get plates."
Remus came back a minute later, two plates in hand to find Sirius on his second slice of pizza. "You pig." Remus snorted. He sat down on the chair next to the couch and put his feet up on the coffee table.
Remus started yawning only fifteen minutes later. "I'm going to bed, night Sirius."
"Don't let leather face molest you!" Sirius yelled back.
"God I hope…..Someone worse molests you!" Remus fired back, slamming the door to his room. He's such a child! Remus thought angrily. Why the hell did I let him stay over night?! He'll probably come in and rape me. Suddenly Remus froze, he looked behind him, of course nothing. He locked the door to his bedroom, turned of the lights and slipped, trembling under his covers, clinging to his white pillow more then he had in a long time.
He was running, running as fast as he legs would carry him. The bruises on his knee ached violently, and threatened to buckle under him with every step. Fire laced through the cuts on his back, but no matter how much it hurt he would keep running.
Don't look back, just don't look back. He told himself harshly. He turned to corner that led to his street and when he was safely around the corner he practically fell into the bushes where he would always hide. He kept a pillow there and his favorite stuffed animal, they'd burnt the other ones.
It was so cold, and he couldn't fall asleep. The brick house that he was leaning against was cold against his head and made the shards of glass imbedded in his back burn all the fiercer. He finally lay down on the ground, curling up on his side, clinging to his little stuffed animal with his head on the filthy pillow he finally fell into a turbulent sleep.
He dreamt that he was running away from that house.
Remus shot violently up right in bed, panting and inches away from crying. He grabbed for the white pillow and hugged and tightly. Suddenly the phone started to ring and Remus snatched it up. "Hello?" He asked shakily with a thick voice.
"Remus!" James greeted, then he noticed his friend's shaky voice. "Remus, are you alright?"
"Yeah…" Remus took a deep breath. "Bad dream."
"You've been asleep this whole time!" James gasped.
"Yes, why?" Remus yanked the covers up over himself.
"Sirius came in around eight and said you weren't feeling well, so I took care of him today, you mind?" James asked.
"No, not at all…I really don't feel well James." Remus sighed. "Do you think that you can make sure I never end up with that Snape guy again? He's really creepy and stalker-ish."
"Yeah I'll tell Lily." James grinned. "Look are you sure you're alright?"
"Yeah….fine."
"Sirius said he'd bring you lunch around one." James aid hopefully.
"Okay."
"Remus something is wrong, you're never only lukewarm about food!"
"I…Bad dream."
"How bad?" James asked in a mother hen voice.
"Bad….Did you meet Harry?" Remus asked, desperate to change the conversation.
"No, but I talked to Lily. Turns out she did actually send Harry to the states. He came back here when he was ten, and Lily's taken care of him ever since…She's sorry for not telling me."
"Do you mind that she didn't?"
"Not really, but I wish she had, I would have helped…" James sighed. "I could have sent money…I would have too."
"I know Jamesy. When are you meeting him?"
"Today."
"Tell me how it goes."
"I will." James sighed. "Alright, I'll lave you in peace."
"'Kay James, I'll see you tomorrow."
"Bye."
Remus gently set the phone down on its cradle and fell back into bed.
The next day he came in to the Black Center, still a little shaken from his dream, but doing better. "Morning Lils."
"Remus!" Lily cried, jumping on him. "Harry and James are friends!"
"That's great Lil, so everything turned out okay?" Remus said warmly
Lily nodded ecstatically. "They're going out to lunch today. Oh, Sirius is waiting for you!"
"Thanks Lil, tell James to call me." Remus said, with a wave before disappearing into the hall to his room.
He opened the door to his office and saw Sirius sitting in his chair bobbing his head. He crept closer and found Sirius was listening to an iPod. "Sirius?"
No response.
"Sirius?" The dark haired man didn't move. "Sirius!?!" Remus growled low in his throat. "SIRIUS LEE BLACK!"
"What!" Sirius growled. "Jeeze, Remus I was listening to music!"
Remus sat down on the couch. "Morning Sirius, how did you sleep?"
"Okay…"
"Good. So can we talk about the Paril?" Remus asked. Sirius nodded. "Can you summarize what happened?"
"Basically I used to live at St. Bartholomew's orphanage in Ireland. The Blacks came and adopted me, but they gave me an injection of Paril so I wouldn't remember something important that happened before they adopted me. They took me back here and at some point when I was sixteen gave me more Paril. Whey I was twenty two they sent me back to St. Bartholomew's and I met Regulus and the man I didn't like. I told Regulus to stay away from him, then they gave me more Paril?"
"Good. Except we don't know if it was your parents who gave you Paril." Remus nodded.
"Who else could it have been!" Sirius snapped. "How could someone give me a drug without them knowing!"
"They might have snuck in." Remus shrugged. "I guess your parents probably did know about it though…Sirius do you have any idea about that barcode?"
"No, all I know is that Regulus had one to." Sirius shrugged.
"Do you remember a man named Albus Dumbledore?" Remus asked.
"Nothing." Sirius snapped. "Damn that's a weird name."
"Shush…Just relax…I know you don't want to think back…but I need you to remember….Albus Dumbledore…tell me about him."
Sirius shut his eyes and started to slip into the trance. "Albus….He…white beard…he was old, but he was never tired or acted old."
"Was he the man you were scared of?"
"No…That man I was scared of…Was different. He…Riddle."
"What?" Remus asked, leaning closer.
"I remember Riddle…a guy named Riddle…I think he was the one I was scared of." Sirius murmured.
"Okay, you were scared of Riddle. Why?"
"He was bad….he did something really bad." Sirius rolled over and winced.. "My head hurts, Remus….Stop."
"One more question?"
"Okay…"
"Try and remember the barcode. Do you know what it means?"
Sirius shook his head. "No, please Remus stop! It really hurts!"
"Alright, I'm sorry Sirius." Remus sighed.
Sirius opened his eyes. "Hm? God my head hurts…."
Remus handed him an two Advil pills and a bottle of water. "Take."
Sirius obeyed.
"What were you listening to?" Remus asked.
"System of a Down." Sirius grinned. "They're the best, here listen." He shoved on of the ear pieces in Remus ears and place the other on in his own. Very loud screaming floated into Remus eyes and he scrambled away from it.
"God how can you listen to that!" Remus winced.
"Come on Remus, they rock! Aren't the lyrics so beautiful?" Sirius said dreamily.
"It sounds like someone's dying." The amber eyed man scowled. "Sirius…."
"Hm?"
"What are your parents like?" Remus asked.
"Crazy…They scream and yell. My mom likes to slap. Something's really wrong." Sirius sighed. "Remus do you want to go out for lunch?"
"Yes…But Sirius we have to remain professional right? I'm your psychologist and we shouldn't be so….close."
"Relax Remus." Sirius grinned wickedly. "Haven't you noticed a difference in my behavior?"
"Well….Your not as cold…But Sirius we've been at this for four days, I honestly think we've made no progress." Remus shrugged.
"Why?" Sirius asked. "I feel better."
"Well you still act the same, you're still moody, your not any different. I wasn't expecting anything magical to happen. I think you just trust me a little more."
"Tell me my problems." Sirius growled.
"Well…You don't tend to take things seriously and I think it's a defense mechanism. You're leaving out a lot of detail when I talk to you normally. The only time I see anything is when you're in a trance like state. And even then I don't get many feelings. I get a lot of fear, apathy, and duality from you Sirius. I mean half the time your angry and hurt and the other half your carefree and joking."
Sirius laughed. "Nice Remus, your talking about me like I'm some sort of deeply disturbed maniac."
"Sirius you are deeply disturbed!" Remus growled. "And I don't know how to fix it"
"Maybe I'm not the deeply disturbed one, Remus." Sirius smirked, he folded his hands behind his head and rested his head on them. "Maybe every is like me, but they just don't show it. Maybe all the little people who you think are so perfect and ordinary are the disturbed ones!" Sirius' voice started to get angry and take on a rough growling quality. "Maybe since I show that I'm disturbed I'm the sane one! You know all those people pretend to be sickened by blood and death, but their not." Sirius voice dropped and he leaned closer to Remus.
"They loved it," Sirius eyes glinted furiously. "I don't fucking need to be fixed. Everyone is cracked, Remus. Some people chose not to show it. Just cause they pretend doesn't make them sane or average. It makes them worse. With the people who you claim are disturbed, they show their insanity…They're not broken but you can see the cracks."
Sirius stormed out of the room, leaving Remus to ponder. "Damn it Sirius." He whispered. He was left there alone on that cold Wednesday on November twelfth. "Why the hell do you have to make this so difficult?"