Title: But This Is Love

Fandom: Stargate: Atlantis

Rating: Rish. Probably more PG-13 in actuality.

Pairing: Sheppard/Weir

Summary: He loves her completely.

Warnings: Dark fic. Also name spoilers for Season 2 (slight s.2 spoilers overall)

Notes: qwirky told me I should when I mentioned the fic, so this one's for her. runs away

"Major, would you come with me?"

John turned and looked at Sergeant Bates, brow furrowing. The man's voice had been unusually stiff and formal. "Certainly, Bates. Join me outside?"

The other man shifted uncomfortably. "Actually, Major...your presence is required in the conference room."

John frowned. This was...odd. He went back over the past few days and still came up blank. No meetings he'd forgotten about, no requirements that he could think of.

"What's this all about, Sergeant?"

Bates wouldn't meet his eyes. "I think you'd better just come with me, sir."

This couldn't be good, John thought.

Dr. Weir wasn't at the center seat when he entered. Instead, Colonel Caldwell's cold eyes looked at him from that location. Elizabeth was instead off to one side, Teyla leaning in close and McKay hovering in the background. He tried to catch any of their eyes and failed, miserably; turned to the opposite end of the table and beheld Dr. Beckett and Dr. Zelenka, neither of whom would look at him.

It was the past few days all over again. Every time he'd tried to catch their attention, all of them had been distant, cold. Nervous, even. It was puzzling...but no one had been willing to tell him what was up.

"Have a seat, Major," the colonel ordered, indicating one that faced towards everyone else. John looked back at Bates who had assumed an almost guard-like stance by the door. The other man still wouldn't look him in the eye, instead standing at ready, eyes focused in such a way that the entire room was in his field of vision.

John settled slowly into the chair, alarm rising.

"We've convened today to discuss certain...behaviors unbecoming and charges being brought against you, Major John Sheppard," Caldwell continued. Each word sank a new shaft of fear and worry straight into John's heart.

"And what conduct would that be?" He was amazed at how calm he sounded.

"Stalking, John." Elizabeth spoke for the first time, her voice tight. There were new lines in her face, lines not even the Wraith had put there.

"Stalking?" he exclaimed. "Who exactly am I supposed to have stalked?"

She turned troubled eyes on him. "Me."

He fell back in the chair, stunned. "You?"

"The evidence is quite compelling, Major," Col. Caldwell said. "After Dr. Weir became aware of some more...unusual behavior by you, we were able to set up surveillance."

Numbly, John watched as they triggered one of the Ancients' devices, projecting the scene on the screen. It was the inside of Elizabeth's quarters, dark with night. She was visible, lying as though asleep in the bed. After a moment, he himself entered frame. For a long time, he simply stood, watching her still form. Then he moved to ease himself onto the bed, sitting beside her. He rested one hand gently on her shoulder for a moment, before rising and leaving the room. Col. Caldwell stopped the device and turned towards John.

"Any statements to make at this time, Major Sheppard?"

John cleared his throat. "After some of the events of recent days, I found it difficult to sleep without checking on Dr. Weir, assuring myself of her well-being. I assure you that no harm was meant by it. I simply wanted to check on her."

Caldwell banged a fist against the table surface, surprisingly loud. "By invading her privacy?"

John met his angry eyes calmly, held them steadily. "I realize that my behavior is outside the norm, but so is living in Atlantis. We've faced threats beyond normal comprehension. Normal rules of behavior don't fit any more."

"There's also the matter of your behavior with Dr. McKay."

John's head snapped around as his gaze locked on Rodney. "You told them? Rodney! I apologized."

"You also caused a stress fracture in his forearm, Major," a new voice added.

John looked over at Dr. Beckett, shocked. "I only grabbed his arm! I didn't mean-"

"It wasn't the grabbing so much as the grip and the pulling and twisting," the doctor said, voice colder than John imagined he was capable of.

"Rodney came to me after you threatened him, and I decided I'd had enough, John. It...seemed to me that things had progressed past the point where asking you to stop would've worked. And I can't ignore the harm you've done."

Her words were like knives. He wanted to double over from the wounds. "Elizabeth, please! You know me better than that. I'm not a threat to McKay...or you."

Looking around the room, his heart sank. No one was looking at him with sympathy. Most had some element of disgust or fear. It even colored Teyla's normally stoic face.

"Come on. You all know me," he tried. Standing, he began pacing. "I've risked my life for all of you!" He moved closer to McKay and pointed to him. "Rodney. We've been on missions where I've put my life in your hands, and vice versa. Teyla," he turned to her, pleading, "How many times have we saved each other's lives?" He turned to Elizabeth, feeling the same thrill he always did when he looked at her. "Elizabeth," he said softly, willing her to look up. She did, meeting his eyes with a jolt he felt deep in his gut. "You're the reason I'm here. You're the reason I fight so hard. You're everything."

He closed the distance between them, ignoring Caldwell's shouted, "Back off, Major!" as though it came from a very far distance. Gathering Elizabeth close, he ran his fingers through her hair, noting how she shivered at his touch. He knew she felt it, too.

He leaned in, whispering in her ear, "I love you, Elizabeth." He brushed a tear away as it fell on her cheek and kissed her gently, as he'd imagined doing for so many nights. It would be all right, now that he'd given in. Now that he'd told her.

He was unprepared for the blow from Teyla, unprepared for how Elizabeth scrambled away from him. As he rocked backwards, he felt the blow of the bullet from Bates' gun as it entered his shoulder and spun him around. Felt the betrayal stab through his soul as Elizabeth reached for Rodney and he enveloped her in his arms.

Just before the shock descended on him, in the quiet before the pain really hit, he looked at her with wounded eyes. "I love you..." he whispered.

He had a feeling he wouldn't like where he woke up. Perhaps Steve or Bob's ghost would keep him company...until Elizabeth came.

And she would come. This was love.

fin