Chapter 26:
The nothingness continues for awhile. Being dead, I have no concept of time. Soon, too soon to be honest, I feel as though I am drowning. I feel myself straining against a bubble.
My eyes open. There is light, seen through a thick lens. Swirling lights and sounds enter my area of perception. I hear a voice calling, possibly to me. I hear weeping. I keep swimming up, feeling my lungs ache for breathe. I push to the bubble. Finally, with a soft pop, it bursts, and I find myself in my husbands arms, still on the steps.
Severus is weeping. His face and mine are wet from his tears. That is, most likely, while I thought I was drowning. I can discern moving forms beyond the small world of my husband and me. I give a small cough. Severus freezes.
My eyes close again.
I struggle to open them once more. This time, I have been moved from the steps. I am in the hospital wing. White surrounds me on all sides. I try to move my neck a little. Nothing. I try to lift my arm. Nothing.
Suddenly, AlbusÕ face fills my view. My eyes widen. He reaches a hand to my face. Nothing. Whispered words, then release. I feel the body bind loosen. I lift my head. I bring my hand to rest on top of his.
Moving my tongue around my mouth, I say thickly, ÒAlbus, what happened?Ó
With deliberate slowness, he pats my cheek and sits down on the bed beside me. Pulling a worn paper bag from his robes, he pops a lemon sherbet in his open mouth. He then rests his hands on mine.
ÒMy child, let me tell you a story. The muggles have many religions. One of the more archaic and shrouded in tradition is that of the Roman Catholic Church. The Church has always had priests, bishops and the likes, but also monks. There is one monk in particular whose story I wish to relate to you.Ó Albus is settling in for a long story. I feel myself relax in his presence. I was raised on long stories told to me before bed whenever I visited my uncle. I learned much at his hand, and am very anxious to learn how it is that I came to be alive.
He begins, ÒThere was a monk, Severus the Presbyter, who lived during the sixth century, in central Italy. One day, he was asked to come and perform the Holy Mysteries for a dying man in the village, but Severus, who was tending his vines, told them to go along their way, he would join them soon enough. Severus, however, dallied with the grape vines and by the time he arrived at the home, he was told the man had died. Regarding himself as guilty of the manÕs death, without receiving absolvement, Severus started to tremble and, loudly, he began to weep. He went into the house and held the man in his arms, groaning loudly and calling himself a murderer. In tears, Severus fell down before the body. Suddenly the dead man came alive and related to everyone present that the demons wanted to grab hold his soul, but one of the Angels said: ÔGive him back, since over him doth weep Presbyter Severus, and on account of his tears the Lord hath granted him this man.Õ Severus, giving thanks to the Lord, confessed and communed the resuscitated man with the Holy Mysteries. And that man in constant prayer survived for yet another 7 days, and then with joy reposed to the Lord.Ó Albus finishes his tale and sits quietly, allowing me to digest it.
ÒSo, SeverusÕ tears saved me? Albus, I do not believe in the Roman Catholic God. Neither does Severus. Why would their God grant us this miracle?Ó I am fully aware of the dogma of the Catholic Church, as well as that of several other religions. Living amongst muggles in the States made me very aware of them, but I am at a loss to explain this.
ÒWe cannot predict where the Spirit will dance, my dear. As you lay in SeverusÕ arms, you awoke and cried out. You had been hit with the killing curse minutes before. Severus was unable to come to your side earlier. Once he did, he wept for forgiveness.
Bena, You know I believe names are remarkably important. Your name, for instance, is Hebrew. Now, tell me, why would an old, established family of wizards want a Hebrew name for their heir, when none of them can trace their lineage back to the Hebrews?Ó Albus asks.
Inwardly, the little strength I have groans. I had not wanted a history lesson. Dutifully, however, I drudge up the information, after all, heÕs already quoted the muggle theologian Rahner, ÒBecause of the meaning. My name means ÔWiseÕ in Hebrew. You wanted to manipulate the prophecy.Ó
Albus nods. ÒWhat is the significance of your husbandÕs name?Ó Another sigh.
ÒSeverus, according to his parents, was named for the Roman general stationed in Britain in ____ of the Common Era. What his parents did not remember in naming him,was that although the generalÕs full name was Lucius Severus Septimus, making it a desirable name, the general combined forces with another Britain-stationed general, Albinus ______. Together they forced out an unpopular and rather evil dictator.Ó Albus made me research SeverusÕ name the afternoon after we returned from Hogsmeade when I had first met him. He seems pleased I remember it all.
ÒMy dear, I know you are tired. We none of us are sure what you have gone through. But, before Poppy throws me handily from the room, what do you remember?Ó He leans forward, anxious to hear my story. There is deep worry in his fathomless blue eyes.
I close my eyes to collect my thoughts and begin as far back as I find relevant. ÒI remember Harry stepping into the boundary of the shield. I remember stepping toward him in an effort to tell him to move back again. I remember MinervaÕs voice, clear as day, crying in pain. I twisted my head to look and fell as my foot missed the step.Ó
By now, my voice is a dry recitation, ÒI remember, while falling, seeing your face, and VoldemortÕs locked on mine. My body trembled. Some sort of energy force hit me, knocking the wind out of me. All my eyes saw was a bright, very bright flash of green light all around me. Then, everything went dark. I, Albus, I remember thinking I was dead. It was odd. Disconnected. I floated there for awhile.Ó
I am twisting my hands in my lap as I recall my experience. I still do not know how much time has elapsed since I fell. ÒThere was nothing in the void. No light, no dark, nothing. I was not in my body. I remember waking, with Severus, on the steps. Then I remember waking here.Ó
ÒThat is all?Ó he asks, clearly not satisfied. I search my memories, slowly, something comes into my mindÕs eye, but it is too foolish to tell him.
I know he wants more, but I cannot give it to him. I am too tired. I shake my head from side to side.
ÒMy dear, I will leave you to yourself. I expect you will have visitors in the near future, if Poppy allows it. I will allow you some time to rest.Ó he exits in a soft rustling of robes, humming to himself.
We wizards and witches are not a religious lot, though some do follow muggle religion. Others stay involved in the old ways. Severus, for example, finds much value in the ways of La Vecchia Religione, the Old Religion, of the Stregheria, the name for ancient witchcraft in Italy. They focus heavily on earth magic, which Severus finds helpful for potion making. I remember Remus being very infuenced by the lore and religion of the Native Americans during his stay in the States with me, most likely because they honored animals, especially wolves.
I have never delved much into religion, though I have been exposed to loads of it through Albus. This experience may be caused by the Others, what wizards call angels and demons and spirits that work in miraculous and mysterious ways. It gives me something else for my much-abused mind to think about.
For the time being, however, I much prefer to rest.
---------
AuthorÕs Notes:
This Saint Severus is a real Catholic saint, one of about three with the name. I liked this story best. Rahner, which Dumbledore paraphrases, is Carl Rahner, a modern theologian my husband is writing a term paper about for grad school. He and I were talking about this chapter and he offered up the line...which is ÒWe cannot tell where the Spirit will danceÓ, which refers to non-Christians receiving miracles from Jesus, or God or etc. (BTW--this is RahnerÕs belief-I donÕt wish to offend anyone...that is the furthest thing from my mind in writing this)
The nothingness continues for awhile. Being dead, I have no concept of time. Soon, too soon to be honest, I feel as though I am drowning. I feel myself straining against a bubble.
My eyes open. There is light, seen through a thick lens. Swirling lights and sounds enter my area of perception. I hear a voice calling, possibly to me. I hear weeping. I keep swimming up, feeling my lungs ache for breathe. I push to the bubble. Finally, with a soft pop, it bursts, and I find myself in my husbands arms, still on the steps.
Severus is weeping. His face and mine are wet from his tears. That is, most likely, while I thought I was drowning. I can discern moving forms beyond the small world of my husband and me. I give a small cough. Severus freezes.
My eyes close again.
I struggle to open them once more. This time, I have been moved from the steps. I am in the hospital wing. White surrounds me on all sides. I try to move my neck a little. Nothing. I try to lift my arm. Nothing.
Suddenly, AlbusÕ face fills my view. My eyes widen. He reaches a hand to my face. Nothing. Whispered words, then release. I feel the body bind loosen. I lift my head. I bring my hand to rest on top of his.
Moving my tongue around my mouth, I say thickly, ÒAlbus, what happened?Ó
With deliberate slowness, he pats my cheek and sits down on the bed beside me. Pulling a worn paper bag from his robes, he pops a lemon sherbet in his open mouth. He then rests his hands on mine.
ÒMy child, let me tell you a story. The muggles have many religions. One of the more archaic and shrouded in tradition is that of the Roman Catholic Church. The Church has always had priests, bishops and the likes, but also monks. There is one monk in particular whose story I wish to relate to you.Ó Albus is settling in for a long story. I feel myself relax in his presence. I was raised on long stories told to me before bed whenever I visited my uncle. I learned much at his hand, and am very anxious to learn how it is that I came to be alive.
He begins, ÒThere was a monk, Severus the Presbyter, who lived during the sixth century, in central Italy. One day, he was asked to come and perform the Holy Mysteries for a dying man in the village, but Severus, who was tending his vines, told them to go along their way, he would join them soon enough. Severus, however, dallied with the grape vines and by the time he arrived at the home, he was told the man had died. Regarding himself as guilty of the manÕs death, without receiving absolvement, Severus started to tremble and, loudly, he began to weep. He went into the house and held the man in his arms, groaning loudly and calling himself a murderer. In tears, Severus fell down before the body. Suddenly the dead man came alive and related to everyone present that the demons wanted to grab hold his soul, but one of the Angels said: ÔGive him back, since over him doth weep Presbyter Severus, and on account of his tears the Lord hath granted him this man.Õ Severus, giving thanks to the Lord, confessed and communed the resuscitated man with the Holy Mysteries. And that man in constant prayer survived for yet another 7 days, and then with joy reposed to the Lord.Ó Albus finishes his tale and sits quietly, allowing me to digest it.
ÒSo, SeverusÕ tears saved me? Albus, I do not believe in the Roman Catholic God. Neither does Severus. Why would their God grant us this miracle?Ó I am fully aware of the dogma of the Catholic Church, as well as that of several other religions. Living amongst muggles in the States made me very aware of them, but I am at a loss to explain this.
ÒWe cannot predict where the Spirit will dance, my dear. As you lay in SeverusÕ arms, you awoke and cried out. You had been hit with the killing curse minutes before. Severus was unable to come to your side earlier. Once he did, he wept for forgiveness.
Bena, You know I believe names are remarkably important. Your name, for instance, is Hebrew. Now, tell me, why would an old, established family of wizards want a Hebrew name for their heir, when none of them can trace their lineage back to the Hebrews?Ó Albus asks.
Inwardly, the little strength I have groans. I had not wanted a history lesson. Dutifully, however, I drudge up the information, after all, heÕs already quoted the muggle theologian Rahner, ÒBecause of the meaning. My name means ÔWiseÕ in Hebrew. You wanted to manipulate the prophecy.Ó
Albus nods. ÒWhat is the significance of your husbandÕs name?Ó Another sigh.
ÒSeverus, according to his parents, was named for the Roman general stationed in Britain in ____ of the Common Era. What his parents did not remember in naming him,was that although the generalÕs full name was Lucius Severus Septimus, making it a desirable name, the general combined forces with another Britain-stationed general, Albinus ______. Together they forced out an unpopular and rather evil dictator.Ó Albus made me research SeverusÕ name the afternoon after we returned from Hogsmeade when I had first met him. He seems pleased I remember it all.
ÒMy dear, I know you are tired. We none of us are sure what you have gone through. But, before Poppy throws me handily from the room, what do you remember?Ó He leans forward, anxious to hear my story. There is deep worry in his fathomless blue eyes.
I close my eyes to collect my thoughts and begin as far back as I find relevant. ÒI remember Harry stepping into the boundary of the shield. I remember stepping toward him in an effort to tell him to move back again. I remember MinervaÕs voice, clear as day, crying in pain. I twisted my head to look and fell as my foot missed the step.Ó
By now, my voice is a dry recitation, ÒI remember, while falling, seeing your face, and VoldemortÕs locked on mine. My body trembled. Some sort of energy force hit me, knocking the wind out of me. All my eyes saw was a bright, very bright flash of green light all around me. Then, everything went dark. I, Albus, I remember thinking I was dead. It was odd. Disconnected. I floated there for awhile.Ó
I am twisting my hands in my lap as I recall my experience. I still do not know how much time has elapsed since I fell. ÒThere was nothing in the void. No light, no dark, nothing. I was not in my body. I remember waking, with Severus, on the steps. Then I remember waking here.Ó
ÒThat is all?Ó he asks, clearly not satisfied. I search my memories, slowly, something comes into my mindÕs eye, but it is too foolish to tell him.
I know he wants more, but I cannot give it to him. I am too tired. I shake my head from side to side.
ÒMy dear, I will leave you to yourself. I expect you will have visitors in the near future, if Poppy allows it. I will allow you some time to rest.Ó he exits in a soft rustling of robes, humming to himself.
We wizards and witches are not a religious lot, though some do follow muggle religion. Others stay involved in the old ways. Severus, for example, finds much value in the ways of La Vecchia Religione, the Old Religion, of the Stregheria, the name for ancient witchcraft in Italy. They focus heavily on earth magic, which Severus finds helpful for potion making. I remember Remus being very infuenced by the lore and religion of the Native Americans during his stay in the States with me, most likely because they honored animals, especially wolves.
I have never delved much into religion, though I have been exposed to loads of it through Albus. This experience may be caused by the Others, what wizards call angels and demons and spirits that work in miraculous and mysterious ways. It gives me something else for my much-abused mind to think about.
For the time being, however, I much prefer to rest.
---------
AuthorÕs Notes:
This Saint Severus is a real Catholic saint, one of about three with the name. I liked this story best. Rahner, which Dumbledore paraphrases, is Carl Rahner, a modern theologian my husband is writing a term paper about for grad school. He and I were talking about this chapter and he offered up the line...which is ÒWe cannot tell where the Spirit will danceÓ, which refers to non-Christians receiving miracles from Jesus, or God or etc. (BTW--this is RahnerÕs belief-I donÕt wish to offend anyone...that is the furthest thing from my mind in writing this)