Disclaimer: I do not own anything from the movie Elektra.
Warnings: This fic contains fem. Slash which means there is a girl who loves another girl. Rated R just for safety and also for an attempted rape scene!
LONGINGS FOR PAIN
It had been over five years since I had last seen her. Our parents were friends and even though I am two years older than she is, we became the best of friends. Hardly anyone knows why we became friends, or what it is about our lives that we both have in common. Well, it all started the first day I met her, at the gates to our small town. She was probably about eight years old and I must have just turned ten. As was custom, our entire town awaited her arrival at the large gates that served also as watch towers. Although I hate my father more than anything else, I have to thank him for what he did. You see, it was nearing sunset and all I wanted to do was go for my regular walk around the forest's edge. I was probably the only person in the entire town that didn't want to meet the new family but my father managed to catch me when I tried sneaking out my window and he dragged me all the way to the gates. Oh, believe me, I struggled against him for as long as I could but he had a mean streak in him that allowed him to feel no shame in beating me. I felt tears leaking through my eyes and blood rushing to my face with embarrassment after he knocked me to the ground in front of all of those familiar faces that did nothing but look on. Managing to get to my knees, I wiped the blood from my lip and watched as his heavy leather boots came into focus, slowly crunching down upon the crisp leaves. I cringed, expecting another blow, but when I opened my eyes he was gone. In fact, once I stood up I noticed that everyone was now swarming over the newcomers. Above all of the loud, joyous greetings that were being thrown at the new citizens, I could detect the usually chilled voice of my father kissing up to our new neighbors. Jealousy had swarmed through me and my nails had burrowed deep into my palms as I clenched my fists in anger. How dare he fawn over strangers, practically kissing their soiled shoes while he left his only daughter alone on the cold, winter ground?
"This is ridiculous" I had muttered under my breath, my glaring eyes sweeping over the crowd once more before I turned around to go back home. My hands had still been clenched and just like my blood had trickled along the path behind me, my faint hope that these strangers might help me trickled away. That is, they had almost trickled away until I heard a voice call out from behind me, startling me so much that I, forgetting about the nails buried in my palms, opened my hands and cried out in pain as chunks of flesh fell to the ground. I fell down to my knees, cradling my hands to my chest and watching blood trickle down my hands.
"Oh my God, are you ok!" I looked up from the bloody mess and for the first time in my life, I had been greeted by a concerned face. The face belonged to a girl two years younger than me, dressed in a vibrant ruby dress with a black leather overcoat. Not knowing how to respond to this kind of emotion from a stranger, I stayed quiet, all thought of pain forgotten.
"Here," the stranger knelt down beside me and started ripping the hem of her dress. I scooted away when her delicate, cleanly hands reached for my hideous calloused ones. She pursed her lips with dissatisfaction in my actions and grabbed my hands in a firm grip and determinedly tied the bits of cloth around the wounds. Once she had finished I had just stared at her until I noticed how she was starting to shift nervously. Finally I remembered all of those words to use when someone showed kindness towards another human.
"Thank you…"
"You're welcome, really, it was nothing." She seemed happy to finally hear me speak and she held out her hand. "I go by Elektra."
"'Elektra?'" I looked questioningly at her hand, still not able to trust her.
"Yes, that's what my mom likes to call me. What's your name?" After staring at her genuine open face yet again, I decided that she had earned my trust.
"My mother used to call me Mary but now my father calls me Typhoid." I held out my hand but stopped, noticing that I was slightly leaking through the makeshift bandages. "I'd shake your hand, but, well…"
"I understand." She chuckled softly and I at once realized that she was far more mature than other kids her age. It was something in her eyes. I still can't say what it was. We sat there, in the fading winter light, until her eyes glanced down somewhere lower on my face. In a perceptive voice she brought up the fact that my lower lip was bleeding.
"What?" I licked my lips and tasted copper. This was nothing new to me so I had merely shrugged. "It happens."
After that we had gotten to talking about all kinds of things. I asked her why she had decided to move here and she told me that her parents had always wanted her to grow up somewhere like this. I remember laughing at that and thinking how bored she would soon be because aside from me, she was the only girl our age in the entire village. She asked me why I was called Typhoid and I had answered honestly that I didn't know quite know why because I was still at an innocent time in my life. Eventually her father found us (my father was two steps behind him) and told her that she needed to unpack her belongings. They walked me and my father to the small garden gate of our home where we stood and acted like the exact opposite kind of family we were. We both smiled, he held his arm around my shoulders and we waved after the vanishing new neighbors. Once they had completely disappeared into the night my father picked me up and threw my into our house, demanding in a harsh tone what I had told her. My lips quivered with fresh tears as I answered truthfully that I had only told her about trivial things such as the typical weather around here and other useless things to know. He had started pacing by then, biting down on his fingernails, the same finger nails that had once scraped off lines of flesh from my back and arms. He explained to me that he was trying to set up some very important, very classified business connections and he didn't want his plans to be ruined. Thinking back to when he told me this I now start to wonder why he didn't just keep this knowledge to himself instead of pouring it all out onto an eleven year old child. Oh well, it's not important anymore. I killed him only three years after that day. Please let me explain that I didn't mean to.
Elektra and I began playing together everyday now that we had gotten to know each other. I would stand in front of her house and wait for her to get home from school. When she got home we would run inside and have an extremely nutritious snack before running outside to play in the woods. We loved trying to see who could sneak up on people the best. I don't mean to brag, but I usually won. The day my father died (well, the day I killed him) I had been playing with Elektra in the rain and had managed to get my new outfit completely soaked and muddy. I have a feeling that Elektra must have known something would happen that night because she kept asking me if I could go over to her house for supper so she could have one of her servants wash my clothes. I had refused only because I never felt comfortable at a dinner table and to this day I always eat alone standing up or sitting alone in the corner of a bar. I also believe that she must have figured out how my father abused me. She always seemed to have band aids and antibacterial soaps on her and was always questioning why my lip would be bleeding, where I had gotten a black eye from or how my arm had been broken. Well, that night I got home late and as I creaked the door open the sent of whisky rushed through my nose causing me to sneeze three times thus waking up my father.
"You're late, Typhoid." I leaned against the door and felt it click shut. His staggering body made its way towards me in a clumsy line. A single whimper escaped my partially open lips as he angled his body over me, one hand leaning against the door to the right of my head, the other clutching a bottle of hard liquor. "Where were you?"
"I was with Elektra." Never in my life had I seen my father so completely involved with his dark side. In later years I found out that he had lost any hopes of teaming up with Elektra's father meaning that his dreams of becoming rich had been demolished so I guess telling him I was with Elektra might not have been such a good idea.
"You're always with Elektra!" His voice was harsh and he had dropped his bottle of liquor to grab me by my neck, pinning me to the door. Spit was flying through the gab between his teeth as he continued yelling at me. "You like living there, don't you! I bet you wish I had never been your father so that you could hang out with their family forever! Do you think he's better than me! DO YOU!" His eyes had then become almost hollow and it seemed as though my father had left his body and it was now inhabited by a demonic fiend. "You're just like your mother. She didn't like me either. Now I'll have to punish you like I punished mommy."
I would have tried saying something, anything to stop him but I had been too engrossed with his teeth. They were yellow. I had never noticed that before then and they were slightly crooked but slightly straight. He hadn't shaved in a while and his eyes were bloodshot. The image of my father used to be of a strong, sturdy man who was a clean, good citizen of our town but after that night, well, let's just say that I never looked at him the same way just like I never forgave him for what he did next. I had been waiting for a slap across my face, for a kick to my stomach or a toss across the room. I had been waiting and expecting that ever since the first spot of mud had splashed across the soft fabric of my new shirt because that's what I had been used to. What I wasn't expecting was for my father to let go of my neck, pound his lips into mine and roam my body with his hands. Everyday I thank whatever higher power there is that I don't scar easily. His bitten nails had ripped through my clothes, scratched my shoulders, arms and legs, squeezed my developing breasts, and held my head in place. By that time in my life I had read about that exact situation happening to other people, usually girls. It was called rape and I had given up all hope of ever leaving my house again. I had closed my eyes to prevent even more tears from stinging my eyes when the sound of his belt buckle coming undone stopped and was replaced by a pained, gagging noise. My father suddenly leapt back, clutched his chest so tightly that he left nail marks there, and coughed up the most blood I've ever seen. I had stood emotionless, immobile, and horrified, my hands clinging to the doorknob. My brain kept ordering me to run away, to find Elektra and cry into her arms, no matter that she was two years younger than me, but I couldn't take my eyes off of the site in front of me. His face had turned pale, then his neck, and then his chest until finally every drop of blood that had been in his body was now sprayed around our house. It covered everything: the windows, the doors, the floor, the table… me… Once he finally collapsed and his torso no longer moved up and down with his breathing I took one last look around and bolted out the door.
It had started to rain again, an icy cold rain that tore at my skin, but I was thankful for it; thankful for the pain it caused me and thankful how it washed the blood from my eyes. As I had run up the steps to Elektra's front door I realized that I had now killed both of my parents. I killed my father just now and my mother at birth. Who was I to kill next?
"Mary, what are you doing here?" Elektra had opened the door in her white pajamas and her hair was tousled but she still looked adorable. I had barley managed to stop myself from hurtling towards her and cowering in fear into her (at that point in her life) non-existent bosom because I knew I was covered in the crimson liquid that had only moments ago propelled out of my father's flailing body.
"My… my father, he's…" She had drawn me into a tight embrace and told me in a soothing voice that everything was going to be fine. I remember how she smelled like lilies and how she didn't even flinch when the rain washed the blood off of me and onto her.
The next day it was told that my father had died of a sudden illness which nobody could name. Elektra's dad had seemingly discovered the body when he went to drop off some papers (Elektra hadn't told him that I had spent the night in her room because I had specifically asked her not to tell anyone what had happened). Her father felt so sorry for my loss (he actually thought I liked my father!) that he allowed me to live with him and Elektra. So that's where I lived for the next six years or so, in the room across from Elektra's, attending a wonderful, high quality school and sleeping soundly at last.
Now, only a select few have been told about my past with Elektra but what I'm about to say has never been told to anyone. Why haven't I told anyone what I'm about to tell you? Simply because everyone who knows of my life with Elektra believes we grew up like sisters just because I had shared everything about myself with her and vise versa. They think that I've gone to "the dark side" because of a quarrel I had with her a long time ago on the last day I saw her, but they couldn't be further from the truth. Actually, the last time I saw her was during the night but I'll get to that in a bit.
She had just graduated from high school and I had just come back to town from attending a private college that she would soon be going to as well. It amazed me that I hadn't seen her for two years and, although the town had forgotten its tradition, Elektra had been waiting for me by the town gates. It probably sounds strange what I'm about to say but it's true. She had grown so much from the last time I'd seen her yet she was still the same in many ways. Her hair was longer, she was taller (maybe a quarter of an inch taller than me) and her muscles were extremely well toned. I got to see her before she saw me because she had bent down to tie her shoe just when I would have been visible to her.
"Hey Elektra!" I called out to her, unable to keep the joy out of my voice. Once I had gone to college we had lost track of each other and hadn't really heard from one another in two years. The nervousness that had been swirling throughout my body vanished when I saw her eyes shoot up, look around franticly, and finally rest upon my face with pleasant recognition. If I knew Elektra (which I did) then she must have been just as nervous as I was. She leapt to her feet and sprinted the short distance between us. Her speed startled me and I barley managed to carefully drop my duffle bags to the ground before being engulfed in a tight bear hug by my slightly younger friend.
"Oh, you have no idea how much I've missed you!" She squeezed a little tighter before letting go and stepping back to get a full view of me. Her eyes frantically looked me over before she picked up one of my two duffle bags, held on to one of my shoulders and led me along the familiar path towards the only place I'd ever consider calling home. Once we entered the big (yet humble) mansion she explained to me that he father was staying in New York City for the rest of the summer to work out some issues with his new business and that we'd have the place to ourselves. At the end of the summer she would travel with me back to the college where we'd hopefully share a dorm room. Once she led me to me former room she told me that she wanted to change before dinner and let me rest if I needed to. Then I was left alone to unpack. I was so happy to finally be back in that room, to run my hand over the familiar blankets that covered the firm mattress while dropping my duffle bag onto the grape juice stained carpet that covered the majority of the floor. Sighing with relief at finally being in a safe environment I started to unpack, not quite capable of preventing a smile from crossing my face when I heard the shower across the hall turn on and the familiar voice of Elektra singing a soothing melody that I had taught her only a few years ago.
Dinner went quite well. Neither of us could get over the fact that we were finally seeing each other again. Everything was going fine until she started talking about her track team and certain members of her track team.
"Yeah, this year I was finally made captain." Elektra took another bite of salad. "In my junior year my boyfriend beat me in the race that determined who could be captain but I beat him this year."
"Your boyfriend?" A piece of chicken almost came out my nose and I was thankful that I had managed to swallow it instead of exhale it in a painful manor. I hadn't meant to sound so surprised. Of course she would have a boyfriend! How could I ever think that nobody would want to go out with her? I guess I was just surprised to find out how much it hurt me to know that she was taken even though I had never truly known if I even loved her.
"Well, my ex-boyfriend, really" she took a gulp of water as though she was nervous and cleared her throat. "Do you have any boyfriends, Mary?"
I remember how my mind had been flooded with thoughts of all of the people I'd kissed. None of them were close to me but I had occasionally just needed to be able to come into contact with someone. Once I saw how sick the people I kissed became, I had been too afraid to get close to anyone and had accepted the name my father had given me because I had finally understood why he called me that. Unfortunately, Elektra had already gotten close to me before I realized I could never love someone without hurting them.
"No, things never seemed to work out for anyone." There had been a small pause in our conversation and neither of us seemed to know how to fill it. After a good minute or two she put her napkin down on the table and stood up.
"Come on," her hand reached across the table to grab mine and I had to hurry to my feet or she would have dragged me out the door.
"Where are we going?" She had also gotten much stronger: stronger than anyone I'd ever met.
"You'll see…" she gave me a mischievous grin and I couldn't help but get excited. Eventually we came to a halt in the middle of a clearing in the woods. We were both slightly out of breath but she turned to me and raised her eyebrows. "Do you remember where we are?" I didn't. I looked around, desperately trying to remember why this place was worth interrupting our dinner for. She told me to look up and once I saw the sky, I knew why she had brought me there.
"Now I remember!" I looked around with new eyes, ancient memories rekindling in my mind. "We used to come here almost every night to watch the stars and hang out."
"Remember how we used to say that if we ever got lost or one of us went missing we'd meet here, at night, because both of us always knew how to get here?"
"Yes," I nodded my head, still looking at the flickering stars. "Yes, and we promised that we'd keep returning every night until we met up again." I had suddenly grown confused and I turned to look at her with questioning eyes. "Why?"
"Because," she had stepped closer and wrapped her arms around me neck. "I thought that I'd lost you two years ago and I'm just happy that you're back again." With tears threatening to spill over I wrapped my own arms around her and held her as close as I could. Slowly we swayed from side to side and stayed like that for quite a long time before we both realized how late it was and decided to head back. She gave me another hug before slowly closing the door to her room. I had stood in the hallway for a few seconds after the door had shut thinking of how her hair had still smelt like lilies, just like when I first came to live with her.
We spent most of the summer reminiscing about our childhood and describing what we'd been doing for the past two years. Most of it was just normal stuff such as grades and whatnot but one night she told me about how her father had been growing distant. She went into such depth that she ended up crying into my shoulder, something she had hardly ever done. After that I felt it was only fair that I tell her about my… disability/power. I told her about how I tend to make people ill and how I've learnt I can kill things just by touching them with my lips or even blowing kissing off of my hand. I didn't think she'd believe me but she never doubted me for a second. The night after I had told her about what I can do it had started to rain and hail extraordinarily heavily. We were both slightly unnerved by this due to the fact that it had happened in the middle of summer. Well, no matter, she tried to make the best of it by lighting a fire while I made hot cocoa. We had sat down in our pajamas (it was about ten o'clock by then) and decided to just chat for a bit. I'm still not quite sure how this happened, but somehow we ended up laughing so hard that we fell to the floor, spilling our hot cocoa everywhere. This only caused us to laugh harder, making it nearly impossible to stand up on the slippery floor. She managed to get to her feet but I accidentally bumped into her and she fell down right on top of me. We both continued laughing until I realized that suddenly she wasn't laughing anymore. I opened my eyes (I had closed them to keep from letting out tears of mirth) and saw her gazing at me in astonishment. Suddenly it was quiet; the only noise came from outside and from the crackling fire five feet from us. Without even thinking about it, I leaned my head up and kissed her, full on the mouth. I'm not sure how she responded because the second after it happened I had stood up, gently pushing her off of me, and ran outside the house and into the woods. Yes, I ran. I was a coward because I was afraid to see the outcome of my actions. I didn't know where to go, where to hide so I kept running until it started to hail and I had to take cover under a sturdy tree. Just as I sat down I realized that not only had I left a trail of dead, wilted plants in my wake, but I was in the same clearing we had used to hang out in. Oh well, I remember hoping that Elektra would just stay inside, out of the storm, but I also remember hearing a twig snap and seeing her walk into the clearing, soaked to the bone, just like I had been.
"Mary why did-"
"How did you find me?" We both spoke at the same time but she ended up answering my question first, giving me time to try and think of an excuse for what I had just done.
"You kind of left a trail…" I looked at her, waiting for her real response because I had seen her come into the clearing from a different direction than the one I had taken. "Plus, you seemed like you might be feeling lost, and well, you know we made that agreement a long time ago…"
"Yeah," I slowly nodded my head and got to my feet just as she walked under the tree to get out of the hail. "I remember."
There had been a silence after that, but it wasn't uncomfortable. It was a silence filled with the voice of a patient confusion. She once again put an end to it by placing a careful, questioning hand on my shoulder.
"Why did you run away?" Her voice was pleading for me to look up from my mud coated feet and into her eyes. I tried to compose myself but in the end I couldn't stay calm and maintain my casual appearance that I usually wore. My eyes held no tears when they looked into her eyes but they were instead overfilling with pain.
"Elektra, I'm sorry that I haven't said anything but…" Her eyes were focused on me and no emotion other than concentration crossed her face as her hand gently squeezed my shoulder a little harder. I took a deep breath. "I love you." There, I had said it and now it was up to her to decide what happened next. Again I looked away, ready to hear her opposition to what I had just said but instead I heard a soft sniffle. When I looked up I saw that she was crying but had a smile spread out across her face. She pulled me into a hug.
"I love you too! You didn't need to run away!" She leaned back to look me in the eyes. Apparently, I must have looked confused (and I had been). "What?" she asked teasingly. "Did you really think I wasn't going to kiss you back?"
"But…" I stuttered a little bit and still looked perplexed, not quite grasping everything that was happening. "You didn't." She sighed in frustration and I thought I had done or said something wrong.
"You didn't exactly give me the chance." She bent forward and cupped my face in her hands, softly guiding her lips to mine. I pushed her away, almost violently. "I'm sorry. Did I do something wrong?" She had become extremely concerned and wondered if she had moved too quickly or misinterpreted me.
"Elektra, I already told you what happens when I-" She interrupted my feeble reservations and gently cupped my face again.
"That won't happen with me." Her lips brushed faintly against mine for a brief second. "I promise." This time she pressed a little harder and, hesitantly, I pushed back until we had gradually begun to open our mouths a little wider with each breath, giving each other tiny samples of what would come. The sweetness of her mouth is something I've tried to describe many times but each time I can not do it justice so I will not even bother trying. All I can tell you is that I've never been able to fly except when I'm kissing her.
This story sounds like it would be a happy ending, right? Well, it doesn't quite end there. Elektra's father came back one month early with the message that they would both be moving to New York City where he had found a good college for her and a lovely apartment. Elektra asked whether or not I would be going with them and he told her no. He still paid for my education and all of that but he would not take me with them for reasons I've never understood. We had to say our goodbyes in front of her father, neither one of us daring to show our true feelings for one another while he stood their. I will never forgive him for denying me one last kiss to the only person I've ever loved.
Now, after this brief encounter with her in the forest about five years later, I feel as though maybe this was our goodbye kiss. Sure, it seemed like I was trying to kill her by jumping her from behind and killing all of those plants but in reality, I just miss her. I even miss the pain she used to cause me when I was away at college. I miss the pain that I've had to hold so near to me that resulted when I found out she was dead. In fact, I'm practically longing for any emotion that she causes me, whether it be joy or sorrow, I don't care. All I know is that one day; my longing for her pain will haunt me until I can take it no longer, and suffer some kind of untimely death. I just hope that if I'm ever killed, she'll be the one to do it. That way, my longing for her pain will be fulfilled. Yes, that's it. Impulsive pain and a gradual release.
THE END
Author's Note: Please review and let me know what you think. I'm thinking of doing a sequel to this but I'm not so sure if I'll want to. Also, as far as I know, this is the first slash piece for Elektra and I hope that there will be many more.