Okay, this chapter isn't very long…..

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breaking my own heart

chapter 2

This was a slap in his face. Sure, she didn't intend to hurt him with her question, how should she know it would hurt him?

But asking him if he'd walk her down the aisle, if he'd do that for her, because he was her best friend. He felt as if he should replace her father. Sure he should. This was the job of a father. He knew that she'd never have a father to walk her down the aisle, he felt sorry for that, but he knew that this would be more than his heart would be able to take.

To walk her down the aisle, to give her to Nick…he had never been a fan of such a symbolism, but now, he hated it even more, because he knew how much it meant to Sara, he knew that she was scared to walk down there alone and he knew that he wasn't able to refuse her request.

There she sat, in front of him, looking at him with this pleading expression in her eyes.

He sighed, trying to not think about the horrible pain in his heart, trying to forget about his feelings for her for a second, trying to rationalize. "Okay…if it really means that much to you…I will do it."

A bright smile flashed over her face. He hadn't had seen her smiling this way at him for month. Since she was dating Nick, it had been as if he was the only one she smiled for. And now this smile meant more than anything else to him. She had given him such a beautiful smile, it let him forget about the pain, the jealousy, the anger. It made him feel as if, for this moment there were only the two of them. The last time he had felt that close to her had been when she had told him about her family secret. In his heart and head he wished this moment would last forever, he wished that there would only be the two of them, without that job that he had always pretended to mean more to him than everything else, without their colleagues, without all that fear he had felt and still felt sometimes.

"Thank you so much!", she jumped off the chair and hugged him.

When she pressed herself against him, he felt that strong demand to kiss her, he struggled with himself to ignore this feeling, but it was impossible to not feel the way he felt right now.

He prayed she'd stop, he wished she'd pull away from him, but she didn't. Her arms were still around him, her head leaned against his shoulder, he could feel her breath on his skin. It drove him insane to feel that beautiful woman, he loved so much, so close to him, it drove him insane that he wasn't allowed to kiss her, to tell her how he felt for her, to show her how he felt for her, to show her that he needed her.

"Thank you so much Grissom.", she whispered softly into his ear. Her lips striped his skin when she did so, knowing holding back would be impossible if he wouldn't do something right now he pulled away from her.

The expression in her eyes reflected her confusion.

"I'm sorry…I…I have to get back to work.", he said softly.

"Okay.", she bite down on her bottom lip.

He hoped she'd leave his office, but she didn't, she remained staying where she had stood before, still looking at him while he took seat on his chair. He tried to ignore her, but it was impossible to ignore Sara Sidle. Sara Sidle, the soon Mrs. Nick Stokes, Sara Stokes. Not even her initials would change. But inside of him he knew that he'd prefer to call her Mrs. Grissom. Mrs. Gil Grissom, Sara Grissom.

"Are you okay?", she asked, sounding concerned.

"I am…sure I am. Why shouldn't I be?"

"You just seem to…feel bad."

"I'm fine."

"You don't have to do it…if you feel uncomfortable with that because you care more for me than you should you don't have to do it."

Had she just said what he had heard her saying. Was it so easy to see what he felt? Or did she just try to tease him? How to hell should she know? "What?…Sara I…why do you think I would…"

"…do you?"

"No!"

She nodded softly. "Fine…then everything's okay with us?"

He nodded softly, surprised that she seemed to be disappointed by his answer.

She left his office. When she had reached the hallway she turned around.

"Grissom…I …I think that you do sometimes…deny yourself…you should listen to what your heart tells you…sometimes the head is wrong. I know what I am talking about, believe me…I just realized that."

She left, leaving him back all confused. What did she mean with that? He jumped off his chair.

"Sara! Sara wait!", he hurried into the hallway, but she was already gone.

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END OF CHAPTER TWO