Chapter 29:
I am in the middle of my second cup of tea, with my cup in one hand and a half-eaten muffin in the other, when the door swings open and Severus furiously strides in. He throws a book into the chair next to me, and struggles angrily to get out of his outer robes.
I sit quietly as he beings to pace, spittle flying from his mouth as he rants sotto voce. I strain to hear what he is saying, but it is, for the moment, incoherent. Riding the tide of anger, I slowly lower my muffin, followed closely by my cup, which makes the unfortunate mistake of clinking against the saucer as I set it down.
Severus freezes. So do I. As if seeing me for the first time, he strides over and seats himself next to me. "The old fool has done it again." he says simply.
Looking upward, I fervently hope this won't turn into an argument. "What has he done?"
"Completely disregarded the information and warnings I am placing in front of him, because they go against his plan." He spits out.
Not having a proper response to this cryptic answer, I wait for Severus to calm himself a tad more. He does, visibly, and draws a deep breath before continuing. "You are to go back."
"Go back?" I ask stupidly. "Where?"
"Into the clutches of that megalomaniac. You are to march right back into hell, Bena. Your uncle is sacrificing you, after he so nearly lost you once."
"Oh." I reply.
"Oh?!" Severus cries. "That is what you have to say?! Albus is sending you back to him!"
I nod. I am not surprised, except by the apparent timing. I choose my next words carefully, not wishing to cause any further veins to pop out on my husband's forehead. "I knew I would have to go back. Severus, you know the prophecy. I cannot escape it. Albus knows that. You think this isn't difficult for him? You think he enjoys—"
But I am interrupted, "-He manipulated you into fulfilling the prophecy. Bena was not the name your parents picked out for you. You have told me that yourself. He is using you, as he uses me, and Potter, and everyone who could serve some small purpose in his great plan."
I am surprised he mentioned Potter. I am well aware of the thin line Albus is treading with the boy, but have never mentioned the similarities between Severus and Harry. "Severus, please calm down. I know my uncle is not above reproach. Indeed, some of what he has done is deplorable. But, he has the best intentions-"
For the second time I am cut off. "Best intentions?! Oh, Bena, I thought you would be above accepting his actions simply because he means well. Can you not see-"
I cut him off. "To the best of my knowledge, Voldemort considers purging the muggles and muggle-borns as being good intentioned. After all, it was a weak muggle who left him in an orphanage all those years ago. His intentions are to rid the Wizarding world of those who add nothing valuable to it. To him, they are the best intentions. You accepted them."
Severus is stung by my words, I know. "Yes," he admits, flinging the word into the arena of our argument. "Yes, I accepted his intentions because at the time I believed and agreed with them. I still agree somewhat with the idea, though not with the way the plan is being carried out."
W both fall into silence. Finally, Severus speaks, "You will defend him to the death, won't you?"
"Wouldn't you?"
"Yes. I have marched into hell many times for him. And I will continue to do so, as many times as he asks it of me, because he is great wizard, Bena. I know that. And I know why you must do what he asks. I love you, though, and that complicates matters. I don't want to lose you again, not so soon." He finishes morosely. I slide next to him and grasp both his hands in mine.
"No one said it would be soon that I will be lost. This is going to be a long war, Severus. But back to Tom Riddle I must go. And I will go alone. He and I have much to sort through. I will win, Severus. He is nothing before me. You will see. I simply need some time to collect my strength." I kiss his forehead and feel him relax.
A knock is heard on the door. Rising, Severus opens it, letting a sigh loose in the process. Remus is at the door. Severus allows him entrance, scowling when he sees the smile present on my face.
"And how is the invalid this morning?" he asks cheerfully. I pat the empty spot next to me on the sofa, the space Severus has just been occupying, and answer.
"Better than I think is normally allowed for someone supposed to be dead." Remus joins me on the sofa, while Severus sulks over to the armchair where he had thrown the book when he first entered. He curls up in the chair and begins reading, attempting to ignore us.
This will not do. "Will you take me for a walk, Remus?" I ask boldly. I see Severus' spine tense. Remus senses the palpable tension in the room and accepts. I shoot a grateful smile in his direction. We exit the room and soon find ourselves walking towards the lake.
"How is he?" Remus asks.
I cock my head in surprise. "I thought all your questions would be about me, Remus."
He smiles. "I thought so, too. But, I have known Severus for almost thirty years, and I have never seen him as he was yesterday. I'm not talking about on the steps. Seeing him weep over you did not surprise me. It was afterwards, when Poppy and Albus had you in the hospital wing and wouldn't let anyone near you for the first hour. He wouldn't stop pacing, he kept muttering about it being his fault, he threw up twice is disgust at himself and what he had caused. I was frightened for him."
I motion to Remus to join me on a rock facing the lake. The giant squid is lolling about, the mid-morning sun causing the water to dance with light. "He is fine." I say carefully.
Remus nods. "He will always be 'fine'. He never allows himself to anything but. This has jarred him, Bena. I know you have been through a tremendous amount, but Severus has been through more. Be aware of that over the next few days, won't you?"
I look at my old friend and see the wrinkles of worry are creased deeply. He is genuinely concerned for Severus. He notices my look and gives a dry chuckle.
"I know. My concern for Severus is a bit odd, just understand that I have lost most my friends and a fair number of my classmates because of one wizard. The few that remain are quite dear to me, and that includes Severus. Take care of him, Bena. Merlin knows he needs someone to put his needs first."
With this simple request, we relapse into silence. I place my head on Remus' shoulder and close my eyes, feeling the weight of his charge upon me.
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A/N: Well, here's an update, but again, I can't promise anything more for a while. I worked 88.75 hours last week, and am currently on day 34 in a row of working, which doesn't leave much time and/or energy for creativity. If you'll stick with me though, I promise there will be more to read. Thanks!
I am in the middle of my second cup of tea, with my cup in one hand and a half-eaten muffin in the other, when the door swings open and Severus furiously strides in. He throws a book into the chair next to me, and struggles angrily to get out of his outer robes.
I sit quietly as he beings to pace, spittle flying from his mouth as he rants sotto voce. I strain to hear what he is saying, but it is, for the moment, incoherent. Riding the tide of anger, I slowly lower my muffin, followed closely by my cup, which makes the unfortunate mistake of clinking against the saucer as I set it down.
Severus freezes. So do I. As if seeing me for the first time, he strides over and seats himself next to me. "The old fool has done it again." he says simply.
Looking upward, I fervently hope this won't turn into an argument. "What has he done?"
"Completely disregarded the information and warnings I am placing in front of him, because they go against his plan." He spits out.
Not having a proper response to this cryptic answer, I wait for Severus to calm himself a tad more. He does, visibly, and draws a deep breath before continuing. "You are to go back."
"Go back?" I ask stupidly. "Where?"
"Into the clutches of that megalomaniac. You are to march right back into hell, Bena. Your uncle is sacrificing you, after he so nearly lost you once."
"Oh." I reply.
"Oh?!" Severus cries. "That is what you have to say?! Albus is sending you back to him!"
I nod. I am not surprised, except by the apparent timing. I choose my next words carefully, not wishing to cause any further veins to pop out on my husband's forehead. "I knew I would have to go back. Severus, you know the prophecy. I cannot escape it. Albus knows that. You think this isn't difficult for him? You think he enjoys—"
But I am interrupted, "-He manipulated you into fulfilling the prophecy. Bena was not the name your parents picked out for you. You have told me that yourself. He is using you, as he uses me, and Potter, and everyone who could serve some small purpose in his great plan."
I am surprised he mentioned Potter. I am well aware of the thin line Albus is treading with the boy, but have never mentioned the similarities between Severus and Harry. "Severus, please calm down. I know my uncle is not above reproach. Indeed, some of what he has done is deplorable. But, he has the best intentions-"
For the second time I am cut off. "Best intentions?! Oh, Bena, I thought you would be above accepting his actions simply because he means well. Can you not see-"
I cut him off. "To the best of my knowledge, Voldemort considers purging the muggles and muggle-borns as being good intentioned. After all, it was a weak muggle who left him in an orphanage all those years ago. His intentions are to rid the Wizarding world of those who add nothing valuable to it. To him, they are the best intentions. You accepted them."
Severus is stung by my words, I know. "Yes," he admits, flinging the word into the arena of our argument. "Yes, I accepted his intentions because at the time I believed and agreed with them. I still agree somewhat with the idea, though not with the way the plan is being carried out."
W both fall into silence. Finally, Severus speaks, "You will defend him to the death, won't you?"
"Wouldn't you?"
"Yes. I have marched into hell many times for him. And I will continue to do so, as many times as he asks it of me, because he is great wizard, Bena. I know that. And I know why you must do what he asks. I love you, though, and that complicates matters. I don't want to lose you again, not so soon." He finishes morosely. I slide next to him and grasp both his hands in mine.
"No one said it would be soon that I will be lost. This is going to be a long war, Severus. But back to Tom Riddle I must go. And I will go alone. He and I have much to sort through. I will win, Severus. He is nothing before me. You will see. I simply need some time to collect my strength." I kiss his forehead and feel him relax.
A knock is heard on the door. Rising, Severus opens it, letting a sigh loose in the process. Remus is at the door. Severus allows him entrance, scowling when he sees the smile present on my face.
"And how is the invalid this morning?" he asks cheerfully. I pat the empty spot next to me on the sofa, the space Severus has just been occupying, and answer.
"Better than I think is normally allowed for someone supposed to be dead." Remus joins me on the sofa, while Severus sulks over to the armchair where he had thrown the book when he first entered. He curls up in the chair and begins reading, attempting to ignore us.
This will not do. "Will you take me for a walk, Remus?" I ask boldly. I see Severus' spine tense. Remus senses the palpable tension in the room and accepts. I shoot a grateful smile in his direction. We exit the room and soon find ourselves walking towards the lake.
"How is he?" Remus asks.
I cock my head in surprise. "I thought all your questions would be about me, Remus."
He smiles. "I thought so, too. But, I have known Severus for almost thirty years, and I have never seen him as he was yesterday. I'm not talking about on the steps. Seeing him weep over you did not surprise me. It was afterwards, when Poppy and Albus had you in the hospital wing and wouldn't let anyone near you for the first hour. He wouldn't stop pacing, he kept muttering about it being his fault, he threw up twice is disgust at himself and what he had caused. I was frightened for him."
I motion to Remus to join me on a rock facing the lake. The giant squid is lolling about, the mid-morning sun causing the water to dance with light. "He is fine." I say carefully.
Remus nods. "He will always be 'fine'. He never allows himself to anything but. This has jarred him, Bena. I know you have been through a tremendous amount, but Severus has been through more. Be aware of that over the next few days, won't you?"
I look at my old friend and see the wrinkles of worry are creased deeply. He is genuinely concerned for Severus. He notices my look and gives a dry chuckle.
"I know. My concern for Severus is a bit odd, just understand that I have lost most my friends and a fair number of my classmates because of one wizard. The few that remain are quite dear to me, and that includes Severus. Take care of him, Bena. Merlin knows he needs someone to put his needs first."
With this simple request, we relapse into silence. I place my head on Remus' shoulder and close my eyes, feeling the weight of his charge upon me.
==============
A/N: Well, here's an update, but again, I can't promise anything more for a while. I worked 88.75 hours last week, and am currently on day 34 in a row of working, which doesn't leave much time and/or energy for creativity. If you'll stick with me though, I promise there will be more to read. Thanks!