Next chapter …..what can I say about it….I somehow liked the end of it …..uh how I love symbolism…

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Disclaimer: I own nothing (sadly!)

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breaking my own heart

chapter 3

Again and again she had asked him if he was okay, she asked him if he had already finished his speech, if he still felt comfortable. It drove him crazy to always tell her that everything was fine.

Especially today.

Today…her wedding. Her and Nick's wedding.

She stood in front of the big mirror in her hotel room. The ceremony took place in a beautiful, romantic hotel in Nick's hometown.

Sara had hoped to marry in Vegas, but Nick wanted to celebrate their wedding at his parent's house. So she had agreed.

She mustered herself again and again.

"You look great Sara…don't worry.", Grissom said softly, hoping his jealousy wouldn't make his voice sounding telltale.

She turned around to him. Her hair was pinned up, a few strands of hair fell down in curls on her shoulders. There were three white roses in her hair and her bridal bouquet was of white roses too. Her dress was long, silky, making her look like an angle. He had never imagined that she might look that beautiful.

"Grissom?"

"Yeah?"

"Do you think he'll like it?"

"If he's not completely stupid…he'll love it."

"I'm nervous.", she walked over to him. "Put your arms around me and tell me that everything will be alright.", she said with a soft, pleading voice.

He wished he would have the strange to resist her plea, but seeing her that nervous, feeling that she had doubts, not wanting her to be sad, let him melt away. He put his arms around her, he pressed her against his chest softly, his hands caressing her back softly.

She was shivering, being aware of the fact that it was summer, he excluded the possibility that she was freezing.

"What's wrong Sara Honey?", he whispered. Had he just called her Honey?…he damned himself for being that careless.

Suddenly she buried her face in his shirt, her eyes had been filled with tears before, now she was crying bitterly. He hoped he could do anything to make her stop, he wished he could comfort her. But without knowing what was wrong he didn't know what to do. Sure he divined what was wrong…but even if it was what he thought it was, he wouldn't be able to change it…not now…it was too late. She twined her arms closer around his neck, pressing herself against his chest with all the power she had.

"I'm so …so stupid Grissom!"

Why to hell did she think she was stupid? Why? And why was she crying? This was supposed to be the best day of her life. In his heart the hope ,that she'd think that marrying Nick was wrong , raised. He knew that it wasn't fair…he knew that Nick loved her, he knew that Nick would make her happy and he knew that he could never make her happy.

"You are everything but stupid Sara! You are a beautiful, intelligent, young woman. And if nick wouldn't be the right one for you you'd realize it. But he's right. Sara he loves you."

"Is…is there a chance for me to…to…Grissom I…I have to know if…if there would ever be a chance for us."

"Who do you mean with us?", he asked nervous, knowing that she had meant him and her.

"This was a rhetorical question, right?"

Damn it, she knew him all too well. He nodded softly. "Sara…don't ask me something like this…please."

"Why not? Are you scared you couldn't manage to keep on pretending that you don't feel anything for me?"

"Sara…this is ridiculous."

"Why?"

"Because you are going to marry Nick in less than ninety minutes."

"Would there be a chance for us Grissom? Would there ever be a chance for us? Ever? Even if it would be in fifty years, would there be a chance for us Gil Grissom?"

Suddenly the door opened.

Bette, Elle and Tara, Sara's bridesmaids, entered the room.

"Hey Sara! What's wrong?", Elle asked her worried.

"I'm fine…really.", Sara said, forcing herself to smile, looking a little desperate at Grissom who was about to leave the room.

"I'll be outside with the others…call me if you need something Sara.", he said remaining in the door for a few more seconds. Hearing how Bette and Tara told Sara that they would re-do her makeup. Sara glanced over to Grissom.

He knew why she was looking over to him. He knew that she was still waiting for an answer.

He shook his head softly. Feeling his heart braking when she nodded and turned back to her friends.

She looked so beautiful. She was the woman he had always dreamed of. He knew she was the right one for him. He knew, that she would be the only woman he'd ever love. He knew he'd never ever be strong enough to fall in love with someone else. Never would he be able to go through that hell of feelings again. Knowing that he could never love Sara the way she deserved it, knowing that he could never show his feelings to her the way he was supposed to, knowing that he could never let her know about his feelings, because he knew that the fact that he then would have to confess to himself that there was no chance and this would destroy him even more than seeing her marrying Nick today, it would hurt him more than the fact that she had asked him to walk her down the aisle.

Now Elle had rearranged Sara's hair and Bette had re-done the make-up. Grissom took a last look at Sara, his Sara…his loved Sara, that would be Mrs. Nick Stokes soon.

He sighed softly, stepped out and closed that door behind him.

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END OF CHAPTER THREE