Okay…..
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Disclaimer: I own nothing (sadly!)
SPOILERS: all Seasons (including SEASON 5)
Many thanks to Nessa for helping me out with the ceremony speech!
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breaking my own heart
chapter 5
Grissom watched her, for a few seconds, feeling nub, not knowing what to do….not knowing if there was something he could do.
Sara looked so beautiful, like an angel. A sweet, beautiful angel. And he could do anything but watching her marrying someone else.
While all the others listened to the minister's speech, Grissom couldn't help but felt more and more uncomfortable.
Yes, he had done things wrong. He had done a lot of things wrong. And he knew that nothing he could ever do would make this unhappen, but why wasn't he allowed to try, why did no one give him the chance to make her happy.
He swallowed hard, when he realized that she had given him enough chances, at least two in the last hour.
He stared down to the ground, staring and staring, hoping he would find an answer to his questions. Wondering if it was all destiny, if he maybe never had the chance to make her happy. Maybe it had all been planned. About one thing he was definitely sure, if this all had been planned before, he hated that plan, and he hated whomever had planned that.
Finally he realized that this thought had been nothing more than just another excuse. Another excuse for why he hadn't been able to show her his feelings. He had made too many excuses. Not only when it had come to her, but mostly. Whenever it had been all on him to show the feelings, he had turned around and ran away as fast as he could. He remembered the night when she had asked him out for dinner, and he had told her that he wouldn't know what to do about it. He had known. But showing his feelings, that had never been something he had liked, he had always tried to avoid those situations. And if he would have taken her out for dinner that night, he would have had to tell her about his hearing problem, he would have had to tell her about his surgery, his family. He would have had to tell her about his fears. Hell, he had been so scared of that surgery. He would have needed her there with him, but if she would have known, if she would have seen him scared, sad, maybe even crying, she would have lost that image of him. Now he wished she would have lost the image she had of him. He was not the emotionally unavailable man she thought he was. Sure he was emotionally unavailable, but he had his reasons for this. Reasons he could have explained to her…but explaining would have meant telling her why…and he couldn't tell her why because of these reasons. He knew that all those thoughts in his head made no sense at all. She drove him crazy, he was so crazy about her, he had never felt something like this before. He had never been in love before. And he wished she'd know that he loved her. He wished he could simply jump up, ran over to her and tell her that he loved her. Now….NOW he felt able to tell her. This was really the most inappropriate moment ever, but he couldn't help it. He had never, never ever felt able to talk about his feelings for her to someone else, and it had always been inconceivable for him to ever find the strength, the courage to tell her.
"… to be entered into unadvisedly or lightly – but reverently, discreetly, advisedly and solemnly. Into this holy estate these two persons present now come to be joined. If any person can show just cause why they may not be joined together – let them speak now or forever hold their peace.", the minister stopped for a second, but for everyone in the room this second seemed to last for at least twenty minutes. Warrick, and Greg stared at Grissom and so did all the others that knew about whatever had ever happened between him and Sara. Grissom felt the demand to raise and say something, but could he really do this? Was he really sure? Yes he was. But could he do this to Nick? Love isn't a fair game. If I don't try it now I'll never find out! He wondered if he should wait for a sign. Sara looking at him with a pleading expression in her eyes maybe was a sign. But was he looking that way at him because he wanted him to say something or because she hoped he'd keep his mouth shut.
If I don't try it know I will never find out! Damn it! Do it!
Milliseconds before the minister intended to start again, he stood up. Feeling that the whole room stared at him, feeling all those shocked looks around him, feeling that if looks could kill the next big event would be his funeral, big, only if someone would show up after this, he was close to loose his new won courage.
"Don't marry him Sara!", his voice was strong, which surprised him. He had been sure that not a single vocal would go over his lips. The confused expression in Sara's eyes forced him to say more. "Sara I love you! Please…you asked me if I'd see a chance for us…and I do see one!"
Nick's father was about to run over to Grissom, his expression said more than thousand words. If Warrick wouldn't have hold him back he'd probably killed Grissom with his bare hands.
Sara's eyes wandered from Grissom to Nick, from Nick back to Grissom. She bite down on her lip, glanced at the still shocked Nick and took a deep breath. "I….I…."
Grissom prayed she'd walk down to him, he wished she'd leave Nick. He had never been that scared before. He felt how his heart bet faster and faster, and he was sure, that if it would take her longer than a few seconds to decide what she'd do now, he'd get a heart attack…or he'd simply die because he forgot to breath.
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END OF CHAPTER FIVE
I'll promise a new chapter will be on soon ...I hope you liked the story so far...some reviews would be really realy nice -)