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Disclaimer: I own nothing (sadly!)

SPOILERS: all Seasons (including SEASON 5)

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breaking my own heart

chapter 6

It was as if the whole room needed CPR, no one said anything. Then Bette and Elle gained back their conscience Bette jumped up and ran to Grissom. "Are you crazy? Are you totally crazy!", she shouted. And Elle began to slap Grissom with her handbag as soon as she had reached him. Something that Nick's father obviously liked to see. The urge to kill Grissom with his bare hands seemed to grow bigger and bigger.

Warrick shot an angry and shocked look at Grissom, Greg couldn't help but laughed softly, his grin now made Nick's father even more furious.

Nick finally managed to swallow the demand to kill Grissom and turned to his fiancée. "Sara is that true?", he asked with a surprisingly calmed voice.

Sara bite down on her bottom lip, obviously hoping she could avoid to answer that question.

"Sara, damn it, is it true that you asked him if there's still a chance for the two of you!", Now Nick shouted. His anger and his frustration had taken control over his actions. He grabbed Sara on her both upper arms and agitated her harshly. "Is that true!"

Gladly Warrick stopped him, Sara fell down to the ground. Greg helped her up.

She stared at Nick, unbelieving and confused.

"Is that true!", he shouted again.

She nodded softly. "Yes…I'm sorry Nicky!"

"Don't call me Nicky!"

"Nick!...I never meant to hurt you!"

"Uhm…sorry…Miss, are you going to…I mean…do you wish to cancel the ceremony or do you want to continue?", the minister asked.

"Even if she would want to continue….I don't want to! I don't want to see you ever again! You damned…", Nick shouted, Sara cut him off.

"…great! You know what! I wouldn't have wanted to continue anyways!", she shouted back.

Grissom had finally managed to get Bette and Elle off of him. They tried to catch him when he ran out of the room, but gave up soon.

Grissom waited outside of the building, not knowing for what or for whom he waited, he sat down on the stairs. Would she come here? Would she want to talk to him after he had blown her wedding ceremony up? Probably she hated him now…what if she never wanted to see him again, because Nick was angry at her, and it was his fault. He alone was responsible for that mess.

Thee door behind him opened. He refused to turn around, too scared that this wasn't her. But he could tell by the sound of the footsteps that it was her. She sat down next to him, he looked at her, hoping she wouldn't slap him.

Her hand stroke over his face. He hadn't recognized that it was hurting until he now felt her soft touch on it. These handbags had been heavy.

"Does it hurt?", Sara asked softly.

He nodded. "Yeah…I bet I'll get two black eyes."

"Good.", she said sounding as cold as she had never sounded before.

Grissom swallowed hard, she hated him.

"I'm sorry Sara! This was the most inappropriate moment ever…I am so sorry!", he said desperately, hoping at least a part of her would forgive him.

"The most inappropriate moment would have been during our honeymoon. So don't worry about that…you could have been worse."

Again he swallowed hard, wishing he'd know what was going on in her head, wishing he could read her thoughts.

"Grissom don't get me wrong…I'm not angry at you…I just…don't know how to deal with this…you said that…you said that Nick would be the perfect man for me. I asked you if he would be and you said YES….and now you…now you blow up my wedding ceremony? How do I have to understand this?"

"Sara, Honey,…I…I know I told you he'd be the perfect man for you, and I know I said that…I said that you should marry him and that I don't think that there'd be a chance for us…I said this because I was afraid…I was afraid to loose you."

"That makes no sense at all!...I thought marrying Nick would mean you'd loose me."

"It would, but it would have been worse, if I would have told you that I don't think he's right and that I think that we have a chance, and you would have married him even so. I knew that this would be worse for me…it would probably have killed me….I…but when I walked you down the aisle and when I set on that chair, watching you and him…and then I saw the expression in your eyes when the minister said that ….I mean….I….I realized that I was breaking my own heart. I knew the only chance to ever win you back was now. The last chance ever. I knew it was now or never and…I listened to what my heart told me. I never meant to hurt you and I am sorry if I did."

"You hurt me before…but today…it's not like the usual way you hurt me…it's…It's on a strange level …I don't know how to describe it."

Grissom nodded softly. "What are you going to do now?", he asked, scared that her answer might be 'trying to fix things with Nick' or 'leaving Vegas…I can't stand it anymore there' He could hear his heart beating, breathing got harder and harder.

"I…I don't know…honestly, I think for the first time in my life I don't know what to do next…I always had some kind of idea of what to do…but there's nothing this time…I…I don't know.", she sounded desperate and confused.

Grissom swallowed hard…this was all his fault. Now she felt bad, because of him. He hated himself for hurting her. So often he had hurt her…it should have been clear to him that she wouldn't forgive him. He looked at her feeling totally helpless. He wanted to put his arms around her, he wanted to comfort her…but he knew she would probably push him away anyway.

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END OF CHAPTER SIX