"The Ultimate Fanfic (or not!)"

By: AnimaeAriesGirl and her big sis Tin!

Notes: Hiya guyz, AnimaeAriesGirl here! This is my very first fanfic, written with my big sis Tin. It's hella long, but I promise it's SOOOO worth it, so please read on. Just wanna say that all characters in this fanfic are not mine, they are trademarks of SquareSoft/Square Enix...well except for Sage and the evil villain whose name will be mentioned later... Enjoy minna-san!

CHAPTER 1 – The Port-a-Potty

" Wahhhhh! Why won't you die King, I don't understand! For crying out loud I did the stupid MEGA COMPLEX ULTRA COOL SUPER DUPER COMBO! WHYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY!

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"You see," old man Barret started, " Mr. Sephiroth here is working at a community service babysitting agency." The old man sighed and spoke, " The reason this man must work is because he is a villain charged by law of losing his mind, illegally cloning himself, murdering an ancient, summoning METEOR to destroy the Planet, and for being a MAMMA'S BOY." "Unfortunately for him," Barret proudly stated, " I was there to stop him and his battings with the help of MY merry crew and a stupid, spikey blonde haired cheese brain with purple pajamas. SIGH and that's why I'm telling this story." Barret said solemnly.

"No more story Gramps, stop the torture!" screamed Sage. " now back to the story," Barret said, beginning again.

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Sephiroth had just come home after a hard day's work at the daycare center. He was eating Doritos, playing PS OR P2's Tekken Tag Tournament in his boxers yelling at the screen jes 'cause the character King won't die (guess everyone jes wanna play video games today). King is believed to be a robot warrior in the Tekken series wearing a leopard mask, but that's no the main concern right now.

" Oh Sephy," cried another white long haired young Italian man, " my darlin' little bro, I have yours food ready!" "Finally," Sephiroth exclaimed,

" it took you long enough Setzer." "Come on now Sephy, MANGIA,MANGIA!"

Sephiroth stepped up to the food and stared down at it hard.

" What's this?" screamed Sephy in a pure Italian/Brooklyn accent, "It's garbage!"

"It's not garbage," Setzer exclaimed, " it's a Ciao Italia recipe. If you don't want it, I'll just make you a PB+J sandwich."

Sephiroth contemplated for a while, "Ummmmm…… Okay!"

Setzer starts singing an Italian song and spots a jar full of jelly. "Hummmmm, I thought we ran out of jelly…… OH WELL!" Setzer shrugged it off and spread the purple jelly on the toast along with some peanut butter.

"Here you go Sephy." Setzer said proudly.

Sephiroth takes a bite of the sandwich, " Yummy, what type of jelly is this? It's so… so… CHEWY!"

"I dunno," said Setzer, " But I gonna go clean the banio."

Setzer changed his clothes to a black hair net, a pink apron, fluffy white slippers, and grabbed his toilet scrubber. He then approached the bathroom and slowly opened the toilet lid.

WHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOSHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!

"!" screamed Setzer. " What the hell was that?"

Sephiroth slowly entered the bathroom and stared down at the toilet. " It appears to be a green vortex of evil radiating out of our potty," Sephiroth stated sounding like a scientist as he observed the glowing light.

" Do you thing Drano will get it down?" questioned Setzer.

"Nah," Sephiroth responded in a casual tone, " not unless it has some Holy power in it."

All of a sudden the green light formed into a huge hand and grabbed Sephiroth and Setzer. " !#!-)(#! " cursed Sephiroth as he and his brother were dragged down into the mists of the potty.

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That's how the Gabbiani Bros. got sucked into to the portal. Now let's see how the other got dragged into this mess. : TWILIGHT ZONE MUSIC IS CUED AND EVERYTING TURNS BLACK AND WHITE: " Wahhhh! Do we have to Gramps?" screamed Sage as his grandfather continued on with the story.

Meanwhile, in another Squaresoft Universe…………

Author's Note: Whoa, did ya like that? Hope so! Read on to find out what happens to the next unfortunate bunch of Final Fantasy characters. What horrible things do I have for them? It's good to be author BWHAHHAAHHAHHA!