Hi, this is a short songfic to Tourniquet by Evanescence. If you know the song…well, enough said.
Disclaimer: to punish Rumiko Takahashi for not selling her characters to me, I borrow them and put them in situations that will scar them forever. MUAHAHAHAHAHA!
Inu-hugs Kagome- It's okay, Kag-chan. I won't let mean ol' Moonglow gal hurt you!
Kag: And I'll hurt her if anything happens to you, Inu-chan.
both send Moonglow gal death glares-
MG: What? I haven't done anything yet!
BTW, this takes place sometime between when Inu discovers Naraku's involvement in the whole predicament and when Kikyo finds out. So she's in the dark, but the others aren't.
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It was done. My ultimate task had been performed.
Inuyasha…he was finally, finally, dead. The man who had brought me so much pain, who had deceived me, the man who had made my own heart betray me.
I study my hands, splattered with his warm blood. My powers had fought the purification of his human half, although they had willingly attacked the demon blood he harbored. Such an attack had been enough to make his heart, in crude terms, explode.
I skirt his still bleeding body, cleaning the fluid off my hands in the stream that runs by my old village.
As I catch my reflection in the water, a few droplets of blood spotting my pale cheeks, my gray eyes inexplicably tear up.
Why should I mourn his death? He deserved death as a punishment for his betrayal.
…perhaps that's why my heart hurts so. The deception wouldn't have hurt half as much if I hadn't loved him. Which was better? The lust for retribution and the feeling of utter betrayal? Or the satisfaction of revenge and this horrible grief?
I smile humorlessly. If only Urasue had left me to languish in my own death. No emotion disturbed my rest there. In fact, there had been nothing, only the sensation of endless sleep. But when I came back to the world of the living, it all rushed back to the soul housed in this clay shell. The hurt, the rage, the grief, the demand for revenge.
I tried to kill my pain…But only brought more.
(So much more)
"What…"
I whip around to lock gazes with a pair of blue eyes, filled with horror and disbelief. The moment they take in my blood-spattered face, the red decorating my clothing, they widen even further.
"Kikyo…what did you…" The girl's eyes swivel to focus on Inuyasha's body, and the blood drains from her face. "Inuyasha! Oh, gods, no!" She stumbles toward his limp body, collapsing to her knees at his side.
"Inuyasha, please, wake up! You can't be dead! Oh, god, open your eyes!" Ignoring the still-flowing blood, she lifts his head into her lap. Her black hair shields his cold face from the rest of the world as her tears begin to fall onto his skin, one by one, each a waking kiss come too late.
I lay dying,
And I'm pouring
Crimson regret
And betrayal.
Her sobs echo across the water as she clutches him to her chest, begging him to come back to life.
"Inuyasha, it's me, Kagome! You can't leave me like this! There's so much we still have to do! Don't leave me all alone like this! Don't leave—" Her voice gives out, leaving her incapable of anything but keening her sorrow to the world, gripping the dead body as tight as she can.
I'm dying (dying),
Praying (praying),
Bleeding (bleeding).
I'm screaming.
Her sobs don't move me at all. This girl is only wasting her time, grieving a traitor like this half-blood. Better cry for the hurt I had gone through, the life I had given up for the so-called love of this snake-like boy. When I've had enough of her misdirected mourning, I begin walking away, when a single, ragged word stops me.
"Kikyo."
Although I don't show it, the pure venom in her voice at that moment chills me. I turn in answer to her suddenly strong voice.
"What?"
She glares at me, the tears still pouring, her face the embodiment of accusation and rage.
"How could you? How could you kill…the man you love?"
Am I too lost
To be saved?
Am I too lost?
I snort. "He no longer deserves my love, or have you simply not been paying attention? He betrayed me, played with my heart to get power. Such scum shouldn't even deserve the quick death I gave him."
She shakes her head, biting her lip to hold back more sobs. When she regains her composure, she replies, "That wasn't Inuyasha! He never betrayed you, Kikyo. He loved you too much." Her voice breaks again. When she regains control of herself, there is an inexplicable tone of yearning in her voice. "Yes," she says, almost to herself, staring into Inuyasha's wide, unseeing eyes. "He loved you."
"What are you talking about? He was the one who mortally wounded me, who stole the Shikon Jewel, who almost destroyed my village. He loved me? I think not." My eyes narrow involuntarily, trying to hold back the tide of pain in my heart.
"No Kikyo. He never betrayed you. It wasn't him. A shape-shifting demon named Naraku did. He was the one who wounded you, and he pretended to be you attacking Inuyasha. He wanted you two to hate each other."
I scoff, although my heart is trembling at such a possibility. "Why would any demon care about that?"
She looks at me again, with an unfathomable expression on her face. "He wanted you to be his woman."
My God, my tourniquet,
Return to me salvation.
My God, my tourniquet,
Return to me salvation.
"What are you babbling about? What demon would ever want a miko for a mate?"
"A demon who was once human, and fell in love with you."
My clay heart skips a beat. "Human? Who would ever—"
She stares at me sadly, narrowing her eyes in anguish. "Remember, that bandit who was badly burned, and who you took care of? He fell in love with you. He wanted you, Kikyo. His need was so great that he offered his body to a horde of demons to give him enough power to make you his. But those demons wanted the Jewel, and made him kill you."
Do you remember me,
Lost for so long?
"Onigumo? He was the one who did this?" I desperately lock my knees, refusing to allow this shattering revelation to overwhelm me.
"Yes, Onigumo."
"No…" I make an attempt at my earlier scoff. "There's no way such a weak man could have turned us against each other. If Inuyasha was truly as loyal and devoted as you say, he wouldn't have betrayed me at all, wouldn't have attacked my village."
"Don't you get it? Despite his love for you, he was insecure and frightened. Back then, he didn't know what trust really meant. His worst fear came true when Naraku appeared as you and attempted to kill him." Kagome gently strokes Inuyasha's forehead, as if trying to comfort him in death.
Will you be on the other side?
Will you forget me?
"No, that can't be right," I say nervously. I refuse to look at my hands, afraid of seeing innocent blood on my hands. "Inuyasha manipulated me. He tricked me!" My voice cracks in my desperation.
Kagome just shakes her head, brushing the half-demon's bangs out of his face. "No matter what I say to you, it's too late for him anyway," she murmurs, grieving agony weighing down her words. "It's too late. Now…" She smoothes away a stray lock of hair. "Now, he doesn't even have a second chance at love. He had one at life, yes, but not love. And that…" She dashes a tear off her cheek, which is promptly replaced by another. "…that's the saddest part of it all."
I'm dying (dying),
Praying (praying),
Bleeding (bleeding).
I'm screaming.
The honest heartache in Kagome's voice shakes me to the core. Can it really be true? Did I just kill the only man my heart could ever soften for? Had he been wronged? Was I mistaken?
I press a fist against my suddenly pained artificial heart. No. It can't be. He wasn't innocent as Kagome insisted. There was no way. If such a ludicrous thing were true, that would mean…
…gods, that would mean that I destroyed him twice. Two chances at redemption, gone. Even when we were given a chance to make up.
No, Kagome can't be right. She mustn't be right.
Am I too lost
To be saved?
Am I too lost?
But when I look at her again, her hands are busy rearranging the cloth over his wound, which has finally stopped pouring blood. Her shoulders shake in silent anguish each time her fingers brush his cold flesh.
When she's done her best to cover the gaping hole in his chest, she runs a finger down his cheek and whispers, "I love you, Inuyasha. I wish I could've told you that before, but…" She leans downs and softly kisses his forehead. "Rest in peace."
Those simple actions, those innocent, heartbroken words, finally convince me. No matter what I want to believe, he really was innocent.
I stare at my hands, then at Kagome's. Both pairs are splattered with blood, caking into ruddy brown. Mine are stained with revenge, with rage…with hate. While her hands…those hands that were once mine are coated in devotion, forgiveness, trust, a strength of spirit I never had.
My God, my tourniquet,
Return to me salvation.
My God, my tourniquet,
Return to me salvation.
(Return to me salvation)
"No…please, no…" I whisper, so quietly that I doubt even a living Inuyasha would have been able to hear.
Kagome suddenly sets Inuyasha's head back on the ground. She silently walks toward me, and halts about ten feet away. For a moment, we just stare at each other, one a reflection of the other. She has my raven hair, my pale eyes, my entire body. All perfectly copied. And yet, we remain utterly different.
Ooo…
I want to die!
Finally, she says, "Now what?" Bitterness creeps into her voice as she continues to speak. "Now that you've killed the man we both love, what now?"
I shake my head. "I don't want to believe it." She swells, obviously incensed by my protracted denial. I hold up a bloodied hand to silence her and continue. "I don't want to believe that I killed a man who truly loved me. But…"
I turn to Inuyasha's body. No longer disheveled and lying every which way on the rocky shore, but neatly laid out, hair smoothed, clothing unrumpled. Even his face seems more peaceful than before. "I just look at him…now so helpless…and I see the truth in your words. Inuyasha couldn't ever do that to someone he truly cared for. He couldn't have done that to me."
With halting steps, I approach his body and squat on my heels. Stretching out my fingers, I brush his shoulder. "I'm sorry, Inuyasha. I'm just…I'm so sorry."
As I withdraw my hand, a heartrending spasm of pain shrieks through me. I bite my lip and clutch my chest, determined not to cry out.
My God, my tourniquet,
Return to me salvation.
My God, my tourniquet,
Return to me salvation.
Kagome suddenly appears across from me, taking Inuyasha's hand in hers. "What are you going to do now?" she repeats softly.
I stand and face the stream, the bushes across the babbling brook, the village just visible beyond those branches. I sigh, still clutching my pained chest, and answer, "I'm going to die."
My wounds cry for the grave.
My soul cries for deliverance.
At that moment, I feel a sense of utter release. I recognize the nagging blackness at the corners of my eyes, the numbness pervading my heart. Smiling, I walk toward the rushing water.
I cast a glance over my shoulder and see Kagome's questioning stare. "Where are you going?"
I shrug. "I don't deserve to die at the side of the man I wronged so deeply. Goodbye." With that, I walk into the water. Looking down at my feet, I watch the water slowly dissolve my clay body, until I fall, face first, into death's welcoming arms.
Will I be denied?
Christ! Tourniquet!
My suicide…11111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111111
I watch in silent horror as Kikyo's body liquefies before my very eyes. When she is washed away in the stream's flow, I can almost smell her relief. I can feel the burden of unwanted life falling off her shoulders.
From the spot she had stood in only moments before, a deep purple ball of light emerges. It slowly flies toward me. I reach out to touch it, and the moment I make contact, it changes to an ivory color and melts into my skin.
"My soul is back," I murmur joylessly.
I cast a pain-filled glance at Inuyasha's lifeless body. "Goodbye, my love," I whisper.
As I stand to walk away, a warm sensation envelops me, bringing with it an odd sense of security. I close my eyes to let the feeling wash over—
What the—!
My eyes snap open before I cautiously let my eyelids block off the sun again. This time, I keep my eyes closed, despite the odd rush of fear and joy that comes when, somehow, I see Inuyasha's arms wrapped around me. I turn around, eyes still closed, and see his face…his wonderful, living face that I thought I'd never see again!
He smiles at me, although his eyes look tired and sad. "Goodbye, my sweet Kagome," he whispers into my ear.
And then, the vision disappears, along with the warm embrace. I open my eyes and rediscover his cold body, the stream where Kikyo ended her life.
I turn away, and, without looking back, return to the village, a place where I don't have to say goodbye.
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T-T
That is, like, THE most depressing thing I have ever written. Of course, it isn't nearly as good as I had hoped, and the ending is quite what I wanted it to be. Oh well.
Poo, now I'm all depressed.
And the Evanescence playing in the background isn't helping!
"This space reserved for happy, cute way of asking for reviews, the author being too depressed to write any further."