"The Ultimate Fanfic (or not!)"

By: AnimaeAriesGirl and her big sis Tin!

Notes: Hiya guyz, AnimaeAriesGirl here! This is my very first fanfic, written with my big sis Tin. It's hella long, but I promise it's SOOOO worth it, so please read on. Just wanna say that all characters in this fanfic are not mine, they are trademarks of SquareSoft/Square Enix...well except for Sage and the evil villain whose name will be mentioned later... Enjoy minna-san!

Chapter 6 – The Dating Intros!

"Well, since we're all here, I guess we should introduce ourselves," said Tifa.

"We shall go first, for we are the Gabianni Brothers!" shouted Setzer and Sephiroth simultaneously and posing.

"Ahem," said Setzer. "I am Setzer Gabianni, air ship builder extraordinaire and lover of fine wine, gambling, and women!" he proclaimed as he smiled and winked CHING! .

"Ummm….I am Sephiroth Gabianni and I –"

"#!" Cid interrupted and shouted, "You have a brother! Wait a sec –"

"Setzer!" Sabin yelled, "Since when did you have a brother? How come you never told us?"

Setzer held a hand up and said, "Shush! Don't ask! It's a story best saved for another time. Go on, Sephy, continue."

"SEPHY?" yelled the FF7 crew.

Setzer replied, "It's his pet name."

"Awwww…….," said all the lovely ladies.

Sephy blushed and continued, "Well, as I was saying….I am Sephiroth Gabianni, former General of Shinra, former madman, obsesser of Jenova, and now reformed evil villain. I now work at a children's daycare center taking care of chibis."

Cloud laughed, "Sephy, the babysitter! That's something I'd like to see. So how's your dating life now that Mommy Jenova is gone?"

"Hmph," said Sephy. "If you must know, although I'm still single wah , my ultimate plan is still in progress. Jenova lives!"

"WHAT?" yelled the FF7 crew.

"What's Jenova?" asked the FF6 and FF9 crews.

Barret replied, "Jenova is this ugly excuse of an alien being/virus posing as an ancient."

Cid added, "Jenova is this blob of mass, slimy, and it has not #! head, with a !# bunch of tentacles!"

"Ewww……..," said the FF crews.

"Sephy then said, "Whatever. It does not matter what you think! Jenova lives and I have stored her safely in a place known as Brooklyn. There, she lies in a specimen jar that I have labeled with a large 'J' so that I know where she is at all times. Together, Jenova and I will –"

"Umm, Sephy!" Stezer interrupted, a sweat drop forming on his head.

"Not now, Setzer!" Sephy growled as he continued his boring speech…Blah blah.. (some things just never change )

"But, Sephy, you know that Jenova jar? Uhh, you didn't happen to store it in the kitchen did you?"

Sephy raised an eyebrow. "Yeah. That way no one would find her."

"Uhh, well, umm…that is….,"Setzer said fidgeting.

"What is it, man? Cough it out!" Sephy commanded.

Setzer turned green and said, " I would, but I think you digested her already!"

Sephy turned pale, looking sick. He stared at his stomach and screamed, "Mother!" He went to sulk in a corner.

"Okay," said Edgar, "that was disturbing. I guess I'll go next. I am Kig Edgar Roni Figaro, ruler of the Figaro Kingodm and an engineer extraordinaire, specializing in moving castles, weapons, and machinery. I also happen to enjoy rich foods, spirits, and ladies!" wink, wink

"What's that?" asked Terra, her arms crossed.

"Uh, well, I'm currently just devoted to one beautiful and ravishing woman, he he," Edgar quickly added. Terra smiled, feeling contented.

Sabin flexed his biceps and introduced himself. "I'm Sabin Rene Figaro –"

"Rene?" asked the FF crews.

"Isn't that a girl's name" asked Dagger innocently.

Sabin pouted and replied, "My mommy gave me that name. Don't make fun of it."

"Mamma's boy," Locke snicered.

Sephy sulked in his corner muttering, "And they call me a mamma's boy."

Sabin shrugged and continued, "Well, I am also top disciple of Duncan, Master of Martial Arts. I have mastered different fighting techniques and Blitzes as well as created my own. My hobbies include kicking some bad guy butt! Grr! I also happen to be single! Ching! " Sabin smiled and looked at Tifa. drool, drool

Terra shyly smiled. "I'm Terra Branford, half-human and half-Esper (spirits summoned by magic). Formerly used by the Evil Empire and my memory messed up, I'm reformed with the help of my friends. I currently take care of a town of children in Mobliz. And no, they're no really my own. I adopted them with Kefka (the FF6 evil villain) killed their parents."

Sephy stared at Terra and said, "My, you look familiar." AN: Sephy takes care of a chibi-Terra in his baby-sitting job.

"But you look quite lovely. Are you single?" drool, drool

:EDGAR WHIPS OUT HIS CHAINSAW AND PSYCHO MUSIC IS CUED: Edgar points the chainsaw at Sephy and grolws, "Does that answer your question?"

Sephy whimpers and hides behind Setzer.

Locke stepped forward. "I'm Lock Cole, former member of the Returners and now happily engaged," he said, smiling at Celes. "Heh, and my hobbies include saving those in need of help and searching for rare treasures, hence I am a Treasure Hunter," he proclaimed proudly.

"Thief," someone muttered.

"Hey!" Locke shouted. "It's Treasure Hunter or I'll rip your heart out!"

"Uh-huh. Clam down, honey," Celes said cooly. "I'm Celes Chere – well soon to be Cleles Cole," she giggled. "I am the former General of the infamous Empire, infused with Esper magic. I control mainly Ice and as you can see, I'm happily reformed and joined the Returner. On the light side of things, my hobbies are shining my Rune Blade and opera singing."

"Yep," says Locke. "She's a mean, lean, slicing, singing machine."

Cyan introduced himself, "Salutations, fellow warriors. I am Cyan Garamond, former general and loyal subject to the former liege of Doma. Now, after the untimely death and destruction of my liege and kingdom, I hath taken the sacred role as the King of Doma. I am thine own master of many sword techniques and am fortunate to have been part of the demise of the scoundrel and evil of the Empire, Kefa."

Everyone said, confused, "What?"

Shadow answered in a monotonous voice, "He said he's the King of Doman, can sword fight like hell, and he kicked Kefka's . Oh yeah, I'm Shadow, I can kick your and I'm an assassin for hire."

Cid nodded and said, "Short and simple, I could get along with this guy."

Zidane shrugged, introducing himself, "Yeah, so I'm Zidane Tribal, former member of the acting troupe Tantalaus and in L-O-V-E with a ravishing Queen." Zidane chuckled, his monkey tail swishing about. "Oh yeah, I'm also a master thief with a funky tail, he . It's got a mind of its own sometimes."

Dagger giggled as Zidane's tail swished about. "My name is Queen Garnet til Alexandros the 17th."

"#!" Cid cursed, "That's one helluva long name!"

Sabin scratched his head, " I can't remember all that."

Dagger smiled saying, "You can call me Dagger."

Everyone smiled in relief. Dagger continued, "Well, I'm ruler of the Kingdom of Alexandria and summoner of eidolons like Odin, Alexander, Bahamut, and so on. I am also a user of white magic – curative spells."

Beatrix saluted and flipped her hair over her shoulder. "I am General Beatrix, commander of the Red Rose, leader of the Alexandrian soldiers, and bodyguard to the Queen. I am never without my trusty Save the Queen," she stated brandishing her sword.

Everyone saw the many blood stains upon the sword and took a step back.

Barret whistled and commented, "Dang, das' a whole lotta woman!"

Steiner glared at Barret saying, "Gr…she also happens to be MY woman! Ahem, well, I am Captain Adelbert Steiner –"

"Adelbert?" everyone shouted. Locked started to snicker, then a few seconds later, everyone was laughing hysterically.

"Just call him Rusty," Zidane laughed.

"Gr…." Steiner growled. He stood proudly and stated, "Call me Steiner then. I am sworn protector of the Queen and Kingdom of Alexandrai, as well as the Captain of the Knights of Pluto." Steiner brandished his sword and proclaimed, "With Excalibur at my side, I shall triumph over brigands and villains and kick a lot of –" Steiner paused realizing the Queen was there. "Umm…hiney..." - he finished.

Vivi fixed his hat nervously and said, "Hi, I'm Vivi Orinuitia –"

Sabin scratched his head, "Oreo?"

"Origami?" Sezter asked confused.

"Oregon?" Barret questioned.

"No, no," Vivi said. "Orinuitia, That's O-R-I—ah never mind. Just call me Vivi, k?"

Everyone nodded. The girls cooed, "Aww…isn't he as cute as a teddy bear?"

"Umm….thanks, I think," Vivi said shyly. "I'm a Black Mage – a former puppet that was supposed to be manipulated by Kuja, I'm a user of black magic, like spells such as Flare and Shadow. An uh, I like watching plays and playing cards."

Setzer looked up and grinned. He whipped out his cards from his apron. "Ah, my type of boy, How 'bout a few rounds of Black Jack?"

"Uhh….," Vivi responded confused.

"Later, Setzer!" Edgar commanded. "We're not done with introductions yet."

Quina sat on a very large rock looking gloomy. "Me so hungry," the gourmand groaned looking at his/her soup ladle. "Aya, me Quina Quen. Me gourmand, me cook good food and wants to eat good food. Got problem?"

"Uhh…," said Cid. "The thing looks hungry. It won't eat us will it?"

Zidane shook his head and said, "Not unless you're a frog. Shim is just upset the soup he/she cooked turned into the evil vortex."

Cloud scratched the back of his spikey head. " I'm Cloud Strife, mercernary-for-hire a former member of SOLDIER. The funky glow in my eyes is from Mako infusion. Call it magic, only solid. I joined up wit Avalanche and killed Sephiroth- or at least that's what I thought," Cloud stated, glaring at the former villain. "Anywayz, uh, I apologize for my appearance," he said glancing at his flip-flops, white shirt, and purple/red cargo swimming trunks. "I was surfing a very cool wave, then ended up here." SIGH .

Barret grunted and said, "Yo, meh name's Barret Wallace. I'm da former leader of Avalanche til Cloud's spikey took ova. I fight wit meh gun arm an' I kicked Sephiroth's - at least I thought I did. Before all dis I waz eating meh chocoburga, but dat damn wave took us in wit our food! Now, I'm ere istead of bein wit meh lil' girl, Marlene."

Cid was busy looking around for a cigarette. He looked up and said, "Huh? Oh, guess it's my turn. Well, I'm a pilot, proud papa of the Highwind, Tiny Bronco, and Shinra No. 26—that's my airship, plane, and rocket. Before landing my here, I was barbequing with my trusty Venus Gospel. Oh ! There's still BBQ sauce on it" Cid proceeded to clean his weapon.

Vincent sighed and said seriously, "I am Vincent Valentine…"

After a VERY long silence, Cid cursed ! Damn, just stinkin' 4 words! Vinny here is a science-experiment-gone-wrong-turned-vamp!

Again the dark man said seriously, "I am not a vampire"

"Dammit! You sleep in a coffin, got long goth locks, and you even have a cape like Dracula, so whaddya say to that?"

But Vincent stayed simply quiet.

Tifa cleared her throat delicately. "Stop teasing Vincent, Cid." She shivered and rubbed her arms. "Hi, I'm Tifa Lockehart. I apologize for my appearance," she said glancing self-consciously at her blue hater bikini and flip-flops. "We WERE having a beach BBQ, and I was going to surf this huge wave and then we ended up here, which is why I'm in a bikini so-"

"I DON'T MIND! Shouted an excited Sabin, Sephy, Setzer, and Vinny simultaneously. DROOL, DROOL

"Umm.. okaayy," Tifa responded as Cloud sulked. "I'm also a bar hostess and have a new bar called Seventh Heaven II-"

"Ahhh.." said Setzer, pleased. "She offers beauty And alcohol. I love it!"

Vinnny responded, " Her beauty is enough to satisfy me."

"Thanks I think." Cloud scowled even more. She continued, "Ummm.. oh yeah, I almost forgot! I study martial arts under the tutelage of Zangan and in battle I let my fists do the talking." Tifa flexed her fists, saying, "My ultimate move is called Final Heaven."

Sephiroth winced, rubbing his back. "Oh yes, now I remember," he whimpered.

Setzer took a step back, "Whoa, serving of ale, great beauty, but fists o' love. Hmmmmm… Deadly gamble there….."

Sabin grinned happily with hearts in his eyes. "Whatta woman! Gorgeous, great body, and abs (like me) and she's also a martial artist! Woo-hoo, I think I'm in love! Are you single?" Sabin asked drooling, as Edgar attempted to restrain his twin brother.

Tifa blushed prettily, replying, "Wow, I'm flattered…"

Cloud growled, interrupting, "Hey what is this, some type of dating game?" :THE DATING GAME MUSIC IS CUED: "Okay," Cloud said, " that was creepy…"

Tifa sighed, "Well, I'm also not open to blatantly being hit on. Get too fresh and I'll show you what it means to be in Final Heaven," she warned.

Everyone stepped back frightened.

Cloud smiled and said, "That's right, 'cause she MY Tifa! He stood in front of her, shielding her from the prying eyes of the single FF guys.

"Now what?" Zidane questioned, his tail swishing about.

Author's Note: As you can see, this is one of the longest chapters thus far, probably because my older sister, whom I like to call Tin, wrote it for the most part! I was just watched and commented on the side. That also explains why Cyan's dialogue is SOOOOOOO much better in this chapter, as well as the other characters' grammar. Anywayz, back to the story, now that the warriors have met, it is now time for their next move….. How exciting! What could it be? Read on I beg of you and review while your at it