~*^*Chapter 7*^*~
It was dark and although the room was warm, Sara's body was cooling rapidly. Her body twisted and turned uncomfortably in sleep. Although her dreams were far from being trees, grass and animals, it was filled flashes of sharp white light and gruelling shards of glass flying in the air. The sound was beyond anything she'd ever heard, becoming distorted with each thought.
Her head pushed into her pillow as a crashing sound broke her current patchy dream.
"Fire?"
Her body broke out in a cold sweat as a scream reached her ears.
"Heat?"
Shouting and crackles followed the explosion.
"Greg!?"
Fires and scraping sounded louder.
"Ah!"
The heat was too much to bare.
"It's burning!"
The smell of copper, blood and burning filled the air.
"It hurts!"
Grissom thought there was an earth quake, until he turned his head and opened his eyes to see Sara turning, only to whimper and turn again. -She's having a nightmare- He watched silently as she whispered in her sleep, but too incoherent for him to hear. His mind took him back three years, maybe more. All the way back to the pig experiment. -Sleep with her? She asked me to sleep with her. I know she was making a point, but it didn't stop my heart from exploding at the mere thought-
'Would you like to sleep with me? Then, when I wake up in a cold sweat under the covers, you can tell me, it's just empathy'
"Sara." He whispered, pulling on the pillow that lay between them.
She rolled her head towards him, but didn't seem to wake. Her dreams were still haunting her, not letting her go.
Breathing in nervously, he shifted closer to reach over her. He switched on the lamp before pulling back to look down at her. "Sara, honey, wake up." He called softly, letting his fingers hesitantly run down her cheek.
"Stop." She murmured, pushing his hand back to turn away from him.
"Sara?" His voice broke slightly as she blocked him out. "You were having a nightmare."
She sighed, now awake and too embarrassed to think straight. "I was sleeping, you woke me up."
"No, it was a nightmare, Sara... do... do you want to talk about it?" He asked shakily. -Why can't I talk to her, even now?-
Ignoring him, she opened her eyes for the first time and stared straight at the wall. -He's being nice, he doesn't want to discuss what I dream or what haunts my dreams every so often-
"Talk to me." He pleaded gently, touching her shoulder.
Sara sucked in a breath and pulled away. She threw the covers back and got out of bed. "Talk to you?" She asked incredulously. Pulling on her night gown, she glared at him. "How can you ask me that, Grissom?"
The room became deafenly quiet as he watched her leave. A light flickered on in the living room and he could see her drop down onto the couch and bury her face in her hands. Grissom rubbed his eyes before following her.
"I'm sorry." He whispered, sitting down beside her.
"It's just," She paused, trying to figure out if talking to him was going to help. He could listen or he could get up and walk away. Walk away like he always does. It'll get too personal and he'll walk.
Sitting up, Sara looked at a spot on the coffee table as she spoke. "How can you ask me questions, ask me to talk to you, when... when you don't, won't talk to me?" She chanced a look at him and groaned when he looked blankly at her and then shifted to look away. -It's the same old-
"I'll be petty and say, I asked you first Sara." He looked at her and saw the anger. -Give me time, Sara. I'm trying, I really am-
Seeing his sincerity and something else, she found her brain battling to give him slack, let him take his time. -But I don't have time. I've been waiting too long. He has to see that-
Turning her head away, she sighed. "Nightmares?" She asked, knowing exactly what they were referring to, but needing a diversion to collect her thoughts.
-She may not think so, but I care. I can't watch her burn out- He reached out and covered her hand that rest on the cushion between them. "You can trust me. We all have nightmares." Sara nodded, trying to convince herself to talk to him, but she was having her doubts. "You once asked me if I'd..." He coughed nervously. "if I'd sleep with you." He stopped and looked at her, suddenly not feeling stupid anymore.
"I'm here with you now. I woke up under the covers, with you Sara. I heard the nightmare and how scared you were. You wanted that from the beginning."
"No!" She jumped up. "Stop turning this around." She snapped. "I asked you to sleep with me so many years ago and you sat there like you are now, clueless." -Like you'll ever understand-
Grissom shook his head and watched her pace the carpet. "Not clueless, shocked. I didn't know what to say. You caught me off guard, like you always do."
Standing still, her back to him, she could feel how tired she was and how this wasn't the time or the place to get distracted. They were working. It was CSI time. They were not supposed to be personalising this case, he'd said so himself. But he's the one who started this, he made the boundaries and even told her so in few words. She wasn't to bring her personal life into her professional, it was unprofessional.
Thinking back to the pig experiment, she could stop the thought that it was 'so' long ago and it still haunted her with the rest of her nightmares. It was a bad moment in her life. She made a fool of herself, a complete idiot, in front of her boss about a case she got too involved with. It still angered her that those sort of cases got to her, but it didn't stop her from feeling obligated to find the person responsible.
Sara shook her head in silent surrender and let her shoulders slump in defeat. The night still held many of the city lights, but most the population would be asleep if not working.
She wanted to go home.
Didn't he?
-It's never going to be easy to talk to him, it's never going to be easy for him to open up to me, why do I bother?- She sighed and looked down at the carpet.
"You still don't do anything." She whispered tiredly.
Grissom had been watching her the entire time she stood away from him. He felt compelled, no, the strong urge to wrap his arms around her and take away every ounce of hurt he had caused her. But it was his battling brain that stop him from doing such a thing. He could just shut everything off and got to her. Too much responsibly lay on his shoulders and he didn't want it in the first place. He'd give anything to go back to how it was three years ago. He needed that rapor they had then to keep his grounded.
Now, he still needed it more than his need to breath. She was his oxygen and she didn't even know it, no one did, well, perhaps one, but his mother had been sworn not to speak a word of his feelings to another soul.
"I wish I could." He confessed solely for her to hear that he'd thought about it.
Turning her head slightly, she glanced at him. "I don't believe in wishes, Grissom."
"Ok," He cleared his throat and stood. "I'd take you up on it now, if... if you want?" Shaking his head in contemplation of what he'd just said, he looked up to watch her turn to him.
"You'd sleep with me?" She asked with furrowed brows.
He nodded slowly. "I'd scare the nightmares away if you let me."
Sara dropped her eyes to her hands that were playing with the cuff of her night gown. She couldn't figure out what had just happened, but she'd swear Grissom just offered to sleep with her. -SLEEP- She reminded herself, she'd rather like that. Although it hadn't occurred to either of them as yet, but they had shared the bed twice already, but there had always been a barrier between them. The Pillow, a wall to cut each other out.
Grissom held out his hand and waited for her to take it. When she did, he turned and led her back to bed. Sara let her night gown fall to the floor before crawling under the covers, waiting for Grissom to get in. They didn't have to say it, but both knew the other was nervous.
"Sara," He said her name softly as he moved to the middle of the bed and gently lifted the cover to let her move closer to him. "Tell me about them."
She shifted closer and stared at his chest. Even though he wore a shirt, she was far beyond thinking about him in any way other than a friend right at that moment, she turned and lightly pressed her shoulders against his chest. She felt his hand rub her upper arm as she talked. Even the few things that didn't happen involving the lab, she told him. The Hank ordeal. She couldn't stop the words once they came out. The 'Soundbite' Wescott court dilemma and the explosion. The large aspects that she didn't tell him, were that the whole sequence of nightmares reminded her of him in so many of them.
-He was always watching me, looking down at me, never getting close enough- Causing such pain and hurt that only could see and feel. If he only knew her true feelings, she'd never have a nightmare over his actions or the consequences of her own again. She'd only have to work around the cases that haunted her over the top of her personal issues.
"I saw Greg lying there, bleeding and burnt. The lab burning and the sprinklers pounding down. Glass breaking and the windows flying... the glass... the cuts... pain..." Sara drifted off when she felt herself going in circles. She's been repeating herself for a while now and only then did she feel the wetness against her cheek and the pillow's dampness. His hand had gradually moved to hold on to hers as she spoke. His chest was completely pressed against her back as she breathed in ragged breathes.
His head was resting against hers as she cried almost silently. Her body shaking with the shock of reliving everything she felt she could tell him. He felt every jerk and breath as he listened to her spill her pain, but he could hear it in her voice that she wasn't telling him everything.
"Thank you." He whispered, squeezing her hand, telling her that he couldn't thank her enough for her trust in him to release so much. -I promise I'll fix this Sara- His internal battle was warring and as she relaxed, his hand slipped from hers to pull her closer to him before reclaiming her hand again and holding her in sleep, chasing away any remaining nightmares that deemed to make themselves present.
~*^*^*~
It was dark and although the room was warm, Sara's body was cooling rapidly. Her body twisted and turned uncomfortably in sleep. Although her dreams were far from being trees, grass and animals, it was filled flashes of sharp white light and gruelling shards of glass flying in the air. The sound was beyond anything she'd ever heard, becoming distorted with each thought.
Her head pushed into her pillow as a crashing sound broke her current patchy dream.
"Fire?"
Her body broke out in a cold sweat as a scream reached her ears.
"Heat?"
Shouting and crackles followed the explosion.
"Greg!?"
Fires and scraping sounded louder.
"Ah!"
The heat was too much to bare.
"It's burning!"
The smell of copper, blood and burning filled the air.
"It hurts!"
Grissom thought there was an earth quake, until he turned his head and opened his eyes to see Sara turning, only to whimper and turn again. -She's having a nightmare- He watched silently as she whispered in her sleep, but too incoherent for him to hear. His mind took him back three years, maybe more. All the way back to the pig experiment. -Sleep with her? She asked me to sleep with her. I know she was making a point, but it didn't stop my heart from exploding at the mere thought-
'Would you like to sleep with me? Then, when I wake up in a cold sweat under the covers, you can tell me, it's just empathy'
"Sara." He whispered, pulling on the pillow that lay between them.
She rolled her head towards him, but didn't seem to wake. Her dreams were still haunting her, not letting her go.
Breathing in nervously, he shifted closer to reach over her. He switched on the lamp before pulling back to look down at her. "Sara, honey, wake up." He called softly, letting his fingers hesitantly run down her cheek.
"Stop." She murmured, pushing his hand back to turn away from him.
"Sara?" His voice broke slightly as she blocked him out. "You were having a nightmare."
She sighed, now awake and too embarrassed to think straight. "I was sleeping, you woke me up."
"No, it was a nightmare, Sara... do... do you want to talk about it?" He asked shakily. -Why can't I talk to her, even now?-
Ignoring him, she opened her eyes for the first time and stared straight at the wall. -He's being nice, he doesn't want to discuss what I dream or what haunts my dreams every so often-
"Talk to me." He pleaded gently, touching her shoulder.
Sara sucked in a breath and pulled away. She threw the covers back and got out of bed. "Talk to you?" She asked incredulously. Pulling on her night gown, she glared at him. "How can you ask me that, Grissom?"
The room became deafenly quiet as he watched her leave. A light flickered on in the living room and he could see her drop down onto the couch and bury her face in her hands. Grissom rubbed his eyes before following her.
"I'm sorry." He whispered, sitting down beside her.
"It's just," She paused, trying to figure out if talking to him was going to help. He could listen or he could get up and walk away. Walk away like he always does. It'll get too personal and he'll walk.
Sitting up, Sara looked at a spot on the coffee table as she spoke. "How can you ask me questions, ask me to talk to you, when... when you don't, won't talk to me?" She chanced a look at him and groaned when he looked blankly at her and then shifted to look away. -It's the same old-
"I'll be petty and say, I asked you first Sara." He looked at her and saw the anger. -Give me time, Sara. I'm trying, I really am-
Seeing his sincerity and something else, she found her brain battling to give him slack, let him take his time. -But I don't have time. I've been waiting too long. He has to see that-
Turning her head away, she sighed. "Nightmares?" She asked, knowing exactly what they were referring to, but needing a diversion to collect her thoughts.
-She may not think so, but I care. I can't watch her burn out- He reached out and covered her hand that rest on the cushion between them. "You can trust me. We all have nightmares." Sara nodded, trying to convince herself to talk to him, but she was having her doubts. "You once asked me if I'd..." He coughed nervously. "if I'd sleep with you." He stopped and looked at her, suddenly not feeling stupid anymore.
"I'm here with you now. I woke up under the covers, with you Sara. I heard the nightmare and how scared you were. You wanted that from the beginning."
"No!" She jumped up. "Stop turning this around." She snapped. "I asked you to sleep with me so many years ago and you sat there like you are now, clueless." -Like you'll ever understand-
Grissom shook his head and watched her pace the carpet. "Not clueless, shocked. I didn't know what to say. You caught me off guard, like you always do."
Standing still, her back to him, she could feel how tired she was and how this wasn't the time or the place to get distracted. They were working. It was CSI time. They were not supposed to be personalising this case, he'd said so himself. But he's the one who started this, he made the boundaries and even told her so in few words. She wasn't to bring her personal life into her professional, it was unprofessional.
Thinking back to the pig experiment, she could stop the thought that it was 'so' long ago and it still haunted her with the rest of her nightmares. It was a bad moment in her life. She made a fool of herself, a complete idiot, in front of her boss about a case she got too involved with. It still angered her that those sort of cases got to her, but it didn't stop her from feeling obligated to find the person responsible.
Sara shook her head in silent surrender and let her shoulders slump in defeat. The night still held many of the city lights, but most the population would be asleep if not working.
She wanted to go home.
Didn't he?
-It's never going to be easy to talk to him, it's never going to be easy for him to open up to me, why do I bother?- She sighed and looked down at the carpet.
"You still don't do anything." She whispered tiredly.
Grissom had been watching her the entire time she stood away from him. He felt compelled, no, the strong urge to wrap his arms around her and take away every ounce of hurt he had caused her. But it was his battling brain that stop him from doing such a thing. He could just shut everything off and got to her. Too much responsibly lay on his shoulders and he didn't want it in the first place. He'd give anything to go back to how it was three years ago. He needed that rapor they had then to keep his grounded.
Now, he still needed it more than his need to breath. She was his oxygen and she didn't even know it, no one did, well, perhaps one, but his mother had been sworn not to speak a word of his feelings to another soul.
"I wish I could." He confessed solely for her to hear that he'd thought about it.
Turning her head slightly, she glanced at him. "I don't believe in wishes, Grissom."
"Ok," He cleared his throat and stood. "I'd take you up on it now, if... if you want?" Shaking his head in contemplation of what he'd just said, he looked up to watch her turn to him.
"You'd sleep with me?" She asked with furrowed brows.
He nodded slowly. "I'd scare the nightmares away if you let me."
Sara dropped her eyes to her hands that were playing with the cuff of her night gown. She couldn't figure out what had just happened, but she'd swear Grissom just offered to sleep with her. -SLEEP- She reminded herself, she'd rather like that. Although it hadn't occurred to either of them as yet, but they had shared the bed twice already, but there had always been a barrier between them. The Pillow, a wall to cut each other out.
Grissom held out his hand and waited for her to take it. When she did, he turned and led her back to bed. Sara let her night gown fall to the floor before crawling under the covers, waiting for Grissom to get in. They didn't have to say it, but both knew the other was nervous.
"Sara," He said her name softly as he moved to the middle of the bed and gently lifted the cover to let her move closer to him. "Tell me about them."
She shifted closer and stared at his chest. Even though he wore a shirt, she was far beyond thinking about him in any way other than a friend right at that moment, she turned and lightly pressed her shoulders against his chest. She felt his hand rub her upper arm as she talked. Even the few things that didn't happen involving the lab, she told him. The Hank ordeal. She couldn't stop the words once they came out. The 'Soundbite' Wescott court dilemma and the explosion. The large aspects that she didn't tell him, were that the whole sequence of nightmares reminded her of him in so many of them.
-He was always watching me, looking down at me, never getting close enough- Causing such pain and hurt that only could see and feel. If he only knew her true feelings, she'd never have a nightmare over his actions or the consequences of her own again. She'd only have to work around the cases that haunted her over the top of her personal issues.
"I saw Greg lying there, bleeding and burnt. The lab burning and the sprinklers pounding down. Glass breaking and the windows flying... the glass... the cuts... pain..." Sara drifted off when she felt herself going in circles. She's been repeating herself for a while now and only then did she feel the wetness against her cheek and the pillow's dampness. His hand had gradually moved to hold on to hers as she spoke. His chest was completely pressed against her back as she breathed in ragged breathes.
His head was resting against hers as she cried almost silently. Her body shaking with the shock of reliving everything she felt she could tell him. He felt every jerk and breath as he listened to her spill her pain, but he could hear it in her voice that she wasn't telling him everything.
"Thank you." He whispered, squeezing her hand, telling her that he couldn't thank her enough for her trust in him to release so much. -I promise I'll fix this Sara- His internal battle was warring and as she relaxed, his hand slipped from hers to pull her closer to him before reclaiming her hand again and holding her in sleep, chasing away any remaining nightmares that deemed to make themselves present.
~*^*^*~