Chapter 12
moggie note: This chapter is all gsrfan. *grins* Go girl, you're on a roll.
[Spoilers: Lady Heather's Box]
"Whoa, what side of the bed did Sara kick you out of this morning?" came the voice that had ruined Grissom's moment.
-Jim Brass- Grissom glowered. -Always prepared with a sarcastic comment-
"Did you want something or did you just call to make bad jokes?" Grissom snapped back, "I'm kind of busy."
-Now where has she gone?- he thought, scanning the room for Sara.
"Sorry Gil," Brass replied. "I just wanted to let you know that a counselling session has been set up for 10am tomorrow and by the sounds of it, you need it, what's up?"
"Nothing we can't handle." Grissom sighed, "I'm sorry I snapped at you."
"Hey, no problem. I know what married life can do to you. Good luck tomorrow, I got to go, duty calls." Brass laughed.
"Okay Jim, thanks."
-Catherine better think of something soon. It doesn't sound as if things are going very well between them- Brass thought as he headed to the break room to spread his news.
~*^*^*~
"Sara?" Grissom called softly through the bathroom door.
"What!" was his only reply.
"I need to talk to you." he pleaded.
"So talk." Sara called back.
"Sara, would you please come out?" he said with a hint of desperation in his voice.
"Fine," she moaned. "but this better be good, I was in heaven."
-Huh, what is she doing?-
After 5 minutes of waiting, the door finally opened and Sara stepped out, fully dressed, hair dripping wet and a frown a mile long.
"So Gil?" she questioned, "what do you need to talk to me about?" as she walked past him, so close they almost touched.
"Um.... I.. about before, I .... I mean we... It was just a kiss, nothing more, it can't go any further." he said, inwardly cringing, he hated doing this to her, but he didn't have a choice, he was her boss, nothing more could happen.
-But do I?-
Sara sighed at him.
-Did she just roll her eyes at me?- He furrowed his brows in thought.
"You called me out of my nice, hot bath for that?" she questioned, "I could have told you, you were going to say that myself."
"What's that supposed to mean?"
-She seems surprisingly okay about all of this, where's the real Sara?- Grissom was verging on concern as she portrayed calmness, but they thought left his mind when she spoke in clipped tones.
"Mess with Sara's head, your favourite game, you make me think you're interested and then when it suits you, you push me away again, it's okay, I've learnt to ignore it, it doesn't bother me anymore."
"Sara, I don't mean to do that. I didn't realise that I hurt you like that." he apologised, realising that it was probably too late, the damage was done.
At this Sara grinned and ran a hand through her hair.
"What?" he asked, completely befuddled at the sudden changed.
"You don't realise a lot of things," she answered softly.
Silence filled the room as Grissom walked towards her, he wanted to be close to her even though he knew it was a mistake, but to his surprise she backed away from him, she had never done that before.
-Can you really blame her?- He asked himself as he joined her on the couch, but making sure he kept his distance.
"I'm sorry I hurt you and that I treat you like that," he whispered. "it's just, I don't know how to act around you, you confuse me!" he finished in a slightly raised voice that showed his frustration.
"I confuse you?" Sara cried in disbelief.
"Yes." he almost screamed, "because I can't think of any possible reason why a woman like you would be interested in someone like me."
"And you're supposed to be the smart one." she grinned, "I'll tell you why. You're charming, kind, smart, you just need to...." She stopped, sensing he was becoming uncomfortable.
"That's where you're wrong. I'm none of those things, besides, I'm your boss, I'm too old for you and..."
"And what?" Sara questioned, she didn't want to push him, but it was about time someone did. "You can tell me you know." she reassured him, her heart beating loudly in the silence that followed.
"I'm... I'm losing my hearing," he admitted, a huge weight lifting from his shoulders as he said the words, but his head hung as they floated across the room.
"Finally." Sara smiled, looking into his bright blue eyes that shone even in the dim light.
"Excuse me?" he stammered, this was not the response he was expecting.
"I was wondering how long it would be until you told someone." She elaborated.
"You knew?" he uttered in shock, "why didn't you say anything?"
"Because you didn't. I figured you'd tell us when you were ready to."
"The others?" He questioned in near panic. -This wasn't good-
"They haven't figured it out yet." she answered to his releif and watched him sit back and release a relieved breath.
"How did you?" he queried, needing to know how he'd let it slip and when.
"Come on Grissom, I've known you 10 years. Did you really think I wouldn't notice something like this?"
"I guess you know me better than I thought," he smiled, slightly nervously. He was happy that he didn't have to lie anymore, but nervous because she didn't seem to care. He was still the same Grissom to her. How was he going to act now that he couldn't hide behind his condition anymore?
Sara watched him sitting there in his own little world and smiled, that was the Grissom she knew and loved.
-But is it love? Who can be sure?- She thought, moving closer.
Grissom was dragged out of his dream world when he felt her hand on his. He loved being close to her, but pulled away all the same. Sara looked down and sighed, she recognised that move, she'd made it many times. He was backing away into his little shell again.
"About us-" Grissom said breaking the silence. "I can't, I'm not right for you, you deserve someone who can give you a life, I've already lived mine, you have so much more to do in yours."
-Jesus, he makes it sound like he's on the verge of death-
"Isn't that for me to decide?" She asked.
"No, not this time Sara." he answered. "I'm sorry, but I ...."
"Let me guess, don't know what to do about this? Well in that case, I'm sorry too. I hate to repeat myself, but I do, and times running out."
"We can just be friends like before." he pleaded, anything to stay close to her, but not too close.
"We were never just friends Grissom and do you really believe that this isn't going to affect us? We both know that as soon as we get back, you'll avoid me again." her voice was low as she said aloud the thoughts she had been thinking the first few days they had been here.
He made a motion to speak but was cut off.
"-don't say you won't, because we both know that this is the only thing you know how to do." Sara rose from the couch as she said this and turned towards the door.
"Where are you going?" he said as she put her hand on the handle, she seemed oblivious to fact that it was cold outside and that her hair was wet.
"I don't know yet, but you need time to think and I don't think you can do that if I'm here."
"Sara, please don't go like this." he begged as she pushed down on the handle.
"I have to Grissom. You want to be friends, but I can't, I'm sorry, I don't want to be your friend. I want more, but if you can't, or don't, want to give that, I'll understand."
"Sara-" he tried, but couldn't find the words.
"I'll see you in the morning. I think the time apart will do us good." she said, holding back the tears that threatened to show themselves.
-How did it come to this?-
Grissom hung his head in desperation as he heard the soft click of the door closing behind her.
-Damn it Gil! How could you let her go? She just told you she wants to be with you, why didn't you tell her you want the same?-
"Because I'm scared." he said aloud, "She's not going to want me forever. What do I do then?"
-Well you'll never know now you idiot- He told himself. -You've pushed her so far away this time that she'll never find her way back. It's time to grow up, either you want her or you don't, but stop messing with her head-
He knew he should have gone after her, but he didn't have the strength to move, instead he just sat alone in the dark and decided that this was it, he wouldn't hurt her anymore. When they got back to Vegas, he'd live his life, she'd live hers and he'd just ...... avoid her.
-Damn, how does she know me so well? I thought I made it so people couldn't, Lady Heather was right, I do fear it- And with that thought, he lay back, closed his eyes and tried not to think of the one person who could make all the pain go away.
~*^*^*~
As she walked by the pool side, Sara watched the ripples in the water, distorting the reflections and thought how they would ever get past this. Things had been bad before, but this, this was just hell. She'd practically told him she loved him and he still wouldn't take the chance. Maybe she should just give up and save herself the pain.
-Why won't he let me in? I know he wants this too, I see it in his eyes. I want to give him time but I can't wait forever. His problem is he cares too much about what other people think. So what if he's my boss, it's no-ones business but ours. I'd quit if that was the only reason, but who knows with him, there's always going to be something-
She sat on a sun lounger and stared up to the room she had just left, knowing that the man that was causing all this trouble was there... alone. She wanted to be with him, but she knew he needed his own space. The light was off but that didn't mean he was asleep.
-I can't face him yet, but I'm going to freeze out here. Oh I wish the others were here, they'd know what to do-
~*^*^*~
As Catherine sipped her coffee, she had no idea how important her plan was going to be. She looked at her watch and saw the time, 11.30pm. She'd been sitting there for hours, but still she had nothing.
"Hey Cath," Nick's voice called from the doorway. "What you doing?"
"I'm trying to scheme, but so far I'm drawing a blank. All I have is lock them in a room together and see what happens."
"Ooh original." Nick retorted.
She shot him a glare across the table and he quickly shut up and walked the rest of the way into the room to sit beside her.
"Well, it's all I've got, but if it stops those two moping around here for the rest of forever, I'm willing to give it a shot."
"Yeh, I suppose, but how the hell are we gonna trick those two into something like that? They're not stupid." Nick questioned.
"Hey, quit it question boy. I haven't gotten that far yet." Catherine teased.
"Greg's right, we're dead if this doesn't work and probably still dead even if it does."
"I know, but if they don't sort something out soon, I'm gonna transfer to day shift. They're driving me crazy."
"Whoa, I wouldn't go that far." Nick joked. "I'd rather have those two combined than Ecklie. Well I'll love you and leave you, I got a case to finish, I'll see you later."
"Yeah, see you Nick. Oh, could you bring the others to help next time? From the way Brass described Grissom's mood, we're going to need serious reinforcements if this is going to work."
"Sure thing." he called from the corridor, leaving Catherine to sink back into her own little world again.
~*^*TBC*^*~
moggie note: This chapter is all gsrfan. *grins* Go girl, you're on a roll.
[Spoilers: Lady Heather's Box]
"Whoa, what side of the bed did Sara kick you out of this morning?" came the voice that had ruined Grissom's moment.
-Jim Brass- Grissom glowered. -Always prepared with a sarcastic comment-
"Did you want something or did you just call to make bad jokes?" Grissom snapped back, "I'm kind of busy."
-Now where has she gone?- he thought, scanning the room for Sara.
"Sorry Gil," Brass replied. "I just wanted to let you know that a counselling session has been set up for 10am tomorrow and by the sounds of it, you need it, what's up?"
"Nothing we can't handle." Grissom sighed, "I'm sorry I snapped at you."
"Hey, no problem. I know what married life can do to you. Good luck tomorrow, I got to go, duty calls." Brass laughed.
"Okay Jim, thanks."
-Catherine better think of something soon. It doesn't sound as if things are going very well between them- Brass thought as he headed to the break room to spread his news.
~*^*^*~
"Sara?" Grissom called softly through the bathroom door.
"What!" was his only reply.
"I need to talk to you." he pleaded.
"So talk." Sara called back.
"Sara, would you please come out?" he said with a hint of desperation in his voice.
"Fine," she moaned. "but this better be good, I was in heaven."
-Huh, what is she doing?-
After 5 minutes of waiting, the door finally opened and Sara stepped out, fully dressed, hair dripping wet and a frown a mile long.
"So Gil?" she questioned, "what do you need to talk to me about?" as she walked past him, so close they almost touched.
"Um.... I.. about before, I .... I mean we... It was just a kiss, nothing more, it can't go any further." he said, inwardly cringing, he hated doing this to her, but he didn't have a choice, he was her boss, nothing more could happen.
-But do I?-
Sara sighed at him.
-Did she just roll her eyes at me?- He furrowed his brows in thought.
"You called me out of my nice, hot bath for that?" she questioned, "I could have told you, you were going to say that myself."
"What's that supposed to mean?"
-She seems surprisingly okay about all of this, where's the real Sara?- Grissom was verging on concern as she portrayed calmness, but they thought left his mind when she spoke in clipped tones.
"Mess with Sara's head, your favourite game, you make me think you're interested and then when it suits you, you push me away again, it's okay, I've learnt to ignore it, it doesn't bother me anymore."
"Sara, I don't mean to do that. I didn't realise that I hurt you like that." he apologised, realising that it was probably too late, the damage was done.
At this Sara grinned and ran a hand through her hair.
"What?" he asked, completely befuddled at the sudden changed.
"You don't realise a lot of things," she answered softly.
Silence filled the room as Grissom walked towards her, he wanted to be close to her even though he knew it was a mistake, but to his surprise she backed away from him, she had never done that before.
-Can you really blame her?- He asked himself as he joined her on the couch, but making sure he kept his distance.
"I'm sorry I hurt you and that I treat you like that," he whispered. "it's just, I don't know how to act around you, you confuse me!" he finished in a slightly raised voice that showed his frustration.
"I confuse you?" Sara cried in disbelief.
"Yes." he almost screamed, "because I can't think of any possible reason why a woman like you would be interested in someone like me."
"And you're supposed to be the smart one." she grinned, "I'll tell you why. You're charming, kind, smart, you just need to...." She stopped, sensing he was becoming uncomfortable.
"That's where you're wrong. I'm none of those things, besides, I'm your boss, I'm too old for you and..."
"And what?" Sara questioned, she didn't want to push him, but it was about time someone did. "You can tell me you know." she reassured him, her heart beating loudly in the silence that followed.
"I'm... I'm losing my hearing," he admitted, a huge weight lifting from his shoulders as he said the words, but his head hung as they floated across the room.
"Finally." Sara smiled, looking into his bright blue eyes that shone even in the dim light.
"Excuse me?" he stammered, this was not the response he was expecting.
"I was wondering how long it would be until you told someone." She elaborated.
"You knew?" he uttered in shock, "why didn't you say anything?"
"Because you didn't. I figured you'd tell us when you were ready to."
"The others?" He questioned in near panic. -This wasn't good-
"They haven't figured it out yet." she answered to his releif and watched him sit back and release a relieved breath.
"How did you?" he queried, needing to know how he'd let it slip and when.
"Come on Grissom, I've known you 10 years. Did you really think I wouldn't notice something like this?"
"I guess you know me better than I thought," he smiled, slightly nervously. He was happy that he didn't have to lie anymore, but nervous because she didn't seem to care. He was still the same Grissom to her. How was he going to act now that he couldn't hide behind his condition anymore?
Sara watched him sitting there in his own little world and smiled, that was the Grissom she knew and loved.
-But is it love? Who can be sure?- She thought, moving closer.
Grissom was dragged out of his dream world when he felt her hand on his. He loved being close to her, but pulled away all the same. Sara looked down and sighed, she recognised that move, she'd made it many times. He was backing away into his little shell again.
"About us-" Grissom said breaking the silence. "I can't, I'm not right for you, you deserve someone who can give you a life, I've already lived mine, you have so much more to do in yours."
-Jesus, he makes it sound like he's on the verge of death-
"Isn't that for me to decide?" She asked.
"No, not this time Sara." he answered. "I'm sorry, but I ...."
"Let me guess, don't know what to do about this? Well in that case, I'm sorry too. I hate to repeat myself, but I do, and times running out."
"We can just be friends like before." he pleaded, anything to stay close to her, but not too close.
"We were never just friends Grissom and do you really believe that this isn't going to affect us? We both know that as soon as we get back, you'll avoid me again." her voice was low as she said aloud the thoughts she had been thinking the first few days they had been here.
He made a motion to speak but was cut off.
"-don't say you won't, because we both know that this is the only thing you know how to do." Sara rose from the couch as she said this and turned towards the door.
"Where are you going?" he said as she put her hand on the handle, she seemed oblivious to fact that it was cold outside and that her hair was wet.
"I don't know yet, but you need time to think and I don't think you can do that if I'm here."
"Sara, please don't go like this." he begged as she pushed down on the handle.
"I have to Grissom. You want to be friends, but I can't, I'm sorry, I don't want to be your friend. I want more, but if you can't, or don't, want to give that, I'll understand."
"Sara-" he tried, but couldn't find the words.
"I'll see you in the morning. I think the time apart will do us good." she said, holding back the tears that threatened to show themselves.
-How did it come to this?-
Grissom hung his head in desperation as he heard the soft click of the door closing behind her.
-Damn it Gil! How could you let her go? She just told you she wants to be with you, why didn't you tell her you want the same?-
"Because I'm scared." he said aloud, "She's not going to want me forever. What do I do then?"
-Well you'll never know now you idiot- He told himself. -You've pushed her so far away this time that she'll never find her way back. It's time to grow up, either you want her or you don't, but stop messing with her head-
He knew he should have gone after her, but he didn't have the strength to move, instead he just sat alone in the dark and decided that this was it, he wouldn't hurt her anymore. When they got back to Vegas, he'd live his life, she'd live hers and he'd just ...... avoid her.
-Damn, how does she know me so well? I thought I made it so people couldn't, Lady Heather was right, I do fear it- And with that thought, he lay back, closed his eyes and tried not to think of the one person who could make all the pain go away.
~*^*^*~
As she walked by the pool side, Sara watched the ripples in the water, distorting the reflections and thought how they would ever get past this. Things had been bad before, but this, this was just hell. She'd practically told him she loved him and he still wouldn't take the chance. Maybe she should just give up and save herself the pain.
-Why won't he let me in? I know he wants this too, I see it in his eyes. I want to give him time but I can't wait forever. His problem is he cares too much about what other people think. So what if he's my boss, it's no-ones business but ours. I'd quit if that was the only reason, but who knows with him, there's always going to be something-
She sat on a sun lounger and stared up to the room she had just left, knowing that the man that was causing all this trouble was there... alone. She wanted to be with him, but she knew he needed his own space. The light was off but that didn't mean he was asleep.
-I can't face him yet, but I'm going to freeze out here. Oh I wish the others were here, they'd know what to do-
~*^*^*~
As Catherine sipped her coffee, she had no idea how important her plan was going to be. She looked at her watch and saw the time, 11.30pm. She'd been sitting there for hours, but still she had nothing.
"Hey Cath," Nick's voice called from the doorway. "What you doing?"
"I'm trying to scheme, but so far I'm drawing a blank. All I have is lock them in a room together and see what happens."
"Ooh original." Nick retorted.
She shot him a glare across the table and he quickly shut up and walked the rest of the way into the room to sit beside her.
"Well, it's all I've got, but if it stops those two moping around here for the rest of forever, I'm willing to give it a shot."
"Yeh, I suppose, but how the hell are we gonna trick those two into something like that? They're not stupid." Nick questioned.
"Hey, quit it question boy. I haven't gotten that far yet." Catherine teased.
"Greg's right, we're dead if this doesn't work and probably still dead even if it does."
"I know, but if they don't sort something out soon, I'm gonna transfer to day shift. They're driving me crazy."
"Whoa, I wouldn't go that far." Nick joked. "I'd rather have those two combined than Ecklie. Well I'll love you and leave you, I got a case to finish, I'll see you later."
"Yeah, see you Nick. Oh, could you bring the others to help next time? From the way Brass described Grissom's mood, we're going to need serious reinforcements if this is going to work."
"Sure thing." he called from the corridor, leaving Catherine to sink back into her own little world again.
~*^*TBC*^*~