A/N: Yeh, I know i'm being mean... But that's okay! This is fun. In a sadistic kinda way. cough apologies in advance to LJQ and, Leigh the Wonderlord: I don't wish to kill you, just bring you close to death, then back again, over and over and over and over:D I PROMISE I won't kill anyone. I hate deathfics! Although I admit that I love to make them work reeeally hard to survive (but they always do)

Jack noticed Jonas shift uneasily at the sight of their captures, but thought nothing of it.

'Probably just afraid or something...' Jack thought to himself, but couldn't pull away the evil little nagging feeling he had.

"Hey guys," Jack said, in his most positive voice... which was coincidentally his most patronizing... as he named them UglyOne and UglyTwo, "What's up?"

"Oh nothing much," UglyOne replied, "Just a little torture. This and that." UglyTwo pulled a long hunting knife from a pack and UglyOne smirked. "Mostly that."

Jack inwardly twitched, but remained stoic on the outside. "Hunt do ya? I try to get in some sometimes. Y'know between fighting evil and kicking ass like yours. It's a more time consuming job than most people think." Jack gave them his best puppydog face, "Please don't make me kill you? Do you know how much paperwork goes with killing people? It's a hassle I just don't want to-"

Jack was cut off by a sharp slap to his face delivered from UglyOne. Who wasn't smiling anymore.

"Enough," UglyOne demanded, "Colonel Jack O'Neill of the USAF. You will tell us what we want to know."

"No," Jack replied, "It really doesn't work that way. There's even more paperwork there than killing somebody."

"I hear that there is an alien living amoung the SGC. One from a warring planet called Kelowna."

"You hear wrong."

UglyOne hit O'Neill again. "Perhaps you didn't hear me. Who is the alien?"

"Okay," Jack muttered, avoiding Jonas' eyes, "You got me. His name... His name is Bob. AlienBob. Breathes underwater and wears square pants..."

Jonas flinched as they hit Jack again. This time bringing the knife close to the older man's skin.

"We gotta wise guy eh?" UglyOne grinned, pressing the knife down hard into Jack's chest. "I don't like people with smart mouthes."

The knife easily slit through the material and Jack clenched his teeth as his skin was sliced slowly-the spikes of the hunting knife grinding down onto him and the friction burning him.

"Who is the Alien?" UglyOne repeated.

Jack kept his mouth shut this time.

UglyTwo turned to UglyOne. "Sir?" UglyTwo muttered, "Is Jonas any good here?"

Jack's thoughts immediately sprang up. 'How do they know his name?' Outloud, he cocked an eyebrow, Teal'C-style.

"He's my little brother," Jack proclaimed, inwardly grinning at the look that Jonas gave him and cursing himself for the bad excuse, "I just picked up the little brat on my way out here. He doesn't know a thing."

"I didn't see any Military records on him, sir," UglyTwo replied with an evil glint.

"He still might be useful," UglyOne frowned, then suddenly smiled demonically, "Just in case and, of course, we can... Play... with him later. Hmm?"

UglyTwo grinned back and Jack couldn't help but notice the look of fear on Jonas' face. There was deffinately something Jonas knew that Jack didn't.