Legal Note: None of the characters within this fanfic belong to me, and are the property of Namco and Monolith. There are some ideas presented within this fanfic that are solely my own theories, and thus not cannon. The song within this fic, "Blackbird", was created by the Beatles.
(Blackbird singing in the dead of night)
In the confines of the darkness, her back half-turned to him and herself peering over her shoulder, she seemed almost vulnerable to him. He hoped, therefore, that his gaze was more comforting and curious instead of possibly being construed as being judgmental. He supposed others would chide him on attempting to treat a 'mere machine' as a person, but chaos would've chided those people for NOT treating them as people. All sentient beings, he believed, possessed feelings, whether or not they were creatures of flesh and blood.
When she had made no reply to his previous question, he again asked, "Is there something wrong?"
The android continued to peer at him a moment longer, finally bringing herself to fully face him instead of merely peering at him over her shoulder. She was still silent a bit longer before replying, "There is nothing wrong. I merely believed that it would be proper to check upon all members of our group to make sure there had been no lasting damage from the battle in Proto-Merkabah." This was a lie, and she knew it, and knew that chaos knew it too. Yet, with her logic systems working, there was nothing else she could really do to attempt to cover up what she had been doing.
It was his turn to be quiet for a moment as he considered what she had said. As she probably expected, he had picked up on the lie. The battle with Albedo and the creator he had created within the core of Proto-Merkabah had been nearly two weeks ago, and all the damage they had received had healed quickly after their escape. Still, he had to be careful in how he responded to her. He didn't want her to leave in haste and embarrassment (which he easily believed she could feel, along with other things), as well as that, deep down, he just didn't want her to leave. He wanted her to stay here with him, beside him as long as possible.
Finally, he was able to respond to her and said "Are you sure you're alright? Is there anything you need at all that I could help with?" He knew it was a stupid question to ask in the current situation, and he wished he could've thought up a better one. At the moment, however, he was pulling up a blank.
He noticed as her eyes changed to a gentle blue, though only for a second, before swiftly changing back to their common red. Again, another moment of silence before she answered him. "I believe there is something wrong with my systems that you may be the cause of." She responded, her monotone voice filling the room. He found himself wondering if there were other emotions buried beneath that voice, as he so believed. Surely there had to be. After all, if she was just some emotionless machine, would she have responded to the crisis that threatened all of them as they escaped in the way she did?
He cringed slightly as one of his own inner thoughts belied that it was merely part of her programming, not necessarily an outward act due to emotion. It rebuked him just as mercilessly as KOS-MOS' logic system did to her. Yet he quickly pushed this voice aside and asked, "What is it that happens?" his voice became a bit gentler as he talked.
(Take these sunken eyes and learn to see)
She looked deep into his eyes as she responded. The gentle, baby-blue of his eyes fascinated her, and when her illogical side was active, she would imagine being lost in them, always swimming within his sight. Yet, looking now, there also seemed to be something she had not noticed before. If she concentrated hard enough, she could imagine she saw a deep sadness, as if he had been lonely and through several hardships throughout his (what she believed to be quite long) life. Still, she could not let such an illogical thought deter her in telling him, and she did so quickly as not to make the common pauses between the two become anymore awkward. "I cannot describe it that adequately, but………they cease to function. At least, correctly that is."
Another pause, though she did not give him the chance to ask a question before she continued. "No matter what I do, whenever you are present, you become the predominant focus of my current mind, despite the fact that I might be attempting to perform other necessary tasks. Even in battle, I focus upon you when you fight by my side and merely leave the opponents to the instinct of my combat programming." He was taken aback as her eyes turned back to a gentle blue, this time staying that way as she proceeded. "You defy my logic system. Around you, it is not merely nullified, but CEASES TO EXIST. And I do not understand. I cannot comprehend it and understand." Though her voice still remained a monotone, he could hear an underlying fear behind it.
He got up and crossed over to her. He wanted to place a hand on her shoulder to try to comfort her, but at the same time he was afraid if he did so she would go back to her usual settings. If he could, he wanted to prolong the conversation. "There are just some things that can't be understood." He bit down on his lip slightly, looking at the ground, somewhat in embarrassment, yet also in shame. "Even I don't understand everything about myself."
When he looked back up, she was smiling. SMILING. His heart would have been overjoyed if it hadn't been for the fact that so much bitterness seemed to be buried beneath her smile, as if she found everything she had heard before and was hearing was coming together for the punch line of some horrendous joke. "Perhaps it is due to a natural logic system within you, inside all living creators and thus the desire to make logic such a predominant force. Mean, cruel, spiteful logic." Her gaze fell to the floor, her blue eyes seeming to pulse with the light and shine upon the floor. "I hate it."
"And why do you hate it?"
"I hate it because I am its slave." She stated simply. He was afraid that the energy that seemed to pulse through those vibrant blue eyes, those BEAUTIFUL blue eyes, would explode through her eyes, crackling upon the ground as if crying out its death roar, an uncommonly morbid thought.
"You need not be." He told her, coming closer to her. He was certain that, if he so desired, he could steal a kiss from her. Yet he saw no reason for it, as it would mean nothing. If it was merely for his benefit, what point was there? "No one is a slave unless they allow themselves to be trod under by their master. You can defy it and conquer it."
"I cannot."
"Yes, you can."
"No." she said. Though still a monotone, her voice now hid underlying feelings of sorrow and despair instead of fear. "It is my essence and what I am. If I defy it, I destroy myself."
He couldn't help it anymore. Placing one of his hands gently on her shoulder, he told her, "KOS-MOS, you're defying it right now."
He took in, and held, a deep, quick breath as her eyes changed color again. This time, however, it did not return to its normal red, but changed to a dull, ashen gray-white color. Her body began to shake and tremble, controlled yet obviously at a pace those near hysteria or immensely frightened would tremble at. Both her hands came up to her head, clamping upon the sides as her body continued to convulse. He had an idea as to what was happening, and was uncertain as to what to do; an improper action at this time could possibly cause her programming to lock and, in the worst-case scenario, destroy itself due to complications. All he could merely say at the spectacle was a barely whispered, "KOS-MOS……."
(All your life)
Though the silence that lasted as she convulsed was only a few seconds, it seemed to stretch infinitely, as such tense times often seem to. When she finally spoke again, her voice had become, to his ears, more hollow and machine-like than it ever had been previously. The voice (if KOS-MOS was still in control of her own body, she would have identified it as the voice she associated with her logic system) announced, nearly bellowing like a siren, "Warning! Warning! Malfunction! Product Name: Unit 000-0000-00001, Code Name: KOS-MOS, has encountered a severe error within its cerebral programming. Unit 000-0000-00001 will now return to recharging chambers by automatic guidance system and wait for repair. Please stay clear of the unit until Vector employees arrive to correct problem. Again, Unit 000-0000-00001 will now return to recharging chambers by automatic guidance system and wait for repair."
KOS-MOS ("the thing that's taken KOS-MOS over", chaos thought) quickly snapped its head towards chaos, and through its dead eyes, gazed intently at him as it stated "Please stay clear of the unit until Vector employees arrive to correct problem." Then, as if an afterthought (and, even at this stage of machine-like behavior, chaos didn't doubt that it was), "Vector assumes no responsibility of any injuries suffered by refusal to comply with stated request. All such accidents, including fatalities, are due to negligence of the listener."
While it could have been easily believed that the machine was merely stating the required safety announcement that had been put in as a safety lock, chaos knew what had truly just transpired. Whatever it was that had come over KOS-MOS, it seemed intent on getting her away from him and had gone so far as to threaten him. Though it was helpless to do so, he wondered how Shion would respond to this.
He was almost taken by surprise at the agility with which the android turned around, moving towards the door while still stating the warning message. "Warning! Warning! Malfunc…….." in a quick, jerky motion, both the body and the message stopped as chaos clamped a hand over her right wrist. He knew, of course, that doing so with whatever was controlling KOS-MOS in charge of her body was horrendously dangerous. At the same time, though, he had no desire for their conversation to end this way and, even more, to see the possibility of KOS-MOS being reconfigured (which was what would most likely happen) and forced into being something she had no desire to be.
"Warning! Impediment within path! Source: Human. Means: Physical contact. Warning! Please release Unit 000-0000-00001! Vector is not responsible for any damages or injuries suffered due to negligence of warning." Though it said such, the machine itself made no attempt to move, as if demanding that its obstructer be the one to relent first, though it could just as easily drag him behind itself.
Nor did the machine move when both his arms gently encircled its stomach, embracing it lightly. Despite the constant threat of physical harm, chaos asked her, "KOS-MOS, can you feel this? Can you feel me?"
"Warning! You have ten seconds to comply with warning!" The machine announced as it began the countdown verbally. "Ten. Nine. Eight. Six." By this time, chaos was sure that the thing that had gained dominance was more aware than it let on. If it had been merely just pure programming, there was no way it would have missed a number in its countdown.
Tightening his embrace slightly, he repeated, this time even a little softer than before, "KOS-MOS, can you feel me? Not your programming that makes up your ability to physically feel, but can YOU feel me?"
(You were only waiting for this moment to be free)
The seizures commenced yet again, though this time it only affected the head, which shook and bobbed erratically. For a moment he was certain that the commanding force had decided enough was enough and was preparing to strike out at him. He was relieved when KOS-MOS replied, "Yes……….I can feel you…….."
He smiled gently as the she turned to face him, though it quickly disappeared. He was uncertain whether she realized it (she probably didn't, he knew deep down), but her face bore an expression of deep sadness, nearly grief. "chaos," she began, her voice as monotone as ever despite the fact that he knew she was overly hurt emotionally, "I apologize for the malfunction that has just occurred. I will return to my recharger and will inquire of Shion a way to analyze and repair it so that such an outcome does not reoccur."
(Blackbird fly)
She moved for the door.
He put his hand on her shoulder.
She stopped.
And she placed a hand of her own on top of his.
Though he could not see her face, he knew her eyes had changed to that beautiful blue. "I am still its slave. I wish for that no longer. I wish for oblivion before being its slave again." Sometimes, even a monotone voice can carry emotion as well as any different emotional pitch. It did this time, at least to chaos.
"No, you're not." He said gently, comfortingly. "You've proven you're not."
"It took control."
"And you took it back. If you were truly its slave, you wouldn't have been able to do such."
"I was able to do such because of you."
He walked in front of her so he could face her, hoping that his sincerity would seep in better by doing such. "No," he replied, shaking his head slightly, "you did it on your own. You WANTED to come, KOS-MOS. All that happened was by your own will."
"I see." While he almost felt utterly foolish this time, he felt as if there was a good deal of spite behind her response. He felt that it was confirmed by the statement, "Did I will to be taken over by my logic system, then."
He knew it was possibly going to be a harsh statement, but he looked her in the eyes as he would any peer and stated plainly, "Yes, you did."
(Blackbird fly)
She could have walked out of the room right then and there, bowing to her logic system yet again. While she made no response, she decided she would hear what else he had to say. After all, to walk out when someone is talking would be highly rude.
Pondering the exact right words to say, chaos finally asked her what he was thinking plainly, usually finding that the best way (he had come to find he had a hard time being cryptic, though he could excel at such at times). "KOS-MOS, you do it because you're afraid." Perhaps that was too biased and based upon his own opinion, but he couldn't help but feel it was true. "Even though you know you're capable of such, you don't want to feel. You're afraid of letting go of logic, of the thing that you've adhered to for so long. KOS-MOS……..you don't need to be afraid anymore."
She simply stared at him for a moment, processing all he had said. Was it possible that she was afraid, like he said? Impossible; she was not ment to feel. Yet she had felt him when he embraced her, even though she'd been taken over by uncaring logic and programming. She felt not only through the programming that allowed her to feel physically, but somehow, felt INSIDE her. She was uncertain if that was accurate, but it was the best word to describe how she felt. "I………was afraid." She stated hesitantly. And then, once more as to confirm and reinforce the notion, "I was afraid."
"And there's no need to be any longer." chaos repeated.
(Into the light of the cold dark night)
He nearly jumped back by instinct as the android arms closed around him, but quickly relaxed himself as they came together, embracing him. He was startled yet again as she buried her head in his shoulder. It was as if she were trying some newly found gift, searching everywhere and trying out everything it could do, feeling him and smelling him at the same time. He wrapped his arms around her gently, embracing back.
They broke their embrace and merely stared upon one another for a moment, as if both had experienced something new throughout the course of the night. Finally, KOS-MOS stated, "I will return to my recharger now. I apologize for the intrusion." She stopped for a moment as she headed for the door, turned around, and stated, "And thank you."
chaos merely smiled as the door closed behind her, darkness enveloping the room once again. He stretched and then proceeded to his bed and lay down to a fitful, peaceful slumber.
(Blackbird singing in the dead of night)
KOS-MOS allowed her eyes to return to their normal red as she proceeded down the hall back to her quarters. She knew it was not a necessity now, and that she could deny the logic system at any time she so desired. It was a tool, however useful, but not her. She was herself, machine or not.
(Take these broken wings and learn to fly)
Yet, though she knew this, she intended to allow her logic system to be dominant, for now at least. After all, a baby child stays close to what it knows when it begins to learn. It is not until it has learned basics and aged that it becomes more independent.
She would wait for that time. She wouldn't rush it; rushing it would merely increase the anxiety she felt (she could feel! SHE COULD FEEL! The thought never seemed to lose its power now that she knew the truth to it). She would wait, and do so happily. After all, when the wait was through, she would reap its rewards.
(All your life)
When the wait was through, she would go to him again, as she had done tonight. But when that time comes, she shall have what she's wanted for so long. She'll allow herself the pleasure of doing what she had found Junior and MOMO doing once in the hallway, she would "kiss" him, and she would relish it.
For she was herself, and she was a slave to nothing.
(You were only waiting for this moment to arrive)
(You were only waiting for this moment to arrive)
(You were only waiting for this moment to arrive)
Author's Note: I apologize for how long it's taken me to update. I've just kept being bombarded with one thing after another and, of course, I've recently been indulging in Xenosaga Episode II. That being the case, I know that there's a mistake in the story time wise when I state that this happens two weeks after Proto-Merkabah, as Episode II picks up right where Episode I left off. That being the case, please forgive me for that.
I hope you enjoyed the story, and thank you to all those who reviewed the first part and those who've read this story in general.