A:/n:: sorry if this chapter has a past tense. Next chapters will be in present tense. Sorry for the mis.
Chapterone l
Ariadne Chant::
I watched Sirius Black walk into the room. But of course his little squad followed him in. Not that he is the leader or anything. He just in the one that catches my eye the most. When I see him, I know the other three aren't far behind.
He had the long-ish hair that was in those years, but of course he was just plain good-looking. He had some vestiges of his earlier acne, which he had worsened in this third year with a spell. But the spell had long ago worn off and so had the zits.
He had this sort of kingly attitude. As I watched him, he seemed lord-like, as if he were on a higher platform. As if he were there just to make us feel special, watching this living god living amongst us.
Now I know better. He was no god. He was just a boy with a large ego and big expectations for the future.
His quartet, consisting of James Potter, a good looking jerk who was Sirius's best friend, Peter Petingree, a kid who had joined up with the toughest clique, but who inside was clever and kind enough in his own right, and last of all was Remus Lupin, a quieter version of all of James and Sirius's good qualities put together, and some of his own bad qualities.
Maybe it would have been easier for me to fall in love with Remus Lupin. It would have saved me a hell of a lot of trouble. I mean, I always thought he was sweet. He was reasonable as well, a quality that Sirius and James couldn't ever claim to have. But Remus had eyes for only one girl, the one girl whom they both should have known he couldn't have.
But as much as Remus was obsessed with her such was I with the unreachable Sirius Black. So I needed an excuse to get close to him. Anything. So I approached Lily, who was standing nearby to the quartet. She was a tall redhead, who had talked to me a couple of times. It wouldn't have seemed very strange if I just happened to need my DADA homework, right?
Watching Sirius out of the corner of my eye, I got up from my comfortable armchair, to approach Lily, who was standing talking to a friend. The friend saw me approach and I cannot begin to suppose what caused her to give me such an evil eye. She seemed to have excused herself from Lily's presence, the very moment I began to greet Lily. She smiles at me, her eyes silently questioning why I had come.
Just my luck that as soon as my question had been phrased, spoken and heard, the quartet came upon us. Whether it was bad luck, or good luck, I have yet to find out.
"Hey, Lily, babe." I heard James's voice right behind me. I knew he was about to push me to one side, so to save him the trouble I just stepped aside for him. I turned enough to watch the scene unfold without being too much involved.
James approached Lily and lifted her chin up with a finger. "What's a girl like you doing on your lonesome when you could be with us?" he gave her what he obviously thought was a sexy smile. It just perverted his looks.
By the way, the comment of Lily being 'on her lonesome' kind of offended me. You know, I might not have been super-popular like Mr. Fuckbag over there, but I least he should have had the decency to make sure I counted as a person. Yeah, and he wondered why Lily hated being touched by him.
"Well, me personally, I would rather be by myself than be with an asshole. But thanks for that tempting offer." She moved away from him, and slid a parchment out of her bag. "Here it is. See you in class tomorrow." She smiled politely, and began her trek up to the girls' dorms with a single glance back at James. This infuriated him beyond what he seemed to want to reveal.
"Lily, you're just going to leave me here like that?" James continued in a hurt voice. I heard Sirius mutter a spell under his breath, and suddenly Lily stopped moving, and fell like a piece of cardboard on the ground. Her eyes were blazing. I heard Remus say something nearby, but I wasn't paying him much mind.
James strutted towards Lily and wrapped his arms around her from the back. "Oh, Lily. You cannot get rid of me that easily, you know. Not at all. . ." he drawled this slowly and chuckled.
As if I was about to let this happen. I flipped my wrist slightly and James moved as if pushed by an invisible hand, several feet away from Lily. My head throbbed, but I ignored the pain. He lifted his head and sent a confused glance at Lily. He moved to return to Lily, who had fallen across the chair. Remus pulled his sleeve before he could take too many steps, and muttered loudly enough for me to hear. "James, don't do this."
Before I could give James a good piece of my mind, I felt a rough hand pull me away from James by the collar of my cloak. "Hey, maybe there's a lesson to be taught here." The voice sent a shiver through me, although the tone of voice was anything but friendly. I felt Sirius's breath down my neck, as he laughed.
"Let me go." I tried to speak firmly, but I don't think I succeeded. I was trembling, and I knew he could feel it.
A hand slipped down from my neck to my waist. "I think not. You shouldn't be so brave. Remus, give me a hand, will you?"
I couldn't see him, but I could hear him speak. "Sure, mate." He glanced at James for a second, as if to make sure James's hadn't gone to Lily again, and then began casting a spell. Soon I was as stiff as Lily was and the only thing holding me up were Sirius's arms.
"Not the spell I was thinking of, but it'll do. It'll do." I felt Sirius's hand close my eyes gently. I felt myself being moved and I wondered why no one thought of stopping the quartet. I knew the answer, because I had often been an witness to the group's pranks. No one wanted to be on the receiving end of their wrath.
I felt myself being bended and I would have cried out if I control over my mouth. I heard some laughing, but no more voices. I felt someone next to me once again. Then I felt someone nearby, and then came something that would have made me jump if I could have. The rough feel of lips on mine made my heart beat fast, but as rapidly as it had happened, that rapidly it was gone. Then, through the pounding I could feel in my ears, I heard Sirius's voice. "Teach you a bit about being brave, it will." Then footsteps seemed to go away.
For a long time I heard little else, besides the nervous chatter around the GCR. Most people weren't brave enough to stand up against the powers of any one of the marauders alone, much less all together. Even at fifteen, Sirius was a force to be reckoned with. Even if this power only currently extended to the Hogwarts student.
Then, at long last I heard soft moving sounds somewhere behind me. Then footsteps. Finally someone was beside me, and casting a spell. At last, I thought, a person either kind enough or rational enough to realize that the marauders wouldn't know who broke their spell.
When at last I could open my eyes, I saw the form of Lily. Oh, I though to myself, I guess there are no rational creatures in this house. "Thanks for the help." She seemed grateful enough anyway, when she helped me up. Her words lacked a certain about of sincerity, though, as if she wasn't sure she had really wanted my help.
I shrugged. "People have got to team up against gits, I guess."
She gave me a small smile and a shrug. Her hair was a frissy mop on top of her head, but she still had that charm that made her look pretty. No wonder James was crazy about her. "Yeah. I guess. I just wish sometimes I didn't look like this." She winced as if she had just jixed herself, but continued anyway, "Maybe then James would stop harassing me."
"You should tell a teacher." I responded easily, picking up my bag from the chair where I had left it. "Someone. This shouldn't go on." She talks as if beauty has its price. Well, I suppose it does, but one as me doesn't know that. And if she looked more like me, she would easy decide that she would rather be herself. Any attention is better than none. Isn't it?
She sighed deeply and shook her head. She had the face that glowed when she smiled, and yet it remained as beautiful when she was serious. I would have died for a face like that. Yet, she wanted it gone. She had bright red hair. Hair as red a fire. No, hair as red as sin. You could tell from just the shade of that wicked red hair that she would be hard to tame for anyone who was brave enough to dare attempt the task. "Nah. He'd deny it and it'd turn into a huge problem. I'd rather deal with it myself." She smiled again and left me standing there, with everyone staring at me from the corners of their eyes. Oh damn. I had just proved Lily right. This horrible sort of attention was far worse than being ignored.
I knew this from experience.
And she thinks she's got problems.
Sirius Black:
Why couldn't I forget it? Come on, she was just some girl who thought it would be cool to stand up to us. And we shoved her back her place, like we had to so many others. Then why was she in my head so much? She wasn't even pretty. But that was always the case, wasn't it? In the stories, the hero turns out being the clever and kind one, not the drop dead sexy one. That latter was just there for sex appeal.
I lightly ran my fingers over the faded brown cover on the book. It was plain, no decorations, or anything. And it had no name. Still, I knew to whom it belonged to.
While the girl's eyes had been closed and she was unable to move anyway, we looked through her bag. We didn't speak, since we didn't want the girl to know what we were doing. Most of the stuff was stupid, homework and books and boring things that none of us cared for. But then we came upon the plain brown book. Remus, grabbing the book first, opened it up to a random page. He read slowly and then tossed to the book to me.
"Yours, mate," he had mouthed and we had all gotten up, sure that our pillaging of the girl's bag had been a waste. Except for the book. I gave Remus a look, one full of questions. He just smiled that mysterious smile that all of us hate, and we left.
Once outside, I had planned on asking Remus what the book was about. But Remus has a weird way of turning to a wolf sometimes, and it had been time. I couldn't really expect an answer from wolf man when he was wolfish, did I?
And then there was whatever sleep we could get. And then there was class. And then I was sitting on my bed in my dorm, wondering why I couldn't just open the damn thing and find out why Remus had given it to me.
Drat, I curse, and I noisily throw the book across the room. It slams against the wall and falls to the ground; it's pages bent and a few loose papers float down behind it. I move to pick the mess up, but think better of it.
Instead I throw myself back against my pillow, muttering about stupid girls who think they are strong enough to do anything to us. Please. She had asked for it. I mean, if I read it, she totally deserves it. My eyes flash towards the book again, but I look away quickly. I should read it. To spite her. To show her how she can't just treat me like that. No way.
But I don't move. I just lay there, staring at the ceiling. And let the memories just flowed back. She had soft skin.
I cry out in inner anguish. Why had I been the one to touch her? Why had I been the one to kiss her? God, before that I hadn't even remembered her name. Remus and Peter had told me, in class, pointing her out when I asked between Dumbledore's breathe breaks. He was the sort who just went on. If you had his class you would realize how difficult it is to gossip in the middle of his class.
Oh come on, it wasn't even a kiss! It was more of a . . .peck. A touch, maybe. Not a kiss. Damn, I had given way better kisses. It wasn't a kiss, because she didn't kiss back. Yeah, that was it. It wasn't a kiss because she hadn't kissed back.
Her lips had been soft. Ugh! He was thinking of hooking back up with that leech he'd once claimed to love, Esperanza. But he immediately rejected that thought. Just the thought of her made his skin crawl. And sometimes the line between the good skin crawling and the bad skin crawling blurred. This made it much worse.
The next day In Divination I am placed to work with the girl. Her name is Ariadne Chant. I'd been spitting out the name, the day before, practicing for when I would have to say it to her. I sit down next to her, and whisper as harshly as I can, "What kind of name is Ariadne?"
She doesn't even turn to look at me. "Well at least I wasn't named after a STAR. Twinkle, twinkle little star. How I wonder how dumb you are." The teacher begins speaking before I can respond. Not that I have a single thing to say, but I would have come up with something. I'm good at that.
"Now, you will tell each other's future. Use whatever method you wish. If you are in need of assistance, just ask." Now, this guy had taken over when our last teacher was fired [drug problems, I heard], and he seems like the real thing. The problem is that he's pretty boring.
Ariadne roughly glances my way. Then she hastily gets up and goes up to the front desk where our professor is laying out all the items we might need for the project. She picks a cup and some tealeaves. As she returns to our table, she brusquely places them down.
As she heats the water with a simple spell and makes the tea in silence, I stared at her. She's so intent on her work, she doesn't even notice. Her thin hands wrap around the spoon like spider legs. Her sharp facial features are unmoving, like stone. Her back remains rigid and her hair falls smoothly down her back like water.
As she finishes I pretended to be looking down at my book.
She pushes the book aside and slides the cup right under my nose. Without looking at her, I pick up the cup and blow away the steam. "It's hot."
"It's tea," she replies simply.
I sigh and take a sip. It's scalding and I can barely swallow it. I throw her an angry glare. She obviously overheated it on purpose, but there is little I can do about it. So I just drink the rest of it as quickly as I can, and I feel as if I can breath fire afterwards. I snatch the spoon she offers me from her hand, and swirl the contents three times clockwise. I place the cup upside down over the saucer, then I turn it back over. After this I silently pass the spoon and the cup back to Ariadne and wait for her to interpret my future. I wonder if she will even tell the truth.
"There's an a hat near the bottom, so, er," she turns a few pages in her textbook and continues, "improvement, especially in new job. A job, you? Whoa. Mountains, great goal, but difficulties." Her reading attract the professor and he soon begins looking at my cup from over her shoulder. "A broken ring at the bottle, which mean long engagement-"
The professor clicks his tongue and shakes his head. "This is a bit of the worst reading I've seen in a while." Ariadne turns red at the insult, but doesn't answer. The professor takes the cup from her hands. "The ring you mentioned is obviously a necklace. It's broken, so it means loss of a lover. Wavy lines, an uncertain path. There's a door, which signals an odd event. And an axe, so there will be difficulties in your life. A fan, flirtation. A rabbit, need for bravery. These are on the right of the handle, which means these are in the future. There is a fly, which is domestic annoyance. A rose, which is popularity. These are in the past.
"There is an interesting life in store for you, Sirius Black. You can be sure of that." He hands Ariadne back the cup and walks to another group. We say nothing and I prepare for my own assignment.
"Hand." I decide to speak as sparsely as possible. She gives me her left hand and waits. I just hold it a moment, sensing how warm it feels in my own hands. But then I get to work. "A little coarser than average." I use one hand to flip to a page in my book that describes exactly what this means. "Resistant to disease and lacking of sensitivity." I hear her sniff a little in disbelief, but I ignore it.
"Er, elastic, I think. Means," I glance again at the book, "vitality, and enthusiasm. Long fingers, which means lots of patience, and an attention to detail. You have a deeply etched Life line, so you have a strong physical constitution. It's wide, so whoo-hoo, you have sympathy, endurance, stamina, and a passion for life. Where is all this sympathy towards me?" I try to joke around, but she doesn't answer.
"There's a wide space between your head line and life line, so you're reckless. No surprise there. You're heart line reaches between your index and middle fingers, so you have strong emotional feelings, but think before expressing them." I chuckle for a moment, and then I continue. "You're not sexually impulsive."
"Very funny, Sirius." Which is the first thing she's said to me since I had begun reading her palm. "You won't ever know."
"There's a branch coming from your life line, heading towards the Venus mount, which means there'll be an important person in your life. It's short, so this important person won't be in your life long." I stare at the stem of the thumb for a moment. "Er, it looks like you you'll have a small family."
She snatches her hand away. "Thanks for the uplifting information," she answers, her voice dripping with bitterness. I instantly felt guilty, but what could I do? I don't understand why having a family can make her feel sad. All I said had been in her hand, and I feel the need to be truthful with her.
All I can do is stare at her, as she scribbles something down on a large parchment, probably the essay we need to have done by Monday on what we had just done. Her hand, which was an open book for her personality, held the pen tightly. Her lips were slightly parted, like she was thinking of what to say.
She caught me looking and immediately left her seat to ask to go to the bathroom.
Ariadne Chant::
Why had he been staring at me? It was as if he thought I couldn't feel it. How could I not? It would have made me glad, if I had been sure his reason for inspecting me. I mean, who knows what he can do to me. I don't want to give him any ammo.
But I'm glad he had chosen palmistry. He held my hand a long time, and he even had to caress my hand. I brought myself to actually listen to him speak for short periods of time. I could barely answer. I had been in a state of shock.
But the fact that my hands said I would have children scared me. I didn't want children. Whoever has children stands the risk of losing them. I don't have parents, and I don't want children.
Needless to say, the classes that follow seem to matter little. Late that night, I find I can't sleep, and I walk down to the Common Room. I sit there in the darkness of the room and the memories flow. Like I do sometimes, I let them pass through my head like butterflies, fluttering past at unknown intervals, sometimes reminding me of things I'd rather forget.
All the people that have died, all the people I have lost. The family I never had. The family I did. The family I lost.
I grunt, and make the memories recede once again, back into the very back of my mind. I decide to do what I usually do when the memories give me the heebie-jeebies. I take out my diary and let out my rants. Or at least I try. When I reach into my bag to find the book, my hand comes out empty.
I check and check, but my bag is empty of the book.
And now I have nothing solid to hold the memories that just a few moments before were floating around me back. And the tears come out, steady and silently. I mutter incoherently and sit there in that chair until sleep takes a hold of me and for a few moments I can have peace.
When I wake, it is still night, and I realize I could not have slept much more than half an hour. And I hear something behind me. I turn and stare through the darkness at-
Nothing. I sigh and lean back into the chair. What was it that had made me wake up? I swear I had felt something. Heard something, whatever.
I shrug it off and hold my face in my hands. I pull my hands away when my face came back wet. I was crying?
Had I been crying in my sleep? I feel ashamed for some reason, even though I know I'm alone.
"You? Oh come ON! Of all the people that could be here right now, it has to be you." I hear the voice right, yet I still hope I'm hearing wrong.
I look up at the shadow that is looking at me from the top of the armchair. "Oh. You." I don't give Sirius anything more.
"Can't you, er, find your way upstairs so I can stay here in peace?" I can imagine his look of pure disdain, but still I can't help thinking how hot he looks anyway.
"So this whole room is yours now? Who died and made you king?" I make sure my voice doesn't display any of my true feelings.
"What, you want to be in the same room with me all night?" He doesn't say anything for a few beats. "Ugh, listening to myself I shudder. I did not mean that in a sex way. Just in a I-don't-like-you-you-don't –like-me-so-we-don't-want-to-be-in-the-same-room kind of way. Yes. What I just said." I don't answer. I mean, what can I say to that? Actually, no, I really like you. Can I kiss you now?
"Ok, ok. Make me feel stupid. I can deal with that." He mutters this so low that I'm not sure I heard him at all.
"What? Make you feel stupid? You mean make you realize you are stupid, right?" I try to make sure I make my fake feelings known.
"You're so funny, Ariadne. I don't know why I'm not more attracted to you. Oh, I know! It's because you're a snob!" I can't stop the gasp from escaping my lips. Shit, did he hear that? He might get the wrong idea. Or the right idea, which would be bad.
We don't really talk for a few seconds, which makes me really uncomfortable. Jesus, what does he think of me now?
"So. Either you leave, or I do."
"It's you."
He doesn't move. I can tell by the way his shadow, well, doesn't move. And when he does move, I don't see him anymore. And I can't seem to keep my eyes open anymore. I fall asleep, slumped in the armchair like a doll.
Sirius Black::
I know what I felt. I know it and I'm sure of it, but still I don't want to face it. Ariadne Chant, Miss I'm-Way-Too-Cool-For-The-World was crying. In her sleep. Which is a good thing. Now my ice princess image of her does not need to be spoiled. When people cry in their sleep, it doesn't count.
Right?
I'm half asleep in Divination class when I hear the professor telling us to get back in our groups. I almost curse out loud. Was this guy serious? After what I know, he puts us back together as partners. Now what? We have to use that penis/breast reading form of divination? That might have made my day.
I don't want to look at Ariadne directly in the face. I know Ariadne had been crying last night, and looking her in the face might make the question pop out. After all, it was her eyes the tears came from. Her cheeks I felt them from. . .
Bloody hell, since when am I poet?
At last I turn, giving into the desire to look at her. I didn't know that what had made me look at Ariadne so much the day before had been so strong. So for a moment or two I just stare at her face. "Ariadne, why do you cry?"
She turns and looks at me. She frowns and raises an eyebrow. But behind the ice princess mask I can see a shadow of real fear. "Er, can I ask what brings that up?"
I look down at my hands, suddenly not wanting to tell Ariadne anything. Well, oh course I don't. I mean, how can I tell her I reached out to touch her cheek as we passed her by while Prongs, Wormtail, and I were under the cloak? And my hand came back wet? And that she sniffled?
"I heard you. " I go for the simplified version.
"You. . ." she swallows hard, "heard me?" She doesn't look me in the eyes, avoiding my glance like I'm the sun.
I lean in closer and drop my voice to a whisper. "Look, I won't tell anyone. I promise. I just want to know-"
She pulls away roughly and gets up from her stool. "What do you care?" she says angrily. Then she stalks off, probably to ask the professor for permission to be excused to the bathroom. Again. I curse and slam my head against the table to punish myself for my own stupidity.
How could I just have given it away like that? I didn't even bring it into the conversation slowly. I just plow in, like a tow truck, shaking up things. Shaking up things that don't need to be shaken up.