Sorry with the sad Sirius chapter Lireal . I can't help it!
Oh my god. I am so sorryabout that LONG delay. I could not help it!!
NOTE:IF THERE'S A POSSIBLITY OF YOUR BEING OFFENDED HEED THE WARNING BELOW.
Ariadne Chant::
I find myself sitting in an empty GCR, like I used to the year before. It isn't until this moment when I realize that I haven't done this in ages. Sure, I had mourned Julia greatly and still am, but not like this. Not with the darkness of the GCR and with tears flowing down silently for hours on end. I suppose I had had Sirius before. We had been friends, if nothing else. I had used his support to smother those thoughts that caused me to seek help in the silence of the GCR.
But now, how could I trust him? He had turned out to be far more impulsive and dangerous than I had thought. My feelings whirl, going back and forth like a pendulum. Maybe this, maybe that. That's the only answer I get whenever I think of him. So I have decided to not think of him at all.
I am about to sink back into my thoughts and my horrible memories when I hear a noise behind me. I jump and hesitate any other movement, like looking back. Maybe the best reaction is to not move at all. If this newcomer doesn't know I'm here, he or she won't think to bother or question me.
But this individual approaches anyway, scuffling about. I hold my breath, what is this guy doing here? I assume it's a guy. Who else would make such noise walking, as if he owns the world?
"Where are you?" I hear a low voice, muttering, and though I cannot make out who it is, I know for sure now that is a male. Perhap Sirius.
Of course it's Sirius. I am sure of it. Who else would search me out in the middle of the night? "Look, I thought I made it clear I wasn't ready for-"
"Ah ha!" crows Sirius's voice, and thick hands wraps around my upper arms, lifting me out of the chair as if I am a doll. I cry out, or attempt to, but a blow suddenly strikes me in the stomach, blowing the air out of me before I can make a sound.
"Don't make a noise, love." My mouth moves to scream, but I feel something shoved in there. The fabric pushes my tongue to the back of my throat, and I begin to choke. But that is the least of my problems.
IF YOU DON'T WANT TO READ THE RAPE PART SCROLL DOWN UNTIL NEXT BOLDED PART.
He isn't even trying to be formal with it at all, pushing aside my robes as he kisses me roughly. I feel the stubble on his cheek brush against my skin, trying to concentrate on that as he pushes me down on the floor, grunting as-
Hands touch, eyes meet
Sudden silence, sudden heatHearts leap in a giddy whirl
He could that boy
But I'm not that girl
The air hits my bare skin and with a muffled gasp I attempt to push him off me again. Not this way. No. But he holds my arms under us, and my shoulders are beginning to ache. I close my eyes firmly, whimpering in spite of myself. He says something, and his wand glows-
Don't dream too far
Don't lose sight of who you are
Don't remember that rush of joyIt hurts. This act, which I was always told was sacred, is being defiled. The screams are bubbling up, just below the surface, wanting to come out, spurting out like a giant geyser. He is nuzzling my neck quietly making soft noises. I want him gone, for him to at least leave me this much dignity-
He could be that boy
I'm not that girl
Every so often,
We long to steal to the land of what might have been
But that doesn't soften the ache we feel when reality sets back in
Sirius. I want him to come in at this very moment and to throw this villain against the wall with a sudden outburst of inhuman strength. I want him to wrap me up in his arms and make it all better. Like in the tales, or a gallant knight on a shining white horse. Broomstick? Isis. I want her to come in here and show a rabid side of her she has hidden well all these years. I want someone. Anyone.
I'd take Snape over this horror.
Don't wish
Don't start
Wishing only ruins the heart
I wasn't born for the rose and pearl
It's over, but not quickly enough. He gets up, and I think that I might be able to escape him. But I cannot move. He closes my eyes and I hear noises. I want to scream and I want to cry. My lips are glued together by his spell. I am utterly in his grip, my body under his control.
Stop it. Stopitleavehelpmeohmygod.
OKAY, RAPE SCENE OVER
Sirius Black::
Stop it! I feel a screaming pain in my head echoing like crazy. I sit up in my bed, the dark enveloping me like a blanket. But the voice screams on, full of pain. What is going on? I clutch my head, and I sink down onto the floor, or maybe it's my bed. It all feels the same to me.
Am I screaming? I wonder. I feel hands lifting me up. I'm floating. It hurts, not much; it's like a numbing pain, now. But it's not mine. It can't be mine. It feels apart from me, but I can still feel it. I cannot explain it. A phantom pain.
A sharp twinge in my face brings me out of the thoughts for a second and all of a sudden I'm fine. I don't sense the ache in my crotch, I don't want to scream, and I don't feel murderous and cantankerous.
"What the bloody hell is wrong with you, Padfoot?" Wormtail is clutching my wrist tightly as he asks this, and I just stare back at him blankly, for what seems like perpetuity.
"You were screaming your head off," Moony adds, unhelpfully. I pull my arm away from Wormtail, and I sit up on the edge of my bed, forcing the three of them to move away.
"Hello? Sirius? You wake us up in the middle of the bloody night and then you sit there all quiet. As in not explaining shit?!" Prongs is glaring at me. This brings the current events back to me. He is still pissed off at me for the Snape thing.
Can't he just get over that?
"I don't know what it was. A bad dream?" I say this weakly and they are not convinced. But they don't push it. As soon as the words are out of my mouth, Prongs is already moving towards his bed. I guess they assume that my dream was either a wet one or . . .a bad one. Either way they assume it's not something I'd share. Or, far more likely, they don't particularly care either way.
"Good then. Next time you have a bad dream, wake up sweating like the rest of us, and go back to bed. Silently." My- former? -best friend noisily slides into his bed, pulling the covers over him, and saying no more.
Moony and Wormtail seem lost. They are hesitant as to how to respond to this lie they both easily see through. Eventually they take Prongs's course of action. They each mumble their quiet good nights, and get back into bed, leaving me with groggy thoughts and strange memories.
I awaken, and the strange dream is but that, a strange dream, half-forgotten. It's Saturday, so by the time I manage call upon enough will to actually sit up and go get something to eat, the dorm I share with the others is empty.
I sigh, but I didn't really expect them wake me up, like they usually do on weekends. I mean, they've been avoiding me all week, why should anything have changed because of one bad dream? I get up, stretching, and standing in front of the mirror a while, hoping I haven't got any bags under my eyes. When I'm convinced I hadn't, I begin to get dressed.
I wonder if I should try talking to Ariadne. I mean, I know that she had been pretty firm on the whole stay-away-from-me speech, but I'm not sure I can deal with this solitude anymore. Ariadne is the only person I know will talk to me, even if it is grudgingly.
I approach the mirror again, looking at myself maybe a bit longer than usual. Do I look different than I did before? Maybe I look grimmer, more solemn. I don't see the I-don't-care look in my eyes anymore.
I shrug this off as my stomach growls. In the GCR everyone stares at me out of the corners of their eyes, as if I won't notice their stares that way. I mean, who would notice conversation abating as soon as you step into a room?
I shoot them all glares as I pass by. I consider flipping them all the bird over my shoulder as I leave. I overrule it in my mind; they're not worth the trouble.
The hallways have the odd couple of people in it, but mostly, they're empty. This seems to be a recurring theme in my life lately. It's definitely beginning to annoy me. But when I reach the Great Hall, all the hustle and bustle is incredibly aggravating as well.
The thought of talking to an unwilling Ariadne is beginning to look nice now. Even so, I cannot bring myself to look for her. My mind is flooded with damn maybes. Maybe she'll be angry as hell. Maybe she'll be cold and stoic. Maybe she will just ignore me until I go away. Maybe . . .
I stand under the doorway too long it seems. People begin to stare at me, again, and no wonder they do. In their eyes I am simply staring into the room blankly. So I shake away my thoughts and look down the Gryffinder table, knowing that Ariadne is probably the late breakfast, less people kind of person. When I don't spot her, I assume she also might be the no breakfast kind of person.
But I spot Lily. I mean, it is a rare moment nowadays that I actually see Lily without the Siamese twin that is James Potter. So I approach her. Maybe she'll be less aloof if she's not with Prongs. "Lily?" I ask her when I am standing behind her chair hesitantly, in case she chases me off with a glare.
"Sirius." That is her simple response and I stare blankly until I realize she's not going to say more.
I don't care. "Have you seen Ariadne?" A few people sitting nearby are staring, although why they are is simply beyond me. Does it really take so long for people to get over things? It's been more than a week, but people are still staring.
Bloody hell, if guns were operational in Hogwarts, I might call one and shoot them all. "Do you want me to let you in?" she asks coldly, but she's being sincere.
"Why?" I ask, leaning in closer to her, before I realize what I'm doing. "Is something wrong?" I'm gripping the edge of the table tightly, and I wonder why I'm reacting like this. Lily hasn't confirmed anything. Instead she's getting up and gathering her things as if she hasn't heard me. In fact, it could just be that Ariadne has schoolwork and wants to ask me-
What are the chances of that happening? Ariadne could ask anyone else about schoolwork. She would not have to get Lily to fetch me to the girls' dormitories. Lily pushes her chair in and begins to walk towards the exit. I let go of the table, immediately miss the solidity of it, and trail her.
The halls contain more people than just a few minutes ago, and I try to ignore everyone. Right now, I am agitated enough without people constantly treating me like some guy who will, at any second, spell them off to heaven.
Eventually we arrive at the GCR, where we climb the stairs. At least, we are until we're interrupted.
"Excuse me, but where exactly do you think you're going?" The high, angry voice I suddenly hear behind us brings me away from my thoughts for a minute while I concentrate on her. She's a small girl, with thick frames and a sideways ponytail. She's got red streaks through her brown hair and her green eyes are glaring at me with an intensity I wouldn't have assumed a girl her size would have.
"Excuse me, but why, exactly, do you care?" I reply, my temper flaring. Why does this girl think she can deny me entry? Does everyone just assume they can step all over me?
"As Head Girl, I care. I care a lot. I mean, it's not every day that a guy such as you tries to get into the girls' dormitories." Her hands are on her hips and I think my shocked expression Head Girl? anger her more. I don't know if I'm more shocked at being referred to like a randy bastard, or at this little girl holding more authority than I.
"Well," I begin, getting my wits back, "it's not every day a messiah is born, but you wouldn't deny him entry into the world just because he's something new, eh?" A sad comeback, but the best I can summon at the moment.
"You are certainly no messiah, Black." She pauses for a moment, I think realizing she really can't stop me from entering. "They're working on a spell, you know. A spell to stop all of your kind from corrupting the rest of us." With that she turns her back and strides out.
I turn back to look at Lily, but she's already heading on up. I sigh, and continue to follow her. A whole mess of people had amassed thanks to the commotion that Head Girl had made. Now I have to walk past them all.
Damn it.
Lily invites me in, making me feel like a bloody vampire, which in no way helps my mood. She doesn't look like she's going to help me any further than that. As soon as she leads me to Ariadne's dorm, she turns back around and leaves me there. Fine, then. Fuck her.
First, a man-hating Head Girl, and now a bitter ex-friend. Wonder. What's next? I nudge open the partially open door. The room is still dark, like the last time I'd been in here. All the beds are made, except for one.
"Hey, Ariadne." I mumble. It comes out weirder than I had hoped, but I'm glad it had come out at all.
Ariadne's head pops out, like a groundhog might come out of his hole. Her hair is a tangled and snarled, and her eyes are bloodshot. She looks worse than she has since she'd come back from the summer holiday. Immediately my suspicions are proven correct. Something is wrong.
Gingerly, I moved towards the bed, but she sticks her head back under the mess of covers again. "Go away!" she cries, her voice cracking. I stop walking towards the bed, but I don't retreat. This is no ostentation.
"What's wrong?"
"Go away! I don't want to talk to you!" I hear her muffled sobs under all the blankets she's covered herself with, and I can't stand back anymore. I sit on the edge of the bed, and I lay a hand on the covers.
"Look, you can t-" Before I can finish, she pushes the covers back and whacks me with her wand across the back of my head frantically. I painfully cry out, but she doesn't heed my cries.
"Get . . . away . . . from . . . me!" Between words she wallops me with her wand until I stand up, bringing my arms up to shield my face. I catch of glimpse of her frightened expression, made worse by her bruised lips and-
"Is that a hickey?" I ask incredulously. She blinks at me for a second, briefly breathing deeply before shoving herself under the covers again.
"Ariadne!" Oh god, what happened? Who . . . how . . .
My dream.
Oh my god.
"Ariadne. Are you okay? Well, of course not, but . . . do you want something, oh my god, have you told anyone?"
"Go away!" She screams this, and even through the blanket, her voice is clear. I run a hand through my hair nervously.
"But what are you-"
"GET OUT! GET OUT, GET OUT, GET OUT!" I bite back a response. Maybe . . . I should leave. She need time alone, right? I mean, maybe later, I could maybe . . . bring her something . . .
"Okay. I'll come back . . . later. Bye." I quickly turn around and reach for the doorknob, missing it completely in my hurry.
Ariadne Chant::
Why didn't you save me?