I was bruised and battered I couldn't tell what I felt I was unrecognizable to myself I saw my reflection in a window I didn't know my own face. Oh Brother are you gonna leave me wastin' away. Bruce Springsteen, Streets of Philadelphia.

Today was Dave's funeral Alex had been an emotional wreck since she got that phone call it was almost a week ago. They said he was driving to his hotel and that he fell asleep at the wheel. She should have been with him that is what she had been thinking since she got that call. Right now she was in the bathroom of her apartment. Randy had called her about every hour since she left St. Louis but she didn't want to talk she didn't want to do anything. She has stopped eating and she barely slept she looked horrible. She was looking at her reflection in the bathroom mirror. She looked nothing like herself her eyes no longer had that sparkle her face was really thin from not eating. She looked dead and that is how she felt.

"It should have been me" she said as she punched her hand through the mirror. Blood was flowing freely from her hand but she didn't care she didn't feel any pain. She entered the kitchen she couldn't hold the anger in any more she started throwing things. When she had finished the kitchen she moved on to the other rooms. When she was done she stood against a wall her chest was heaving trying to get air. She slid down into the fetal position she sat there and cried.

Randy's Pov

I was surprised Alex didn't go to the funeral but then again she had just lost her fiancee so maybe she was too upset. I had called her mother and gotten her address so after the funeral I decided to go see her. I was worried after she didn't call me after the numerous massages I had left her. I got to her door it was open a little so I let myself in the place was a mess things thrown everywhere at first I thought Alex might have been robbed then I saw the blood.

"Alex" I yelled but there was no answer.

I continued to walk around the apartment until I found her. She was huddled up against the wall I wouldn't have noticed her at all if I hadn't heard her crying. She was covered in blood that I was guessing was her own.

"Alex" I said wrapping my arms around her. She went limp in my arms. In all the years I had known Alex I had never seen her this way but then again the man she loved just died.

She needed to be cleaned up so I took her into the bathroom. I laid her on the floor while I ran the water for a bath. I was a little uncomfortable about having to strip Alex down and give her a bath but she needed me so I did it. Then I got her dressed and bandaged her hand. As I was doing this she was watching me but it looked like she didn't comprehend what was going on. Then I put her into bed I laid down next to her trying to comfort her. She fell asleep and after a while I did too. It was about 2 in the morning when I woke up because Alex was screaming.

"Shh it's ok I'm here" I said I was rubbing her back trying to get her to calm down.

"Why god why did you have to take him" she sobbed "it should have been me he didn't do anything"

Alex conitnued to cry I felt so helpless I couldn't do anything to help her. I couldn't begin to imagine how much pain she must be in. After a while she quited and fell back to sleep.

"I love you Alex and I'll take care of you forever I promise" I whispered as I kissed her softly on the lips.