And I'd give up forever to touch you. Cause I know that you feel me somehow. You're the closest to heaven that I'll ever be And I don't want to go home right now. Iris-Goo Goo Dolls

Alex's Pov

"Ugh" I said as I woke up, every part of my body hurt. I moved and realized I was in bed but I don't remember how I got here. I don't really remember anything that happened last night. I noticed my hand was bandaged I wasn't sure how that happened. Then I looked around my apartment.

"What the hell did I do?" I asked myself.

"I've been asking that same question for about an hour and a half" Randy said.

"How did you get in here?" I asked

"Well you left the door open, I was worried about you when you didn't go to the funeral" he said he looked down at the floor during the last part.

"He is really gone isn't he?" I asked

"Yeah he is but you are going to be ok" he said

"How am I going to be ok I miss him so much"

"I miss him too he was a good friend and a really good guy" Randy said

I couldn't hold it in and I didn't want to I started crying.

"I feel so guilty I should have been with him" I said

"Alex what happened to Dave was a horrible accident you couldn't have stopped it" Randy said as he came to sit next to me.

"If it was such a horrible accident then why do I feel so damn guilty?" I asked

"I've decided something you are going to come live with me" he said

"Randy that is sweet but I can't I don't want to I just want to be alone right now" I said

"Listen you are not going to stay here by yourself I won't let you" he said "plus I already talked to your landlord about it"

"So now I'm not capable of taking care of myself?" I asked yelling

"No i'm not saying that I just don't want you to be alone" he said remaining calm.

"How can you be so calm you said Dave was your friend and yet you sit there and stay calm?" I asked still yelling.

"You don't think it is killing me the fact that one of my bestfriends fucking died?" he asked yelling back

"Now I see the true you go ahead Randy yell and scream that is what you want to do anyways"

"You know what I can't stand you, you think you are the only fucking person who lost someone well think again we lost him too" he yelled.

"I hate you get the hell out of my house!" I exclaimed

"With pleasure" he said as he slammed the door.

"I need to get out of here" I said as I threw on some clothes. It was only about 10:30 so nothing was really open. I decided to go to Dave's grave. I drove to the cemetary it didn't take me long to find the grave. The headstone shone in the sun. The inscription read

David Bautista

January 18 1969- March 21 2004

A loving son and all around great guy he will be missed.

"Hey Dave I'm sorry I wasn't at your funeral but I just didn't want to believe you were gone" I said " I miss you so much I don't know what I'm going to do without you. I had a fight with Randy today he was trying to be nice to me but I didn't want it I don't deserve him and I didn't deserve you". Tears were freely rolling down my cheeks.

"Well I have to go but don't worry I'll be back soon" I said as I stood up.

As I was walking away I saw Paul and Ric walking up the path.

"Hey Alex I'm so sorry" Paul said

"I know you guys are Dave was a great guy as you two know he is going to be missed" I said

"If you need anything please call us we want to help" Ric said

"Thanks that means alot to me but I'll be fine" I lied

"Are you sure?" Paul asked

"Yeah" I said

I gave them both a hug and then I walked back to my car. Was I going to be ok I hope so.

And I don't want the world to see me. Cause I don't think that they'd understand. When everything's made to be broken I just want you to know who I am . Iris