Looking back at me I see
That I never really got it right
I never stopped to think of you
I'm always wrapped up in
Things I cannnot win
You are the antidote that gets me by
Something strong
Like a drug that gets me high

What I really meant to say
Is I'm sorry for the way I am
I never meant to be so cold to you

And I'm sorry about all the lies
Maybe in a different light
You could see me stand on my own again
Cause now i can see
You were the antidote that got me by
Something strong like a drug that got me high
I never meant to be so cold

I never really wanted you to see
The screwed up side of me that I keep
Locked inside of me so deep
It always seems to get to me
I never really wanted you to go
So many things you should have known
I guess for me theres just no hope
I never meant to be so cold Cold- Crossfade

Randy's Pov

Alex had been out of the hospital for a month she has been taking things slow. The doctors said she would recover fine but I'm paranoid and won't let her do anything that could hurt her. After Dave died I realized something life is short you really never know when it's your time so you should make the most of it and that is exactly what I'm doing. Alex and I have been talking about children I really want them but I think Alex is still grieving the loss of our first child it was a little boy we named him Adam Michael Orton. Alex is downstairs in her studio which was once the basement she is practicing her guitar. She is a really talented musician sbut she doesn't like playing for people. I hear her sometimes when I'm in the gym which is next to the studio. Alex spends hours down there locked in that room. She seemed fine when she left the hospital but now it's like she is a totally different person I want to help her but she won't let me.

I was sitting in the living room I heard Alex coming up the stairs.

"Hey"I said

"Hi" she replied

"Are you hungry I could order something" I offered. She nodded I got up and ordered a pizza. I sat back down in the chair I was sitting in before. Alex was sitting across from me on the couch she had that far away look that she wore alot recently.

"What are you thinking about" I asked

"Nothing" she replied

"I've been thinking you should come on the road with me when I leave in 2 days" I said

"Why so I can see the career I can never have" she said

"You are the one that doesn't want to go back" I said

"DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND WHAT HAPPENED THERE I LOST OUR SON" she screamed and started to cry.

I went to hug her but she pushed me away.

"Leave me alone" she said

"What the hell Alex ever since you lost the baby you haven't been the same I don't want to sound like a jerk but get over it"I said and the minute I saw the hurt look on her face I knew I shouldn't have. I didn't mean what I said I just want my wife back.

"GET OVER IT, YOU WANT ME TO GET OVER IT HOW THE FUCK WOULD YOU LIKE ME TO DO THAT" she yelled

"Alex I'm sorry I didn't mean to say that" I appologized

She didn't even respond she just left the room and went upstairs into the bedroom and slammed the door. The pizza came and then I just sat there drinking. I wasn't completely drunk just buzzed so I decided to see what Alex did in her studio. So I went downstairs and picked the lock. I entered the room she had some nice stuff down there lots of equipment. She had a desk and a computer I went over to the computer she left the hardrive open with a disk inside I decided to see what was on it. I realised it was a cd but the I heard Alex's voice she was singing. The song I was listening to was called So Far Away

I never got to see you

I never got to hear you laugh

You'll always be a part of me

Even if you are so far away

Maybe one day I'll hold you in my arms

You are so far away

Too far for me to reach

No matter how hard I try you are still gone

I want so badly to for you to be with me but that will never happen

Because it wasn't ment to be

Maybe one day you'll have brothers and sisters

I'll watch them laugh and hear them cry

But you'll always be with me

I will never forget you my baby

I'll always love you Adam

You are so far away

Too far for me to reach

No matter how hard I try you are still gone

I want so badly to for you to be with me but that will never happen

Because it wasn't ment to be

She wrote a whold cd for him I couldn't believe it all this time I thought she wasn't trying to get better but she was. I started to cry the cd and then things I had said to her how cold I have been that cold.

I sat there for a long time just listening to the cd it was really good maybe I could convince her to get it offically recorded. Better yet why don't I do it myself. I made a couple of copies of the cd in the morning I would call Cena and see if he could help me. After I made sure I put everything back the way it was and relocked the room I went to bed in one of the guest rooms I figured I didn't deserve to sleep in the same bed with Alex.

Alex's Pov

It's morning and I'm still pissed at Randy how could he say that to me. I know I haven't been the easiest person to live with but I just lost my baby. I wrote this whole cd for Adam I had help recording it with my band Black Sunday. Randy doesn't know about Black Sunday yet. We were a band a while back but then we broke up after Adam died I figured we should get back together. I'm going to share the cd with Randy soon but I want it to be perfect. Malcom my drummer thinks I should make a real cd out of it but I don't think I'm that good. The other three guys Steve, Mike, and Bruce think I'm great but I don't think that much of myself. I really want to have another baby but I'm afraid something will happen so I'm a little scared. Plus I'm not sure what Randy will say does he think it's to soon. Maybe I'll talk to him about it tonight.

I walked into the kitchen Randy had finished cooking and had a nice breakfast on the table. Which was good for me because I was starving and the fact that I couldn't cook to save the life of me.

"Hey" he said as I entered the kitchen

"Hello" I said sitting down

"Listen I'm so sorry for what I said last night I had no right" he said

"You really hurt me" I said

"I know I just got mad that you wouldn't talk to me I just want to help you get better" he replied

"I know you do and I really appreciate it I just miss him" I said

"I miss him too but that doesn't mean we should stop living" he told me

"I'm sorry" I said

"You have nothing to be sorry about just tell me what I can do to help"

"I want another baby" I blurted out

He just smiled "Me too"

"Really" I asked

"Yeah" he replied

Well that is it hope you enjoyed. I sorry about Alex's crappy song I tried I'm not much of a song writer but it's ok for this story.