WHEEE! Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince!!! July 16th!!!! Need I say more?!

Disclaimer: J.K. Rowling owns Remus Lupin, Sirius Black, Harry Potter, and all the other characters that inhabit their world. Call me a voyeur.

Author's Note: Finals have absolutely fried my brain. It wouldn't be so bad if I didn't have a poetry portfolio due as well. But alas. No more Sirius in this chapter, I'm afraid (but no worries—he'll be back). For those of you who have been wondering about the time frame, here's the skinny: this chapter will take place in the remaining days before the beginning of the term, where Remus will come face to face with Harry for the first time since Lily and James' death. Please continue to read and review and, most of all, enjoy! Happy Chrismahaunikwanzika to all of you!

---

Ani screwed up her face. The focus of her attention, a small ink-blue book, sat innocuous and still on the table across the room. Feeling the old surge of power, Ani took aim.

"Evanesco!"

To her intense (though somewhat guilty) satisfaction, in the space of a blink the book—one of many with which Remus had thoughtfully stocked the cottage—was gone. Ani crossed the room and placed her hand on the table where the book had been. She was sure there was a spell that was more complex, more appropriate for what she wanted to do—she simply didn't remember it. But the thing about magic, Ani was slowly remembering, was that as long as your brain was focused in the right direction, the spell often knew what you wanted.

The counter spell came easier—she had barely spoken the words when the book reappeared. It's coming back. Slowly but surely. She sighed, suddenly weary from all her practice. She snorted wryly. "Maybe Dumbledore will let me take lessons up at the school, since he's so hell-bent on keeping an eye on me," she said aloud. She pictured herself, three times older and half as tall as her classmates. The thought made her laugh.

Suddenly, Remus' now-familiar tip-tapping knock echoed through the cottage. Adrenaline-shocked, Ani spun around and whispered fiercely, "Accio!" The slender box she'd summoned flew across the room, but it was too late: Remus stepped through the door and watched in amazement as the box flew into Ani's outstretched hands.

They stood there quietly for a few moments, a deep flush rising in Ani's clear face, Remus looking at her in unconcealed shock.

"Is that what I think it is?" he asked her incredulously.

Ani resignedly flipped open the old box and laid her wand on the bed of golden velvet, avoiding Remus' eyes as she did so. "What does it look like?" she answered.

"It looks like your old wand."

"Well then," Ani said softly, "I suppose that's what it is."

She brushed past him and put the box on the bookshelf, flicking her gaze up into his face. The crinkles around his eyes had deepened and she suspected he hid a secret, knowing smile. "I thought you said—oh what was it you said?" Remus asked, sweeping off his cloak and sending it to hang on a peg by the door. "You said you had 'snapped it in half and good riddance,' I believe?"

They met one another's eyes and smiled, small and rueful. "So, I lied," Ani admitted. "Let's just say I thought about what you said." Her fingers clenched. "If I ever see Black again, I'd like to make it a meeting he's bound to remember." She looked up into Remus' face and felt a slight buzz at the hope on his face. Pushing down her anger, she hastened to remind him, "I'm not saying that I won't go back to normal when this is all over. I still plan on going back to America when they catch him."

Remus simply nodded, his face blank, only the shadow behind his eyes any hint at his inner thoughts. "But for now, I'm practicing," Ani went on. "So when I see him, I'll be safe."

"I'm very glad to hear that," Remus replied, and the sincerity in his voice almost made her blush. "So you've been practicing your jinxes and defenses?"

"I'm working up to that," Ani responded. "I'm lucky I can still do simple summoning charms. I'm rusty and it's embarrassing." She told him her thought about being tutored at the school—he threw back his head and laughed. Ani was suddenly thrilled that she could still make him laugh.

"Well," Remus said, wiping the tears of mirth from his eyes, "the ability is there. We just need to help you remember." He placed his hands on her shoulders and squeezed. "Come on," he said, moving for the kitchen. "I'll make you dinner before I head back to London."

She followed him silently and settled on stool in the kitchen, watching as he cleared the counter space and began pulling down bowls. She hadn't seen him since their reconciliation—when he'd left he said he had some issues with his landlord with which he had to contend—and as she examined him she found herself growing vaguely concerned. The creases in his face seemed more pronounced than ever, the skin of his face stretched tightly over the bones.

"Spoke with your brother earlier today and gave him your letter," Remus commented, shooting a stream of flour into a bowl and whisking briskly. "I talked to Dumbledore to try to make an arrangement; we decided that Rion's going to bring down his wife and their girls so you can meet them sometime later this week—that way you can see them and you'll all be safe here. He's talking about taking some time off work to come stay with you."

So her internment was still on full force. She repressed a sigh. Despite all the books Remus had loaned her and the beautiful garden, Ani was going progressively mad with boredom. "Thank you," Ani answered, striving not to sound petulant. "I appreciate that."

"You're welcome," Remus answered. "So, I was thinking—"

He paused and grimaced, moving away from her. Ani sat up straighter as lines of pain ran over his turned back. Her vague concern grew into something stronger.

"You look wretched, Remus," she said worriedly. "Aren't you well?"

Remus sent her a wry glance over his shoulder. "Such a delicate way with words, Ani."

She flushed. "I didn't mean it that way, I—"

He waved a hand at her. "No, no, you're right," he sighed. Straightening up he poured the contents of one bowl into another. "It's nothing some sleep won't cure. I always look like this when the moon starts to wane. I'll start looking right again about the time I get sick again next month."

"Of course," Ani murmured, "the full moon just passed. I should have remembered."

She watched Remus finish the dinner preparations, chewing slightly on her lower lip. Something had been weighing on her mind: something she was afraid to bring up now that things between them were getting comfortable again. How to ask him? she wondered.

Finally, Remus slid his concoction into the oven sat down before her. He conjured them each a cup of tea, handing hers to her with a smile. "Remus," she began, the question that had been on her mind since coming to Hogsmeade on her lips. "Don't think that I'm not touched that you're here to take care of me. Because I am—"

Remus snorted. "Whatever you've got to say, Ani, you don't need to buffer it," he told her. "I know how you hate being coddled—you've made that very clear." His eyes twinkled, telling her there was no hard feelings.

"I did feel like that in the beginning," Ani confessed. "I'm trying to get past it. But anyway, my question is this. Can you honestly pick up so easily from London and just transplant? I mean, surely there's a job or a girl—" she tried to make it sound as though she were teasing, but the word girl stuck hard in her throat "—that makes you want to stay. And yet you transplant for me… after the way I acted? I don't understand it."

Her friend was quiet for a moment, sipping his tea. He finally spoke with a kind of wry humor in his voice. "Well, to be honest, I didn't transplant just for you," Remus told her. Ani blushed—when it came out of his mouth she sounded like a self-absorbed prat. Remus noticed the blush and patted her hand comfortingly. "Actually, I was out of work until just recently. Then Dumbledore offered me a job before I even knew that Black had escaped—so therefore, before I even knew that you were still alive and well."

A job? Ani sat bolt upright. "What kind of job?" she asked him.

Remus grinned, the kind of smile she hadn't seen on his face since they were children. "R.J. Lupin, Defense Against the Dark Arts professor at your service, madam," he announced grandly.

Ani clapped her hands together and, unable to contain herself, flew out of her seat and wrapped her arms around Remus' neck. He laughed and accepted her hug. "Oh Remus, how fantastic!" she cried, pulling away. "This is just what you've always wanted! Oh my God, congratulations, Remus."

"Thank you," he answered, smiling at her as she seated herself once more. "The term starts the day after tomorrow—I've been in London, trying to close down my apartment and preparing most of my lessons from the library there." He gave a little laugh. "I'm terrified, Ani, I can't afford to mess this up."

"You won't," Ani assured him. "You're a great teacher! You got me to pass Transfiguration, didn't you?"

Remus laughed. "I can't believe you remember that."

"Of course I remember," Ani said. "Don't worry, Remus, you'll do fine. I just know it."

"Well, thank you." He shrugged and continued. "And as for girls, let's just say that hasn't been a problem in recent years."

"Oh come on," Ani scoffed. "I find that very difficult to believe."

Remus arched one brow. "When you can't hold down a job because you're a werewolf—and it's usually the latter of the two that pushes the lasses away, believe it or not—it's hard to find a date," he informed her. He lifted one shoulder in a half shrug and Ani's sharp eye caught the pain in the gesture that he tried to valiantly to hide. "After Elisabeth there really hasn't been anyone else—perhaps a few dates here and there, but I keep to myself mostly."

Ani longed to snarl at the mention of the other woman's name, but repressed it to a low, throaty growl. Remus eyed her warningly. "Don't start," he said. "I don't need to hear you say I told you so."

"That wasn't what I was thinking and you know it," Ani answered. "Besides, I would never tell you I told you so."

"Not to my face," Remus countered.

She smiled, albeit reluctantly. "Fair enough."

They were quiet for a moment—the memory of the stupid blonde bitch in question hung low over Ani's head. Elisabeth Carterwell had attended Hogwarts with Ani and Remus: her father was a prominent negotiator with the Goblins' Union and she was the type of girl who wore pearls and silk blouses under her robes. Remus adored her, thanks to her brains: Ani couldn't stand her—James, Peter and Sirius Black had thought she was a cold fish at best. Even Lily, though she would never say so to Remus, had disliked Elisabeth, despite her friendly facade.

Remus had taken to seeing Elisabeth several months before the Potters' death and had thought the relationship had real potential. Oh, how wrong he was, Ani thought. The same old nasty anger and indignation still filled her lungs whenever she thought about the way things had ended when Remus had decided to tell Elisabeth the truth about his monthly illnesses. The woman that Remus was certain would accept him for who he was and love him unconditionally had spurned him and, in a matter of months, had been courted and married by Lucien Covelt.

Gods, how she hated that woman. There was no layer in hell deep enough to punish her for the pain Remus had felt. Ani could remember, even now, the nights spent sitting in her flat, nursing a glass of wine and watching Remus and Sirius Black play chess, Remus' eyes dark and sad.

"You deserved better than that, you know," Ani heard herself say to him now.

He looked up into her face. What she saw there nearly moved her to tears: pain, felt not for himself, but for her. "So did you," Remus told her quietly.

An old familiar pain burbled up and caught her by surprise. She leaned back in her chair, trying to abate the sensation. What had she expected? When it came right down to it, the wounds left by Sirius Black would never heal. "Well," she said, trying to brush it aside, "you know that and I know that, but I can't help but feel the gods feel a bit differently about it."

He tried to smile at her. "Surely you don't believe that."

"No," she lied quietly. "I guess I don't."

---

But Remus knew better.

Heart wrenched, he watched her run a finger absently along the rim of her teacup. She looked so lovely and heartbreakingly sad. Remus just couldn't have that—so he said the first thing that came to his mind and regretted it almost as soon as it left his lips.

"I've got a proposition for you."

It was worth it—despite the fact that he knew her excitement would be brief—to see her tilt her head to the side and smile at him in anticipation. "What's that?" Ani asked. "And if it gets me out of this house, the answer is already yes."

"Well, it might at that," he hedged.

Remus knew that he would have to be very careful when he finally got to discuss this idea. He remembered all too well the reaction Ani had the last time he'd brought up the subject at hand—albeit he'd been somewhat less than delicate then.

Just take it slow, the voice that reminded him of James urged him. What's the worst that could happen?

You obviously, Remus thought wryly, don't remember Ani very well, Prongs.

"So?" Ani asked. "What's the proposition?"

Remus stood up from his chair and moved around the kitchen, pretending to check on his shepherd's pie. "Well, like I said, the term starts in a few days… I'm going to wrap up my things in London and take the Hogwarts Express in with the students… You know," he hesitated, "get to know them a bit."

Ani snorted. "That's presuming you can stay awake long enough," she teased him. "I seem to recall our first year on the train and walking into a compartment to find you sound asleep with your face pressed up against the window."

"Well," Remus pressed on, gripping the reins of his courage, "I'm going to be busy for awhile, getting things set up at the school. But the first weekend, I thought you might want to come up and see the place… see Dumbledore and the others, perhaps."

"Sure," Ani said, blinking quizzically. "I would kind of like to talk about things with Dumbledore. That sounds fine, Remus."

So far so good. "I was also thinking," Remus continued carefully, "after I speak with him, of course, and explain some things to him… that you might like to get a chance to speak with Harry."

Silence. "He's at the school, you know," Remus went on uncertainly. "Starting his third year. He's in Gryffindor—McGonagall says he's just like James."

More silence. Then Ani's eyes went dark. Well, that was brilliant, Remus thought, and gripped the edge of the counter. His head still vaguely ached when he recalled the flare of magic that had sent him flying across Ani's kitchen. He had no desire to repeat the experience—especially now that Ani had been harnessing and honing her formerly rusty powers.

But to his mixed relief and disappointment, Ani simply shook her head and said quietly, "No, Remus."

His relief loosened his tongue. "But why?" he heard himself ask plaintively. The words started to tumble from his mouth. "He's your godson, Ani. I understand that it hurts you to think about it—that it reminds you of… of Sirius, but next to Lily's sister, you're all he's got. He needs to know you, Ani."

"Is that why you think I don't want to see him?" Ani asked, her head snapping up, her eyes bright in her face. "Because of Sirius?"

Remus faltered. Lily and James had asked Ani and Sirius, respectively, to be Harry's godparents before the latter two had gotten engaged. He could remember young Ani, her face alight, laughing that she hoped she and Sirius didn't have a falling out, because they were linked to each other, like it or not. After the betrayal, that scene had played through his mind like a film reel. And after their last confrontation on the matter of the boy, Remus assumed that Ani simply didn't like being reminded that her godson was still linked to the man who'd ruined her life.

"I take it that's not the case, then?" Remus asked timidly.

But he had no reason to fear; all the spark and anger had gone out of Ani's eyes. He slumped. Now she simply looked weary and very, very sad.

"No, it's not," Ani answered. "I can see why you'd think it was, but it's honestly not."

"What is it, then?" he responded.

Ani tucked her elbows close to her sides, hugging them in. The result made her seem very, very small—and Ani, despite her tiny stature, did not often appear small.

"You remember how awful it was those first few days after Lily and James died," she began. "You and I were both… we were crazy with grief, Remus. And then Dumbledore told us that we weren't to see Harry—that it was for the best that we let Petunia raise him as a Muggle." Ani sighed and pushed a hard hand through her curls. "It was hard for you, I know—I have no doubt in my mind how much you adored the boy. But for me, to see the only part of my best friend I had left shipped off to live with the woman who made Lily's—and my—childhood miserable… There are no words to express that, Remus." Ani closed her eyes. "I'd only known the child for a year, and when he was gone, I already missed him desperately. The point of being a godmother is to take the child in and care for him when something happens to his parents. And because of Dumbledore—though I understand why—I couldn't do that. I feel like I failed Lily, somehow."

Remus, overwhelmed, longed to stand up and take Ani into his arms. He refrained, though. It will only hurt, he told himself. For both of us.

"Is that all?" he asked her quietly.

Pain, so sharp it nearly leapt off her face, came over Ani's features. "No," she whispered, burying her head in her hands. "There's more than that."

He reached out and took her hand. "What else?" he asked in the same, low voice. He was suddenly aware—painfully so—that Ani had been unable to speak of this to anyone for the past twelve years. In her own way, she'd been as lonely as he was.

The thought made him want to weep.

"It's terrible," Ani said, her voice harsh with unshed tears, "but I'm terrified that if I saw him I wouldn't be able to look at him." She looked up in anguish and met Remus' eyes. "It's not the boy's fault, by any means, but my best friends died for him." Her voice had reduced to a tormented whisper. "I'm scared that I'll look at him and feel nothing but pain and resentment towards him. I don't want to, Remus, but I'm scared that it won't matter."

The tears she had been unable to cry spilled over and down her cheeks. For the first time since their reunion, Remus saw how Ani had aged. Years of pain had created a deep well within her. These tears might never stop.

And though he knew it would hurt—he no longer cared—Remus stood up and walked over to Ani and wrapped her in his arms. She leaned into him and her silent sobs shook him to the core.

They stood that way for a long, long time.

---

Remus paced around his compartment on the Hogwarts Express, his hands shaky and clammy. Students rushed up and down the corridor, their happy shouts and greetings echoing through the train. He barely heard them.

I just don't know that it's a good idea to tell him who you are, Remus.

Why not?

He's so young—and if you tell him about you, you'll have to tell him about everyone else… about me, and about Sirius. And… Remus, I'm just not ready for that.

Glancing at his watch, Remus looked out the glass into the other part of the train. There were still several minutes until departure, and he'd yet to see the telltale dark hair and green eyes of the boy for which he was looking the hardest.

It can't hurt, Ani.

Yes, but will it really help, Remus?

I just want him to know about his parents—and who better to tell him than their friend? You know his aunt won't have told him any bit of the truth.

Well, can you at least wait awhile? You're supposed to be his teacher: he needs to learn to accept you as that before he accepts you as his parents' friend. And as for me, the last thing he needs is to have another random adult thrown into his life.

I suppose… but can't we…

At least give him a few months—he's going to be so busy with school and friends. Wait at least until Christmas? Maybe then I'll be ready.

That long?

He sat down by the window and let out a sigh. Remus knew that what Ani was saying made sense: there was no point in overwhelming the boy right off. And besides—when he did get the chance to speak with Harry, the boy would be sure to ask why it had taken twelve years for Remus and Ani to come back into his life. And that would bring up the old bitterness of the past.

Remus stifled a yawn and closed his eyes for a moment. Of the two of them, he'd handled the Potters' death worse than Ani. He knew that now. The years preceding Lily and James' death hadn't gone well for him. Remus' father had died suddenly and Sasha Lupin, stunned and grief-stricken, had passed shortly thereafter. And then, with the fiasco with Elisabeth, the death of his best friends, the betrayal of Sirius Black and the loss of Ani—Remus had sunken lower than he ever had before. But when Dumbledore told Remus and Ani that they were not to try to see little Harry… even thinking about it now ashamed him.

Gods he was tired! The past sickness had taken more out of him than he'd realized. He felt his head beginning to nod off. He ought to read over his lesson plan one last time—but first, a quick nap… just for a moment…

He woke to a shudder and the frightened murmurs of children. The entire compartment was dark and cold—so, so cold.

A momentary wave of panic moved over Remus, but he quickly reigned himself in. There was something wrong, and his students were frightened. Their whispers heightened to a fevered pitch. One of them cried out, "Ouch!"

"Quiet," he ordered in a low voice. The children went silent immediately as he rummaged for his wand and shot silver flames into his palm. He held it up to view the members of the compartment. There was a round faced boy who looked eerily familiar; two red heads, one a tiny girl and the other a gangly boy with a long nose--they had to be Arthur Weasley's children; a startlingly pretty girl with a cloud of matted brown hair around her head; and a small, skinny boy with glasses and piercing green eyes.

Harry.

Before he could get caught up in staring at his friends' long-lost son, a collective shiver ran through the compartment. From outside he heard a terrible, rattling sound that ought only to be heard in nightmares.

"Stay where you are," he instructed the children and moved for the door. But it was too late.

The dementor hovered in the doorway, its hooded figure silhouetted against the cold blue light from the rain-slick windows beyond. Horrible memories began to fill Remus' mind, but he forced them away. He thought of finally learning that Ani was alive—he thought about the years they'd spent together before, when everything was so happy.

Lupin jumped as a loud thud echoed through the compartment. He looked down sharply to see Harry, his eyes rolled back into his head, lay twitching on the floor. His heart palpitated painfully—he knew what must have been going through the boy's mind. He must cease this.

"None of us are hiding Sirius Black under our cloaks. Go," he ordered. The dementor didn't move. Harnessing his happy memories, Remus shot his Patronus at the scaly, disgusting figure—the silver wolf trotted purposefully back to Remus and vanished.

"Harry!" the petite brunette cried out, kneeling on the floor. "Harry! Are you all right?"

She and the Weasley boy hauled Harry, who was coming around, back into his seat. Remus, shaken, turned back to his seat and rummaged through his bag. Better safe than sorry, he thought, pulling out a huge hunk of Honeyduke's chocolate out of his bag. I knew this would come in handy.

"Here," he said, breaking it into pieces and handing one to Harry. "Eat it. It'll help."

"What was that thing?" Harry asked him. Had Remus not been so concerned—honestly, a dementor on a train full of children!—he would have smiled. The boy even sounded like James.

He handed some chocolate to the other children. "A dementor," he explained. "One of the dementors of Azkaban." He folded up the empty wrapper and looked around at the kids' pale, scared faces. "Eat," he repeated, pointing to the chocolate. "It'll help. I need to speak to the driver, excuse me…"

Hands trembling, he slipped out of the compartment and strode purposefully to the front of the train. He burst into the driver's compartment and said, "Is everything all right up here?"

The toad-like driver looked shaken. "We're fine," he said. "A dementor came in to do a search and I couldn't keep driving. I had to stop the train. Are the children hurt, Professor Lupin?"

"No," Remus answered. "The students are fine." He reached for the Emergency Owl cage where a ruffled looking barn owl sat hooting disconsolately. He hastily scrawled on two pieces of parchment—one for Minerva McGonagall, to warn her of the fit Harry had taken, and one for Ani, to warn her to stay indoors at least until morning. Not many wizards had ever been forced to deal with dementors, and Ani's fledgling powers were no use against the dementors.

Leaning out the window, he sent the owl zooming ahead in the direction of Hogwarts. "How much longer until we reach the school?" Remus asked the driver. "The kids are a bit frightened."

"Ten minutes, Professor Lupin."

"Thank you."

He went back to the compartment to find the kids sitting around somberly, their chocolate clutched firmly in their fists. Harry in particular looked weak and shaky. Remus tried to produce what he hoped was a comforting smile. "I haven't poisoned that chocolate, you know," he advised them.

They each took a bite and instantly their faces brightened a bit. "We'll be at Hogwarts in ten minutes," Remus told the kids. He hesitated, then looked down at James and Lily's son. "Are you all right, Harry?"

The boy's face darkened. "Fine," he muttered.

They sat in silence for almost the entire way back to Hogwarts, and when the train finally pulled to a stop, they filed somberly into the rain. Remus watched as Harry and his two friends got into one of the horseless carriages and closed the door behind them. He wearily climbed into his own carriage and leaned wearily against the door.

This year might be longer than he'd thought.