Author's Notes: The Sound of Music is owned by 20th Century Fox.
Chapter Three – Refectory Reflections
Dinner was over, the refectory had just been cleared of all cups, plates, utensils and the like, and all the Nuns had made their way out for various duties. Maria, had also failed to appear for her meal.
Sister Berthe, the Mistress of Novices, checking that her charges had left the hall, questioned, "What kind of employer would send an employee home without first giving notice? And on top of that, sending them away at that hour of the evening!" somewhat annoyed.
Sister Margaretta shrugged her shoulders. "I don't know Sister Berthe, but the fact of the matter is, she's back, and I don't really know any more than that. I spoke briefly with her this morning and …"
Reverend Mother walked in, noticed the two Mistresses deep in discussion, and asked, "What's going on here?"
"Sister Margaretta and I were just discussing the return of our Postulant, Maria," replied Sister Berthe, with an air of accuracy.
"Yes, I was notified of her return. Sister Margaretta, I look forward to hearing her reason for returning," said Reverend Mother, with an all-knowing smile. "Now, Sister Berthe," breaking up their conversation, "if you would follow me to my office, there are a few things I need to discuss with you in regard to one of the Novices and her vows."
"Yes, Reverend Mother," replied Sister Berthe.
"And Sister Margaretta, when you know more about Maria, please come to see me and make it a point of discussing it with me first …" finished Reverend Mother.
Sister Margaretta humbly nodded her head in obedience, "Yes, Mother."
The Reverend Mother made her way out of the refectory, with Sister Berthe close upon her heels. Sister Margaretta stood still as if she was glued to the floor, as Sister Berthe's last whisper to her rang in her ears, "I still think it's strange she came home so late in the evening!"
"Yes. So do I, Sister … so do I," whispered Sister Margaretta.
Maria had been in her room for the majority of the day. You'd think she'd become a part of the furniture – immoveable! She felt a little paralyzed by her emotions, not knowing how to feel, what to feel, or even what to think. She certainly didn't have the courage to talk to anyone about the previous evening or, infact, her whole time at the Von Trapp Villa.
So, knowing all the sisters would be in the refectory, Maria inattentively began walking towards the chapel, firmly believing that at least there, her thoughts would be focused on God, and not "anything else" she whispered.
"Glory be to the Father, and to the Son, and to the Holy Spirit, both now and ever and unto the ages of ages. Amen." She prayed upon entering the chapel and crossing herself while doing so.
Kneeling down in a dark, secluded corner of the chapel, Maria humbly turned her sad, and almost empty blue eyes up towards the crucifix and sighed. Putting her hands upon the pew in front of her, she laid her forehead on top of her hands and began whispering:
"I don't know where to start Lord Jesus … I don't know what to pray, …" she murmured almost inaudibly.
Within her being, she heard the Reverend Mother's voice of advice come to mind saying, "Children, when you don't know what to pray, then pray what you know best. Turn to King David's Psalms for guidance. Psalm 51 is always good, 'Have mercy upon me, O God, according to thy lovingkindness: according unto the multitude of thy tender mercies blot out my transgressions...' Psalm 103 and Psalm 139 are also helpful to begin with. But the best prayer, I always find, is 'The Lord's Prayer'. This prayer seems to have the habit of turning your thoughts and words into a prayer from your heart. You don't have to be eloquent or long-winded in what you say. Tell God your thoughts, and He will hear you. And remember, dear children, our Saviour Jesus Christ is always praying before our Father God, for you. Now let's pray together: Our Father, who art in heaven …"
Thinking on this, Maria resumed, "Yes … let's pray … 'Our Father which art in heaven, Hallowed be thy name. Thy kingdom come, Thy will be done on earth, as it is in heaven' …" she paused, peeking up towards the crucifix, "Thy will, Father … what is Thy will?" The Reverend Mother's voice came floating back to her mind, "And what is the most important lesson you have learned here, my child?" to which Maria before leaving the convent had responded, "To find out what is the will of God and ... to do it wholeheartedly."
"Well, I've failed at doing Your will, Lord Jesus," she began muttering, whilst looking at the creases in her fingers. " I can't seem to do anything right. The only things I ever seem to do wholeheartedly, are the wrong things …" as she banged her fist upon the pew, " … oh Father, I thought I was doing Your will by being there. I thought I was serving You with my whole heart by serving the Von Trapp's. Your Holy Word says – ' Suffer little children, and forbid them not, to come unto Me: for of such is the kingdom of heaven.'… I didn't ask for this to happen … I didn't ask for these feelings … I don't even understand what they are, I …"
She took a deep breath in. Her heart started to beat irregularly, she grabbed her chest as tears began flowing down her face, and she choked on her cry, "I've sinned greatly, Lord, and I don't know what to do …"
Once acknowledging this before God, the flood of tears came, and she was unable to control her despair any longer. Her sobs echoed throughout the chapel.
Reverend Mother, on the way to her office, with Sister Berthe following behind, heard the cries of anguish forming in the air from an unknown source, and decided she needed to go and find out where they were coming from. "Sister, go on to my office, I will be there in a moment …"
Inspecting the garden, and then the hallways, her 'motherly instincts' soon kicked in when she realized the weeping was coming from inside the chapel. She opened the chapel door, careful to not let it creak, and walked in to see a shadow in the distance, bent over with their face to the ground, now quietly sobbing in prayer. Taking a seat in the back pew, she watched the being … no words could be heard.
With sudden realization, the voice inside her head said, "it's Maria – she needs help, dear child." But the voice within her heart told her otherwise, "it's a private moment between Maria and her Maker … yes … when the girl is ready, she'll come and open her heart." Satisfied with her thoughts, the Reverend Mother stood up, clutched her Rosary beads hanging from her belt, so they would not jangle, and calmly left the chapel to resume her 'business' with the Mistress of Novices.
There was faint knock at the door. "Ave …" called Reverend Mother. "It looks like it's going to be a busy afternoon after all …" she said to herself, whilst putting away the papers Sister Berthe had given her regarding another Novice.
"Reverend Mother," Sister Margaretta smiled, as she walked across to the Abbess and kissed her hand.
"Good, I'm glad you've come," replied Reverend Mother, putting on her glasses. "Now, what's happened? Why is she back?"
Sister Margaretta walked towards the painting on the wall of the Mother Mary holding her baby child Jesus, and stood there looking mesmerized at the faces of the Holy ones. "Mother, how do you know I'm here to talk about Maria?"
"My daughter, I know these things."
Sister Margaretta glanced back at the Reverend Mother, knowing she was right. Deciding to be straightforward, she took a seat, looked at Reverend Mother on the opposite side of the desk and said, "Well Mother, I haven't had the chance to speak with Maria again. I gave her the opportunity to talk this morning, but nothing became of it. Infact, I haven't really seen her all day." Taking a breath, she continued, "Reverend Mother, I didn't want to hound her … the poor girl has probably been through a big adjustment over the few months that she's been away. So I just thought it might be better to let her be on her own for while – just so she can get used to the quietness of our Abbey again."
"Yes, not a bad idea, Sister." Then deciding to be equally straightforward with Sister Margaretta, Reverend Mother plainly asked, " Did you see her in the chapel, as well did you?"
Looking down and playing with the wedding band on her finger, which all fully professed Nuns wear as a sign of their marriage to the Lord Jesus Christ, Sister Margaretta admitted, "Well, I couldn't help noticing on my way here … you know, Reverend Mother, it will be a shock to her system, no doubt – leaving a family of seven children then coming back here."
"Yes … poor child," shaking her head, "Nevertheless, I'm surprised Captain Von Trapp didn't get in touch to notify us of her return."
"Perhaps he didn't think it necessary," answered Sister Margaretta.
"Well, he thought it was necessary to originally get in touch with us when first asking for a governess! The least he could have done was to thank us for our services. It's not like I enjoy sending our Postulants back into the world!" The Reverend Mother's protectiveness of her Nuns became quite evident, "Here, it's safe, it's …"
Sister Margaretta cut in, "Yes, I know … Reverend Mother, you don't think he sent her back to us because she did something against his will, do you?"
"You mean like getting herself into trouble again?"
"Well, I didn't want to put it like that, but yes."
"It's probable," Reverend Mother said with a sniff, "But as I've said before, I always try to keep faith in my doubts, Sister Margaretta. She can't get herself into trouble all the time. There is some good in her. I know it … I've seen it! Besides, she's only young …" Reverend Mother answered, as if that explanation was an answer to everything. Then continuing with a smile, "Knowing Maria, if Captain Von Trapp had of dismissed her, and she thought the whole situation was unjust – believe me – she would have made a bee-line directly to my office to notify me of such discriminations!"
Sister Margaretta laughed. "Perhaps she's feeling sorry for herself. Dear lamb … she just needs a little encouragement that's all … just a bit of … ummm …"
"Setting on the right path, Sister?" Reverend Mother questioned, raising her eyebrows.
"Yes, I guess, they're the words I was looking for."
"Well, Maria will open up when she's ready. In the meantime, continue praying for wisdom and guidance, as I will also do, about her becoming a Novice. God will answer accordingly …" Reverend Mother assured with all peace.
Author's Note: Feel free to comment, readers. I'd love to know what your thoughts and feelings are, as this is my first FanFiction. Please enjoy!