Authors Note: This hasn't been beta-read so I apologize if it has grammar/spelling errors in or if the characters sound a bit off. Please let me know what you think of this, complaints, suggestions; any feedback would be helpful as long as it is constructive.

This version is quite major rewrite of earlier version I posted which is now deleted. Great thanks to Iona for helping out a lot with rewriting and practicaly beta-reading it over instant messaging.

The evilness is over for a short time (apart from the ending) but it will return with a vengeance I promise. So enjoy the brief respite from the McKay whumping, apart from Quentin that is.

Spoilers: For Season One episodes 1-14 probably.

Disclaimer: I don't own the rights to Stargate in any incarnations of course and I'm not making any money, this is just some harmless fanfic fun.

Chapter 5: Here nor there

He came around, not opening his eyes for a minute.
By smell alone he could tell he was in the infirmary. The unmistakable stench that was Carson's aftershave. He really wasn't sure why his friend thought it would send the nurses flocking to him because it only made him want to run far far away and possibly vomit, it was truly migraine inducing but Carson still insisted it worked like a charm.

It felt quite nice to be in a bed though, something that he'd missed for a while considering his busy schedule and insomnia.

He blinked a few times, realizing that there was a crowd across near the office which immediately recognised his awakening, rushing over.

Focusing on reality he was pleased to find himself looking up at Elizabeth. Her eyes were bright with emotion and he instantly regretted causing them them to panic.

Ford stood behind her, Carson, Teyla and even Sheppard on the other side of the bed. He was surprised to see the Major considering the earlier argument at the morning's briefing but it was obviously being ignored, if not having been forgotten entirely.
"Rodney, Carson said curtly. His mouth was set in an annoyed but concerned grimace "Ford tells me you haven't been sleeping well."

"It's nothing..." he started to explain in the casual tone that should have suggested it wasn't anything out of the normal.
Carson cut him off with a stern look that told him he wasn't taking any of that bullshit and that he was far from finished. The doctor crossed his arms and asked possibly the most important question.
"When did you last eat Rodney? Not counting the meal in the mess hall, where you collapsed."

He cast his mind back trying to remember, coming up blank, unable to find anything to dissuade Carson from his reasoning. The F word wasn't used and that was where he might have been able to argue he was fine except he'd been out for long enough they'd carried him here, which certainly wasn't normal even for when he got engrossed in work and plain forgot to eat for hours and passed out.
"That's what I thought. You should be taking better care of yourself, Rodney. I'm keeping you in overnight so your body has a chance to rest for once."

He was about to protest when he saw Elizabeth's look and knew it would be stupid to deny he needed the sleep.
Rodney nodded in defeat and Carson smiled, appreciating Rodney's cooperation.
"That's settled then, off with you lot. You can visit Rodney tomorrow, he'll still be here if I have anything to say about that. Which I will – doctors orders an' all." said Carson, glaring at Rodney at the last comment

Seeing the matter had been gotten to the bottom of, the group started to disband, Carson returning to his office.
Teyla smiled at Rodney and squeezed his hand reassuringly.
"We all wish you to be in good health. Please do not resist Dr. Beckett, he means well and I am sure he would not ask you to rest unless it was necessary."
"Yeah, get better soon, doc," said Ford as he moved off with Teyla.
Sheppard simply nodded at Rodney, an unspoken concern there, before leaving him with Elizabeth.

It was the first time in ages that he was alone with Elizabeth and he felt uncomfortable under her gaze, a bold change from her lack of attention recently. But everything in her eyes betrayed the fact she still cared about him and not just Quentin.

Speak of the devil...
Just then Quentin arrived. He looked perhaps sympathetic seeing Rodney there, but quickly overcame that, feeling first indifferent and then jealous.

Though there really wasn't much for Quentin to be envious of because Elizabeth would no doubt leave him here to get back to Quentin's grand feast.

"Elizabeth, .. Rodney," Quentin greeted them, not too happy at having to act civil but managing it. It was done more for Elizabeth's sake than his own, he suspected.

"Ro..." Elizabeth stuttered out the start of his, their, name but thankfully changed her mind, finishing with "Quentin."
Quentin paled at her address. It was the first time Rodney heard her call Quentin that directly and the man was visibly upset for a second. Then the jealousy kicked in again and he clenched his jaw, giving Rodney a none too subtle threatening look.

The look was either lost on Elizabeth or she ignored it, deciding on chatting to ease the tension between the three of them.
"So, how's the feast going?"

From Quentin's expression he gathered this was a sore point. The only reason Rodney could think of was that his passing out had stolen all the attention from Quentin, whose glory had faded in the light of everyone's worry over the unexpected incident involving himself and the floor.

"It's fine, though I'm sure it would be even better having Atlantis's leader there. Good for morale, don't you think?"

Her gaze flitted between the two men, her priorities unclear. Rodney fully expected she'd bound off with good old Quentin and leave him to the boredom of the infirmary. There weren't even any nurses around at this time of day and Carson was busy with paperwork and tests.

Only she didn't leave him.
She refused the offer and Quentin was taken aback at this news, with a barely repressed anger over it.
"What!" cried Quentin, doing a double take.

Elizabeth repeated calmly.
"I said I'm going to stay here with Rodney, keep him company for a while. You know how tedious the infirmary can be."

Quentin said nothing more, eyes downcast as he nodded in understanding.

But Rodney didn't care about his clone as he lay there unbelievably happy that she'd chosen to stay with him rather than go back to the party.

He focused on her face as she chided him gently for not taking care of himself.
"Rodney..."
He looked up at her, seeing her eyes resting on his hand as she held it.

"You should take better care of yourself. You could have done yourself some real damage. Try to be more careful in the future, okay? The expedition needs you healthy. And we'd all miss you if something happened... "
There was a silence between them, interrupted by Quentin's scuffling in the background, at which the moment ended abruptly.

She glanced up at Rodney with a weak smile.
"You gave us all quite a scare."

He took note of her words, how important she said he was, as their chief scientist and as a friend. He smiled back at her, no sarcasm there as he apologised only slightly reluctantly and secretly glad of what she had said.
"Sorry. I'll try, but no promises."

Neither noticed Quentin, who was standing off to the side.
Watching them together with sadness.

He stood there with no clue what to do, listening to them talking amicably. It was as if he didn't exist.
He swallowed his pride, waiting for acknowledgment that he was there but it never came, they carried on chatting without a care in the world.

Elizabeth leaning over to speak to Rodney and holding his hand almost unconsciously. Quentin broke away, unable to look at them any longer. Storming out to take refuge somewhere in the city.

Several days later he was much improved for the rest and also the care and concern everyone showed him as he recovered back to his normal self.

Elizabeth had come to see him a number of times. Checking up on him when he was in the infirmary and then stopping by his lab every now and then supposedly to find out what the progress was on various projects. She tended to bring him food each time too, a power bar or some of the rations, occasionally an MRE or two.

Even though the rations had been the replicated items Quentin had made with the blasted machine from the lab, left over from the feast, his spirits had still soared at this. Some semblance of normality returning to his routine and Quentin staying out of his way. Everything was going fine, until that was he found his insomnia hadn't quite gone away yet and had taken a stroll around the city.

He'd walked in circles for a while but hadn't felt it was doing any good, preferring to get some sea air.
He liked the balconies, always appreciating the stunning views and the relaxing noise of the ocean waves that crashed against the piers.
And then there was the possibility that he might run into Elizabeth.

There was a spot he had in mind, his own place for these types of nights. One Elizabeth sometimes used as well, that they had a few times shared along with their problems. It was comforting to open up to her. As unfamiliar as he was with doing such things as heart to heart talks if there was anyone he could do that with here it was her.

He strode towards their balcony hopeful only to have every ounce crushed at what he saw.

Through the door he saw Elizabeth was out there, her back to him and facing the Quentin, talking animatedly to him about something. He couldn't tell what the topic was from where he stood, far enough away that the doors didn't sense him and open, which was why he couldn't hear what it was she was getting so passionate about.

Quentin didn't acknowledge his presence if he had noticed his approach, eyes not moving from Elizabeth as she spoke and settling on her in a way that disturbed Rodney.

Then there was a silence in which Quentin's look intensified. Rodney held his breath, afraid of what would happen and of being discovered. He almost wanted to burst in there to stop whatever was happening but he'd rather know what was going on.

A second later confirmed his worst fears, as Quentin moved in for the kill, embracing Elizabeth and their lips meeting with a fervour. Quentin looking up to see Rodney's horror at it, a triumph glaring at him from his eyes. Everything in them mocked him, taunted him and declared victory all at once.

Thoughts and feelings exploded in his mind; a pang in his heart at the betrayal.
His anger was immediate but mostly he hated himself right now for trusting someone when he should have known better. He shook off his shock and set off, running off as fast as he could back to his quarters. Eager to succumb to a blissful sleep if that was at all possible, wanting to forget what he'd witnessed and go back to ignorance.

Quentin was overjoyed. Here he was with her in the most perfect place. Relishing the kiss he'd thought would never be.
And for a short time he was in heaven.

Opening his eyes he saw 'Rodney' watching them, spoiling what should have been his moment.
Rodney just stared at them, Elizabeth completely unaware of it.

Quentin glared at the man, hating that Rodney couldn't let him have something of his own, that everything was about Rodney McKay – Quentin McKay was the outsider, fed the scraps, the leftovers from 'Rodney's' life.
The one time he had felt at home he had been thrust from it and made to feel insignificant.

He almost smiled into the kiss as he saw Rodney flee but the man's hasty retreat meant he missed what happened next. The brutal blow Quentin hadn't seen coming.

Elizabeth came to her senses and pushed him away
"I... I can't do this."

He knew she was trying to explain why they couldn't do anything like this but the real reason was left unsaid.
She meant she couldn't do this to Rodney.
She forgot that he was Rodney, acting as if his other self was the only Rodney Mckay and he was an imposter.

Wasn't that what everyone saw when they looked at him?
Oh, they were friendly enough and no one denied him company, they treated him fairly, considering the situation.
There was, however, a catch.

He wasn't their Dr. McKay, he wasn't the one they trusted and respected.
It was as if his memories were nothing more than an mirage, like all the things he could picture he had never done. Every good deed worthless to them because it was actually 'Rodney''s doing, not his.

Quentin McKay, in their eyes, had done absolutely nothing worth mentioning.
His whole life treated like it was a lie. From the moment he had come into being he'd been forced into a completely different role than he had had originally, something he was unsuited for, if you asked him. But no one had. He was no longer top dog, instead taking orders from people like Kavanagh.

Would there ever be anything that would change her mind about him? Prove to her that he was just as much the man she cared about, just as much as 'Rodney' was. He searched her eyes and saw her confusion.

He leant in again, wanting one more brief kiss. Hopeful she might suddenly see what a mistake she'd made, that if she looked into his eyes she would see the truth.

It only earnt him a slap on the face and Elizabeth backed off, alarmed by his behaviour, quickly exiting the previously welcoming balcony.

Leaving him alone under the starry sky, rubbing the right side of his face ruefully.
He grinned grimly despite his painful cheek. Not exactly the perfect outcome, though not entirely unexpected, given his experiences with women.
Rejection was something he'd grown used to, but still it hurt.

This time he'd thought it would be different, that she was different.
Perhaps it wasn't her; it had to be him. The problem was that she thought him different when in fact nothing about him had truly changed.

Deep down he was Rodney, or at least had been to start with.
Because he no longer felt like he had an identity, except what they superimposed on him.

A/N: Reviews are always appreicated...