I sat on the cold rock. The salty spray occasionally blew in my way whenever the water went up the blowhole. A sun started appearing on the horizon and I watched as the water turned into a red then gradually into a gold. The cold wind swept past again.
I remember a few days ago when I saw my girlfriend Kagome proclaim she was sick of life. She had to do this. And I hate her for it! Why did she have to do it? Didn't she know all she could inflict was pain on others? What did she think of her mother as she jumped? She was crying non-stop for the rest of the day and broke into tears for any old reason now.
There was a time when Kagome wouldn't have done that. But that Kagome is gone and a new one came in. She wouldn't sleep, wouldn't eat, found it hard to concentrate let alone study and even was irritable at times. I guess she was depressed. But I don't know why I didn't do anything to help her either. We were all too busy, too uncaring. That's no excuse. We're all guilty for her death. We all killed her. And I feel bad for it.
I remember it was 7:23 when she jumped. Everything was normal it seemed and we were meeting at the same place. Then I saw Kagome standing where we usually just sat and watched the sun set. It was a pretty nice day. Except for that. She lifted her arms and looked like she was on a cross. She looked back as she heard my footsteps.
'Kagome?' I asked uncertainly, wondering what she was doing. I was still confused at that stage.
'Inuyasha, don't. I have decided.' Kagome said back to me. Tears fell from her eyes. Why?
'Hang on Kagome, what do you mean?' I said to her. My brain was racing too fast and I couldn't get a grip on anything. I had the idea of what she was going to do but I couldn't register it or say anything. I was too shocked.
'Goodbye Inuyasha,' she said softly. And the wind carried one last thing to me. 'I love you,' I heard her whisper.
'No Kagome! Don't! KAGOME!' I shouted. I watched her in anguish as she dived into the water that was 60 feet below.
'Kagome!' I cried softly as my tears followed her down. I didn't even see the splash. There were too many waves about. She was dashed upon the rocks for sure. And nobody saw her again. Of course it was only a few days since the incident however there was a beach very close by.
Now here I am sitting in the exact same place that was where she stood. I looked out into the water. For those days I didn't get much sleep. Whenever I did I had horrible nightmares about somebody else I loved jumping in.
Sometimes I had dreams of Kagome again. She was right there, talking, helping, keeping me company. Making my day no matter how bad worth it. Now she isn't there any more to comfort me, to help me, to keep me company. I had to be strong. But it didn't stop the anguish my heart still felt as I still wish I could've grabbed her hand or something and prevent her from falling.
The first of the tourists arrive to the blowhole to see if any big waves would appear. The big ones are spectacular. After raining down on you, a rainbow shine would appear like a ghost out of nowhere. From a distance you can see the ever blue ocean splashing itself on the rocks as the waves broke. The green hills stood on the other side with winding roads around. Some houses also stood but not many. There weren't any boats either; they would get smashed upon the rocks. It was a beautiful place and it was one of Kagome's favourite places.
The wind blew passed me again and I hear Kagome's voice bring in her last words 'I love you,' I still can't help but shudder as I try not to cry. I felt a hand on my back. It was Sango. At least it wasn't Miroku or more importantly, Sesshoumaru or Naraku seeing me like this. Or Kouga for that matter.
Sango didn't say anything. She just sat next to me. Eventually I managed to hold it but my eyes were red and my nose runny and I was hiccupping a lot. I asked her 'What are you doing here?'
Sango didn't say anything for awhile. She stared into that forever blue ocean just watching as the suns glare started to enter our eyes. She looked away. 'It's nice isn't it.'
'You didn't answer my question. What are you doing here.' I don't know why I was so hostile to Sango. I was just upset and she happened to be at the wrong place at the wrong time.
Sango looked back at me. 'Don't you want me here? I can leave if you want to be alone.' She said it with understanding in her voice. I wasn't going to accept it. That's my attitude. If I'm upset and I ask something I demand to be answered otherwise it's Hell. And if there's ANY so called understanding in their voices, I'm going to get real mad. I may have shown how much I needed Kagome but I was going to hold up my tough guy reputation even if I was going to die.
'You didn't answer the fucking question. Why are you here.' I said with cold fury.
Sango sighed and looked away again. Finally she said 'You're not the only one who misses Kagome you know. You may think that you were the only one who had the strongest feeling for her but to me she was also like a sister. We were such close friends. I also miss her a lot.'
I felt guilty at lashing out at Sango but I didn't care. Besides, there wasn't anything I could say about that so I just sat there simmering with anger. If a bird or insect was to annoy me at that point, it would've had it coming from my point of view whether anyone else cared or not. If they argued I'd tell them also to piss off.
Eventually I calmed down. We watched as the fishermen began to leave. There was also a bright sun now and we were going to get burnt had we sat there too long. But neither of us cared. This place was too special.
I hated the sight of people being together these days. I hated the sight of husbands and wives, of girlfriends and boyfriends; I regretted all that brought me here. Only because of one jump that Kagome took. That was all it took.
Eventually Sango said 'Come on Inuyasha, we shouldn't stay here. You're going to get burnt and then get melanoma. Then another bunch of people will start crying.'
'What the Hell do you care,' I said but my heart wasn't really into shouting at anyone at the moment. 'If I went up there I would be happy to be with Kagome again. That's all that matters to me.'
Sango said gently 'If you were to jump in as well, you would cause the same amount of pain to everyone just as Kagome did to you. We care about you Inuyasha. Don't leave us.'
'I just said it doesn't matter to me about anyone else.' I was sick of all this gentleness and understanding bullshit. 'Why can't this entire fucking community just leave me the Hell alone? They want to be understanding and nice! I just say fuck off you stinking bastards! I'm fine the way I am! I don't need another bunch of fucking reminders that Kagome died! It's already bad enough!'
Sango had it at this point and slapped me hard in the face. She stormed off and climbed into her car and left. I felt bad again. I was too brittle these days. At the slightest problem I would be angered too easily. And I kept on blaming Kagome. All I could think of was that if she didn't jump then I wouldn't be in this mess. But then I reminded myself it was my own fault for not paying any attention for her. Not the special kinds where you really ask what's wrong and persist and get help. No, just the 'What's wrong?' and with an answer of 'I'm fine thank you,' you just leave them alone. That's not what a friend is supposed to do.
But it didn't matter every time I thought of that either. I would still be in my insane state and just be cussing at my conscious because not even it could understand itself. No, just the heart was all that mattered really.
I trudged back home just staring at the footpath ignoring everything. Horns blared whenever I crossed the road without looking but I didn't care. Sooner or later one would claim me and then I'd be gone. But what Sango said to me this morning, the obvious, made me redecide some decisions.
Even though I didn't feel hungry, I ate anyway. When I couldn't sleep, I took a glass of hot cocoa or a sleeping pill. It wasn't exactly a bright thing to do to take a sleeping pill but otherwise I would lay here just thinking staring at the roof remembering all the times I shared with Kagome.
The next morning Sango was at my place again. What was up with her? She wouldn't stop annoying me ever since yesterday. I decided to be decent enough to let her in but I definitely didn't offer her a drink of anything. 'Serve yourself if you want anything,' I said to her and then just slumped onto a couch staring at the blank TV.
Sango rolled her eyes and sat down next to me. 'I came because I thought you wanted some cheering up. Since you obviously proved me that you didn't want that, I thought maybe you wanted some fun.'
'As in?' I said lifting my brow. I didn't want anything to do with her or with Miroku or with anyone for that matter. I could just happily live here and rot to death for all I cared at this point.
'Since you're a guy, I thought I'd give you something all guys like.' Sango said seductively. I knew what she was going to do but I didn't want any part of it.
'I'm not interested' I said looking away. This was the last thing I needed, me already having a relationship with somebody so soon after Kagome died. She might even think up in heaven that I was taking advantage of her death. It was also her best friend so I cant do that.
'Come on, you cant turn down offers like that!' I knew the only reason she was coming onto me was because Miroku had been away for 3 months. I guess masturbating was now obsolete for her and she had to go to someone and the only person she could trust was me.
She started to undress in front of me. I looked away but when she finished, she started to try and take of my pants. I tried to stop her but eventually just gave up. Not that I didn't want her to do it or anything, but I just couldn't care less. If she wanted to act like a slut then that was her problem. I didn't give a shit and that was the end of it.
Sango sat on my lap and started kissing me passionately on the lips. 'What the fuck?' was the only thing I could think of. Was she trying to start a relationship with me? Unbeknownst to me, she brought her finger down and started to finger herself ontop of me. She stopped kissing me and started panting lightly and I didn't look at all. It was only when I felt her hotness go over my pants that I realised she was masturbating and she came all over my lap. She lifted her finger up with her hot sticky white come and licked on it and put it in her mouth. After she cleaned it, she unbuckled my pants and fished out for my dick.
'Stop it' I growled. There was no way she was going to take advantage of me either. I heard of men raping women and doing such things to them but I never heard of a woman so desperate for sex.
Sango then sat down and pushed me into herself. She hugged me and then started bouncing onto my laps. Her legs wrapped around my waist and I knew my shirt just got dirtier. A lot of washing up to do.
Sango was bouncing up and down on my lap moaning so loud the neighbours could probably hear it. I came deep inside her as she thrust and she moaned 'Oh yeah, that feels good…' she continued bouncing on me anyway.
'What is wrong with me?' I said but she didn't hear me. Either that she didn't care and refused to answer me. In stead she went on with fucking me.
'Oh yes, oh yeah, mmm…oh yes…soo good…ugh…yes…yes yes YES!' She cried as she was bouncing on me as my dick entered her deeper and deeper. More of her come started leaking out again over my dick and she collapsed orgasming all over my lap again. She leant on me panting and sweating.
'You stupid bitch' I growled. I lifted her up and sat her on the couch as she lay there panting and she watched me leave the room. After I changed and got clean clothes and had a shower, I swore at Sango and told her to get dressed and leave then left my unit and slammed the door loud so everybody could hear it.
I took a walk along the beach as the sun reached its peak. It was another typical bright sunny day. I felt miserable and I felt annoyed that the weather had to meet exactly the opposite feeling that I was conveying ever so clearly to everyone.
A kicked a kid's sand castle over and the little boy ran up to his mother and father crying about how a man kicked his sandcastle. 'Shut your trap' I shouted at the kid which only made him cry even more.
His father stood up and started walking over to me. Oh oh, trouble.
'What the Hell do you mean, walking up like that and kicking over my sons sandcastle? He spent all morning learning how to do it right and just when he got his first successful one you kick it over!'
'Hey, what part of I don't give a fuck don't you understand? You wanna make something out of it? Call the police there's no law of kicking over sandcastles. Now leave me the Hell alone and I'll just leave right now.'
And as reply he just punched me in the face and left. Now I was stuck with 2 problems. A bruise on my face that I didn't care about and some stupid slut that used to be my friend feeling attractions to me.
And I cant take it anymore! My life is a living Hell! I'm not going to consider suicide anymore but I'm definitely not going to live here. This stupid place, this stupid garbage community! This fucked up place that doesn't know jackhole! It's just some stupid ignorant little place that has no contact with the outside world.
And all this because of one little jump. One jump that Kagome took. That single decision that changed my life entirely. This bullshit I'm sick of. Only because of one little jump.
I pounded down on the footpath as I began to cry endlessly and shamelessly. I didn't care what anybody thought of me. Those who thought I was weak or whatever; they can just do whatever they like. I don't care.
I heard a woman's voice say down to me 'Are you ok?' I looked up.
'Kagome?' I thought. No, she was too old. But she looked just like her. I thought if I were to find another person just like Kagome I would be hurt by too many reminders. But I had to move on.
She had a pretty face, I liked her instantly. 'Yeah,' I said sheepishly. She smiled.
'Do you want some help? Do you want me to take you home? Are you lost?' She said.
'Great,' I thought. 'Another one of those ignorant people that seem to be tailing me everywhere not knowing that all I want is to be left alone. But then I remembered Kagome. I remembered how she always kept me company. I didn't need to be this tough guy anymore. I smiled again.
'No, I'm not lost.' And so we started chatting away happily as we walked down the beach until the sun set. And I finally felt happy again. I threw a rock as far as I could into the forever blue water that has turned golden red again. The sun flared in the horizon and I knew that I could let go of Kagome now.
All because of one little jump.