PoT Ryosaku

Different Paths

By: angelhazel

Disclaimer: I am telling you I don't :) won't you believe me?

On the following Monday, Sakuno came to school early as usual and soon busied herself tidying the books and papers she kept under her desk.

"Saku-chan, there's someone asking for you outside." Ami came up to her desk and spoke softly. That's Class 3-Discretion-3 for you, Sakuno mused, but truly appreciated the downplaying of something that other classes would have made a big production of. She thanked Ami politely and went to find out whom her visitor was.

Coming to her class wasn't such a good idea, but he was fresh out of better ones. If he could hazard a guess, the girl was avoiding him on purpose, but Ryoma couldn't imagine why. He used to be able to corner her at her private practice area at the back of campus, or she would hang around at his practices and he could talk to her then if he had a mind to.

But she had either changed her venue for practice or had not been practicing at all. He was willing to lay down money that it was the latter. And she came to only 2 of his practices for the whole of last week, when she used to be there with the other girl 24/7. Call him paranoid, but he got the distinct impression that she didn't want to attend even those 2 practices. Then call him observant, because he knew for certain that she avoided looking at him throughout practice and on both occasions legged it almost as soon as practice ended. It was rather difficult not to notice when his eyes kept seeking her out.

That's why he was here in the corridor outside her homeroom, having rushed through morning practice to talk to her before lessons started.

Ryoma wondered if Sakuno's classmates would draw unnecessary attention to him, he really didn't want too many people to know he was seeking out Sakuno like some lovesick fool. As he waited, he kept on the lookout for the Judoka he had overheard the first year member mention, but he honestly didn't know how one went about recognizing people who practiced Judo. He highly doubted they went around the school in their white gi, or he would have noticed that long before.

He was curious about this boy who was rumored to be dating Sakuno. There was more rumor in the club that other people had seen them leaving school together, behaving intimately. What was the girl thinking? Ryoma had spent several nights trying to recall id he made her mad recently, but nothing came to him. He had gone about his business as usual, while she had been watching him practice, as usual, up until last week. Then instead of coming to the courts after school, she made off with her Judoka classmate.

So what if that boy knew Judo? He probably couldn't return a straight serve from a frail grandmother, Ryoma thought derisively. Ryoma usually didn't mind what sports other people played as long as they leave him to his tennis, but he was willing to make an exception in this case. He realized that he was always making exceptions for Sakuno, but it really couldn't be helped, the girl just had that kind of effect on him.

Presently, the door slid open to reveal the cause of his recent spate of sleepless nights.

"Ryoma-kun?" her face simply registered surprise and he wasn't sure to take that as a good sign or bad. It didn't matter; he would sort this out later, just as he would sort out everything that had been happening over the past week.

"Come to the courts after lunch today." He was never one to mince his words, and he wasn't about to start now.

"Eh? H-hai," Sakuno was taken aback by the command in his voice and only managed to give him one-syllable answers. When it hit her to ask him why, he had already nodded acknowledgement and was gone from the vicinity.

All morning she was bothered by the upcoming meeting, and completely unable to focus on her lessons. What did Ryoma want to see her about? She hoped it was tennis-related issues … Oh! What was she thinking? Of course it was tennis related issues. After all, tennis was all he thought about.

Since she was going to meet Ryoma for the first time in days, Sakuno thought it prudent to be mentally prepared. She would be polite and friendly. She would treat him like a friend, not drool all over him like an obsessed fan. She would not fall back into the old pattern again. She would not fall again, she though adamantly.

Ryoma went to the courts after a hurried lunch and was disappointed that she wasn't there yet. He was early, he reassured himself, and settled down on a slightly shaded bench to wait. He knew about the picnic thing her class did everyday, and decided that if she didn't turn up in time, he would simply have to go there and talk to her in front of all those strangers. Not his best option again, but he had been making a lot of poor judgments when it came to that girl, what was one more?

It was right to come here. Everything between them happened because of tennis. They had first met outside of school, but the deepest impression Ryoma had of Sakuno was when she was ineffectively but determinedly practicing her tennis in the secret training spot he discovered she went to. He had two special tennis balls back home that were displayed on his desk, one with his face drawn in cartoon fashion and another one that said "Number one among all nations", both presents from her.

Tennis started it all, and it was fitting that he met her here to figure what went wrong with them. Ryoma was always aware of Sakuno when she was at these courts, although he didn't like to admit it. It made a difference to him whether she was watching or not. Last week, she was more often not, and it just made him uncomfortable and highly irritable. It didn't help to hear rumors of her going out with her classmate, unless he included how the extra-strenuous training was going to help his team in the long run.

He rested his head against the fence and idly studied the patches of sunlight visible through the canopy overhead. Come the spring, that tree would be laden with pink blossoms. He never liked playing on a court littered with Sakura blossoms, but he could still vividly recall how captivating Sakuno looked caught in a shower of the delicate flowers while she stood on the spot just on the other side of this fence.

That was 2 years ago, and the last time he ever saw her in those long braids he used to complain about. He was dumbstruck when he saw Sakuno with shoulder length hair the next day. The silly girl had really gone and cut off her hair! He never told her that he actually liked her in long hair, that he made rude comments precisely because he was so fascinated by it. That didn't make sense at all, he realized. Guilt and shame made him avoid her for a long time afterward. Her hair would probably never grew back to their original length.

A few weeks before Momoshiro graduated from Seigaku High, Ryoma finally admitted to his closest senpai that Sakuno was special to him. Telling his Momo-senpai had the same effect as signing up for a crash course in skirt chasing. Up to the day the seniors graduated, Ryoma got regular lectures and 'advice' on how to treat a girl from the dunk smash tennis player.

The long lectures from Momoshiro made Ryoma realize that he had to say or do something to keep Sakuno before anyone else got to her. While he had no problems being proactive in other areas if he had to, this was one issue that he was having trouble resolving. Just how did one go about confessing to the girl he wanted? All he knew was never to do anything Momo-senpai taught him to, and God help him if he tried something his Oyaji would attempt. But what did that leave? Nothing.

After Sakuno finished her bento, she excused herself from her friends and made her way to the tennis courts apprehensively. Takuya watched her leave, concern evident in his eyes. Ami was technically the only one who knew who Sakuno was meeting, and she wasn't about to volunteer the information. But with their long history, no one in the class had trouble guessing what was up. She gave a knowing smile and spoke softly so only Takuya could hear her, "All of us want only the best for Saku-chan, and I know you think the best is that tennis player. But, right now, Saku-chan doesn't think so. Give yourself a chance, Takuya-kun, maybe all you need to do is tell her."

Silence reigned between them for a while before he could reply, "My only wish is to see her happy, but the sad truth is that she can't get over that boy. He is best for her."

Sakuno had spent every moment since morning imagining various situations that could take place at this meeting, and her logical brain had ousted her wild imagination long ago. She was as mentally prepared as she could be by the time she entered the courts to see Ryoma waiting for her in the far corner.

There was nothing for it but to see this through, Sakuno thought as she slowly walked towards him, just remember that he could no longer influence her.

Ryoma got up to meet her halfway and soon the two of them faced each other on the sun-baked court.

"Ryoma-kun, what is this about?" Sakuno asked hesitantly. Oh dear, she couldn't do this after all. She wasn't ready to see him in person without feeling something for him. She would have to get out of here as soon as it was polite to do so. Her plans for a new future did not include meeting Ryoma alone on a deserted tennis court. In fact, that particular self-imposed guideline started like this: DO NOT meet Ryoma-kun …

"You haven't been practicing." That wasn't what he planned to say, he was thinking more along the lines of 'Haven't seen you lately' or even 'I miss you', if he dared.

That abrupt line brought her out of her reverie. "Eh? How-"

"And you only came here twice last week." No, no, no. What the heck was he doing? He tried desperately to recall Momo-senpai's many pieces of advice, but couldn't find one that suited the current situation. He was starting to get pissed at himself.

She kept quiet at that, and turned away to look into the distance. She didn't know he was keeping count. Anyway, she wasn't truly obliged to attend his practices, was she? The Ryoma-sama Fan Club wasn't exactly an official activity club, as far as she knew. And she ought to know; she was the Vice-president after all. He ignored her when she was there all that time, why was he bringing this up now?

She had turned away from him, was he that horrible to look at? "What's the matter with you?" he asked irritably, unable to hide his annoyance at himself.

"Nothing much." Sakuno kept her face turned away, she was afraid her face might betray her confusion and the emotions welling up in her. I am going to stop loving you, and someday I will succeed.

"Fine, just stop it. Stop whatever you are up to," irritation was fast growing into outright anger, and he was raising his voice at her. He couldn't seem to control the temper rising in him, although to be honest, she had done precisely nothing to deserve it.

I am trying to. I am learning how to stop. Her mind was going on a different track but her response fell parallel to his words. "Maybe you can tell me what I should do," she requested in a voice tinge with wonder. She was still unable to look at him.

How would he know? "Nothing," he paused, and thought, everything. He was confusing himself. "Do what you have always done in the past." he snapped in frustration. Be the Sakuno I know.

"Why?" Her quiet question gave him pause. He had planned this meeting, but he hadn't exactly written a script for it. Her question threw him off balance. He thought hard, but couldn't come up with a proper answer other than, "This isn't like you. I don't like it."

This wasn't like her. Trying to be her own person wasn't like her. And trailing after him like a pathetic puppy was? But he didn't like that, and he didn't like this. He didn't like her, full stop. She had always known, but it still hurt to hear the words from him. He would never return her feelings. His opinions no longer matter, she told herself. But she couldn't prevent the tightness accumulating in her chest.

Her head was slightly bowed, but her shoulders were trembling. He knew for sure when he saw the bright drops of liquid fall from her face, each drop making a small dark patch on the hot clay. Panic replaced frustration in a wink, and he didn't know what to do. Ryoma was not used to dealing with panic; nor was he adept with girls' tears, especially when the girl was Sakuno.

Lost for words, Ryoma reached out to dry her tears. Sakuno kept her eyes tightly shut and slightly averted her face at his touch. Her tears were flowing hot and fast, each drop making him feel more terrible inside. Against his better judgment, Ryoma insistently cupped her delicate face in both hands and wiped away the streams of hot liquid with his callused thumbs.

He wanted to know why she cried, but no words would come to his lips. All he could do was stare at her, willing her to open her warm chocolate eyes.

She didn't want to cry because of him, but she couldn't seem to stop. As much as she told herself to let go, the feelings she held for 5 long years couldn't just disappear overnight. She had forcefully locked those feelings away, and still he had broken her heart. She was saddened that he could still reach her when she didn't want him to. His words could still hurt her when she didn't want them to.

She didn't ask to be hopelessly, endlessly in love with Echizen Ryoma, the Prince of Tennis. But now she was asking not to be, wasn't anyone Up There listening?

The cat-eyed one had decided that he desperately needed to see her open her eyes. He was afraid she would cry all day and night if he didn't stop her. He couldn't bring himself to ask, but if he could see into her soul, maybe he could find out what was wrong and fix it. He wanted to fix everything for her, and make her world so perfect, she would have no reason ever to cry again.

The first task on hand was to get her to open her eyes. He bent his head towards her slighter frame and softly, gently, kissed away her tears. The contact was short and electrifying, He felt Sakuno shiver at that touch, her small movement released the tightly wound coil of need in him and all he wanted to do then was to keep kissing her, take from her, give to her.

He stepped even nearer to her, moved one hand to hold her still and used to other to tip her face up for better access. He claimed her lips, starting gently and persuasively then growing in urgency and demand.

No. No. No, no, no, he couldn't do this! Sakuno was busy fighting off old emotions and was shocked to feel Ryoma's warm breath on her cheeks. Her body registered the invasion in her personal space by freezing up, even her tears stopped on her cheeks.

He was kissing her face, she shivered involuntarily. When she felt his lips cover her own, her instinctive response was to clamp down tight. She felt her skin heat up and knew a flush was creeping across her face. She should stop him, but she was afraid to feel him under her hands. She didn't know if she would push him away or pull him closer. Her answer to the dilemma was to clench her fists and try her best to remain still.

There was an emotional battle raging within her and a physical confrontation without. She felt like a human sandwich, packed tight between her own conflicting emotions and his unsolicited attention.

She couldn't believe he was kissing her, and thought maybe he was taking her for someone else. She couldn't even dredge up a smidgeon of jealousy for this fictional female, because any reason that could plausibly explain Ryoma's actions was more than welcome. Any reason at all to convince her that he wasn't really kissing Ryuuzaki Sakuno, not right now when Ryuuzaki Sakuno was trying very hard to stop loving him.

He wasn't a patient lover, even now she could feel him demanding her response. His advances only made her more determined to hold herself from him. She told herself she didn't need this, didn't want him in her life, the way he had never wanted her in his. Her entire being was shivering with the effort it took to hold herself still under his amorous attacks.

Ryoma nibbled on her soft petals of her lips and was doing his best to make her kiss him back. Her name escaped from him in a breathless sigh, part frustration and part desire.

"Sakuno …"

The pieces of her heart crumbled to dust in that moment, and Sakuno's eyes snapped wide open in shock. He just called her name, her given name. She could count on one hand the number of times he had called her that in the last 5 years, the total before that moment being a huge zero.

He knew he was kissing Sakuno. Maybe he wanted to kiss Sakuno. Maybe he even liked Sakuno. The possibilities were endless and in that moment she stood open and vulnerable, pathetically susceptible to all suggestions that Ryoma might actually feel something for her.

The shock seeped from her, replaced by the heat from his body. While old longings burst out of the broken dam, Sakuno found herself kissing Ryoma back with all of her being.

He didn't fully comprehend what he was doing, but he must have been doing something right. He felt the exact moment when Sakuno relented and responded to him, kissing him back like she really meant to. He felt their tongues meet and mate, he couldn't stop the moan of need escaping from deep within him. They drew each other deeper into the swirl of emotions enveloping them.

When they finally broke apart, Ryoma had a small smile of triumph on his face and Sakuno was blinking in confusion at where her hands were clutching his shirt. His arms must have been around her for some time, because she felt comfortable in them and were only just noticing their presence.

She was adorable, lips swollen from their kiss and the remnant of her tears glistening on her long lashes. This was the Sakuno he knew. The cute, perpetually confused cheerleader, the only girl who could make him uncomfortable with a cross word and a few tears, or just her indifference. He gave her another light peck on the corner of her lips, delivered with a smug "Welcome back" in a low husky voice.

He meant that he missed her, but for some reason she objected to those 2 simple words. He knew because he felt her tense up almost as soon as he uttered them. He kept her body close but could distinctly feel her take a figurative step away from him. He swallowed the frustrated anger than rose like bile in his throat and stubbornly tightened his arms around her, silently protesting the change in her.

"Welcome back", he had said. Back being the operative word and it was resonating in her abruptly clear mind. Back to dogging his footsteps, back to loving him unconditionally but never having her feelings reciprocated.

The prince of tennis didn't go around kissing girls; she didn't understand why he did it to her, a girl he spent a lot time ignoring or mocking. If this were a one-time-only blue-light special, it would be her loss to fall for it. It was a depressing thought, but Sakuno reminded herself not to read too much into the act. She must be strong. Good things didn't last, and if she went down that road, she would be back where she started.

Did she want to revert to her old life? Where everything revolved around Ryoma and she was only an extension of his existence? If she retraced her steps back to Ryoma, all she would get was a face full of dust left swirling in the wake of the high profile tennis player, and a sea of unanswered prayers.

No. She didn't want to go back. She wanted to be herself. Shaking inside, she quickly reburied all the old emotions. Slowly, she began to extricate herself from his increasingly suffocating embrace, afraid that a sudden movement might bring down her already weak defenses.

He hated that she didn't say anything, didn't explain anything, just quietly tried to walk away from him, again. He felt pain inside him, and the inexplicable pain made him see red. He didn't want to show her that he was hurt, but he was also angry and not afraid to show her that. He roughly grabbed her shoulders and held her prisoner. "Why?" he demanded of her, "Say something! You can't just walk away!" His hands gripped her shoulders hard, unaware that Sakuno would be sporting hand-shaped bruises for a week after. She flinched but her throat was so clogged up with emotion that she couldn't even cry out in pain. He stared hard into her eyes, the golden fire scorching her soul.

For every individual, built-in self-preservation instincts kicked in after a certain threshold of emotional stress. At this point, Sakuno felt her mind withdraw from her body, and float in spirit form a little way above them, watching the girl in the arms of the boy from an outsider's perspective. It was easier to think from up here, she discovered.

Why? Because he didn't love her like she loved him, her spirit reminded her earthly shell. She wasn't walking away, just not forcing herself to keep up with him. And she didn't say anything because she just wasn't there anymore. He wouldn't be able to hear her even if she did, he had never truly paid her any attention after all..

He was angry; she could see the frustration and something else that brought bright sparks to his golden eyes. Why was he angry? She didn't do anything. This meeting was his idea, the kiss was his idea; Sakuno had her hands full trying to keep herself together, was already having trouble with that, and she simply didn't have the resources to even try to anger him.

"Why? Why not?" her lips formed the words involuntarily, quoting a phrase she heard on TV. She will remember later that when her brain couldn't control her body, mass-communication media took over. It must have been all the radio waves and satellite beams flying around, she thought in amusement.

He went still for a moment. Did Sakuno just talk back to him? His sweet, affable Sakuno? Why not? Why not? He disliked it when she wasn't around. He hated hearing rumors of her going out with someone else. Because she did, he found himself kissing her out in the open where anyone walking past would have noticed. Because she did, he found himself sick with longing, choked with emotions and at a loss for words. That's why not! But don't expect him to tell her any of that this lifetime; he had his limits.

The words wouldn't come, but didn't people always say that actions spoke louder than words? He could show her without risking his dignity, his pride. Ryoma gathered her to him and simply hugged her. That was his answer to her 'why not'.

His arms felt like bands of iron to her now, and she wondered why she felt comfortable in them earlier. Third time today, Sakuno thought, that Ryoma-kun was doing extremely uncharacteristic things. First he came to her class to ask for her, then he kissed her and now he was hugging her.

It was amazing, considering that he didn't even like her. It wasn't a coincidence, she decided. She made up her mind to forget him and he immediately came round to put himself in her way. Maybe he had found out about her plans, and was doing his level best to thwart it for reasons of his own. Maybe this was a test, to see if she was truly determined to be free of her feelings for him.

Whichever it was, the floating spiritual part of her calmly decided, she didn't want to be just another face among his crowds of fans again. No, no more. No more tennis prince, no more Ryoma-kun.

She looked up across the treetops, and saw birds flying in the sky. The birds spiraled up towards the sun at its highest point, reminding Sakuno that lunch hour would be over soon. Her responsibilities as a student called, she had to get back to class. With a fixed purpose in mind, Sakuno soon found herself planted back on earth, where she was trapped by gravity and by Ryoma's body. Time to go, she thought.

"Classes are starting soon," she mused aloud , amazed that so much had happened between the last lesson and the next. Ryoma was quiet too, as his arms fell from around her body. When she stepped away and turned to leave,he didn't reach for her again.

The meeting was a total failure. He had, for all practical purposes, laid bare his heart, but he hadn't resolved a single thing between them. After a while, he headed for his only refuge on campus to lick his wounds. 5 minutes later, he was sprawled on his back on the roof under the hot sun. He stayed that way for the rest of the day, trying to comprehend the sense of loss pervading his mind and body.