Lessons in Betrayal
Disclaimer: Characters and Premise belong to JK Rowling.
Lily hopped up to sit on one of the library tables, sending Severus'
papers into disarray. "So… You're back on the radar." She said.
Severus glanced up from his homework in bemused disbelief.
"Muggle expression, don't worry about it." Lily said. "Will you be
able to make it to the study group tonight or will your housemates
be holding you prisoner again?"
"Professor Viridian declared my detention finished." Severus said.
"Last I heard students aren't allowed to hand out detention and even
Filch isn't allowed to use any of his toys on the students." Lily
remarked.
"I actually prefer it when people talk about me behind my back."
Severus remarked. poisonously "Gossips are easier to ignore than
meddlers."
"This time I'll surrender." Lily held up her hands. "All you have
to do is stay put. The group'll be here in about an hour."
"I won't be chased out, I was here first." Severus declared.
Lily laughed. "Now that's the spirit. I'll be right back. I've
got to get my books. Remus won't be coming tonight." Lily's face
fell. "He's sick again. James and the other boys are going to try
to sneak into the infirmary to visit. I'd understand if you decided
to go with them."
"Why would I want to visit Lupin?" Snape demanded. "He's probably
contagious. That would explain why Madam Pomfrey always quarantines
him during his relapses."
"Right, I forgot Slytherins take pride in taking care of themselves
first, even when it comes to friends." Lily said with disapproval.
"I am not friends with Lupin!"
"Oh, so it's denial. In that case okay."
"If you care so much why aren't you going?" Severus asked irritably.
"I try not to break the rules. I left flowers and a card with Madam
Pomfrey." Lily explained. "I suggested the other three Musketeers
do the same. They thought flowers were too girly and candy, well
the candy didn't make it back from Hogsmeade alive. They decided
he'd rather have company anyway."
Lily took a deep breath. "Look, I just ran in here to make sure you
didn't run off to the dungeons or anything. I still need my school
books, see you in a few."
Severus watched the redhead run out of the library. "She never does
shut up." He said to himself.
As promised an hour later Severus found himself surrounded by six
other first years representing all four Houses. They each dug
several texts out of their bags, scattered them across the table and
with in a few minutes everyone was deep in their studies. Lily sat
the Hufflepuff boy, Gerry Abbot beside Severus after introducing him
as their top Transfiguration student.
Gerry blushed at Lily's praise. "It's just that both my parents are
Animagus. I want to be able to do that too someday, so I study
really hard in Professor McGonagall's class. When I know more I'm
going to ask her if she'll tutor me in Animagus transformations." He
explained.
"As if I care." Severus remarked and won a disapproving kick under
the table from Lily. Severus practically tipped his chair over by
jumping backward. Everyone at the table, plus Madam Pince and a few
other students studying in the library, stared at him. Severus
flushed and glared angrily at Lily.
"I think Severus is still stuck on the matchstick-needle
transfiguration." Lily remarked unperturbed.
"Ouch." Gerry remarked. He gestured for Severus to move to a
separate table so they could talk without disturbing the others too
much.
After around fifteen minutes the soft, continuous cursing coming
from their corner of the library drew an audience. The matchstick
was still a matchstick.
"No, you've got to envision it as a needle." Gerry said with a hint
of exasperation. "Can't you see the potential for it to be a
needle?"
"It's a bloody matchstick!" Severus said irritably. "If I added a
few things, worked a little alchemy, then it could turn into a
needle, or at least a metal, but on it's own needles and matchsticks
have no common properties."
"You're thinking too deep." Tia remarked. "This isn't potions, we
don't care about its properties really. In transfiguration anything
can become anything else, it's up to you."
Gerry nodded eagerly. "That's it exactly. I mean a desk and a pig
have nothing in common… Actually Professor McGonagall only uses the
pig-desk the first day. She doesn't really turn the desk into a
pig; it was a pig to start with she just turns it back into a pig.
One thing you can't do is make a living animal out of something that
isn't alive itself, but if you're good you can make a living thing
into an inanimate object without any problems. Have you ever
watched the second years trying to turn their familiars into mugs?
Most of them end up with animate mugs that squeal and complain about
their new shape."
"Fascinating." Severus deadpanned. "But the damned match?"
"Well it's supposed to be easy." Gerry garnered a dark look with
that comment. He hurried onward. "They're both long and skinny.
They're about the same size. Professor McGonagall didn't expect you
to start thinking about how one's wood and the other's metal. You
were just supposed to pretend that the matchstick is a needle then,
voila!" Gerry waved his wand and the matchstick slimmed down,
turned shiny and grew points. A second wave of his wand restored it
to its original form. "Now you try, forget about how they're
different. Think about how they're alike."
Severus glared at his audience. With innocent looks the other
students pretended to turn back to their own studies.
Severus set the matchstick on the table in front of him. Needles
were thin slivers of metal smooth, highly polished and sharply
pointed, with an eye on one end. The matchstick was a thin cylinder
of wo… well it was thin and cylindrical, everything else about it
would have to go.
The matchstick stubbornly refused to give up being a matchstick.
Severus glared evilly at it. Well it if wouldn't stop embarrassing
him it could just be charcoal! The match and then the table caught
fire at Severus' whispered spell.
Gerry used the end of his robes to smoother the flames. "Well
enough of that for today." He patted Severus on the shoulder. "Err,
keep trying, I'm sure you'll get it."
Severus knocked the other boy's hand away and when back to glaring
at the charred spot on the table that had formerly been a matchstick.
When Severus returned to the Dungeons after his last Friday class he
found his father waiting for him.
"Why aren't you packed?" The older man demanded. "You knew I was
coming."
"I… I forgot." Severus admitted. In his head he added a bit about
it being a busy week, what with spending most of it in Lucius'
stocks and somehow ending up being tutored by a Hufflepuff because
of that insane Gryffindor girl.
"We'll see what else you've forgotten as soon as we get home."
Artalocus threatened.
Severus felt a spark of fear and resentment at his father's tone.
Consciously he nursed that spark into a flame; he knew he'd need the
darker sort of power it would grant him later on. After every
weekend spent at home it came easier. If he used it at school
Severus thought he might be able to stand up to Malfoy on his own,
but his father forbade that. Still, sometimes it came out on its
own; flashes and starts of a sort of magic that wasn't taught at
Hogwarts.
Sometimes he felt tired and sick afterwards in a way that he
couldn't blame on too many healing potions, constantly maintaining
the roiling ball of anger, frustration and hurt that fueled his new
powers for days at a time felt bad. It was a different from the
protective hostility that served as his primary defense when he
found himself in uncomfortable, well social, situations. Severus
wished he could talk to his mother about it, but his father said
no. He said she'd interfere if Severus told her that Artalocus was
calling him home nearly every weekend.
Just over a week after Severus had returned to Hogwarts following
the winter break Desmona Snape left for France to visit her
relatives. She frequently wrote to her son about how much she loved
her childhood home, about how beautiful it was and about his
relatives, that he had a cousin twice removed who was about his
age. She promised she'd be there to meet the Hogwarts Express when
the term ended for the summer.
Severus didn't know what it meant or how he should feel about it.
But it could wait until summer and in the meantime he practiced
dueling with his father on the weekends. He gathered up a few sets
of clothes and his homework for the next week. As quickly as he
could Severus dumped out his satchel and stuffed the needed items
inside then hurried back to the hall outside the common room where
his father waited for him.
They walked down the hall to Professor Viridian's office; the floo's
in the professors' offices were the only ones at Hogwarts that were
connected to the floo network. Viridian greeted them with a
reserved nod.
"I'll have the boy back before breakfast Monday morning, Vindicus,"
Artalocus promised.
"I know I've had my objections in the past," Viridian said
quietly, "but at the moment I'm tempted to ask you to keep him home
for a few days more and damn the missed classes."
Artalocus gave his son a dark look. "What has he done now?" He
demanded.
Viridian considered the question carefully. "Severus doesn't pick
his fights with much thought to the future and his allies are
unreliable."
"I'll discuss prudence and politics with him this weekend."
Artalocus stated and Severus flinched at the dark promise in his
father's tone.
Severus lay in his bed listening to the Bogarts. They were louder
than normal tonight. They didn't just thump and bang; they
screamed. Tonight they screamed and sometimes they sounded almost
human.
Severus remembered the connections he'd made when Harold Potter
asked Sirius about Voldemort: His father's increased magic, his
parents' fighting, the Bogarts…
Harold Potter was bizarrely nice. Very few people noticed Severus
or showed much interest in the sullen, awkward child. James' dad
talked to him, asked him about what he liked and offered
encouragement when Severus had expected to be mocked. Harold was
very interested in Voldemort, interested enough to subtly
interrogate his son's friends about the man. Of course Harold had
backtracked when Sirius had offered to help but Sirius was a
reckless Gryffindor without a cautious or subtle bone in his body.
The changes in his father. The fights about Voldemort. The noises
in the North attic.
Severus knew better than to tell tales or go putting his nose where
it didn't belong. But his father hadn't offered him one word of
encouragement all weekend. He'd broken his father's shields three
times. He'd learned a dozen new spells. He hadn't complained at
all when one of his father's attacks had dislocated his shoulder and
broken three of his ribs. Not one single word of praise, just
complaints about how he dealt with Malfoy, about his progress,
everything.
And his mother still wasn't home from France.
His mother was gone, his father was different because of the Bogarts
in the attic. Harold Potter was an Auror, he could make the Bogarts
go away; if he had proof they existed.
Severus got out of bed and pulled his robes on. He quietly removed
the chair jammed under the doorknob and crept out into the hall.
His knuckles were bone white from his grip on his wand.
The wind whistled around the run down manor, it snuck in through
cracks and sent cold breezes inside to caress Severus' face and bare
feet. It banged loose shutters and roof tiles. Beneath the sound
of the wind the Bogarts cried and whimpered and shrieked and
laughed. High pitched, wicked laughter.
Shadows choked the stairs to the North attic. The darkness was a
living, oppressive weight bent on crushing the air out of Severus'
lungs. The only relief from the blackness was a thin line of light
seeping out from beneath the door at the top of the stairs.
Severus fixed his eyes on that light. He forced himself to walk
slowly and calmly up those stairs toward the light so there weren't
any creaking floor boards to give him away. His hand curled gently
around the doorknob, he turned it smoothly and silently, eased the
door open a crack then peered inside.
At first all he saw was a sea of cowled, black robes then one of the
anonymous forms moved and Severus say between them to the heart of
the crowd. A golden blonde man like a prince from a children's tale
stood there smiling, his wand was pointed at something on the
floor. "Crucio." He said lovingly.
The thing on the floor convulsed and screamed. It reached out a
pleading hand to the golden prince and Severus realized that the
tortured thing on the floor was a person. He gasped and stumbled
backward. His heel missed the top of the landing and he fell
backwards. He flailed and caught the railing. His body collided
loudly with the wall.
Before Severus could catch his balance the door at the top of the
stairs was thrown open. A black shadow with a skull-like face
loomed over the boy. It grabbed Severus by his arm and hauled him
into the attic like a rag doll. It dropped him at the Prince's feet
beside the tortured person.
Severus carefully didn't look at the other person in the center of
the circle of shadows or at the prince. He drew his legs in to his
chest and scooted away from the person as if their agony was a
contagious condition.
One of the shadows detached itself from the mob. It moved toward
Severus then stopped and knelt. "My lord."
Severus stared at the shadow kneeling beside him that spoke with his
father's voice. "Dad?" He asked in a small, hopeful voice.
"Artalocus, your son is ill-mannered." The prince remarked.
The shadow stood. It pointed its wand at Severus then glanced over
its shoulder at the prince. The golden man nodded his approval and
the shadow with Artalocus Snape's voice quietly said. "Crucio."
Severus wailed, high and piteous, as his body was consumed. Fire
and ice, acid and knives, pain, impossible, unimaginable pain…
… Severus woke up sobbing against his father's shoulder. He was in
his bed and his father was holding him, stroking his hair. "Shh, it
was a nightmare, just a nightmare." His father murmured comfortingly.
Severus couldn't stop shaking or crying. He could taste the residue
of potions coating his mouth. He didn't understand why his father
was holding him or how anyone could have gotten into his room; he
always barricaded the door.
"Idiot, are you a muggle or a wizard? He apparated." A voice
snapped at Severus from the depths of his mind. Severus started
giggling at the idea of being insulted by imaginary voices in his
own head. The giggling quickly escalated into hysteria.
Artalocus shifted the child in his arms. He held a small vial under
Severus' nose then used his thumb to open it. The vapors filled
Severus' mind with soft cottony clouds that isolated him from
reality.
"I don't remember." Severus said in a sleepy, vaguely distressed
voice.
"It's alright. You're safe here, you'll always be safe in this
room." Artalocus promised. "Sleep, don't think about it. It was
just a bad dream."
Monday morning Lily Evans froze with a spoon full of porridge
halfway to her mouth. It wasn't the first time Severus Snape had
arrived for breakfast with shadows around his eyes dark enough to be
mistaken for bruises or holding himself as if the slightest brush
would cause overwhelming pain, but she wasn't used to the lost,
confused look in his eyes, something was wrong but it looked like
even Severus didn't know what. Beyond that Lily knew for a fact
that their classmates' bullying wasn't responsible for once.
When Severus had missed their study session Saturday Tia had said
she'd seen his father in the entrance hall Friday and Remus said
Severus told Sirius that his father tutored him in advanced potions
and stuff on the weekends. So Severus hadn't been at school to be
bullied for the last few days.
A Hufflepuff dropped her tray it hit the floor with a loud clatter.
Severus threw himself away from the perceived threat. His wand came
to his hand in a heartbeat. For a moment he remained plastered
against the wall, his eyes wide and white rimmed. When he realized
he wasn't under attack his hands started shaking, he buried them in
the folds of his robe then gingerly took a seat at the Slytherin
table.
An explosion from the other end of the Gryffindor table disrupted
Lily's thoughts. She glanced heavenward and shook her head as she
caught sight of James and Sirius' faces. From her observations it
seemed the two of them couldn't go five minutes without doing
something to draw attention to themselves. It was such a waste.
James was probably the smartest person in their year but all he
wanted to do was fill his head with pranks and nonsense.
Professor McGonagall marched to the table there was a stern
expression on her face. The students on either side of James and
Sirius were covered with bits of food. "Mr. Potter, Mr. Black would
you care to explain how it is that the two of you are the only ones
in the vicinity who are not wearing their breakfast?"
The two boys glanced at each other then turned large, shining eyes
on their Professor. In unison they announced. "Good reflexes?"
"Just wait till you see us at the Quidditch Pitch next year." James
added enthusiastically.
A hint of a smile twitched at the corner of their House Head's
mouth. "Ten point from Gryffindor." She said. "And do try to keep
your amusements from disrupting meals in the future."
"Yes ma'am." Sirius replied promptly and with a grin. "We'll keep
them out of sight and out of mind."
McGonagall shook her head. With a wave of her wand she cleaned up
the mess then strolled back to the Professor's table.
On the other side of the room Severus rearranged his breakfast
repeatedly. He knew his mother would tell him that he needed to
eat, but he didn't feel like it. The taste of the potions he'd
ingested still lingered in his mouth and his head felt funny, it was
like a metaphorical missing tooth; he just couldn't stop poking at
the empty spot in his head. The normal dull ache and increased
sensitivity that followed his duels with his father seemed a hundred
times worse this time. He didn't want to eat then go to class, he
wanted someplace safe where he could curl up and sleep for hours and
hours. The fact that he couldn't think of any place that felt safe
was depressing.
His father had been distinctly not happy about his continuing feud
with Lucius Malfoy and the dueling lessons had been much worse than
normal. The only hint of approval he'd received was for the fact
that Narcissa was trying to help him smooth things over with
Malfoy. Then there was that nightmare, the one he couldn't quite
remember, the one he wasn't thinking about, and his father's odd
behavior afterwards, but he wasn't going to think about that
either. No sir, he wasn't thinking about any of that, and he hadn't
been thinking about it five minutes earlier either. He was thinking
about the fact that his father was pleased that Narcissa Black liked
him, that was worth thinking about, unlike the other stuff.
When Black, Potter, Pettigrew and Lupin left their table Severus
gritted his teeth and went after them. He wasn't ready to forget
about the way Black had automatically taken Pettigrew's word as fact
but apparently the only thing he was doing right was establishing
ties with the Blacks. Not Sirius obviously, but if he approached
Narcissa any progress she'd made with Malfoy would be for not.
Once they were away from the Great Hall Severus confronted
Sirius. "Black, I helped you get around your mother's wishes, you
owe me."
Sirius glanced at his friends. James looked disinterested. Peter
was glaring hatefully at Snape. Remus gave him an encouraging smile.
"What do you want?" Sirius demanded.
Severus shifted nervously. "If your parents would have my father
over for tea or something, he'd like it. If he were happy my next
weekend at home would be less miserable. You do owe me."
"Is that Slytherin for please'?" Sirius asked with a smirk. Before
Severus could get defensive he added. "Sure, I'll tell my dad
what's going on, he'll figure out how to present it to my mother."
Severus bit his tongue to cut off the retort he wanted to make and
stomped away.
"You're welcome!" Sirius called sweetly after him and won a laugh
from his friends.