!warnings!
in this chapter: not much really. i give it a soft PG-13 rating.
i don't own anything 'cept this 0.39 comb, and this saucepan-hat.
A/N: Two things to mention here.
1. Italics mean inner dialogue (i.e. in the head)
2. This isn't the last chapter like I said it would be. Or it probably isn't, anyways...I just can't think of an ending... u.u
Chapter 05: Where Nothing Happens ;)
Today:
Asuma tossed the spent packet, at a complete loss, stomping down a small dirt road in the sticks. Having obtained the address to Kakashi's apartment from the registry office, it was with profound dismay that he discovered there was no such residence, no such street even. What would a street name like Cetacea be doing in Konoha anyways? He'd then taken to investigating the local parks, bridges, inns, Ichiraku; nothing. The drain on the distraught nin's chakra from teleporting all over Konoha was nothing compared to the sinking feeling he had when imagining Kurenai's disappointed face. Of course, he was wearing his shinobi face but inside he was a withering mess.
"And now, where am I?" He stalked to an uneven, battered sign partially obscured among the brush, and looked up to see messily scrawled words : Cetacea Street.
Later:
"Well of course he wouldn't be home, it's too obvious!" groused Asuma. He picked leaves and burrs out of his hair. Kurenai was going to kill him. Where did that ass go! What was Kakashi thinking! No no, he didn't want to know he decided. Asuma slowly heaved his way up the steps to Kurenai's apartment. "No use in rushing to your death now is there" he mused unhappily, lips set thin.
When he opened the door he could have wept. Not only was Iruka safe and sound, but asleep. The steady rise and fall under the thin blanket did wonders for that ulcer that had been forming in his gut all morning. Maybe Kakashi wasn't such an ass, maybe just a mini-ass.
Familiar with the saying ignorance is bliss, Asuma decided not to ever ask about the lost 20 minutes.
On another dirt path through the forest, Kakashi was taking the extra long way home, enjoying the cooling breeze through his borrowed green shirt and the rustling of nature around him. His hands were characteristically in his pockets, freshly laundered clothes hanging over his shoulder. He whistled, and thought about tomorrow.
The restored Iruka, alone at home, wondered at the taste on his tongue, and the hole in his boxer shorts.
Kurenai had apologized profusely, refusing his offer to help replace her shattered things. She had detailed the events of the day to a slightly embarrassed Iruka, and offered to obtain a copy of her report for him. Asuma said there was not much more to tell than that, and bid them a hasty farewell with a cigarette in his mouth, and another in his hand. Both were lit.
And that brings us to tomorrow.
Ninja sandals moved down the hall, silent as you please. Gloved hands shoved in pockets, a hunched ninja sauntered in his usual carefree fashion.
However, his inner eye was on the prowl. The jounin stopped aside the commons room door, having found the chakra signature he had been looking for.
Iruka was very tired this morning. He was grading papers before his next class, but was finding it hard to concentrate. He'd had a rather unnerving...well, he wasn't sure what to call it, something between a nightmare and a wet dream perhaps? He blushed as he thought of it again. He had been, disturbingly, dressed as a cat, and Kakashi had perpetrated disturbingly pleasa, no, perverted, he meant to say perverted, acts on him.
But the most disturbing part was in the end, when suddenly their location changed, as will happen in dreams. Now in Kurenai's apartment, Kakashi would look him straight in the eye and say, "Let's do this again sometime, love". Iruka would respond by happily mewing and purring, hypnotized and unable to refuse like Iruka absolutely knew he would have done. The references to the jutsu incident he understood, but where did Kakashi and...the rest fit in? and why did just thinking of the copy-nin make the room feel too warm?
Iruka was off in self-analysis land when real life intruded.
"Maa, Iruka sensei, what time is it meow." Kakashi stood at his desk, the visible eye blandly lidded as per usual.
Iruka snapped to attention, face ablaze. Meow. Had he heard that just now? Meow?
"K-kakashi sensei, what...what was that?" Iruka asked fearfully.
Kakashi smiled under the mask, making an impression of that disconcerting smile that had plagued Iruka's sleeping hours."I just asked what time it is now. I'm not sure if I have more time to be late or not."
Iruka looked up at him from the desk, and nodded with a weak grin. 'Huh, of course! NOW. not meow. now. I'm losing it.'
"I-it's 10:30" Iruka stammered, scratching his nose with a forefinger. "You should probably get going, don't you think Kakashi-sensei?"
Kakashi's visible eye crinkled as he nodded amiably. "You're probably right. Say, is there anything wrong Iruka-sensei? You have bags under your eyes, and you marked this question wrong when I think you clearly meant to mark this one." He leaned over the desk and pointed, rather too close for comfort Iruka thought, gulping.
He looked down at his papers and at Kakashi's hand, now crossed over Iruka's wrist to point at the offending mark. Iruka's blush reached outrageously cute proportions. "Oh...thank you for pointing that out Kakashi-sensei. I guess I've been a little distracted lately." He coughed.
The tardy sensei straightened up and began to head for the door. "Not a problem Iruka-sensei, glad to help. Let's do this again sometime" he said over his shoulder, giving his two finger salute goodbye.
Iruka nodded, and caught himself before he pursed his lips to procure an "m" sound. He glowed ever more brilliantly, feeling a bit lightheaded as his flush deepened.
"Of-of course Kakashi-sensei...good bye" he managed to strangle out of his voice box, and was suddenly very very interested in grading papers once again.
Kakashi turned down the hall, and sighed appreciatively under his mask. Iruka the catboy hadn't colored even once. The chuunin was definitely cuter when properly sentient. Still, he would have to track down Kurenai and finagle the details. Then he could properly claim to be copy nin of a 1000 jutsus and one mis-jutsu.
tbc-
A/N : as i mentioned, if i can come up with a decent ending, I'll post it sometime...i hope this chapter wasn't too awful, it took me forever to write, mainly cause all i could think of was "what next!". plus, I've just started a new fic...it's kakairu again, but it's AU...because, it's set in a high school...be afraid >:3
The 'meow' and 'now' joke i shamelessly lifted from the movie SooperTroopers.
Time for some extra stupid stuff you never asked for!
mary sue theater presents : vindictive ninja bitches
WARNINGS: cause all things should be prefaced by warnings, yes? crass humor, uncouth language, hell and mary sue (duh, ferreal? says someone who's read the title)
starring Umino Iruka, Hatake Kakashi and yours truly, CandySwirl
UI: what's IS that taste in my mouth? it's kind of sweet -
CS: that's whipped cream.
UI: oh. and it's a little...(smacks lips) something else...
CS: that's dick.
UI: (choke sputter) wha-
CS: d-i-c-k.
UI: what do you me-
CS: i mean dick, penis, schlong, johnson, nob, chinchin (goes on and on)
UI: :x how would you kn-
CS: trust me.
UI: but i've neve-
CS: (nods slowly) TRUST ME.
UI: ...well, whose!
CS: >:)
UI: tell me!
CS: >:)
UI: pwetty pwease (big shiney pleading eyes)
CS: augh!alright alright, stop with the puppy eyes you cute fuck! it was... >> (whispers) kakashi's >>
UI: PERVERT GONNA DIE! (puff of smoke)
(another puff of smoke)
HK: now why did you tell him that?
CS: OO ack, k-k-kakashi, i...i...he used the puppy dog eyes! augh! n-now put away that chidori...hehe, ok? friends? eh heh, would you like a cookie...
HK: thanks. i see. your fate is death. (reveals sharingan)
CS: ToT NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO, i gave you a cookie you bastaaaaard! (fades into vapor)
Later in Hell, the sounds of typing ringing through the fiery halls-
CS:writing an uber-uke-kakashi x entire ninja faculty EXCEPT iruka/old man ichiraku/kisame/zombies fic
CS: >:D how do you like that kakashi! heheh, gross zombie sex, heehee! old man ichiraku cock! hahaaa! kisame lovebites! ewwwwww (cackles)
(puff of smoke)
HK: how do i like what?
CS: OO oh, k-k-kakashi! what are you doing here!
HK: satan is a friend of mine. how do i like what?
CS: ah-hahaha, NOTHING :D (tears sheets to bits and eats them)
HK: (starts up chidori)
CS: OO (bits of paper flying out of mouth) bu-but i'm already dead!
HK: it'll still hurt though
ze end
heheh. yeah i should know better ;P