Chapter Five:


Dinner that night was unusually quiet.

Normally one or two of the boys will eat with us, but tTwo-Bit had gone back to his own house to have supper with his mom and kid sister, and Steve had split, as well, even though he almost always eats with us on the weekend. I kind of think they just wanted to give us some privacy, you know? To let us have some much needed time as family.

Soda, Darry and I sat at the kitchen table, trying not to notice the empty chair at the table. We ate in a grim silence that was only broken by the occasional request for someone to pass the butter or share the milk.

I could practically see the guilt eating away at Darry, but I didn't say anything. Soda and I had both tried telling him it wasn't his fault already, and he'd refused to listen. Sometimes he's as stubborn as a mule, and he wonders where Ponyboy gets it from!

Darry hadn't felt up to cooking a big meal, so we'd settled for sandwiches. I didn't have much of an appetite after hearing what the police had to say, but I forced down two of them, knowing I wouldn't get a chance to eat later. I took our plates to the sink when we were done and go to cleaning them. Soda gave me a hand by getting up to towel them off, and I gave him a grateful smile.

Emma showed up right on time, under the pretense that we were going over to Tessa's to work on a school project. Darry didn't object, just told me to be back at a reasonable time, and I nodded, giving him a quick kiss on the cheek as I slipped out the door to join Emma on the porch. She gave me an inquisitive look, but I shook my head, signaling that I didn't want to talk until we were away from the house.

We were about halfway to the diner when I reckon she just couldn't hold back any longer. "I heard about Ponyboy and Johnny," she blurted out, giving me a worried look. "How are ya doin'?"

I almost answered with an automatic fine, but since this was Emma, my best friend, I shrugged and admitted, "Not so tuff."

"I bet," she replied softly. We walked in silence for a few steps, then she eyed me hesitantly, biting her lip the ways she does when she wants to say something, but isn't sure she should.

"Whatever it is ya wanna say, just say it," I said, sharper than I meant to.

Luckily Emma's known me a long time, and she knew me well enough to know I hadn't mean anything by it. "They're sayin' that those Socs were tryin' to drown Ponyboy in the fountain, that they'd have killed him if Johnny hadn't pulled that blade."

My feet stopped of their own accord, and I looked at her in disbelief, but I saw the frightened truth in her eyes. "Where did ya hear that?" I demanded, but my voice came out as barely a whisper. My hands were starting to tremble a little, but I didn't care.

"Some Socs were braggin' about it in town today," Emma replied quietly, obviously wishing she hadn't said anything. "Sayin' how they'd have drowned him real good if Johnny hadn't stabbed that Soc when he did."

Have you ever had one of those moments where it feels like the whole world just seems to stand still? Like your heart's just been swallowed up by a black hole, and the air around you just got darker and colder at the same time? I hadn't thought anything could ever feel worse than when I found out Mom and Dad weren't coming back, but the thought that Pony could have died last night pierced my heart as sharply as any blade could have.

"Oh Lord," I breathed, feeling lightheaded. Pony had almost died, and we hadn't even known.

When Mom and Dad were killed, I felt like my whole world had come crashing down around me. They'd just gone out for a drive together and never came back. It'd been their anniversary, and they'd decided to have a little picnic to celebrate, and when they'd left the house they'd been so happy, laughing and smiling.

We'd had no idea that was the last time we were ever going to see them alive.

"Lizzie, I'm sorry," Emma said softly, taking my hand in her own and giving it a good squeeze. "I shouldn't have said anythin'."

"It ain't your fault," I assured her, a quiver in my voice. "I would have heard it around town eventually, anyway. Better to hear it from you than a stranger in the diner."

"Yeah," Emma agreed slowly. "Ya know, Lizzie, maybe ya shouldn't come in tonight. It's been a rough day for ya'll, you should go home and get some rest. Spend some time with your brothers and all."

"No," I shook my head. "Work is good for me right now. I need somethin' to distract me, to keep my mind off of things and all."

"You aure?"

"Yeah, I'm sure," I replied with a nod. "Besides, we need the money. Especially now, with everythin' goin' on."

"Okay, then."

We started walking again, and silence fell between us. I didn't tell Emma, but I had another reason for wanting to go in to the diner for a few hours, one that made me feel kind of selfish. It's just that the last thing I wanted right then was to be at home. As much as I loved Soda and Darry, I just couldn't be around them at the moment, not with so much weighing on my shoulder. There was such a heavy sadness in the house, and so much guilt hanging in the air. I just needed to get away for a while, to clear my head, to just escape the unspoken fears that we were all thinking.

Darry was blaming himself and worrying that Ponyboy hated him now. Soda was scared that Ponyboy might not be coming back. And me? I was kicking myself a hundred times over for not going after him when he ran out of the house, for not ignoring Soda and giving chase to Pony anyway. Maybe if I had, things would have turned out differently.

When we got to the diner, it was fairly busy, but still it seemed like everyone inside turned to look at me when we came through the door. Some of the girls faltered, surprised to see me, and there was sympathy on their tired faces. I could hear whispering taking place in some of the booths, and I prayed that I didn't get any of those tables.

Stella and Ray emerged from the kitchen, both giving me those looks of parental concern. "I'm here to work," I said.

Ray nodded, wiping his hands on his apron. "I figured as much. Come on back and get dressed, kiddo. You and Emma gave have section two tonight."

"Thanks," I said, smiling weakly in his direction.

He smiled back, then disappeared into the kitchen, and I felt a rush of gratitude for him. Ray was a good guy, the kind of boss who really cared about you, you know? He knew I wanted to get through the night with as little commotion as possible.

About five minutes later I was emerging from the back room, my light blue waitress dress smoothed out nicely, the white collar and cuffs folded flawlessly, and my dark blond hair pulled up into a ponytail that fell just across my shoulders. I offered Emma a smile before heading to my section to take down my first order of the night.

The booth was occupied by a couple of greaser girls, they were about Ponyboy's age, I think and as soon as I reached their table their giggling stopped. "What can I get for you, girls?" I asked.

"You're that Ponyboy kid's sister, ain't ya?" one of them asked, and I rolled my eyes, knowing damn well that she knew that answer already. "Did he and that Cade kid really kill a Soc?"

I sighed, rubbing my forehead.

It was going to be a very long night.