When I find myself in times of trouble

Mother Mary comes to me

Speaking words of wisdom

Let it be

And In My hour of Darkness

She is standing right in front of me

Speaking words of wisdom

Let it be

-The Beatles

He was holding her hand, tracing the endless paths of wires that criss-crossed her tiny body. It was so sickeningly familiar to him, sitting there in a hospital with her lying motionless in a bed. This time it was somehow different. All the other times there was hope, even with the cancer eating away at her and tearing her from him piece by piece, there was still hope. This was different. The doctors would not find anything wrong with her. She was just there sleeping for the last week since he found her in her bedroom, naked and unresponsive.

He spent most of his time here, talking to her, stroking her hair, begging her in tearful rhythms to wake u and come back to him. But in all of his midnight ramblings to the still form, one question remained, one truth left hanging by a thread how?

Mulder went back to the night in his apartment, the night he dreamed of intense and complete pleasure, and fulfillment. She had been discovered by him in the same naked state, but how? Is it possible that he had done this to her?

He tried to push the thought out of his usual self loathing mind. It was so like him to take the blame for things he had no control over, and yet this was his fault, some how he knew this was his fault.

Maggie had been wonderful, the first night in the hospital they had taken up either side of Scully's bedside, talking to each other, talking to Scully, Talking of Scully.

It was Maggie Scully who finally got him to go home, eat something and peel off the layers of muck that had collected over him after five days straight of hovering over his partner. Now he sat at least a cleaner man, if not a saner one.

Four weeks later…

Maggie met him at the door of Scully's room; she had the look of a woman who had just accidentally eaten dinner with Satan himself.

"Fox…" she began looking him in the eye, "There is something you should know.."

"Mulder, pessimist as always immediately assumed the worst "I s she...uh oh…Is she?" Maggie tried not to smile at the intense feeling this man held for her daughter, no smiling would not be right this was no time to smile. Her daughter had sat in a comatose like state for over five weeks now and no one had any answers, except there was something new now.

"No she is fine." She said, Mulder jumped a little at her choice of words. Fine never meant fine to a Scully, it was the first rule of the handbook. "Then what? He asked, pausing to try to read the look on her face.

"I don't know if you are the right person to inform, I don't know a lot about my daughter's personal life, especially when it comes to you…" she trailed off getting a little flustered.

"Mrs.-Maggie I have always relied on your candor when it comes to your daughter, please tell me what's going on I am sure I can help." He began, trying not to get to aggravated with a woman who has been a better mother to him in five years than his own had in forty.

"She's pregnant Fox.." She blurted out, noting the fallen look on the man's face that stood across from her. "She's pregnant and they want to kill her baby to try to save her."

Mulder's legs began to buckle below him, he felt his body sway and then fall sliding against the wall to land on the floor just beside the heavy wooden door of Scully's hospital room. "I did this to her.." He muttered

"Excuse me?" Maggie asked trying to get some clarification on what she thought she heard come from his lips, a declaration she herself had gently mused, and believed herself to be true, at least the baby part of it.

"I did this to her Maggie!" He screamed through his hands that covered his face in shame.

"So you two were…"she wanted answers, at least she had to have that.

"No something happened the night before I found her like this, I don't know exactly but putting two and two together often leads to five." He smirked, relying on his dry wit again in troublesome times.

"So you two weren't… then I don't see how this can be your fault Fox" She was a little disappointed that it was not his fault, but she was very good at hiding that.

He knew it was time to come clean, tell her what he knew already that it was his fault, the timeline just fit. Somehow he had put her in danger somehow he had caused this. "We have time to sort this out Maggie, I need to go see her."

"Wait, Fox I don't think it is a good idea to mention anything to her about.." she frowned " That is to say that the doctors are not quite sure how to handle it and I don't know what I am going to do about the pregnancy."

He stopped opening the door "What do you mean? If the doctor's think it will save her life then by all means it should be. terminated." He bit back after letting the words escape his mouth. He knew how much Scully wanted a family, but she is a doctor and would make the same call. wouldn't she?

"It is not that simple, you know how much Dana's faith is to her, she would not go along with something like this, and I cannot be the one to make that call." She was agonizing he could tell, but his mind was already made up.

"Then I will, she has to wake up Maggie if this is what will cause that to happen then why is this such a tough call to make?" He was getting angry now, he knew in the end Maggie had the final say, knew what she would choose but he still had to launch his ownopinion for Dana's defense.

"You are right Fox," He smiled until she finished " We have time to sort this one out, but I can tell you I am going to take the best interest of both of them into account." He could see why Dana was so stubborn, that wasn't the kind of thing that skipped a generation.

Shirking off the conversation, he opened the door and stepped into the room of his true partner. Her motionlessness really stabbed at him.In a way he always expected her to be awake, and each time he opened the door to her stillness was another slap in the face. He absently arranged the flowers and cards by her bed and opened the shades to her room to get sunlight He hated it but she was not a dark soul as he was, flowers needed light.

"Come on Scully," he said placing his hand over hers. "You have to get up, I need to talk to you c'mon you can't ignore me forever." He often used jokes and tease to try to get a rise outta her, anything to try to get through. He once brought a boom box and played Brittany Spears right into her ear, but the nurses on the floor had asked him to refrain from using that tactic ever again.

It had become habit to come here after work; he spent much of his time there trying to decipher what had happened to her. Part of him wanted to run out of that office seal it upon as a shrine to Scully and not return till she awakened. But he had long decided that much like the answers to his sister's disappearance, the answers to Scully's present state lie within the confines of that office.

Most people avoided him now, though no one knew of this new bit of news, everyone still found a way to graciously avoid the basement, and him. He was grateful for that, even though there reasons were selfish, he did not want the gentle soothing words of comfort. He wanted to twist, after all this was his fault. Those brave enough to enter his space in the break room and on the elevator were met with the hollow stare of a man who no longer feared death in any form. His worst fears had come to fruition and at his own hands…or other body parts so to speak. He cringed at the thought of that. How could he have been so careless? And how did he explain to anyone that in some way that even he could not understand yet, he had raped his partner, sent her into a coma, and now knocked her up. "Great he mused out loud to no one "How the hell are we gonna get outta this one Scully?"

He glared at her, she still wore the gold cross, it laid around her delicate neck, the light catching it and sending sparkles around him. He knew what she would choose, it was just so Scully, but he could not live with that decision. He silently cried as he held her hand in the nearing dusk of the hospital room.

One week later

"They're moving her to a long term care facility. "Maggie informed him in the cafeteria of the hospital as they sat not eating a late dinner "Given the circumstances she will be on the critical floor in that facility.

Mulder knew what those circumstances were, he could not face Maggie's eyes, he was so angry at her, at Dana, at himself. There was no one to understand. "I would like to have a DNA test done as soon as..' she tapered off. He nodded and looked the other way.

Somehow he thought it was pointless to even test when he himself along with Maggie knew how it would turn out. But there was so much about this that he did not understand, had he sleep walked? was it a dream. She had once said that a dream is an answer to a wuestion, was the dream an answer to the questions that she had posed that hot June day in the parking garage? Had her God answered her in his usual murky way?

"Maggie, can I ask you a question?" He was kicking himself for bringing up this discussion again, but sitting at the table in the cafeteria of the hospital had become their only down time.

"Ask away Fox" She said taking another long sip of her coffee. Trying not to get angry at the look in his eyes. She knew he was going to start again, and could not blame him for trying, he so obviously loved her daughter and only wanted her safe. Her protector even in the face of her own mother.

"He sighed, and went on "What if her condition worsens, I mean you know we have been really lucky so far.." yeah lucky he thought "But what if her condition antagonizes her situation." The doctors and specialists had all warned them of keeping the pregnancy going, that it was an extremely high risk pregnancy likely resulting in the death of one if not both of them.

"The doctors all say that she could come out of this if it weren't for her condition." Maggie noted with a tug at her heart that he had never referred to Dana's baby as anything more than a situation or a condition. She wondered if he was intentionally distancing himself from her blessing as a means of saving himself from the pain. "we have had this discussion Fox, and I am not heartless I know you miss her, but Bill Jr. Charlie and I all agree that this is what is best."

"And because I am not related to her I have no say? With all due respect here Maggie I know her better than her own brothers do, I have gone to the ends of the earth for her.."

She stopped his tirade with a gentle hand upon his. "Fox, " she smiled " I know how you feel about her, we all do even Bill," she looked away for a second and then sat back into her chair as if drained. " these are beliefs here Fox, and as much as my daughter has bent to your beliefs, why could you not give a little for her? This is the right thing, you may not see it now but in time you will understand."

He rose angrily allowing his chair to tumble as he stormed off for the room of the woman he loved, the woman he had wronged.

Two months later…

The new facility was nice, Scully would definitely approve he laughed to himself. Everything tha didn't move or have a medical use was covered in some sort of quilt. It was beautiful. Pinks and peaches lined the walls of the home, but did not brighten the mood of the facility. After all it was a nursing home

Mulder and her brothers had gone over to Scully's apartment, one month ago having packed it up and moved all her things to a storage unit near her mother's house. They had put off doing this for three and a half months, as if packing up her apartment was some final acceptance that Scully was going to be out for a while. Maggies had suggested that he take over her apartment, that her place was better suited for a baby. Mulder refused, he could not wake up there every day alone, looking for her in every nook and cranny. Waiting for her to walk into the aprtment and tell him to go home and get the hell outta her personal space. No, he was better off in the petri dish that was his place.

"Have you given any thought to what you are going to do Mulder.. I mean you know." Oh he knew, and didn't want to think about it. This was not exactly his idea of a happy ending and he refused to accept it.

"Not really" he admitted to the younger man. "I am sure once she wakes up we'll be abler to figure things out.." Mulder didn't buy it himself, but her brother didn't need to hear him self pity himself into a pit. They had lost their sister, and given the circumstances were being very kind to him. He mused that it had to be because of the –situation.

"Well, your life is gonna change so you know you have to give some thought to what you are gonna do about. you know …Maybe it is time to give up that video collection of yours." Charlie whispered to him so Bill could not hear" I hear it is pretty good, be glad to take it off your hands…" he smiled and not for the first time he could see Scully here, in the devilish smile of her younger brother.

Mulder tried to smile back, and informed Charlie that he was definitely second on the list of takers for the collection. Right behind Frohike

Mulder really hadn't thought much about what would happen after the…situation was delivered. Where would he go? What would he do as a single father if that is how it came out? He had not even noticed that he still referred to the situation in the singular. It had not dawned on him that there would be an end result here, that not only was he facing fatherhood, but single fatherhood at that. His mind refused to accept it, this is not how things were supposed to be, Scully was not supposed to be in a vegetative state allowing her body to become her own enemy. And the foreign invader, well that was another matter altogether. He had noticed that Scully was beginning to show, the nurses had been putting her on her side more often to alleviate some of the pressure the extra weight of the fetus caused her systems. Mulder watched as her ankles swelled, along with her abdomen. "Well, Scully" he mused to himself one night alone in his apartment." This is one way to avoid morning sickness."

He still came to se her every day, though the visits were shorter now. He had tried to get a lead on what was going on with her, but just trying to operate the Xfiles without her was two full time jobs. He slept less than ever, and ate less frequently. Maggie still doted over him like a third son, but he found himself ducking her more and more. He still held to the anger that she had allowed the pregnancy to progress, he felt that she was not thinking in either of their best interest.

And in the cool nights that were descending faster upon DC, he laid on his couch, tormented by thoughts of her, longing to smell her freshly washed hair and feel her skin under his hand as he gently guided her through life. He missed her, and the tears came as they did every night.

-

Ok I hope I have your attention now, this is getting good now and the story is gonna pick up I swear…trust me?

XSoniaX Thanx for the encouragement, hope you like the longer chapter!