Chapter Fifteen:


Work was exhausting that day, with people coming up to me and asking about Ponyboy and Johnny all over again, but this time I didn't mind so much.

With Ponyboy back home again, it was like a heavy weight had been lifted from my shoulders, you know? I felt like I could breathe normally again. And there was this warm tingle that kept flooding through me, every time that I thought about Steve.

That day that he dropped me off at the diner, when he asked me what I wanted and I told him that I just wanted my life to make sense again, I don't think I really believed that could happen. My life was completely on track just yet, but it was getting there, and a big part of that was because my family was whole and together again, at least for now, and because of Steve. All those years of bickering and teasing had been full of tension, but now things felt right between us, and that little thing seemed to make my steps lighter and my day brighter.

Everyone wanted to know about Ponyboy and Johnny's heroic rescue of those little kids from the burning church, and about how Dally had plunged into the flaming wreckage to pull them both out when the roof began to cave in. All of the sudden they weren't hoods or greasers, but celebrities of sorts. Even the Socs were eager to hear about their adventure.

Maybe it was having Pony home, maybe it was Steve's newfound role in my life, maybe it was seeing my brothers all getting along for the first time in ages... for whatever reason, the day seemed to go by quickly. When the time came for my lunch break, I decided to head over to the hospital to see Johnny and Dally.

Since it was a nice day out I decided to walk. The hospital was only about a block away from the diner, so I didn't have to go far, and it was a busy time of day, so there were lots of people out and about doing errands.

When I got to the hospital, the doctor was in with Johnny, so I headed up to Dally's room first, getting directions from the nurse at the front desk. As I drew closer to the door, I heard voices coming from inside the room, and when I poked my head inside I wasn't too surprised to find Tim Shepard sitting on the edge of a chair, smoking a cigarette and bragging about the rumble and how Dally was going to miss it.

"You know," I drawled, stepping into the room and closing the door behind me. "There's no smoking in hospitals."

Tim smirked, flicking his ash in my direction. "So arrest me, officer."

I rolled my eyes, moving over to stand beside Dally's bed. "How ya feelin'?" I asked.

Dally was shirtless, sitting propped up against a pillow with the bedsheet coming up to his waist. His hospital gown was balled up on the floor, and I wondered how long he'd waited after the doctor left the room before he got rid of it.

"Not too bad," he said with a shrug, rubbing his right arm, which was bandaged up pretty good. "My arm's a little sore and all, but nothin' I can't handle."

"I bet," I said with a smile. Dallas Winston was the kind of guy who thought a Greyhound bus could drop on top of him, and he could still handle things just fine. "Well, it's good to see that you're feeling well enough to strip down," I gestured at the discarded hospital gown, raising an eyebrow.

"It was itchy," he waved it off with a grin. "So what's goin' on with the big times? Anythin' tuff happenin' with the gang?"

For a second I pondered telling him about Steve, but only for a second. This was Dally, after all, he'd be as likely to tell Darry and Soda the first chance he got as he was to make sarcastic remarks about the whole thing for the next few weeks. He'd find out soon enough, that much I was sure of. Our gang has never been too good at keeping secrets.

"Ponyboy found out about the juvie court hearin'," I told him instead, settling myself down on the edge of the bed. "He took it pretty hard."

Dally frowned, nodding his head a little. "Kid's doin' alright, though?" he asked, a hint of worry in his cool tone.

"Yeah," I nodded, touching a hand to his arm. "Thanks for gettin' him out of there in one piece, Dally. We owe ya one."

"Just tell the kid the next time he does somethin' that stupid, I'm gonna bust his head in," Darry said with a scowl, his way of dismissing my gratitude. His scowl turned into a frown, and there was a flicker of something akin to fear in his icy blue eyes. "Have you seen Johnny yet?" he asked quietly.

"No," I shook my head. "The doctor was in with him when I got here, so I came to see you first. I'll tell him you said hi, though, if ya want."

"That's cool," he replied indifferently, but his eyes were still troubled. "Gimme one of those cancer sticks, will ya, Shepard?"

I had a ridiculous urge to squeeze his hand or something, but I didn't. Dallas Winston wasn't the kind of guy to let anybody comfort him, and any attempt to do so would most likely be met with biting sarcasm. Still, I felt like I should do something, you know? I understood what Johnny meant to him. His whole life, Dally's never loved anyone, except Johnny. He cares for him like a little brother, and while I flatter myself to think that Dally considers the rest of us friends, Johnny was his family.

And I knew what losing him would do to Dally.

Maybe Tim knew, too, because he handed a cigarette to Dally then excused himself, saying he was going to go break into the vending machine and steal himself a Coke. I bit my lip, watching Dally sulk, his expression dark and guarded as he lit the cigarette and brought it to his lips. Giving him false hope wouldn't do any good, but maybe I could make a gesture to show him I was trying.

"Steve and I are makin' a go of goin' steady," I told him, knowing Steve was likely to kill me for spilling the beans to Dally of all people.

Dally raised an eyebrow, his cool blue eyes studying me in silence for a moment. "That right?" he asked, and I nodded. "Good for you, kid," he murmured, and he sounded like he really meant it. "Good for you."

"Thanks," I said. "Let's just hope that Soda and Darry feel that way, too."

"They don't know?"

I shook my head, smiling sheepishly. "Nope. I told Steve he had to be the one to tell Soda, but he says he's tryin' to break it to him gently. Personally, I think he's just scared of Soda."

Dally smirked. "Your big brother's a tough fighter, kid. Steve's likely to get his head bashed in, and he knows it."

"It's stupid," I insisted. "It don't matter if Soda likes it or not, I'm not a li'l kid anymore, I can decide for myself who I want to be kissin' on. Besides, Steve's his best buddy, he should be happy that it's someone he trusts."

"Ain't that simple, doll," Dally replied, taking a drag of his cigarette. "But don't worry your pretty li'l head about it, huh? Those two will work things out just fine, watch 'em."

I blew out a long breath of air. "I hope so. I'm gettin' a li'l fed up with worryin' about someone seein' us together and tellin' Soda. Or worse, Darry."

Tim came back into the room then, so Dally didn't respond, just shook his head in amusement. "There's some good lookin' nurses 'round here," Tim commented with a lopsided grin. It was funny, but even when he smiled there was something dark, something almost predatory, in his eyes. It was the same with Dally, too, I guess. They'd lived hard lives and they'd turned hard themselves.

I said goodbye to Dally, nodded at Tim, and slipped out of the room, heading down to see Johnny.

He was lying still, with his eyes closed, when I entered the room, so I pulled a chair up beside his bed and touched a hand to his bandaged arm lightly. "Johnny, ya awake?"

"Yeah," he rasped, eyelids fluttering open. "I'm awake."

"How ya doin', kid?" I asked.

"It's borin'..." he gasped, and I winced at the painful sound of his breathing. "Won't let me do nothin' but lie here."

Forcing a weak smile, I looked him over, and my heart broke at the sight of him. The bedsheet covered from his ribs down, but everything above it was badly burned. He had bandages wrapped around him everywhere and tubes running from his body to the little machine on the wall. His hair was messy and dirty, and his face was scarred up real bad. Every breath he took was labored, and I could see the pain in his eyes, even though he was trying not to let it show.

I felt tears well up in my eyes, but I blinked them away, refusing to cry in front of Johnny. "Ya get to lay around in bed all day and do nothin' and you're complainin' about it?" I asked dryly. "Two-Bit would have himself a heart attack if he hear ya sayin' that, kid."

"Ain't that the truth," he said hoarsely, and I could tell that even those few words were tiring him out, so I decided to do the talking and let him just listen.

"Went up and saw Dally a few minutes ago," I told him. "Tim Shepard was there visitin'. Dally said to tell ya that he said hi, and for you to just hang in there. He's actin' like a caged animal, cooped up in that room. I reckon it won't be too long before he just up and walks out."

Johnny made a short rasping sound that could have been a laugh.

"Pony and Darry are gettin' along better now," I continued, trying to keep my tone light and unconcerned with how pale he was. "And you and Pony got your pictures in the paper for being heroes, did ya know that? The whole town's real proud of ya, Johnny. Ya did good up at that church, ya did real good."

He smiled, but even that seemed to take a lot out of him.

"The rumble's set for tonight," I said with a sigh. "The boys are all worked up about it, but Dally's gonna have to miss it on account of him still bein' stuck in the hospital. He's not too happy about that." I bit my lip, frowning a little. "It's kind of sad, ya know? I mean, someone yells rumble and I'm there, but what good does it really do? It don't change anythin', don't solve none of the problems we've got."

"Stupid," Johnny rasped, dark eyes full of pain and tears. "All of it's... just stupid."

I nodded sadly. "Yeah, you're right about that, kid. It really is stupid, ain't it?" I squeezed his hand gently, running my fingers along his bandaged knuckles. "I might as well tell ya about Steve and me, since Dally already knows."

Johnny looked up at me with curious eyes.

"Steve and I are goin' steady," I told him with a small smile. "Happened while ya'll were gone. Don't ask me how, it's a long story and it gets real complicated and all, but the gist of it is that we're gonna see if maybe things can't work out better this way."

"Sounds... nice..."

Oh God, he was in so much pain, you could tell just by looking at him. He was struggling just to get words out, and he looked so weak and frail, so unlike the Johnny I'd known for most of my life.

This is real, I thought, choking up a bit. Johnny's really dyin' and there's nothin' any of us can do about it.

The tears I'd been fighting to keep at bay overwhelmed me then, and one slipped past my defenses, sliding down my cheek and burning my face along the way. I watched Johnny's eyes follow its descent, and I wanted to kick myself for letting him see, but I couldn't stop crying and I couldn't look away.

"S'okay..." he tried to assure me. "I know... it's okay..."

And he did know, I could see it in his eyes. The doctors must have told him already, either that or he'd figured it out for himself.

I swallowed hard, my throat dry and burning, and took a few deep breaths to try and get myself under control again. It wasn't fair, it just wasn't fair for Johnny to die. Especially like this, of all things. Johnny was meant for a better life, a gentler life.

He didn't deserve this.

I felt his fingers curl weakly around my own, and he squeezed, so faintly I barely felt it, but it brought a shaky smile to my lips. "You're somethin' else, ya know that, Johnnycakes?" Here he was dying, suffering and in pain, and Johnny Cade was trying to comfort me.

He smiled a little, his eyes fluttering. He was tired, and probably having a hard time staying awake, so I figured I should go.

"Get some rest, ya hear, kid?" I asked as I leaned over to kiss his forehead. "Just rest now."

He mumbled something sleepily as he closed his eyes, but I didn't catch it, and within moments he was out cold. I pushed to my feet, and stood there for a moment, watching him sleep, looking peaceful and still, and so tragically young.

"Just rest, Johnny," I murmured softly. "I'll come see ya again tomorrow."

But as I walked out of his room, I knew, somehow, that this was the last time I was ever going to see Johnny Cade alive.