Perhaps it's the color of the sun cut flat and coverin'
the crossroads I'm standin' at.
Or maybe it's the weather or somethin' like that.
But, mama, you been on my mind.

I don't mean trouble please don't put me down or get upset. I am not pleading
or saying I can't forget you.
I do not pace the floor bowed down and bent but yet,
mama you been on my mind.

Even though my eyes are hazy and my thoughts they might be narrow where you been don't bother me
or bring me down with sorrow.
I don't even mind who'll you be waking with tomorrow.
Mama, you're just on my mind.

I'm not askin' you to say words like yes or no. Please, understand me.
I have no place I'm callin' you to go.
I'm just whispering to myself so I can't pretend that I don't know.
Mama, you been on my mind.

When you wake up in the mornin' baby look inside your mirror. You know I won't be next to you. You know I won't be near.
I'd just be curious to know if you can see yourself as clear
as someone who has had you on his mind.

-Bob dylan

Dana wasn't asking for much, just a little peace. She hadn't had that in three years. Not since the instant she woke up. She had spent the following three years going through the motions of life. She had stayed here on the west coast figuring it was safer than returning anywhere near DC. She left her old life, wasn't much there to claim anyway. She even left her things in storage, she had no use for those things things that reminded her of him ro their time together.

She rose off the couch of her small apartment near Laguna Beach. Life wasn't what she had imagined it would turn out to be. She spent most of her time alone, afraid to go out. Things had gotten worse when Mom died. Before that, Maggie had been her stregnth, her wisdom. She had dragged Dana out on more than one occasion, fdorcing her to leave the safe confines of her home and venture out into the land of the living. But that had all changed with Maggie's death. They had roomed together, holed up in this small one bedroom apartment for almost three years.

Dana had called the rape crisis hotline for some kind of assistance, they must have thought she was a nut. Hello, my name is Dana Scully, and I was raped, oh lets see about a year ago. Why didn't I call? Hmm well I was kinda tied up, oh no not literally...well I was comatose and they took that time to force me to have the rapists baby.

Yeah she was a nut.

The hotline had opened up a whole world to her, a world of women, and even some men, that had the experience. They sent her to groups, and even a doctor. The kind that kept a comfy couch in his office. He listened to her rant, took his little notes, and written her scripts for things that she never dreamed of taking.

Zoloft, Lexapro, and the best part of her little drug cocktail was the Seroquil. God must have dropped seroquil from heaven. Ut had two effects, first it knocked her out. Since waking up she had developed a case of insomnia that would have made Mulder insane.

Mulder,

The second effect was the best, it made her forget her nightmares. She knew she still had them, the ones of being touched and held down. When she got her 400mg of Seroquil, there were no screams in the night, no feelings of being watched. She almost felt normal again.

Almost.

She had gone to three meetings a week at first. There were so many people that had sad stories and shared them over and over again. It was to the point that she knew these women, not by their names, but by their stories. Oh that's Sue, yeah she is the one that got raped by her doctor, and over there, yeah that's um...I don't remember her name, but I know she got raped by her sons teacher.

She was reluctant to tell her story, she debated for months. Who would believe her? Who wouldn't want to call soctor Harris and have her dosage doubled? That and the fact that she had not once relived that story to one living soul. Not one. It was more out of shame for her lack of control thaan anything else. She was the one of control, she could take down a monster at one hundred paces. She had KILLED Donnie Pfaster, and got away with it too. So why then, could she not keep him out of her that night?

She eventually told her story, purely accidentally. One of the other women had related her story of steady ongoing rape, from the hands of her uncle. The woman, she thought her name was Stephanie, had started a debate regarding what kind of rape was the worst.

As if this could be classified in some book somewhere–The Hierarchy Of Rape.

She couldn't let it go on, the once silent victim spoke and shut the whole room up.

"Hi, my name is Dana, and I have sat and listened to you all for almost a year now with no idea of when or how or even if I would tell my story. I don't think any of you will believe it, and I am fine with that. But this is my life and it happened to me." Her voice had begun to shake, she stopped, inhaling deeply to quell her racing heart.

"I was an FBI agent for five six years. Five of which I was placed in a specialized unit of the Bureau that dealt with paranormal investigations." She glanced around the room at the slight tittering that had erupted and wondered momentarily if she would, at least secretly be stuck with the Spooky moniker.

"My partner was someone I could trust, we had become so close, He was an intense person, dark handsome and brooding." She shuddered when her mind brought out an image of Fox Mulder. "He was my protector, and endanger. We shared more together than many people that were married for twenty years."

She was beginning to lose her nerve, so she knew it was time to cut to the chase."We had a long standing friendship, and we had even swapped keys. Which had a reason back then, too many times we had to recuse each other when no one could open the door. One night, I found myself in a situation...I awoke to someone touching me, opening me. I was raped all that night. I was motionless, couldn't speak or move. Over and over he wouldn't even stop for a rest. "

"I kept thinking to myself, hey I am Special Agent Dana Scully, I can just get up and kick this guys ass. But I couldn't I think he drugged me. The worst part about it was not the paralisys. It was the perpetrator. At first I thought it was an intruder, I had left the window open in my apartment, or had accidently left the door unlocked. Neither one of those were true."

Dana once again looked around the room at the caring and compassionate faces that filled the hall of the YMCA room that they met in.

:It was the person I trusted above all other, above even myself. He had entered my apartment and raped me, but that even was not the worst of it. That night, was the last thing I remembered for over a year. When I awoke, I was in a nursing home. See in my mind, for about ten minutes I thought I had either dreamed the whole thing, or had some fucked up coma induced fantasy going on. You hear about those happening, but.. Anyway, I get this picture from my mother, of Mulder, my partner, holding a baby in his arms. That's when it hits me. See if I had been in a coma, he never would have a baby. This is a man that was so driven in his pursuit of his goals, he could not even feed his fish."She smiled at the near constant trips to the pet store to replace the mollies. See in our sick way back then, we were in love. I know that sounds creepy given the situation. I can't explain the way we were together, I don't think any of you would really get it. Yet, to be betrayed by the one person that held you that close to them, it was like shattering not just the trust in that person, but your whole concept of trust period. And any potential of trust from that point on. I dream often that it was a stranger. I could have handled that."

"I knew it was my baby he was holding, forget the fact of her red hair. I knew. He looked so damn satisfied and smug with himself I couldn't take it. I had always wanted a family, children of my own and was under the assumption that I never would. But I saw this child and all I wanted to do was run. She was an abomination, created out of my pain. I was made to carry this child and bear it without anyone giving any thought to my safety. I was not allowed to make any reproductive choices. I had no control.'

She stopped there for a minute, trying not to cry like the other victims in that room."I have never held my...daughter, and I don't think I will ever want to.' She went and sat down there. She felt better having shared, having told. The silence hit the room like a freight train, no one knew what to say to her. Mercifully the counselor called for a close of the meeting and Dana crawled home.

Anyone else would have felt a sense of relief at the telling of that tell, anyone would find a way to start picking up the pieces and finally take that soul bath. No there was only one thing that was going to quell this ache in her soul. She had to go see him, confront him with his own precious truth. Throw her hurt in his face and make him wallow in it.

So now, three years four months and a dozen days since she ceased playing Sleeping Beauty, Dana sought out Fox Mulder.

"All right guys, lets hussle up here." Mulder clapped his hands three times, offered his fledgling basketball team the customary pep talk and sent them off to the showers. He was running late for picking up Dylan, and she had a habit of holding grudges.

He walked around the elpty gym picking up stray balls and shirts. Apparently coaching teenaged boys was a lot like raising a four year old.

He was so wrapped up in planning out the weekend for the two of them that he did not notice the door behind him open until the red head cleared her throat.

He knew it was her before he turned around, his shoulders slumped and his breathing became ragged. For a few seconds, he thought he was going to have a heart attack.

"That's close enough Mulder." She spoke, hands on hips. God how many times did he catch Dylan standing just like that, usually it was when she caught him drinking out of the milk carton.

"Scully, I don't even know how to start here.'

"Why don't you let me do the talking here since I am the injured party.'

"No you re not."

"Excuse me?"? There went that eyebrow" Are you new here? Wasn't I the one raped, left in a coma, and made to procreate?"

"Yes you were, and as much as you have been injured, there is one that has been hurt far worse. Let me ask you a question Scully, how would you have felt not having a mother?" He wished he could take the words back the minute he spoke them. Charlie had called him last year to tell him of Maggie's death, and to dissuade him from attending the funeral.

"Mulder, I did not agree to give birth to that." she spit out. "Don't you go preachy on me you got no room to talk. I never thought you would ever hurt me Mulder. You were the only person I have ever trusted. I loved you." She was screaming and the sound reverberated through the gym.

It hurt him to hear her say those words, to hear love from her mouth with a past tense. "Scully, I want to hash this out with you, I know you feel this is going to helo you some how, but before the tirade continues, I need to make a phone call please, three minutes tops." He grabbed his phone at her small nod of agreement.

"Hey, yeah This is Fox Mulder, yeah Dylan's dad, yeah...Listen can you tell her I am not going to pick her up early for our date? Yeah that is cute huh? No don't put her on, just tell her we will go out for pizza when I come get her, no don't put her...Hi honey, yeah I know, no Dyl, I will be there.

soon ok? Yes I know you are upset, yes I know I promised...Sweety I am only gonna be a little late ok? Yeas we will stop at the toy store." He smiled here, looked over at Scully and gave her the Hey I do My Best shrug.

Scully smiled at this, yeah she thought. Give him Hell Dylan, he deserves it.

He turned back to her after calming down his four year old. Took a deep breath and waited for the rest of the onslaught to begin.