I guess its luck but it's the same

Hard luck you been trying to tame

Maybe its love but it's like you said

Love is like a role that we play

But I believe in you so much

I could die for the words you say

But I believe in you so much

I could die from the words you say

But you're chasing the ghost of a good thing

Haunting yourself as the real thing

It's getting away from you again

While you're chasing ghosts

Dashboard Confessional

He was seated on the couch, legs sprawled out in front of him, he had one hand on his head, and the other held his Sig Sauer, pointed at his head. Silently she approached his blank stare. "Mulder, "She spoke softly, yet with enough volume and authority for him to know she was serious. "Put that gun down or I will be forced to-"

"To what Scully," He said in an all too calm voice. "Shoot me." It was more of a demand than a question.

"Mulder I am a great shot, I can shoot in places that will accomplish the same goal with no fatality now put down that weapon."

His hand twitched, and for an instant she thought he was going to concede. At the last second he brought the gun up and aimed it at Scully. "Now you have to shoot me Scully, I am pointing a loaded weapon at a Federal Agent." He smirked. "Come on Scully, you have wanted me dead for four years. Come get some."

They stood like that for what felt like hours. Scully was sure he was drunk, even though she could not prove it; the air was thick with the sickly smell of alcohol. "Mulder have you been drinking?" She asked, still aiming the weapon.

"Yeah, so I figured it would go on well with the headlines. Drunken FBI Agent Puts Yet Another Hole In His Head has a much nicer ring to it.." He smirked.

"Mulder," Scully wanted to end this, "Mulder what can I do here? You need help; you need to talk this thing out."

"Talk to who Scully? Who is going to believe me? You don't even believe me, and we are closer than any two people have ever been." He cocked back the safety and aimed. "Scully, either you leave or I am going to shoot you."

"I am not going to let you do this Mulder. Besides, even if you had the balls to shoot me, I am a much better shot." She fingered the safety on the massive weapon, releasing it.

"Scully, don't tempt me, I am a broken man with nothing to lose. She was all I had, even when you turned on me, she was all I had. You didn't even want to look at her. Did I tell you that? You never even held her Scully, wouldn't even acknowledge her. She asked after you every day, and every day I had to make excuses for you." He held the weapon true "Now she's gone and you're alive and all I want to do is have her back. God Scully, if I had the choice I would trade her for you."

Now that really hurt. He had just admitted that he would go back and change things; let her die at her own hands believing that he had raped her. "Mulder,"

"Don't 'Mulder' me Scully; you spent four years wallowing in the same self pity that I spent forty years in. Only you couldn't deal with it, you took the easy way out. And as usual I had to come to your rescue on my gallant steed and save your ass. Only this time instead of a clone of my sister, it cost me my daughter.' His voice was shaking almost as much as his hand, and yet he still held the gun.

"I am not about to get into a pissing contest with you Fox Mulder, over who has rescued whom more often. If you believe that I am not carrying my weight around here, then you will have a copy of the letter of resignation on your desk tomorrow morning." She was pissed now; this has gone on long enough. She was half tempted to shoot him anyway, just for the comment he had made.

"What Mulder, you have lost so much, and what about when I lose you Mulder? What then? Who do I have left Mulder? You are my truth Mulder. In any life I still want you. If we are chasing aliens or fireflies. Don't you get it Mulder? You always wonder why I stick around; it isn't that winning attitude of yours I can tell ya. "She wanted so bad to run to him and tell. "You off yourself in this world Mulder, and who do I have? I won't have anyone do you get it?"

""Scully, " He said simply, putting his weapon down onto the coffee table. This was a no win situation. She was right, he didn't have the balls to shoot her, rising she was struck at how disheveled his appearance had become. He wasn't one hundred percent this morning, but looking at him now, she would quantify him at around five percent. "Take me for a ride I need to get out of here." He begged.

She wasn't sure where she was headed. He sat in the passenger's side of the car, head resting on the window. They had not spoken a single word in the one hundred miles that they had traveled He had not changed or cleaned up. While he used the bathroom, she grabbed a bag and quickly tossed in a few things for the road. She wasn't sure where they were going, but putting some distance between them and DC was a good thing at this point.

She was as surprised as Mulder when she pulled into the driveway of Maggie Scully She had driven on auto pilot to return to the one place where they both felt safe.

Maggie met them in the driveway. "Dana," she began "Fox, are you all right?" She asked noting his appearance. He looked as if he were rolled hard and put away wet.

He surprised her and himself when he grabbed her into a hug. Clinging to her for dear life. "I never got the chance to really thank you Maggie." He wailed "You taught me to believe." Maggie glared at her daughter who made a glug glug glug motion with her hand out of Mulder's view. When she realized he was drunk, she played along with him. Bill had stumbled in more than a few times fifteen sheets to the wind. She knew if she could handle a drunken Irish Sailor, she could handle Fox Mulder.

"Mom, we need somewhere to crash for a few days, Mulder needs to –dry out." Maggie made a wave of her hand as if to say not to go into any more detail. Of course you can dear. I will make up the guest room." She moved along ahead to get things ready for Mulder's inevitable crash and burn.

He fell into the bed and was out within seconds flat. After getting his shoes off and rolling him under a blanket, Scully made her way downstairs to try to explain some things to her mother.

"Mom," She found her in the kitchen, baking Mulder's favorite cookies. "I want to thank you for letting us be here for a little while. We uh, have had kind of a rough weekend."

"Its all right Dana, I can tell you two are in the midst of something. Is it a case?"

"Not really Mom, this time its kind of personal. See Mulder got into a car accident on Friday."

"Oh my, should he have been drinking? Is he all right?"

"Yeah, physically he is fine, but he claims to have had I don't know a dream while he was knocked out on Friday. He claims that in the forty five minutes that he was unconscious, he lived five years."

Maggie Scully had heard it all, or so she thought. The story that her daughter began to tell of a life he dreamed was a sad one. He had loved Dana, something Maggie had known for a while. Lost her, sent her into the brink of madness, and traded his flesh for her.

"Dana, if he truly feels that Dylan existed, then no wonder he is drunk. He lost a child Dana, he has to grieve. It may seem silly and not real to you, but until you have had those feelings you would not understand." She shook her head at the memory of losing Missy. "Dana, you have to let him grieve, don't push him to get back to a regular routine. His regular routine as far as he knows is in Fresno California."

Dana didn't know what to say to her mother, she had not thought for a second that Dylan was more than a semi consciousness induced piece of fantasy in Mulder's mind. "He has been acting strangely since Friday Mom. More serious, he had me help him clean his apartment, I mean really clean.' She smirked at the very happy Frohike carting off the extra large box of porn off to his car. "So, you are saying I should humor him?"

Not humor dear." Maggie wondered not for the first time, how she had raised such a cynical child. "If you want him to get better Dana, then you have to be understanding.' She took a long sip of her coffee and sighed. "You guys are going to have to figure out some way to get closure on this, other wise he is going to be useless for a long time."

A crash from upstairs bolted both women for the stairs. Dana arrived to the guest room first. Mulder had awakened and fallen in the dizziness of a pseudo drunken hangover. "Scully," he drooled "I am not well."

"Shh its ok Mulder, I am here," Maggie came in and placed a bucket right next to Mulder, which he promptly filled. After mouthing a silent thank you to her mother, Scully went to the bathroom off of the guest room to dump the contents. She arrived back just in time for him to repeat the act over again.

She gently laid him back down once he had done. After she had the mess cleaned up, she made for the door. "Scully, please, I need you." She didn't need to be asked twice. Removing her shoes, she crawled into bed with him and placed her arms around his waist.

"I'm sorry for earlier Scully. I just hurt so badly." He mumbled

"I know Mulder, its ok to miss her, and its ok to want to trade anything to get her back." She snuggled in to him as he gently rubbed her back. "I can't begin to understand what you have been through."

He was silent for a while, and gently he leaned down and kissed her lips. His lips lingered until she had no choice but to return the favor. Kisses that started as sweet and soft turned ardent and needy. Their hands found each other in the darkness, searching, seeking needing physical contact with the other.

"Dana," He whispered huskily, "I love you. I have loved you from the first time I saw you. I loved you even when you shot me."

His admission, though unexpected, was not unwelcome. She kissed him long and lustily before answering. "Of course you love me Mulder, who else is there to put up with you? I love you too." They succumbed to the passions that had built up since the first day she strolled into the basement office.

The two people that descended the stairs were nothing like the two that had ambled up the driveway the day before. Maggie noticed a much more casual tone between them, along with something else. They finally admitted it She mused. Its written all over their faces what they did last night and they don't even know. "Good Morning you two, sleep well?" she threw at them, laughing to herself at the flushed looks on both their faces.

"Yeah Maggie, "Fox began, "we spooned up like two baby cats.' he laughed

"Shut up PoopyHead." She giggled nudging him in the chest.

Ahhh, Maggie thought. Finally.

More to xcome...

Tjanks for all the great reviewas, you guys are too kind

KEEP EM COMING!