You're in my blood like holy wine

You taste so bitter, and so sweet

Oh I could drink a case of you

And I would still be on my feet.

I would still be on my feet

Joni Mitchell

She cried on the way home that night. Not because she had to ask the Long Gunman for help to find Mulder, or help to get him into his apartment. No she cried because after they got him in bed and made sure he would not hurt himself, she left him there in that apartment alone.

I did the right thing. Yeah Dana, keep telling yourself that, now why don't we turn the car around and go crawl into bed with him

She had to do it this way; they had become some sick version of Sid and Nancy. He the hapless drunk and she the doting lover. He had to face his demons, hit rock bottom and admit things were out of control.

She slammed her front door and began clearing out the beer bottles left from Mulder's last bender. Yeah, she thought hauling the bag to the incinerator chute. I so did the right thing.

Mulder was not well, the toilet hadn't offered as much comfort as Scully could have, he found he needed her. He picked up the phone to call her, only to receive the caller out of area message.

"Ok Scully is maaaa-aaaad." He mused as he ran the shower. He knew from experience that she was capable of cooling down after a few days. He would take a shower, get something solid in his stomach, and go over to her house after a long afternoon nap.

Scully loaded the last of her bags into the car. She had taken another week of vacation, and had planned on being away from DC long enough for Mulder to hit rock bottom.

She knew it was coming; it hurt her to have to step away from him when it happened. She could not be reachable, if he was dependant on her; the only way to break the cycle was to cut him off

Fish or cut bait Mulder.

She pulled out of her parking space and pointed towards Maine.

Mulder awoke aware of two things. Firstly, he was sober. This was not a good way to wake up after having puked your guts out. Gives your stomach nothing to numb the pain.

Secondly, it was later than he had wanted to get up. He had to go see Scully and make nice nice, and find out how she found what bar he had holed up in. That was a neat little trick there Scully, gotta know how you did that.

He just wanted to go back to bed, but the memories began to flood into his mind again, and he needed something to dull the pain.

A quick check of the kitchen yielded no beer or anything potable.

He got dressed and went out for beer.

Scully had done something she had not done since joining the FBI. She turned her phone off and left it on the dresser at home. She had informed those other than Mulder that she was going on a much needed vacation. Truth tell, she did need one, but she had wanted Mulder to come too.

She missed him

She missed him a lot.

She pulled into the bed and breakfast by the Maine coast. It was only August, and still warm in that pat of the east coast. She had brought a stack of books to catch up on, and had planned on gorging on chocolate ice cream and trying not to think about Mulder. She hoped he at least finds the note before he really gets going.

Why did everyone tape notes to the damn fish tank? Anyone who knew him knew that those damn fish got fed less often than supermodels. He had returned with a large case of beer, (the special thirty packs) and a bag of take out. He grabbed the note off the tank and sat on the couch to go over it.

Mulder,

I had hoped that the pictures would help give you some sort of closure for your pain. I don't know how else to help you. You are sinking right before me and I can't save you this time.

I foolishly thought that my love for you could save you, If I loved you hard and fast you would not sink into the depression from the loss of your daughter. Sometimes love is not enough Mulder. I wanted to save you from yourself, but the only person that can do that is you. I guess in many ways I took advantage of you, can you blame me? You are so irresistable. I just wanted to be your saving grace Mulder, but I guess that wasn't enough.

I'm out of town for a while, I hope you find yourself soon Mulder, I love you, and when you are ready to save the world again, I will be here.

Love,

Scully

He didn't know what to do or say, he just sat there gawking at the words she had written. Was she leaving me? Or did she just need to go and lick her own wounds for a while. He put the letter down and opened the first bottle.

There were dead soldiers all over the floor, their heads were scattered here and there. It was starting to look pre Dylan again. His head pounded, and his eyes hurt. He had finished the case an hour ago, and still he could feel.

Mulder got dressed and walked down to the store for more beer.

Scully could not help but wonder what he was up to, what he was doing at that moment. She had a vague idea he was drunk, but she knew he would hit rock bottom with out her around.

Unless he kills himself first.

No, Dana, you are not going to guilt yourself into running back to DC to hold his head up while he drank more beer, you will no longer clean up after him, and he has to accept his own responsibilities.

Damn it Mulder, right when we get close, you have to go all cave man on me.

She stretched her feet and legs as she rolled over in her lounge chair. The warm late summer sun beat upon her face and made her smile.

"'Scuse me, Miss Scully?" She looked up to see one of the owners of the bed and breakfast grinning at her. The woman was older and had a kind face, her thick New England accent made it hard to understand her without straining really hard.

"Yes?" She asked covering her eyes against the bright sun

"Just wanted to see if you were all right, we don't get many people her who come alone, and then spend all their time away from everyone." The older lady placed herself into the shade so that Scully could get a better look at her.

"OK, well just checking."

Mulder lay on the floor of his apartment, he had polished off the second case, and was working on crawling to the bathroom to alleviate some of the sloshing in his stomach. The whole apartment smelled like beer, and the once merely cluttered living room was now an all out pig sty. He made his way to the bathroom, feeling sick and twisted all at once. A familiar voice chilled him to his bones and made him stone cold sober.

"Daddy," She sighed tapping her little foot. "You take a lot of work.'

"Dylan?" he squeaked, not sure if he was seeing her, or if he was just that drunk. She was dressed in her favorite clothes, her overalls and pink striped shirt. Her hair sat in two long braids.

"Daddy, PU You STINK!" she waved her little hand over her face to demonstrate how bad she thought he smelled.

"Thanks Dyl, It's good to see you too."

"She walked over to where he lay on the floor, placing her tiny hands on his cheeks. "What are you doing Dad?"

"I-I have been missing you Dyl." He grabbed her hands and pulled her close to him.

"Daddy, I don't have long here, so I am gonna make this quick and only say it once."

That was his Dyl.

"You're screwing up Daddy. You are so busy missing me, you are messing Mom up again." She put her hands on her hips and looked at him "Dad, I know you miss me, I am always around ok? You don't have to worry about me, Sam and I have a good time together."

"Samantha?" he mumbled unsure if he should have gotten the extra large mu shu pork.

"Dad, Sam is taking care of me, ok? There are so many more kids out there that need you more than I do. You know what I am saying Dad. Stop feeling sorry for yourself, Sam says I should tell you that she doesn't blame you. She doesn't want me to say, but she really did like watching The Magician, she just liked to torment you." She gave a little girl giggle that echoed throughout the entire apartment

"I love you Dyl, and tell Sam I love her too.

"Oh man Dad, Like we didn't know that." She grinned his own grin back at him. "Clean up Dad, and go helpother kids ok? Me and Sam are cool."

He passed out for one last time.

Scully heard the TV going in her apartment, she thought it would be Mulder, but wasn't sure. She had received information from one of Mulder's 'sources' that they could be in for a whole new onslaught of trouble. Secretly, she lived for the chase, when her blood got pumping hard, it made her forget. Forget her pathetic excuse for a life. No kids, ever, sorry not gonna happen, except for the little made up one that had turned her once fearless and fun partner into a quivering ball of hormones. Wonder if he had post partum depression? She mused, trying not to smile.

She quietly opened her front door, gun poised and cocked to the still form on the couch.

"You know Scully, your gonna have to stop pulling guns on me. It's starting to turn me on more than just a little and that can't be good." He rose off the couch and turned the Knick's game off.

"Why are you here Mulder?" She asked re holstering the object of Mulder's affections.

"We need to talk Scully." He said simply.

"Yeah, I guess we do."

They sat there in silence for a while, neither one of them sure how to grab the right words out of the air. This time, Scully decided to allow Mulder to run things. This is his show he needs to do this.

"I can't chase windmills anymore. I have lost so much now. Losing makes you appreciate what's not lost. You are not lost Scully. We are not lost. I am sorry about all teh drinking, I just needed to get her out of my head. I-haven't drank a bit since two days after you left."

"What are you saying Mulder?" She had plopped down next to him on the couch. They weren't facing each other, but the intimacy was still there.

"I don't even know where to start. I sat tin that office today and all I could do was think of the last time I was there. I had gone to clear out Scully. I left the X-files. And you know what, I never looked back. Dylan was my life Scully. Loved just being around her. Work was good too, no mutants or alien bounty hunters. I paid my bills, chased fireflies with her on summer nights. I went to Wal-Mart Scully."

"What, no hives?" She could not resist.

"Yeah, they had diapers really cheap."

"So what do you want now Mulder? Where do you go from here?" She could not tell where this was going; it had a morbidly gushy tone running through it.

"I want to change the world Dana, one world at a time, do you understand?" He looked at her then, took her tiny hand into his larger one and went on. "I don't ever want to replace Dylan, I never will be able to she was one of a kind." A small poignant smile chased across his face. "But I don't want to live the rest of my life on some damn quest like what I did with Samantha." He had something in his hand something sparkly she noted.

"Hey Scully,"

"Hmmm?" she asked, heart racing a mile a minute. Here it comes she thought, and I am not asleep I am awake and I am not dreaming.

"Wanna help me change the world?" his features twisted into a boyish grin

"One world at a time, right Mulder?" She asked as he slipped the small solitaire onto her finger.

"Yeah, something like that."

"Where are we going Mulder?" She asked. Sunday mornings should be spent in bed, not driving off to unknown parts of the east."

"Come on Scully, don't you trust me?" She gave him the raised eyebrow that made him slink back.

He pulled into a cemetery and parked. "Mulder what are we doing here? This isn't the day I usually visit Dad or Missy." She got herself out of the car and stretched.

He had gone around to the back of the car. "Here," he said handing her one of three flower arrangements. "Make yourself useful." They walked to the area that she knew well.

"When did you get these Mulder?" She asked inhaling the pink roses and relishing in there deep scent.

"All I can say is I know you are in REM sleep when you drool, so I know I can pretty much get away with—"

"MULDER!"

Hidden among the full trees, were Missy and her father's grave. And there in the center was a freshly dug one. She cautiously walked toward it, not knowing what to expect to see. She looked back toward him, and he nodded her to advance.

She stood in front of the fresh marker, not wanting to get too close. She read the name as a tear rolled down her cheek.

DYLAN ROSE MULDER

MARCH 19, 1998-JUNE 17, 2002

….MY WEARINESS AMAZES ME…..

She didn't know what to say, she was speechless. "Scully, I think that I finally found closure." He grinned placing the pink roses on her grave.

THE END

Please Read epilogue, it is my favorite chapter!

Sonia, Faye, LVB, MC Scully, Parker, Shadow, you guys kept me going, there were so many great responses to this stoery that I have decided to write another, though it will not start til next week, and I can tell you all it will be different, obviously not a sequel, I think after you read the epilogue you will agree that the story ended perfectly.

Gilllian Lee, Lil Scully, Msr addict, and all of you ROCK!

So will you guys want to read another ELLE THOMK production?

GIMMIE FEEDBACK AND LET ME KNOW