Scully sat on the floor by the fire in her apartment and began to open the assortment of mail that had come through her door since she'd been away. Deciding that as her birthday was only just over she deserved a respite from bills, she pushed then aside along with the junk mail until she was left with only one letter. She recognised the writing on the front, registered the thickness of the envelope and sighed. Resigned to the idea that, though small, the envelope would probably contain details of a case, Scully opened it.

She was pleasantly surprised, however, when what appeared were not sheets of information but a birthday card. She opened it and began to read.

"Scully,

How are you supposed to write something meaningful in these things? There are maybe five lines and then that's it. Anyway, happy birthday! See, I actually remembered this year. I even know how old you are but you might not be so happy about that. No, that's not what I meant, damn I'm out of space – well too bad read over the page.

Honestly this was just supposed to be a quick card to say happy birthday but you've been gone a whole week and I never noticed how much I used you as a sounding board before. Do you mind? But anyway I didn't call so you can't be mad, it was your time with your family and who am I to disturb that – PTO.

Though it was hard you know, not calling I mean. When you started working with me I hated it – it not you – but then you know that because I told you the second you walked through the door. Did you pity me Scully? Sitting there alone in a basement, the alien-obsessed freak? Did you wonder what you'd done to piss off the bosses that much?"

Suddenly the writing stopped. Unable to believe that Mulder would stop at that point, Scully grabbed the envelope and pulled out the sheets of paper inside it. It looked like Mulder had really gone to town on this one. She picked up the pages and retreated to the sofa so she could read more comfortably. The sheets seemed to be in the right order as the first one began:

"I didn't want a partner. I didn't want some critical non-believer standing behind me all the time. I honestly thought you were there to spy on me. But then you answered straight back, not fazed at all, and I think it was that exact moment when I thought 'Ok, maybe I can work with this woman'. Of course it did help that you're a pretty little thing. And before you think it I'm not drunk or on drugs – that just came out. But I think I'll leave it. Or maybe I'll expand it because you're not just pretty Scully, you're beautiful. And when you smile, properly with joy and teeth, you're downright gorgeous.

But none of that really occurred to me that day. See everyone else who knew about me either believed me so much that they were crazier than me, or they just sneered and laughed at me. But you did neither. You really shocked me then, mostly because I actually believed that you were honestly curious.

Look I'm sorry for just blurting this out all of a sudden, but I didn't expect to feel like this when you left, I mean it was only for a week – one week! But the whole time I felt wrong, out of place. In the office I kept looking up towards your desk and then having to double back to check you really weren't there. Or I'd ask a question and wonder what I'd done to offend you because you didn't answer. It's lucky there were no cases this week or I'd have ended up in hospital because I'd have had a gap in the perimeter where I assumed you were! I know, I know, don't joke about it. But that I could handle, it was knowing I couldn't get hold of you that was the problem – especially Tuesday night.

You know that nightmare I've been having, the one where he takes over my mind and this time he makes me kill you? I had it Tuesday and when I woke up I automatically dialled your number to check you were OK. Of course I got no answer (and didn't believe the answering machine) so I got in the car and drove to your apartment. I was halfway there before I realised I was only in my pants, had forgotten my gun, and that you weren't even there anyway. But that was one of the most terrifying nights of my life. For half an hour I think I really believed I had killed you, and there was nothing I could do to prove it otherwise. I sat awake all night, watching my mobile so there was no chance of me picking it up and calling you. I'm not trying to make you feel guilty here Scully, I'm not, I just had to get this off my chest.

And there's more, I don't know why I'm telling you this, I never intended to and I can't quite believe I'm doing it now. I'm sorry if it make you hate me or not trust me, I can only hope it doesn't. See Scully I had to find a way to make sure you were alive, so I got an old friend who lives in that neck of the woods to go check up on you. I swear all he did was look through the window every night, he wouldn't do anything to invade your privacy – I'd kill him if he did. I suppose you'd like an explanation for that but I don't know what to say. Sorry, and sorry for what I did. It's not that I think you can't look after yourself, I know you can – but I was so scared. So I'm sorry Scully but I had to do it, for my sanity – what little of it there is left!

I also had a look at your profile, but I know you've seen mine so you can't be mad about that one. You're older than I thought you were, and shorter, but then you wear heels at work don't you? Of course I already knew that you were a real redhead but I didn't know you had blue eyes. I mean I've looked at your eyes countless times but I never noticed the colour before, just the emotions. You think you hide your emotions well Scully, and in terms of facial expression and body language you do. Well except anger, I can always tell if you're angry, but I'm not going to tell you how because then you'll stop doing it and I'll have no clue and then I'll be in trouble. But your eyes, I can always see what you're feeling if I look into your eyes. Did you know that? They sparkle when you're happy or amused; they glint like ice when you're determined or hurt; and they ignite with fire when you're angry. I wonder if they do that when you're aroused as well, everything else was in pairs.

So red hair and blue eyes, that's a little unusual. Oh, as was the fact that you've been single for the past six years. Scully I know you're devoted to your work but you are allowed a life, boyfriends – I'm not that possessive. Actually maybe I am, I don't like it when I don't know where you are or who you're with. Why? I don't really know.

And since I'm doing confession time here I wanted to tell you something. I know it used to bother you and though it doesn't seem to anymore I thought I should explain it. I'm an insomniac and so by definition I don't sleep much, but often when we go away on cases I fall asleep during the trip. I know you must have felt offended that this self-confessed insomniac would happily fall asleep when with you, but that isn't because you're boring, it's because I feel safe. When you're there I know it's OK for me to fall asleep because you will protect me. I can fall asleep more easily in a car seat next to you than in the most comfortable of beds alone. Great now I'm clingy, needy and probably scaring you half to death – but I trust you Scully, and that scares me.

I haven't allowed myself to completely trust anyone or anything since I was twelve years old. But you somehow managed to get through every defence I have without being threatening and made me trust you with everything. Heart, body, soul, life – they have all been saved by you at one time or another, and they all belong to you. Sorry Scully but I love you.

This week has finally made me realise that. I know you don't feel the same way and I probably shouldn't have told you because you'll feel all awkward, but I don't expect anything, I just wanted to tell you. I think this mad letter of mine tells you why I love you, but there's one more reason. Your cynicism. I know that sounds stupid but having you there to offer a counter-theory to everything I believe truly helps. That's what I thought I would hate at first, but it just makes me more determined to prove you wrong, though I rarely manage it. Also it's the way you fight me that makes me love you. You don't sneer at my beliefs or simply dismiss them, you take them into consideration and then use science to carefully disprove them one by one. OK so maybe that sometimes hurts but I don't feel betrayed or ignored. I'm sorry if I don't manage to do the same for you.

You know what Scully I'm sorry for pretty much everything. You should never have accepted this assignment, it has caused you nothing but pain. But in spit of that, for my own selfishness I am glad that you did because I really can't imagine life without you now. One thing I am not sorry for though and that is this letter. I've been needing to tell you all this for a very long time and now that I finally have, albeit in the cowardly terms of a letter, I do feel better. I'm sorry if anything I've said makes you feel upset or angry or uncomfortable around me, but somehow I don't think you will – wishful thinking?

At any rate I have written far too much and I should let you go do something else. Getting back to my original point I hope you had a great time at your mothers. Happy birthday and see you on Monday, or before if you want to come beat me up for this letter.

Mulder"

Scully sat absolutely still for a moment, silently digesting everything she had just read. The in one quick movement she rose off the sofa, grabbed the card and paper and her keys and left her apartment. She was at Mulder's in ten minutes.

Mulder had spent the evening on the phone talking to a man who claimed to have been abducted by aliens. Convinced the guy was making things up Mulder listened to the entire story and then picked at all the holes in it until it fell apart. Having then berated the man for wasting FBI time he hung up and settled down to watch a film when there was a knock at the door. Sighing he got up and went to look through the peephole.

His annoyance turned to delight when he saw that it was Scully and he quickly opened the door.

"Hi! You're back early, I thought you weren't back till tomorrow?" he said surprised.

"My mom was driving me crazy so I decided to leave early. Traffic's not so bad on a Friday either."

Mulder nodded in sympathy and then agreement.

"Come in."

He stepped aside for her to enter, and noted the slight hesitation in her step.

"Something wrong?" he asked, a little concerned.

"No I just, well – it's this."

She took the letter from her pocket and saw his eyes widen in recognition and what looked almost like fear. He ran his hands through his hair and then went to sit on the sofa, Scully following behind.

"Are you alright?" she asked, worried about the way he seemed to have slumped down.

"Yes, I just wasn't expecting to have to deal with that quite so soon."

He eyed her warily before saying with conviction, and no small amount of surprise

"You're not angry."

"No."

"Good, I wasn't really sure how you were going to react."

"How about we go through this bit by bit and you can watch my eyes and find out?"

She smiled slightly as a faint colour rose in his cheeks, she'd never seen Mulder blush before.

"It's true you know." He added quietly.

Accepting this as assent, Scully took the card, moved close to him so he could see what he had written and began to read.