Undiscovered Feelings Chapter 2

Isolated Pawn

(The Next Day)

Shinji couldn't even hear the instructor; his soul focus was on the circular analog clock hanging on the wall above the black board. As time inched forward his only thought was of what would follow school. Was it too presumptuous to call this a date? A date with Ayanami, it's unbelievable. He supposed that no one would mind if he referred to his time with Ayanami as a date, as long as he didn't tell anyone that is. Now Shinji had never been on a date before, but Misato had filled him in on the more gory details of how some of her drunken rendezvous had gone and had given him tips on how treat a girl as dignified as her. Armed with her advice he was confident the date couldn't go all that bad as long as he did the exact opposite of everything she had said. His thoughts were interrupted by the class rep. barking at the students.

"Stand, bow, dismissed!"

A unanimous cheer erupted from the class.

Rei stood in her kitchen preparing the tea for Shinji's visit. She still didn't understand why he wished to spend all this time with her. His presence, seemed to put her in an odd state of emotions, a mix between peaceful and nervous. Finished with the tea she took the two cups into the living room and placed them neatly on the table. As she looked around her apartment, she noticed its appearance had been greatly improved. After she got home today she felt the unexpected urge to clean. She then spent the next two hours cleaning house, picking up trash, scrubbing the floor and windows. When she was done, the room was still plain, however, it did have a nice sheen to it. As she began to take a seat Rei caught a glimpse of herself in the window. The dress she wore was issued by Nerv for "special occasions.". She assumed this qualified. Rei had never worn it before today, she felt somewhat awkward out of her school uniform, and she couldn't help but think that the elegant dress made even her, somewhat attractive.

Startled by a soft knock at the door, she walked over and heard a boy's voice.

"Ayanami, it's Shinji."

As she silently opened the door she saw Shinji holding a small bouquet of white flowers. He was looking down trying to tuck in his white collared shirt and apparently didn't notice Rei open the door. "Hell Ikari"

Startled, Shinji jumped back a little. He forgot in an instant everything he had planned all day to say and could only manage to thrust the flowers awkwardly in her direction.

Rei was wearing a form fitting black dress that showed off her petite figure and elegant neck due to the low cut. The single strap connected to the dress via two small metallic loops on either side of her chest and tied in a bow behind her neck. The bottom of the dress stopped just above her knees and had a small slit running up the left side.

She's beautiful, Shinji thought as he forced himself to look away to keep from staring. "These are for you." He said as he held the bouquet out to her.

She blushed as she accepted the flowers. "Th…thank you."

"Ayanami." Shinji said hiding his reddening face from view. "You're…beautiful."

She almost dropped the flowers at the shock of the unexpected comment. A slight smile grew on her face as she looked away, cheeks as red as her eyes. "You…embarrass me."

"You're smiling Ayanami."

"Yes." Rei said as she turned around and walked away from the doorway.

Shinji let himself in and saw that she was in the kitchen rummaging around for a makeshift vase to put the flowers in. Something was different about her room he couldn't put his finger on it until he caught the faint scent of pine oil. Rei had cleaned her apartment for him; Shinji couldn't believe that she'd do something like this. He smiled as he thought to himself that this could only mean that she was genuinely interested in him. He watched as Rei returned from the kitchen with two steaming porcelain cups. "You…made tea today." Shinji said, eyeing the hot liquid. He was almost scared to drink the odd looking concoction. There was no way out of it though, he wasn't about to insult her and get kicked out for refusing to drink her "tea". Carefully sipping the contents of the cup he realized there was nothing to fear. "Wow, this is really good, Ayanami! I thought you didn't know how!"

"I don't." Rei said taking a sip out of her cup.

"Wha…what do you mean? How'd you make this then?"

"I didn't."

All he could do was give her a confused look.

Holding up an emptied glass bottle of the Japanese equivalent to Snapple she said without looking up from her cup, "I heated it in the microwave."

Shinji choked out a laugh through a mouthful of tea. "So, why were you absent today?"

"I had a series of tests that took all morning."

"You must be tired. Do you think I should leave?" Shinji asked wanting desperately to stay. He was relieved to see her shake her head.

"No. Do you mind if I ask you a question?"

Shinji couldn't help but notice how much she was talking today as he admired her dress. It was really too bad they didn't have anywhere to go. She was dressed for a ball.

"Ikari…"

"Oh yeah, sure." Shinji answered with an embarrassed-looking grin on his face, as he made a mental note to stop spacing out as much.

"Yesterday, when you held my hand under the water…did you feel anything?" Rei asked as she took another sip of tea.

Shinji recalled the soft touch of her delicate fingertips, and how embarrassed they had both gotten.

"What do you mean? What did you feel?" Shinji asked evasively, wiping away the smile that had unconsciously formed on his face.

Rei looked down at her teacup, which she was now holding in her lap. "I…I don't know. I've never had that feeling before."

Shinji feared he had made her uncomfortable somehow and began to retrace yesterday's events looking for anything that could have upset her.

"It…was pleasant."

He was stunned, totally unsure if he even heard her right. "I…I…ugh." He choked out.

"Wo…would you mind trying it again?" she asked as she looked up from her lap into his eyes.

Shinji couldn't believe she was serious. The Rei he knew would never have done this type of thing. Something had changed inside her; she was so deprived of affection and emotional attachment that a simple act of kindness had changed her entire personality. He could tell she was different ever since he cleaned her apartment. She was still very closed off to the world; however she was at least attempting to open herself up, to him, of all people. The way she was looking at him, it was the same look she gave him when he told her she was beautiful. How could he ever believe she was void of feelings? Shinji could tell in those eyes, she contained a deep reservoir of emotions.

"No…not at all." He nervously said. Shinji watched her as she got up and sat down beside him. She just sat there looking at him as if she were expecting him to make the next move. Needless to say Shinji was not what you would call a "move maker" and he just sat there determined he would stare back at her until she did something.

Not to be outdone and totally unconscious of the little game Shinji was playing with himself Rei remained content to watch him as he squirmed under her ever-constant stare.

It wasn't that he was scared to give her his hand. The entire situation was unexpected. He was utterly unsure how she might act if he took her hand. Her reactions had become extremely hard to predict during the past day or so. He saw no other way out of the predicament and decided, against his better judgment to offer his hand and await the diverse possibility of consequences. He was pleasantly surprised when she hesitantly accepted it. Taking her hand they interlocked fingers. Looking over at her he noticed another smile had formed on her girlish face. "Do…do you feel anything this time?"

"Yes" she said, as she squeezed his hand lightly and looked up at him.

Both of them content to be in each other's company, just sat there holding hands. As unbelievable and impossible as it was he was holding hands with her. Shinji now understood the feeling she was talking about, he felt it too and the longer he stayed there with her, the stronger he began to feel. As happy as Shinji was however, he was also worried that Rei could not return the feelings he was beginning to have for her.

These new feelings were almost impossible for her to understand. This was the first time anyone had ever talked to her with anything other than utilitarian intentions.

"Why him?"

"He's kind"

"Why does he wish to spend all this time with me?"

"Maybe he cares. Shinji Ikari, does he…does he care?"

"Yes."

"How do you know?"

"He…he gave me flowers; you give flowers to people you care for…right?"

"It seems so."

Rei despised how analytically she looked at emotional situations. The internal argument made her sick to her stomach. It seemed to her, that everyone else took the ability to make decisions, based purely on emotion, for granted. She felt she had that ability as well, however, she had never made use of it, and therefore it had been deeply suppressed. This boy, Shinji, was helping her realize the ability to use her feelings. It was for this reason she felt, something, she couldn't explain it yet. Every time she came into contact with him, that feeling grew stronger and stronger, little did she know this feeling was the beginning of something called love.

Shinji was enjoying himself immensely, just sitting in the little, plain room holding hands with this beautiful girl. He glanced over at her and noticed she was looking down, blue hair concealing a pale face. She sat close enough to him that he could smell a light after-shower aroma. Her bare arms rested against his, her soft skin felt like satin to him. Shinji was interrupted from his admiration when he felt Rei's soft locks tickling his ear and the back of his neck. He felt her lay her head on his shoulder. Surprised to say the least he looked and saw that she had fallen asleep. In fear of waking her up he sat still and just stared at her. Even if he wanted to he couldn't leave, Rei had his hand securely interlocked with hers. Shinji watched as she peacefully slept, he pale shoulders rising and falling with every breath, the slight sound of her breathing putting him at ease.

Fairly tired himself he yawned and as he pondered how he could possibly be this lucky, he too drifted into slumber.

Shinji was no longer in Rei's room. Instead he was in a dark, musky alleyway. There was no moon out; Shinji couldn't see the walls to his left or right nor the floor he was walking on. At first his footsteps were loud and hollow as he continued on however, he felt as if he were stepping on something sticky his shoes made a sucking sound as he lifted his foot. A strange smell wafted through the cold night air, he knew he had smelled it before but he couldn't quite place it. As he continued walking he saw a dim yellow light on the right side of what he could now tell was a dead end alley way. When he got closer he noticed the illumination was coming from a dirty light bulb. Directly under the bulb was Rei. It looked as if someone had ripped away the first few buttons of her blouse, her blue skirt was torn and her pale thigh was visible through the tear. She had on her face a look of absolute terror, her eyes were red from crying and her lips were quivering. The strangest thing was she was soaked from head to toe. Shinji looked down at his feet and realized that he too had been drenched somehow. He also noticed a diluted red spot on his shoe. Maintaining his balance he lifted his left leg up and wiped his hand on the underside of his shoe. Bringing his hand into the light he could see his palm was stained red. There was that smell again, a strange copper smell. Blood, he thought. It was blood. Lowering his foot Shinji walked past Rei and to the left side of a green dumpster that sat on the opposite wall further down the alleyway. He reached down and picked up a rusting metal shard that was lying on the dirty floor. Turning back around to face Rei he now noticed she was normal again, her clothes had been fixed and she was completely dry. A small smile had formed on her face.

"Don't go back." She said in an almost inaudible whisper.

Shinji raised the shard and began to walk slowly toward her.

"Don't go back." She said a little more loudly this time still keeping that eerie smile on her face.

As Shinji brought down the shard he heard he say again before her voice was cut off

"Don't go ba…"

He jerked awake in a cold sweat and found he was now on the floor next to the tea table. As his eyes focused he saw a face mere inches from his. Even in the dark he could tell it was Rei. Her soft hair fell lightly over her face covering her eyes and tickling her nose so much that she made a cute little expression and absentmindedly swatted the air in front of her face. When she was done swiping at the imaginary bug Rei laid her hand on Shinji's face. Not in the cute way a girl lays her hand on her boyfriend's cheek but in the way that if he didn't move he might suffocate. Laughing silently to himself he painstakingly moved her soft hand to his cheek. Shinji noticed he had somehow gotten his arm around her and she had taken a hold of his shirt, she lightly tugged on his shirt in an unconscious effort to keep him close. Her face was close enough to his that he could feel her soft breath on his lips. If he wanted to, he could kiss her; their lips were practically touching already. All he had to do was bring her closer using his arm…so he did, not in an effort to kiss her but to confirm that he wasn't still dreaming. Shinji brought her body closer to his and as he hugged her, he gently whispered "Aya…Ayanami." As she stirred Shinji was almost sorry he woke her from her peaceful slumber. When she saw where she was and how close she was to Shinji she gasped a little and tried to back away, letting go of Shinji's shirt.

"I…I…apologize. I usually do not have the tendency to cling to things in my sleep." Rei hurriedly explained like she had done something terribly wrong. "I'm sorry." She said as she looked away blushing from ear to ear.

Flushed red himself he tried to calm her down. "It…it was kind of nice actually. You holding on to me like that, I…I really didn't mind." To say he didn't mind was something of an understatement. He had never had a girl this close to him before, there was always of course Asuka but any interaction with the Red Head usually ended with him being injured somehow, so he tended not to count her.

"I see." Rei said as she looked up at him. She had never done anything like this before and it was somewhat frightening, however, the unease she felt slowly began to melt away as she timidly reached out and once again took hold of Shinji's shirt.

Smiling at her he pulled her closer to him as she rested her face on his. Her soft lips touching the side of his ear, he could feel her breathing.

"This…is nice." Shinji said.

Rei didn't hear him however as she was already asleep.

The second time he woke up, he knew it was 8 pm, the alarm on his watch told him so. The two had shifted positions in their sleep. At first they were laying side by side, now Shinji was on his back, Rei laid across his chest her head tucked under his chin. "Ayanami" Shinji lightly tapped her back. He hated to wake her. "Ayanami, it's 8 o'clock, I have to go."

"Hmm" she mumbled as she got up, supporting herself by placing one hand on the floor and one on his chest.

"I'm sorry, but I have to leave." Shinji said in a sorrow filled tone.

"Leave?" The cute, sleepy look she had when she awoke was washed away and replaced with her usual emotionless stare. Rei stood up and straightened out her dress. "I…I see." She turned and walked toward the direction of the door. Even though she was obviously upset, she was trying her best to hold it in.

He felt horrible, she had finally showed him her true side and it seemed like he was abandoning her. She hadn't said a word but regardless of how much she was trying to hide it, he could see real disappointment in her eyes. Shinji sulked to the door and put his shoes on. "I…I'm sorry I have to go but Misato will be worried, I haven't even called."

Shaking her head, she answered without looking him in the face, "Th…thank you for spending all this time with me."

She had changed so much. Rei was trying so hard to be someone he could care for. Shinji however felt that he had remained the same inconsiderate coward he always was. After all she had done for him he was just going to leave her because his watch said it was time to go. Perhaps it is true he was still the same, even after feeling this horrible he was still prepared to leave, sure she wanted nothing more to do with him.

"It's natural to spend time with people you care for." Shinji mumbled as he opened the door. Turning around to say goodbye he saw Rei looking up at him, another small smile had formed on her face and a single tear ran down her pale face.

"Goodnight, Shinji."

Outside of Rei's closed door Shinji leaned on the wall waiting for his heart to slow down. "My first name, she used my first name."

The entire train ride home he thought about the unbelievable turn of events that had just taken place. Shinji found it hard to accept that she possibly had feelings for him. He wanted so bad to believe that she did though. The thought that she might just be curious crossed his mind, however, he quickly dismissed it and refused to believe anything other that she really did have genuine feelings for him.

Something else bothered him. The dream, he had once read that dreams explained a person's true feelings. This made no sense, Rei was someone he cared for immensely, he couldn't understand why he would stab her, even in a dream.

He couldn't shake this peculiar feeling that the nightmare had more meaning to it that he could understand.

End Chapter 2