Lil' John in Heaven
Lil' John approached the pearly white gates. He could see inside many naked women; an everyday site in his apartment, but he did not stop to question it. He kept walking and walking even though he was just in his mansion banging into walls; again, he didn't stop to question it because to Lil' John he was just hitting clouds—and clouds were the feces of angels, and apparently hurt like hell.
It wasn't long before he met God himself; a six foot tall reefer tree he had planted in his backyard. He began to strike up a conversation with it. "Hey…hey god? Yeah!"
"My dear son, Saint John of Little, I have a mission for you that needs undertaking. That...needs to be undertook…under…tooken…It has been a long time, my son, since I have used that word and I kind of dropped out of high school to get wasted and bang groupies (Yeah!) Ahem, but anyways, Little John, I have a mission. I want you to destroy the pharaoh of Egypt, Yami. I do not want you to use the Millennium Microphone to do so. It is a weapon of the heathens. And after all, it doesn't really do anything… it was just an idea that the author had that just didn't go as planned; like jumping off his roof with an umbrella, for instance."
God took a break to inject his heroin. "Ahh…good stuff. Thank…well, Me…for hard drugs. Anyway, you must not use that item. It is Egyptian; they don't believe in me. They believe in many Gods because I made them born with severe mental retardation. Do not listen to the pharaoh. After all, Egyptian religion is a bunch of fairy tales anyway! Hahahaha... oh man I kill me…God forbid man."
Lil' John woke up half-naked in his garden. It was about… well he didn't know what time it was. But he used Calculus to find the geometric location of the Sun and that helped a little. He was only off by about 5 minutes,13 seconds, and approximately 14 years, but who was counting?
Somewhere out in Arkansas (first place I can think of) Joey and Yugi were having a slumber party. When Yugi stepped out of the house for a second to get some fresh air and lick the tires of his Honda Civic for much needed fiber, because Jesus, who the hell eats "Total" cereal anyway, and the tire probably tasted better, Joey attempted to sign onto Yugi's computer. I say "attempted" because, well, Joey is a little slow. It was America Online, so yeah, "so easy to use, no wonder it's number 1," but no; you can't underestimate the stupidity of Joey.
Yugi returned in about fifteen minutes. The computer was fried. Literally, fried, as in "on the oven." Joey had somehow managed to tie himself to the couch with fishing cord and smelled of boiled milk; milk gone bad that Joey had intended to drink with the "cookies" he had found on the computer. Kaiba then walked in, saw the hot white liquid on the ground, saw Joey tied to the couch, and walked out; very quickly.
Lil' John gazed at his Millennium Microphone. It now had the face of Stone Cold Steve Austin. He began to listen to the Microphone over the gurgling sounds coming from the immense amount of alcohol that leaked out of its mouth every given second. But eventually the Redneck Mike told Lil' John that it would have to be returned to its resting place, the guardian Sphinx in Egypt, or he would get a Wet Willy. That word isn't even in the dictionary. That's how freaking smart this thing was.
Lil' John left his mansion silently. He didn't want to be caught by the rest of the Eastside Boyz so he used a little trick he had seen in Harry Potter, a movie on his age level. He sprinkled himself with "Invisibility Coke" and left. (Read the very first sentence of this paragraph—he left already. I guess what I'm trying to imply is that he left… but now he's leaving… even more. Using the help of Bob Saget. But I'm sure you guys were already following that concept.)
"Okay guys, that's chapter 3. This is so fun. And I never run out of insanity either so I can write like a chapter a day almost! Invisibility Coke, instead of Cloak. Hahaha…You know you love it."