Disclaimer: I just own the plot!

Review Responses:

ElavielBlack – speechless? Wow! Well I'm glad you liked it! Thanks for reviewing!

allygator – Fred and George can be very annoying and if I were Arthur, I'd definitely be yelling at them! Thanks for the review!

db – Percy is great and in a way he'll have to sort himself out but he's going to have help! The next chapter in particular shows that but this one has help from a slightly surprising source. Thanks for the review!

Sara – I'm sorry you weren't exactly taken with the last chapter but I guess you please al of the people all of the time! The only thing I can say is I have no plans for Harry and Percy interacting, Harry still sees Percy as a bit of a git for what he did to his family and Percy probably has been jealous of Harry but right now he's got bigger issues to worry about like just having killed someone. Also it is so not in character for my Percy to talk to Harry about that and I don't think it would be inkeeping with the Percy we see in the books either. Still I do see where you're coming from and I just think that Percy's too grateful that his family are forgiving him to rock the boat at the moment. Thanks for taking the time to review, criticism can be helpful!

Cooldot – Have you been reading ahead? How do you know about Bill? I'm suspicious! :o) Yes, you were right about Percy and Bill and you'll see it in this chapter, good prediction! I felt a bit sorry for George when I was writing the last chapter but not so much Fred! I know they don't mean harm but you're right that they don't think trough the consequences of things! Sev's in the next chapter and the chapters in the sequel will definitely be longer, they're getting out of control and having to be shifted around a lot at present! Thanks for the review!

Loki – Thank you for the praise! In all fairness there aren't that many Percy stories out there that I've seen. Sorry for the long wait for the update, thanks for reviewing!

Queen of Useless Info – Percy is indeed feeling guilty, but he'll have some help to deal with things. I too think Sev is adorable, hence he's coming back again next chapter! Thanks for the review!

Satio – Thank you for the complementary review!

Bonez – Don't feel too sorry for Fred and George, they brought this on themselves! Good luck with your next chapter! Thanks for reviewing!

Insanechildfanfic – Thanks for the nice review!

Daine – Glad you think this is a realistic portrayal! I hate it when people blame poor Percy entirely! Thanks for the review!

What You Left Behind

Chapter Nine: The Monsters in your Head

"When you feel all alone and a loyal friend is hard to find, you're caught in a one-way street with the monsters in your head"

In the hour since he had regained consciousness Percy had drunk several vile potions and had dozens of spells cast on him to ensure he was recovering properly. He had endured it all with as good a grace as possible but it was painfully clear to those around him that his mind was miles away and it didn't seem to be anywhere pleasant. He had hardly said a word except in answer to the healers' questions and his eyes held a deeply troubled look.

Eventually the healers decided he was on the road to recovery and left the family alone. Arthur, Molly and the rest of the family had dashed up from the canteen as soon as they had heard and they were now all sat with their eyes fixed on an increasingly uncomfortable looking Percy.

He found himself just wanting them to go away and before they had a chance to say anything he had blurted out, "I'm really tired, could you give me some time on my own to get some rest?"

"We're not going anywhere Percy, if you want to sleep though you go right ahead but the healer said you should eat something first." Molly easily saw though her son's lie and was determined to find out why he looked so sad.

Percy was saved from answering by a knock at the door and the entry of a woman he recognised as a high-ranking auror.

"I'm sorry to interrupt, Mr Weasley, how are you feeling?" she asked.

"Not too bad, thank you," Percy replied.

She smiled warmly, "That's good. I was hoping for a word with your father. Arthur have you got a minute?"

"Of course," Arthur Weasley followed the woman outside and the door swung-to behind him. It did not properly close though and his father's voice could be clearly heard, "Have they dealt with the Death Eaters, I take it they caught them all?"

"Yes, but LeStrange escaped before they got her to the ministry" the woman replied. "The surviving one's we did capture though will stand trial, I assume your sons will have no objection to acting as witnesses? I was hoping to have a word with them but the older one looks in pretty bad shape, I don't want to interrupt so I just wondered if you could let me know when he's up to a quick interview about what happened?"

"Of course. Er, what did you mean by surviving ones?" Arthur could be heard to enquire.

"One of the Death Eaters was dead at the scene when we arrived," the auror clarified.

"Snape had to kill one of them?"

The woman shrugged, "We haven't established what happened to him yet."

Arthur nodded, "Ok, well when Percy's well enough I'm sure he'll be happy to answer your questions and act as a witness. You can talk to George now if you want to."

"Thank you, that would be very helpful. I'm going back to the ministry in half an hour so if he could come back with me then that would be perfect and you'd be very welcome to join us."

As if to prove she hadn't been eavesdropping, Molly started to speak, "Percy dear, we're all very proud of you!"

"Yeah, you saved my life." George was first person whose eyes Percy could bring himself to meet since Charlie's comment about seeing 'what had happened to the other guys'. Seeing George looking so well brought a brief smile to his pale face.

"I'm glad you're alright." He was more than glad but Percy simply didn't have the words to communicate how relieved he was.

George seemed to understand though and smiled back, squeezing his hand affectionately, "I'm glad you're alright too. You are alright aren't you? You look a little upset."

Arthur Weasley came back in and rather than answer his brother Percy looked his father in the eyes and took a deep breath, "Snape didn't do it, I did."

It took a moment for Arthur to understand what his son was saying, "You killed that Death Eater?"

All eyes were on him but Percy just kept telling himself to focus on his father, "Yes. I used a spell they taught us in seventh year Defence Against the Dark Arts that's used to force the brain to shut down like a sharp knock to the head would cause it to, but I put enough force behind it to kill them."

The room fell quiet for a moment until Charlie broke the silence, "Is that what you've been so quiet about since you woke up?"

Percy looked down at the brilliantly white sheets and nodded silently, refusing to meet anyone's eyes.

"It was an accident Percy, don't beat yourself up about it. You're inexperienced in battle it's not surprising that you put a little too much into the spell, particularly when you were fighting for your life. It's not your fault so don't you dare lie there telling yourself that it is!" Arthur said firmly.

And there it was, the perfect way out handed to him on a silver platter, all he had to do was go along with it and all of it would just go away. He mentally shook himself; of course it wouldn't go away. How could it? He'd killed someone and that was something nothing could ever change or undo.

Percy bit his lip and knew he had to look up, had to meet his father's gaze and had to set things straight now but something held him back. What if they hated him? What if he ended up alone again? He slowly raised his head and nearly sobbed at the trusting, loving expression he saw in his father's eyes but he viciously swallowed the tears down and attempted to remain calm. "I meant to kill them."

Arthur frowned a little, "What?"

"I meant to kill them. I just saw red, they were approaching George and every time I stunned one of them they simply revived them so I decided to use a more damaging curse and I just...I just don't know why I did it exactly but I did mean to do it. I knew exactly what I was doing."

Bill raised his eyebrows in shock, "Perce, you're telling us you intentionally killed this guy?"

Percy shrugged, "Was it a guy? I didn't know, they had their mask on and those robes are pretty good at concealing a person's gender. But yes I am telling you that I intentionally murdered another human being, how many more times and ways can I say it?"

Percy was becoming visibly upset and Charlie had instinctively moved closer to him, "Percy you didn't murder anyone. They attacked you and you defended yourself and George. There's nothing wrong with that."

"I didn't need to kill them."

"They didn't need to attack you. People aren't perfect, you don't know for certain that things would have worked out so well for you and George if you'd let them live."

"'Let them live'? Charlie who the hell was I to play God and decide whether or not to let them live? It wasn't down to me to decide whether or not to allow them to continue existing!"

The minute he had said it Charlie had realised his wording was unfortunate but he had been hoping that Percy would let it slip by unnoticed.

"No and it wasn't down to them to decide that you shouldn't exist simply because you were in their way," Arthur Weasley's quiet authoritative voice was thick with emotion as he walked to stand at his son's bedside. He placed a hand on his shoulder, "Percy, you saved George's life and you saved your own, and in the process someone else lost theirs. That's what happens during war, it's horrible and it shouldn't happen and you shouldn't have to be put in a position where you're forced to make that kind of decision but unfortunately it's the reality of the times we're living in. You didn't do anything wrong, son."

Percy looked up at his father, seeing the sincerity and love in his gaze and replied dully, in a near whisper, "I wish I could believe you."

XXXXXXX

Over the next couple of days the healers became increasingly concerned at Percy's attitude towards his own health. He seemed unable to care whether he recovered quickly or not and his negative attitude and small appetite were causing him to look worse by the day. Molly was frantic and the knowledge that he was causing his mother pain simply caused Percy to feel more guilty than ever. His sleep patterns were disturbed by nightmares and no matter how many times his family reiterated that it was not his fault and that he had done nothing wrong the death of the Death Eater was weighing heavily on him. He was eerily reminded of what his boggart had said as Lucius Malfoy, that it didn't matter what side he was on he'd still end up killing people. He was dwelling on this particular thought when Bill came in with two cups of tea.

"Hiya, I brought you a hot drink, thought you might like one."

"Thanks."

Bill had also been very quiet since Percy had woken up, he had stopped the cutting remarks he had been making before and his expression was no longer hostile in the way it had been but he hadn't spent long in his brother's company either. The family were currently taking it in turns to sit with him, at Molly's insistence who thought all he needed was a little support from his nearest and dearest.

"It's my turn to come and see you," Bill explained and sat down.

"Oh." Percy had no idea what he should say to his brother, if Bill couldn't forgive him before he saw no reason why he should now and he no longer cared enough to attempt to change Bill's stubbornly made up mind.

They were relieved of an awkward silence as a healer walked in and checked Percy's temperature and blood pressure, exchanging a few words with him before making some notes on her chart and nodding politely to Bill. The young woman, the same one who had originally broken the news to George about where his brother was, looked slightly harassed, her hospital pass was hanging round the back of her neck instead of the front and tendrils of pale blonde hair had made an escape from her neatly pinned up style. She batted them away distractedly as she left the room.

Bill stared after her. "You know if you've been getting sponge baths from her I'm going to get jealous!"

Percy couldn't stop himself laughing, it seemed pretty women had always been Bill's weakness. "You don't have to stay here you know. You can go and flirt with the pretty healer if you want."

Bill looked momentarily tempted. "She does look stressed and I think it would certainly be good to try and brighten up her day, but perhaps I'd better not. I think Fleur would have my head. As would mum if she found out I'd left you alone."

"Well I won't tell if you won't."

"You sound like you want to get rid of me."

"Of course not," Percy answered automatically.

"And you sound like you're saying that because you think you should."

"I don't think you really want to be here, Bill."

"I don't..."

"See..."

"Don't interrupt! I don't want to be here because I don't want to see my brother lying in a hospital bed any longer, because I hate hospitals and I'm desperate for you to get out of here but that doesn't mean I don't want to be with you."

Percy stared out the window wondering what to make of Bill's words when his brother spoke again, sounding uncomfortable.

"When you were unconscious, I was terrified that I'd lose you and then it struck me that I didn't really know what I'd be losing. I never took the time to get to know you, Percy, and I realised how much I regretted that. We're brothers but we'd have a hard time convincing anyone of that if we didn't look a little alike, you're a stranger to me and I'd like to change that. Wouldn't you?"

Percy smiled a little self-consciously, not accustomed to having Bill's attention in a positive manner, "Yes, that would be good. I'd like to get to know you too, I've always regretted that we seemed to be so distant from one another."

"Yeah well I've been an idiot, I was your older brother and I never looked out for you. I can't really blame you for acting out in the way you did, I think the reason I was so horrible to you was that I didn't want to admit that it had actually been us who were in the wrong in a way."

"No. I was wrong, I should never have treated you all like that. I should never have said those things."

"No, well you're not the only one to have ever fought with mum and dad. Just ask Charlie about what happened when I first decided I wanted my ear pierced! There was one hell of a row, probably because I got it done without telling them first! I've fought with them dozens of times, I was always quite jealous of how well you and they seemed to get along."

"I was jealous of the way you and dad seemed so close."

Bill grinned, "We're a right pair of fools, aren't we?"

Percy smiled tiredly, "I suppose so."

Bill's grin faded, "Percy, I'm glad you're alright and I'm glad you're home. And I think you're very brave, don't give in like this."

Percy frowned, "What?"

"Percy, you're not even trying to get better, are you? You couldn't care less and it's killing us all to watch you. For God's sake pull yourself together, I'm not saying this to hurt you, I just don't want to see you like this anymore! You're still you, this doesn't change anything, it doesn't change who you are!"

"Do you have any idea how often I've heard those words in the last couple of days?"

"I don't care, Percy! I just want you to believe them!"

"I can't, Bill. Maybe you should leave me for a while."

"I'm not going anywhere!" Bill protested.

"You're upset and I don't want us to start fighting again. Just go and have a breath of fresh air or something."

Bill shrugged miserably, backing down at his brother's apathetic tone, "If that's what you want." As he walked out of the door Percy called him back suddenly.

"Bill! I do want to get better, I want to get out of here."

"Then start helping yourself instead of simply lying there listlessly like nothing matters. You've been through hell but you're just keeping yourself there now and you've got to stop little brother or you're going to make yourself feel a heck of a lot worse than you already do!" Bill's eyes were unusually bright as he left and Percy found he was unable to prevent the words ringing repeatedly in his head as he tried to put his thoughts in order.

"I do want to get better," he muttered, "Don't I?" The fact Percy found he had no answer ought to have bothered him, but it didn't. He found that the answer didn't really matter to him and that in itself was something he couldn't bring himself to care about.

XXXXXXX

The quote this chapter title comes from is from a song by Savage Garden called, 'Crash and Burn'.

So, so sorry for the delay, things are going crazy in my life! Well, they could be a lot worse but my time's very depleted and I'm seriously worried about the lack of work I've done on my writing recently! Anyway, I'll try to stop this continual late updating but just try to hold with me and I will get the rest of this story up and I will finish it's sequel and also the Sequel to 'Shades of Grey', I just need a little time!

Your reviews are very encouraging and they can guilt me into working sometimes so thank you all!