This story is made up as I write it so keep in mind I have no idea how long its going to be or even where its going. Literally, as I'm typing RIGHT NOW I have no idea what's going to happen in this very chapter. Oh! Wait, wait I know...This is gonna be good...
The Trial of the Flamboyant Sphinx
The Flamboyant Sphinx was well-known throughout the Valley of Kings in Egypt. It was a half-human, half-Robin Williams shaped building made of stone, much like the pyramids, but with more chest hair. Lil' John stopped into an inn near Cairo and picked up a map of the valley. The resting place of the Millennium Microphone was somewhere within this Sphinx; if left unreturned, he would become gay. Such was the "Penalty of Flamboyancy" proclaimed by the rod itself / Stone Cold Steve Austin.
Lil' John journeyed through the desert in search of the Sphinx. He found it exactly where the map said it would be. Looking at the structure now, it was obvious that he could have probably seen it from a mile away if he hadn't had his face buried in the map. The pyramid was strikingly purple and appeared to have been a prop straight out of "Joseph and the Amazing Technicolor Dreamcoat." It was also very well-endowed. Not like "black" well-endowed, but literally "gay" well-endowed.
How to get inside? Well, how do you get into anything gay?
Through the back door. The mouth was securely guarded by rows of bloody teeth that looked as though they could spring to life at any second. But around back was a wide, gaping hole; also bloody, but for different reasons. Inside, there stood Dennis Rodman.
"Yo, Lil' John. I gosta ask you sum riddles man. You get 'em right, and you can save yo' soul."
"Okay!"
"Aiight. Question one: Where da hell you be man?"
"Umm… Egypt? Yeah!"
"Dang yo, that's right. And two: umm… what's your name, Lil' John?"
"Lil' John in da hizz-ouse, Yeah! Okay!"
"Yo, you smart as a mofo. Last question: If a new species of animal was to be discovered, using its biological and cellular characteristics, how would one be able to classify it?"
"Umm.. okay. First you would run a series of experiments to decellularize the magistrate in order to determine its malleability. Then, you would compare the disectamines with the other known nonagons to remedy the new species' cylindricality."
"Umm…Yeah, that sounds about right yo."
Dennis Rodman stepped aside. "The chamber to the alter you seek lies beyond. Please, call me…"
The chamber was not without its perils. Lil' John had to watch his step to avoid many traps. There were scented candles… at one point Lil' John tripped a floor switch that made a particularly queer episode of Will and Grace come up on the walls. Had he not been extremely high, he just might've stopped to watch it.
At last, the mauve alter came into view. Lil' John ran to it and put Stone Cold Steve Austin inside. His task was done, signified by a glorious rendition of "Hallelujah" by the rotting corpses of those who had failed the test. The only thing left to do was to take care of the pharaoh. But what could Lil' John do to destroy him? He didn't know how to play their stupid little card game… He just learned the concept of Go Fish, how could he learn something this complicated?