Disclaimer: I just own the plot. God, I wonder how many times I've written that phrase by now?
Review Responses:
ElavielBlack – Well I had to have them make it up eventually, I just can't hurt Percy too badly! Well, who am I kidding! I already have! I think I've probably tried your patience with this wait so I do apologise! Thanks for the review!
lilyqueen777 – Killing Percy is a depth to which even I have not yet sunk and I've written some fairly horrible things! I'm glad I aided your understanding of Percy I hate people seeing him as a bad guy! As to how Percy's feeling and the Snape question well the answers are connected and they lie in this chapter! Percy just has a hard time dealing with the horrible realities of war. Very flattered you thought chapter nine was deep! Thanks for the review!
db – I've always seen Arthur as a supportive father. Glad you liked him in this. Thanks for the review!
Cooldot – I've always thought Bill cares about Percy, it's just that in my interpretation he hasn't always been the best of brothers. I had to have them make up though, for all my sadism with my characters I am at times a sucker for a happy ending! So pleased you liked the Percy angst! I loved writing it! As to seeing them testify I doubt that'll make it into the story but it would be terribly dull anyway as all they're doing is giving a statement to the aurors. Sev's back in this chapter! I am so, so sorry for the long wait but my life has gone quite mad! Thanks for the review!
Ellrohan – All your questions will be answered by this very late chapter! Thanks for the review!
Sara – OK, well we're near the end so I won't be making you cringe for much longer! :o) Sorry but I'm doing my best here. I can't remember enough of the last chapter to answer your review very well but thanks for the criticism anyway and I hope you like this chapter better (though somehow I don't think you will). Thanks for reviewing!
Queen of Useless Info – Suicide was never an option, Percy's too much of a fighter! Though I could see him just giving in and not recovering almost on purpose I can't see him actively taking his own life. Thanks for the review!
hydraspit – Wow, that's a lot of reviews! I'm also quite a sucker for characters no one else likes and I'm really pleased you liked my portrayal of Snape and McGonagall's relationship because I absolutely adore those two! Bill is rather evil in this but he means well, somewhere deep down anyway! Thanks for all the reviews!
RSegovia – I'm convinced Snape cares, look at book five when he tells Goyle to be more careful with Neville because if he kills him they'll be a lot of boring paperwork, I think what he really means to do is ensure his students' safety. But that's all personal interpretation and I'm a huge Snape fan! I don't think at the moment there's much to say between Harry and Percy, Percy's not up to it and Harry's not really that welcome at the hospital as it's a family thing that he's not that involved with. As to Gred and Forge, I too used to love them but they don't strike me as funny anymore, they seem like bullies almost and I've never liked their treatment of Percy, or Ron for that matter! However, all that aside I'm especially flattered you found the story to be good despite that! Thanks for the review!
T.A. Skywalker – Thanks for your review and I really liked your new chapter! Thanks also for her webpage as it's so cool!
DarthRoden – Wow! Your review was very complimentary, I'm flattered. Thank you for reviewing!
Bonezz – Glad you liked the chapter. Sorry I haven't read your thing yet! I will when I get round to it but I've been off fanfic for about a month because the real world (pesky place I'm not much enjoying!) tried to get in the way of more important activities like writing! There's hope for Percy yet, Snape's here and that always makes things better! Thanks for the review!
mon – Thanks for the review, glad you liked it!
Hearts Corruption – People are far too mean to poor Percy! I absolutely love him! Don't worry, Fred's not going to forget what he did to Percy for a long time, neither will George for that matter! However, at the end of the day I don't think they'll change that much outwardly – they're still gred and forge after all! Thanks for the review!
RealityIntrovert – A work of art? Wow! You're making me blush! Percy is wonderful and unfortunately I think we all fall under the Weasley spell sooner or later, what woman could resist?! Thanks for the review!
What You Left BehindChapter Ten: Can't take anymore
"I know you feel like the walls are closing in on you, it's hard to find relief and people can be so cold. When darkness is upon your door and you feel like you can't take anymore."
"Good Morning, Mr Weasley, how are you doing today?" Mandy, the young blonde healer assigned to take care of Percy, breezed into the hospital room in her usual cheerful manner.
He barely glanced up at her. "Fine."
"Right," she tried not to show her disappointment at his one word answer. "Well your family wanted me to tell you that they'll be in later but they're busy this morning, they said you'd probably know with what."
Percy nodded, "I think so." It must be an Order meeting, he thought.
The sun was streaming in through the curtains as Mandy pushed them open, "It's a gorgeous day out there."
"Oh."
The woman stopped trying to make conversation and did her usual array of tests in silence. Once she had finished she turned her attention to Percy's chart and made some notes, frowning.
Percy was no longer paying attention to her however, he was looking at the warm pool of sunlight on the floor. He pushed himself up on his weakened limbs, for the last three days he had walked no further than the patients bathroom and he had got straight back into bed on returning to his room. Refusing to listen to his tired muscles request to be left alone, he slid out of bed and crossed the room. Looking out of the window at the bright sun and clear sky Percy found he had a great desire to get out of the sterile environment.
He turned to see the woman staring at him with a hopeful smile on her face. "Could I go outside? I just wanted to have a walk or something, I won't tire myself too much."
Her smile widened warmly, "Percy I'd be delighted if you did. Some exercise in the sun would do you a world of good!"
Percy smiled at the young woman, "Thanks."
"Well you get dressed and I'll be back to take you outside in ten minutes or so, I've got a break coming up."
Percy's face fell. "Can't I go on my own?"
"I'd rather you didn't Percy, you haven't walked further than the end of this corridor for several days now and your body's still very weak from the sheer amount of destructive magic that hit it."
He sighed, "Ok, I understand."
"Ten minutes, so hurry up and get dressed!" She exited the room in her usual energetically efficient whirlwind.
However in ten minutes when he was waiting impatiently by the window in his freshly laundered shirt and trousers it wasn't the healer who walked in but Professor Snape.
"Professor!" Percy was hard pushed to hide his shock, "What are you doing here?"
"I wanted to bring you this," the man held out Percy's wand, snapped into two pieces, "You've had this wand a long time from what I remember so I didn't think you'd want me to simply throw it away and I am afraid it is a long way beyond repair."
Percy took the pieces solemnly, "Thank you sir."
"It was no problem."
"No, I mean, for everything. You saved my life!"
"You saved your own life Percy, I would never have got there in time if you hadn't been able to stay alive as long as you had."
"Still, I…Thank you," Percy didn't know what else to say.
The tall older man brushed the thanks away, "Forget about it. You wanted to go outside?"
Percy nodded, "Yes."
"The healer said I could take you out there if you like, it willl save you having her fussing over you."
Percy grinned, "That'd be great, she's a little too young and over enthusiastic. I think she's dying to impress her superiors in any way possible."
"I would have thought you'd have been able to sympathise with her then," Snape said dryly.
Percy laughed, "Yes, well let's just say I never realised how trying enthusiasm could be before!"
They made their way slowly to the lift and out into the open air, the potions master never out of reach in case Percy's weak legs suddenly decided they weren't going to carry him any further.
"I am curious Weasley," Severus asked as they left the building, "How did you know Bellatrix Lestrange was in the habit of keeping a knife in the top of her boot?"
"I studied the profiles of all the prisoners who escaped. It just came back to me when I saw who she was." Percy smiled without humour and with a tinge of regret, "And I just wanted to cause her pain."
Severus smirked, "Oh I think you did that!"
They walked in silence for a while in the hospital grounds, seeing other patients doing he same.
"How are you feeling?" Snape asked.
"A little better today," Percy was pleased to answer honestly.
"Good. I had heard that you weren't coping well, that perhaps certain things were preying on your thoughts."
"You mean the fact I killed someone?"
"Yes, that was what I was referring to."
Snape never had been one to beat about the bush Percy remembered but his bluntness caused the young red head to voice what he had been thinking, "Everyone keeps telling me that it doesn't change anything, that it doesn't change who I am…"
"They're wrong." Severus interrupted.
"I know." Percy hesitated, "It changes everything; even the way they see me, though they won't admit it."
He looked up to see sympathy and understanding in the older man's eyes, "Does it change the way you see yourself? That's what matters, Percy."
"Yes, it does. But I'm not sure if it changes it for the better or the worse. I always wondered you know, in that situation would I panic and try and run or would I stand my ground? But then a Death Eater stands their ground just as often as any of us do but that doesn't make them any better for killing people, does it?" he sighed in frustration. "Maybe it's all about what you do and how far you'll go in order to protect your own worthless skin!"
"Maybe, or maybe it's about what matters most to you shining through. You weren't trying to save your own skin, you've said it yourself, you saw your brother in danger and you just had to stop that. Percy, you didn't kill that person to save yourself you did it to save someone else."
"Does that make it alright?"
"I don't know, Percy, the reasons we go to war are supposed to justify the acts we commit during it. Do you think this battle is one that's worth fighting? Is what you believe in worth killing for?"
"Is anything?"
Severus raised an eyebrow, "Some people would say no, but I would disagree."
"I think I would too. But I don't think I should have killed that person, I had a choice and I made the wrong decision."
"Percy, on a battlefield, which is like it or not where you found yourself, the right decision is the one which keeps you and those you care about alive. On a battlefield if you don't allow your survival instinct to kick in you will be killed. Anyone can be a martyr; but there's a problem with martyrs, one use only."
Percy couldn't help but laugh as a smirk spread across the older man's face, "You have a rather morbid sense of humour, sir."
Snape instantly became serious, "I've seen a lot of martyrs, Percy, and there is nothing dignified in dying for a cause, nothing glorious in killing for one but there are things in life that have to be done; pleasant or not, and they're more often not. You did what you had to do to survive and to keep someone you cared for alive, you had no idea that help would ever come, if I'd have been in your position I wouldn't have wasted time stunning them."
"But even if I was right that doesn't alter the way they look at me. Or the way I feel."
"No, it doesn't, but they aren't looking at you because they think you were wrong. They seem to think you're quite the hero," the word did not seem to sit well with Snape.
"I'm not."
Snape shrugged noncommittally. "You were very brave, if a little stupid. I would have suggested you try a strategy involving both yourself and your brother, you can't fight effectively if you're watching both your own back and someone else's."
Percy smiled a little, "I think being termed brave by you, even with the well deserved slight on my intelligence, may be the most flattering comment I've heard in a long time. After all if anyone knows about bravery it's you."
Snape looked uncomfortable and asked sharply, "What?!"
"My brothers don't seem to have much respect for you and they should have. Having seen what those people can do I don't know how you can find the courage to cross them in the way you do."
"Courage isn't an issue, Weasley, some things just have to be done!" Snape snapped and it seemed to Percy as though he had crossed a line.
"Yes, Professor." Percy nodded politely and turned to leave. "I think I'll go back in, the healers will wonder where I've got to. Thank you, but I'll be ok getting back."
"I have no doubt you will be," Snape said confidently.
Percy smiled and began to walk away but was called back. "Weasley!" Percy turned round at the authoritative tone in Snape's voice, "Don't let this incident define who you are. If you do it will just eat away at you."
Percy could think of nothing more to say and as Severus fell silent he took it as his cue to depart and left the older man alone with his thoughts.
XXXXXXX
When he returned to his room Ron was sat by the window, a quidditch magazine open on his lap. "Hey, there you are. I was about to send out a search party. That young healer's having a panic attack and thinking she's lost her favourite patient." He looked critically at his brother, "You look better this morning."
Percy returned his brother's easy smile, "I feel better. I better go and tell them I'm back or they'll think Snape's kidnapped me or something!"
"Snape?"
"He came to see me, we went for a walk."
Ron frowned, "I'm starting to think he might not be as bad as I thought he was."
Percy smiled, "He's not. He's just a very busy man with a lot on his mind."
"Yeah, well I still say he's prejudiced against Gryffindor!"
Percy snorted, "Well I didn't say he hadn't got his faults."
"You should go and tell the staff you're still alive. Do you fancy a game of chess when you get back?"
"That sounds great."
Arthur and Molly arrived with the rest of the family later that afternoon to find Ron and Percy engrossed in a game of chess. Percy was the only person who could beat Ron, he had been the one to teach him and the two were very competitive but despite their being evenly matched Ron usually had the edge. He had a natural head for strategy and a love of the game that made him an excellent player.
"No!" Ron cried in protest.
"Yes! I won!"
"You cheated!"
"I did not!"
"Guys it's just chess." Charlie interjected.
"Yeah, Charlie," Percy grinned, "And quidditch is just a game!"
"I demand a re-match, I'd swear your knight wasn't there ten minutes ago!"
"I just moved it there, it's not my fault if you were distracted by the family arriving!" Percy however decided to give Ron his way and the board was set up for a re-match with the rest of the family trying not to laugh at how seriously the two of them took the game.
XXXXXXX
Ok, I have many very validexcuses for this being late but I'm sure you don't really care why, you just care that it was yet again very late! I am so sorry.
There are parts of this chapter I don't know that I feel too happy with but I'm afraid I can't seem to do anything with them.
The quote the chapter title comes from is from a song by 'Savage Garden' called "Crash and Burn."
I will eventually get all of this updated, there's only 12 chapters anyway I think. Then you've just got to wait for the sequel which isn't going too badly.
Oh and as to enquiries about the sequel to 'Shades of Grey' it is making some very slow progress and I've recently written a fairly key scene I'm a little unsure about but it will be finished eventually.
Sorry for all the lack of work on my part and thank you to all of you who've stuck with me!