HUSBAND SUPPORT-

"Hector, my favorite big bro!" Paris cried. "Guess what?"

Hector was really not in the mood to play guess what jokes so he growled,

"Don't change the subject! You are in big, BIG trouble, little brother."

Paris blinked. "Okay, but guess what? Helen and I were just watching tv and we saw -,"

"HELEN?!" Hector shouted. "Helen?! Like in Helen, the wife of Menelaus?"

"Yep," Paris replied, wondering if they knew anyone else named Helen. "So anyway, we were watching tv and we saw Briseis on the screen! At first, I was kinda freaked out because she gets to be on tv and I don't, but then I felt really happy for her. Aren't you excited that she's on tv?"

"What channel was Briseis on?" Hector asked slowly.

"Um..." Paris had a very short-term memory, but he remembered something about a law and order channel. "Well, she was on some channel with a judge and I think it was called People's Court: Spartan Style."

Hector groaned and wondered why the heck would Briseis of all people be in court.

"Listen, Paris, just stay where you are. I'm going to come over so tell me your address."

"I can't," Paris said quietly.

"And why not?" Hector demanded.

"Because then you're going to try to stop Helen from running away with me," Paris said simply. "And she's going to listen to you and not me for some weird reason so stay away from my woman!"

"I don't want her!" Hector hissed. "I just want to return her to her rightful husband!"

"Yeah, well I'm going to become her husband soon!" Paris sniffed. "I even bought her a ring from the Dollar Store!"

"Paris, just give her up!" Hector exclaimed, exasperated. "You'll find a new one soon enough."

"No, I won't," Paris insisted. "She's special and you can stop telling what to do! If you won't support me, then I'll support myself!"

And with that, Hector heard a beep and thought that Paris had hung up. Then, a sullen voice asked again,

"But can I borrow $20?"

THE SPARTAN COURTHOUSE OF GREEK JUSTICE-

As Briseis started to walk out of the courthouse, she stared glumly at the bottle of pills she held in her fist. 'Stupid pills,' she thought angrily and without a thought, threw it as far away as she could.

And as she watched them fall down, her pleasure turned into horror as she realized that the pills were going to hit not the ground, but someone's precious head.

Achilles looked at her with annoyance and said dryly,

"Do you want me to sue you again?"

She bit her lip to silence her retort and walked away quickly before she could get into any more trouble. She had been humiliated, but she was not going to let him see that. As she hurried away, she felt a hand brush by her jacket pocket and when she reached inside the pocket, she found the bottle of pills, but Achilles had disappeared.

But a gleaming golden Toyota had pulled up in front of her and Hector got out of the car, his face dark and forbidding.

He took one look at the pills in her hand and barked,

"I would think that a court trial would teach you not to use drugs and yet you open a bottle of them as soon as you walk out!"

"Hector, these aren't drugs," Briseis explained. "These are antidepressant pills that the judge gave me because he thinks I'm depressed and going insane."

Hector blinked. "You're depressed? Why didn't you tell me?"

Briseis sighed. "It's a long story. I'll tell you in the car."

And as they got in the car and drove away, they didn't notice the tracking device blinking red under the car.

CAFÉ TROY-

When Hector and Briseis walked into the café, the people they least wanted to see greeted them. A sullen Menelaus, a cruelly smiling Agamemnon, and a bored looking Achilles stood in the coffeehouse, all staring at Hector with narrowed eyes.

"Hector!" Agamemnon roared and stepped forward to give Hector a quick bear hug. "Can you guess what has happened with my brother's wife, Helen?"

Panicking, Hector dodged Agamemnon's arms and quickly replied,

"I had nothing to do with it!"

Menelaus looked up at him and snarled,

"Of course you didn't because then I would ripping off your limbs right now!"

Then, he turned teary-eyed and sobbed,

"My little munchkin locked me out of my own house!"

Menelaus turned to Agamemnon and started bawling into his brother's brand new fur coat.

"There, there!" Agamemnon comforted him. "I always said she was too good for you."

Menelaus looked at him.

"I meant to say that she was always no good!" Agamemnon lied.

"But why did you come to me?" Hector interrupted. "What do I have to do with this?"

"Menelaus seems to think that you can talk some sense into Helen," Agamemnon explained. "So as a favor to us, Hector, please try to talk to her. If you succeed, we shall take $500 away from your debt."

Hector wondered if Agamemnon was plotting as he watched the hairy mayor flash a conniving smile as if he knew about Paris and Helen.

"Sure, I'll do it," Hector said with a strained smile. "We husbands must stick together!"

And then, he wondered, how the heck was he going to tell Helen to unlock her doors.